Page 69 of Insolence (Eisha’s Hidden Codices #1)

Nothing inappropriate has even happened between us. “I’m not pursuing her,” I snap, not meaning to.

Pop folds his newspaper. Gives me a look like he knows better.

And he does.

Since realizing my inadequacy, I’ve been bringing my cock and its harness in my satchel whenever I attend our sessions. I’m never going to use it with her , is the lie I tell myself. It’s just a comfort, knowing it’s there. Like armor.

W inter drags on. It becomes impossible to keep my feelings hidden when Tiss complains about the upcoming wedding. The pressures from her friends. Her father’s expectations.

The demands of her husband-to-be.

He, of course, wants them living in Cantana the minute they’re wed. The Madocs are the ruling clan there, where they have an estate nearly as splendid as the Grand Arcade.

While Bard Fiach gives her a great deal of freedom, once married, she’ll belong to Illiam. She’ll be expected to devote herself to raising his children. Managing his estate. Hosting his friends and business associates.

If she manages to stay in Aronya Dar, we’ll see each other maybe once a month—if that. If he sweeps her away to Cantana, there’s a very real possibility I’ll never see her again.

Either way, our weekly meetings will become a thing of the past. I can’t think about it without my heart threatening to rupture.

On this particular night, potential change is tangible in the air between us, shimmering like a promise. Like a threat. And she won’t stop rambling about it all.

“Where do you want to live?” I say, at last.

Tiss studies me from where I’ve posed her—reclining on the burgundy sofa. Eyes riveted on my forearms, she watches me roll up my shirtsleeves until a familiar blue streak appears. Usually, my pulse speeds up a little when I see it.

But gods be damned. Tonight I’m holding my breath and waiting for her answer.

“Here,” she finally says. “Of course.”

Thank you, thank you, thank you. My charcoal pencil swoops across the paper, laying down the rough outline of her reclining form. “Why do you say it like that?”

One arm is slung over her hip, the other propped on a tasseled pillow. She wears a flowing gown with straps of satin ribbon tied in bows at her shoulders.

A lavish crown of thousand-petal roses encircles her head. They’re her absolute favorite flowers. She adores the cream-colored petals with their streaks and dashes of deep pink. Wants them somehow incorporated in the final portrait.

They’re breathtaking on her.

“Because.” Her tone is flat. Something strange passes over her face. “This is where you are.”

“That’s ridiculous. I’m not Illiam, so where I am is of no concern.”

“It is to me.”

I swallow. Fill in the area where her fingers tangle in the pillow tassels.

They tighten around the silken cords. “Men of his status take consorts all the time. They’re practically expected to take multiple partners. So long as we’re all treated well.”

“Relax your hand.”

She sends me a look. “I’m not suggesting we make it public knowledge. How is this any different otherwise?”

“I have no idea what you’re referring to.”

“ This . Me and you! What else?”

I go still at the shock of it. At the weight in her voice. “So we’re talking about it openly now?”

“I don’t see why not.” She gives a bitter laugh. “It’s time, don’t you think?”

“Women like us are barely tolerated as it is.” I scrub at the paper, blending shadows between her fingers. Damn near ripping it. “Correction: women like you. Most days, I’m not sure there’s a place for someone like me.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“Let’s be honest. The worst thing you could possibly do is shame your family by taking me as a lover.”

She rolls her eyes. “ Please tell me more about shaming my family.”

Hot silence stretches between us.

She sighs at last, a listless smile curling her lips. “You know, I’ve been thinking.” She sits up, bare feet hitting the floor. “We should do a nude tonight.” She tugs one of the ribbons holding up her gown before I can protest.

The satin unravels, releasing from her shoulder. Time drags obscenely. Fabric slides down until the neckline catches on her nipple, stopping short of revealing too much.

I watch, a slack-jawed idiot.

Her laugh is soft as she reaches for the ribbon at her other shoulder, jarring me back to my senses.

“ Stop it, Tiss,” I growl.

“Mmm, stop what?”

“Just stop.” I put my pencil behind my ear. Set my hardboard aside. “I’ve been thinking too. This isn’t a good idea. We shouldn’t continue.”

“You mean tonight?”

“I mean in general. I’ll make sure you get your money back.”

Her eyes go wide. “What in gods’ names are you on about? I don’t want my money. I want you .”

“You and I can’t be together, and you damn well know it. You’re not a man. Gods know I’m not.” I pass my hands over my face. Not in any way that counts, at least.

Saying it aloud hurts more this particular night than I care to admit.

“It shouldn’t matter.”

“It shouldn’t. But it does . You’re a woman, Tiss. Highborn woman. You need to be a good little wife and pop out a passel of Madoc children. Worship your husband. ‘Keep the realm strong’ and all that. You can’t just take whatever lovers you please, and pretending otherwise won’t change reality.”

“There it is,” she muses. “To think, all of this time I assumed you were simply too shy to make a move.”

“I’m actually very outgoing when I want to be. But there are rules of conduct in society, of which I know you’re painfully aware.”

She snorts, looking bored. “ Rules never stopped you before, I’m sure.”

“Nope. But I’ve always known better than to pursue someone so far outside my reach.

We can’t just rut like a couple of common harlots.

Actually, I can. But it’s out of the question for you .

” My words are poison-tipped blades soaring through the air.

Somehow, I can’t stop flinging them now that I've started.

“When they find out, which they will, do you think your family will tolerate you slumming it with me? Do you think your husband will?”

Her glare bores right through my skull. “You’re an ass, El.”

“And you’re a privileged little fool living in a fantasy. I shouldn’t have to explain this to you!”

