Page 44 of Insolence (Eisha’s Hidden Codices #1)

Elodie

Present Day

“ T iss is struggling. That much is obvious.” Maida stands at her balcony doors, peering through the glass at the cold, dark night.

“Good of you to notice,” I remark from her small table.

She shoots me a withering look. Uses the Assertive Professor Voice she likes to whip out on acolytes. “She’s been preoccupied for some time now. But recently her will to be present and participate has all but deteriorated.”

Bibi clicks and whistles softly. She perches on Maida’s bed canopy, eyeing the chicken on my plate through the arched doorway.

“She and Sadrie are distant, too.”

Maida’s forehead wrinkles. “So I noticed. Any idea what’s going on between them?”

Do I have an idea? Yes. Yes, I do. Am I discussing it with Maida? Absolutely the fuck not. “I’ll talk to her,” I mutter into my cup before taking a long swallow of hawthorn wine.

“Oh?” The ghost of a grin plays at the corners of her mouth. “Didn’t I wind up stitching you back together the last time you tried that?”

From her perch, Bibi bobs her head. Gurgles a series of croaks that sound an awful lot like human laughter.

Back-stabbing bird. “Yeah. Well. I’ll try again.”

Although ointments and poultices have sped things considerably, my still-healing shoulder throbs at the mention of my last “conversation” with Tiss. My lower lip has finally returned to its normal size and color. A small scab on its tender inside is the only reminder of Tiss’s teeth.

Having had my fill of dinner, I rise from the small table. Whistle for Bibi.

In one fluid motion, she swoops from her perch, fluttering through the doorway that barely accommodates her wingspan.

She cracks apart the remains of my chicken with greedy bill and talons. “Good bird. Good bird,” she assures herself between beakfuls of meat and cartilage.

“Yes, Bibi, you are a very good bird, aren’t you?” Maida coos before turning to me. “Which reminds me. Are your morning visitors still showing up?”

I snort. Grab the rest of the wine from the table and take a swig straight from the bottle. “Every damn day.”

She cocks her head. “Insistent little creatures, aren’t they?”

Bafflingly, the small flock of finches have continued to attend my bedroom balcony every single morning since the day after Tiss arrived.

“Something like that.” Moving to stand next to Maida, I shove my free hand in my pocket to fidget with the shiny rock Bibi gifted me tonight.

“Any progress with the message?”

“No more than yesterday or the day before.” I take another swig. “Or my whole life before that.”

Even without the clenching in the pit of my stomach and the humming in my blood, I’d know the finches are an omen. No matter how long I meditate or pray for clarity, the goddess refuses to reveal her baffling message. Yet again.

“At any rate, I sure hope Tiss has her head down studying. We’ve covered a lot of ground.” The wine is curling into a warm fist in my gut. Softening my jagged edges. It’s not putting a dent in the strangling anxiety, however. “She’s been lost since missing that day. I know she’s capable of better.”

“You don’t know a single thing about that girl.” Maida uses her Wise Professor Voice this time.

“I know if she doesn’t make apprentice, it’s going to be a fucking problem.”

“ Language , Elodie.” My friend tosses her head. “And you don’t need to remind me. I’ve been trying to forget since you first told me. I do care about these girls, you know.”

“I know. It's the same for me, that’s all.” I sigh. “What wouldn’t I give for a list of exam questions from Deirdre right about now.”

“You could ask.”

“You think I haven’t tried? Didn’t think her distaste for me could get any keener.

” I gaze at my friend’s shadow-swathed balcony through the glass doors.

An enormous sliver of a waxing crescent moon shimmers above her railing.

“In the event Tiss doesn’t do well over the coming seasons, it might be time you and I discussed other options. ”

Maida trains a surprised look on me. “What do you mean ‘other options’?”

“A contingency plan for her. And a way out of here. For us.”

“I see.” There’s a moment of silence before she extends her hand.

I pass the bottle.

E xhausted and still slightly tipsy, I’ve only just got back to my rooms and let Bibi off my balcony when a knock comes at the door. Tiss is on the other side, her face warped with misery.

“Oh. It’s you.” It’s the best I can muster.

“Sorry to disturb.” She wraps her arms around herself. “I couldn’t sleep, and there isn’t anyone else I can turn to.”

That’s some audacity you’ve got . Then again, what else is new? “It’s late, Tiss. It’s almost lights out, and you have an exam tomorrow.”

I’m expecting anger or an argument, but she only nods. “You’re right. I’ll go.” Her aura comes into sharp focus. Glowing a mournful blue, it outlines her entire body.