Her eyes are equal parts indignant and imploring. “So, after nearly half a year you finally say it.”

“I mean it. Grab your things and go home, Lady Jedrek. I’ll send your money when I can.”

Her fist clenches. “For the last time, I don’t want my stupid money. I want you , society’s rules and social strata be damned. And I know you want me too, so stop acting like I’m a stranger all of a sudden.”

“You’re not listening .” I stand so abruptly my chair rocks backward. Nearly tips over. “That is beside the point.”

“Is it?” She lifts an eyebrow and her naked shoulder. Shrugs down the dress, revealing the dusky rose of her nipple against porcelain skin. It’s already puckering prettily.

Nope. Nope. Fucking nope. “I… uh…” Shit.

Pleased with herself, she leans back, biting her lip. Crosses one leg over the other. “I take it you like what you see?”

I scrub both hands through my hair like I’m trying to push my brain out the back of my head. “Stop playing. You’re acting like a child.”

“I’m not playing, and I am not a child. I’m nineteen in Thawtide. Did you know that?” Less than two months away.

“That doesn’t change anything.”

She cocks her head, tugging the second ribbon free. Letting the loose-fitting gown drop to her waist.

Well. That’s just not fair. I swear softly, looking around the room. When my gaze returns to her, it’s met by two round, very shapely, extremely tantalizing tits and defiance blazing in her eyes.

Sweat breaks out all over my body. I command myself not to think about what’s inside my satchel, threatening to burn a hole through my mind.

“Now you’re trying to provoke me.” I snatch her silk robe, flinging it at her.

“And you are trying to control me. You’re as bad as my father and Illiam!”

Ouch . “That’s not—”

“Don’t I get a say? Everyone’s so busy making decisions about what’s ‘best’ for me, they’ve forgotten to ask what I want. And I have to tolerate it, because I apparently don’t know better!”

She tosses the robe aside and stands. Her gown slides to the floor, revealing her gloriously naked body.

Oh, gods. Oh, no. “For fuck’s sake, Tiss.” I know I should look away, but I can’t.

Pulse roaring in my ears, I let my eyes travel over her gorgeous figure. Blood drains from my extremities. Pooling, throbbing in my groin.

Making me lightheaded.

“I know exactly who I am and what I want,” she breathes, perfect tits heaving, roses bunched around her head like an aura. “I am a grown woman, fully capable of discretion. And what I want is for you to fuck me. Tonight . ”

She doesn’t even say please.

Wait. No! Abort!

El, you better get your shit together… I shift in the direction of the door—only to discover I can’t move.

As many times as I’ve fantasized about something like this, I didn’t know I’d be so weak. So tempted. I want to toss her on the sofa, no questions, no further words, and fuck her to within an inch of her life.

Stop screwing around. Get out of here. Now! But my feet might as well be cemented to the floor. “It’s not cute, you know.”

“Whatever do you mean?” Her fingers skim her side, from her sumptuous thigh to the luscious bend of her waist.

“Your insolence, Itissa.”

“Now it’s Itissa , is it?” Pure, gleeful evil glints in her eyes. Her fingers go to the bottom swell of her breast, caressing lightly.

I sag, mesmerized. That should be against the law.

The pheromone surge comes next, lapping over me like a warm wave. Hitting the back of my throat, tingling in my jaw. Mouth watering, I’m thinking about tasting her.

No. Not thinking of it.

Obsessed .

Urgent desire travels from tongue to navel and down. Lands between my legs with a biting pinch that leaves me breathless.

Of course I have no idea what’s just come over me. I’m also not questioning it. White spots dancing in my vision, blood pressure plummeting, I collapse into my chair.

Her soft laughter drifts over me, followed by a second wave of pheromones that hits harder than the first. Her body is calling to me. Screaming at me: take me, fuck me, make me yours.

And I am helpless. A hair’s breadth from doing just that. I know I can’t stay much longer. If I do, I will lose what meager control I have left.

And yet, my ass is rooted to the chair. “This is absurd. Put your clothes on.”

“I don’t take orders from you,” she laughs, a goddess in her naked splendor.

Every inch of me is throbbing so painfully I can’t think. I’m drowning in her. Imagining all the dirty things I want to do to her.

I think of my cock inside my satchel. Stop it, El. Strapping it on and entering her. El, no. A moan tearing from her throat as I finally make her mine. Don’t you dare.

Don’t you fucking say it… “Have you even considered asking nicely , Lady Jedrek?”

A beat passes. “Please,” she murmurs, head high. “Will you please be my first, El Asher? I am falling in love with you, and I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life.” Her voice strains, ragged with yearning.

Air evacuates my lungs. I am a blind, stupid bastard.

Maybe it’s the sheer audacity of her, mixed with tender vulnerability. Maybe it’s the pretend indolence in her gaze or the need to ensure she will take my orders from now on.

Maybe it’s the fact that she holds my heart in the palm of her hand.

But, eyes wandering down her lovely form, I know in no uncertain terms and with no further hesitation that I am lost. Gone .

I am finished over this infuriating, fascinating woman. Thoroughly and completely ruined.

This . This is the moment I know that I can’t fight her magnetism forever. Her pull is too strong to ignore. My desire—my love for her too dire to tolerate without surrender.

And I was already too far gone long before this moment arrived.

“My gods, Tiss, I’ve been enamored of you from the first moment I saw you. The prospect of missing you, of lacking you, is unbearable. You deserve to know how much I hate saying goodbye, week after week, when all I want in the world is to keep you for myself. Always . Of course I love you too.”

She releases a sharp breath, a dazzling smile overtaking her face.

My self-control in tatters, I sigh, “You win. You can have whatever you want. Come here, my heart.”