Huh. Wasn’t expecting that. Caught between curiosity and what probably amounts to sheer stupidity, I crack the door wider. “It’s all right. Need something to help you sleep? A tincture?”

“I’m not here for medicine.”

I gesture to my settee. She settles in. “How may I be of service?”

“How is your shoulder?”

“Feels great,” I deadpan, taking the chair opposite while it throbs.

“I couldn’t sleep until I told you.”

I scrub a hand over my face, not in the mood for guessing games. Or any games at all with her. “Told me what, Tiss?”

Her eyes meet mine, the red tinge obvious. “How sorry I am that I lost control of myself and stabbed you. Forced you to give me answers. Hurt your lip and— Gods .” Her words drop to a whisper. “I really don’t know what happened in the greenhouse that day.”

That makes two of us.

“All I know is both times, it was as if I was possessed .”

“Look,” I start and falter. “There’s something you need to realize.

When you speak and act without regard for others, it puts energy into them that they didn’t ask for, don’t want, and certainly don’t need.

It’s like spreading a disease, Tiss. Spreading poison.

You can make yourself and other people ill, in a sense, when you fail to regulate your emotions. ”

“I see that now. I’m mortified. You were right about everything.”

I’m not expecting that, either. “Well. Conversely, there’s a sort of peace in realizing you don’t have to voice every thought in your head or act on every impulse that grabs hold of you.”

She bursts into tears so abruptly and with so much force, I start. Despite myself, concern squeezes my heart.

“I-I think I did something terrible to Sadrie,” she mumbles through the tears, “but I’m not even sure what . It’s… hard to explain. And I’m so mad at her about it. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, because I broke my vows and the rules.”

Oh, no. I already know what comes next. I lean forward, tempted to reach out and comfort her. But she asked me not to touch her, so instead I offer my handkerchief.

“I can’t sleep, and I haven’t been sleeping for most of this week, which means I need to tell someone . And it turns out apparently I do trust you. Especially since I have nobody else to bother at the moment, so here I am,” she sniffles.

“You’re not in trouble with me, Tiss. And you’re hardly the first.”

“Really?”

“Are you kidding?” I snort. “Any given year half the acolytes are sleeping with each other. You can’t really put rules on nature. You can punish people for being who they are, though. Obviously. But that’s just projecting your own fears onto others in the cruelest possible way.”

I listen while she tells me what happened between her and Sadrie in a tangled rush. Describes their argument the next day.

She bristles with frustration as she explains how Sadrie blamed her. Then shame pulses in her aura. “I don’t think she’s aware of my pheromones on a conscious level, but I know that’s what she was referring to. There’s nothing else it could be, right?”

Fuck. I don’t want to have to ask the next question. After she’s rammed four inches of steel into my shoulder, hating the idea of her being in pain is ironic. But here I am.

“Did you tell her about them?”

“My pheromones? No.” A beat passes before her face crumbles. “Oh, gods. I should have. I knew they were affecting her. I-I didn’t mean— Shit. ”

“Look at me, Tiss. What Sadrie did was wrong, pheromones or no. It doesn’t matter whether you told her or not.

Stop means stop. Now, should you have told her about them?

Yes, probably. But that doesn’t change the fact that arousal isn’t consent.

Only consent is consent. It should be enthusiastic. It can be revoked at any time.”

She gives an enormous, shuddering breath. Blows her nose into my handkerchief. Thanks me with a nod.

“That being said, you are incredibly powerful, Tiss. The power and strength you wield are unmatched in anyone I’ve ever met.”

She looks at me askance. Studies me before pulling the sleeve of her sweater up to reveal a linen bandage.

It encases her right arm from wrist to elbow.

“I wasn’t planning on mentioning this, but…

” she begins to unwind it, revealing a tidy row of stitches covering an area about ten inches long on her outer forearm.

“Bibi caught me with her talons in the greenhouse that day. Left quite the impressive gash, although it’s impossible to tell now.”

“I saw the blood. I was wondering.” I lean forward and look. Sure enough, there are sutures but no actual wound, only flawless skin underneath.

“After Sadrie and I argued, I was so distraught that I didn’t think to clean it that day.

But the next time I did, it was like this .

I can’t explain it.” She shakes her head.

“I hardly believe my eyes. But she said I took something from her, and now I’m completely healed.

The monster is gone too, and I know it’s all related.

I’m not so sure I want to know how. I just hope…

I hope that horrible thing never comes back, but somehow I suspect that it will. ”