Page 31 of Insolence (Eisha’s Hidden Codices #1)

Elodie

F uck me. I really did not mean to blurt out that last bit.

Seriously considering inserting my entire foot in my mouth, I turn back to Tiss. “This might sound strange, but I want to try something. To work on our trust.”

She crosses her arms. “I think we just established there is no trust between us.”

“Well, I’m hoping if we work together, perhaps we can start down that road.”

Waiting, she studies me expectantly.

“What if we were to agree on three signal words between us? For the sake of simplicity, let’s call them codewords.”

“ Codewords ,” she snorts, her cheeks going a delectable shade of pink unrelated to the cold. “Like a sex thing?”

“Not—”

“Are you going to tie me up and beat me, priestess?” She gives a bratty little head toss. “Is that what’s going to fix our trust issues?”

Don’t tempt me . Desire surges beneath my skin. A restless agitation I’m afraid to examine too closely rises beside it. “ Listen . They’re useful because we can make them innocent enough to slip into casual conversation. In public, if necessary. Either of us can use them at any time.”

Her energy falls still. Something ambiguous flashes in her eyes. “Go on.”

“‘Blue’ means you’re clear to go. Whatever somebody’s doing, it’s smooth sailing ahead.

‘Purple’ means you’re skirting close to a line and need to back off or slow down.

‘Red’ means a line has been crossed. Whoever crossed it needs to stop— immediately .

Of course, I’m using ‘you’ in the general sense. You’re encouraged to use them too.”

A jolt of excitement travels up our tie. It comes on so strong, my hand hits the bench. I need to hook my fingers under the front edge to anchor myself in place.

“I see.” A smile tugs at her mouth. Like she’s enjoying a private victory of some sort.

“I need to make sure you understand,” I press on. “If one of us calls red, it may as well be a matter of life and death. Think of it like the red berries on the yew tree. It’s that serious.”

She nods. “Blue, purple, red. That all sounds reasonable, if that’s what you need.

” She sighs, her breath rising in clouds between us.

“But if you want me to trust you , I need boundaries of my own. I don’t want you touching me whenever you feel like it.

You do it often and it’s… it’s difficult t-to—”

“Done. And you don’t need to explain yourself, just so you know. Although if you want to, I’m happy to hear you out.”

“Thank you.” She uncrosses her arms. Lets them fall to her sides. The way the moonlight silvers the angles of her beautiful face makes the back of my throat ache. “I also need you to answer my questions without dodging them.”

“Right,” I hesitate. “That’s ultimately what we’re working toward. Currently, there are things I can’t discuss. But if you can accept what answers I’m willing to give, when I’m willing to give them—without being unreasonable—I can promise I’ll answer all of your questions, eventually.”

She glances away, mouthing the word unreasonable . “And by ‘eventually,’ I’m assuming you mean when I can ‘regulate my emotions.’”

“Yes. Is that a good enough compromise for now?”

She shrugs. “I don’t exactly have another option, do I?”

As if I do? My lips press into a tight line.

Clocking my expression, she sighs. “It’s a fair compromise. I can agree to it. And just so you know, I never meant to be ‘unreasonable’ or to make you doubt my ability to control myself. But I feel like I’m going crazy half the time.”

“Try the breathing thing,” I say. “When you start feeling overwhelmed—”

“I have holes ripped in my head , Elodie.”

“So does everyone else, Tiss. So do I.”

“It’s not just that.” She fidgets, something strange passing over her face. “I understand how dangerous this place is, all right?”

I shift. “Yeah. Well. It gets worse than Rosalie.”

New fear splinters her aura. Abrupt. Black and viscous as fresh tar. “I know it does. I’ve just seen Kerrigan go after someone else.”

My pulse kicks up. “What did you say?”

Tiss takes an unsteady breath. Proceeds to tell me about an incident early this morning involving some initiate I’m not familiar with. Apparently the girl had a particularly brutal run-in with Kerrigan before anyone else was up. Well, aside from Ailen, it seems.

Whatever caused it, I’m revolted but not exactly surprised. I’ve seen similar. Heard about worse.

My concern at this particular juncture is the way Tiss shakes while she relays what she saw. Voice cracking, she barely speaks above a whisper.

“She was lying so still on the floor, I thought she might be dead ,” she concludes. Glances around, flighty as a bird. “Kerrigan hauled her away like a slaughtered animal.” Finally, her eyes press closed, a tear streaking down her cheek.

My gaze keeps straying to her trembling lips. My fingers itch to cup her face, to comfort her somehow. “Goddess. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Thank you for listening.” The tension in her shoulders relaxes incrementally.

I have to halt the impulse to brush the tear away. Force myself to look elsewhere.

Fuck . Her irresistible pheromones aside, I can already tell I’m going to be at my most vulnerable when she’s upset or in need like this.

I should not be this enamored of a woman I don’t know.

Get it together, Elodie. I must build a wall. Keep her out as long as possible.

And here’s the entire miserable problem. She is a craving I cannot— will not indulge.

And yet, a small part of me realizes ultimately, I’ve got no choice in the matter.

I shove that part as far away as I can.

“I'm really worried about her.” Tiss stares at the fountain. “I haven’t seen her all day, and I’ve been looking. I even asked Mother Deirdre about her, which she didn’t appreciate, I might add.”

“Hold on. When did you speak to Deirdre?”

“Before I came into the refectory.”

Well. That explains… quite a lot, actually.

“She told me the Screamer was at the lottery, which had to be a lie.” Tiss shakes her head. Dashes the tear away. “I was watching for her the whole time.”

“I see.” Dread bristles through me. This is bad.

Even by Deirdre’s standards, whatever’s going on with this Screamer girl is beyond what either of us wants the remotest involvement with.

“Elodie, will you please help me?” She lays a light hand on my forearm. Apparently the no-touching boundary only applies to me. “I need to find the Screamer. Need to know if she survived. If so, I need to talk to her.”

Even through layers of clothing, her hand on my arm is electric. I pull away. My grimace comes from pure sardonic amusement. “Out of the question. Do me a favor: mind your business and thank the goddess it wasn’t you on the receiving end.”

“I’m begging you. I need answers! Do you know why she was—”

“Of course not.”

“Well, the prioress pretty much threatened me tonight. Gods, don’t get me started on Ailen. I’m desperate.” Her aura erupts in a corona of shimmering dread. “What do you want from me? I can get on my knees if it’ll help.” She moves to scoot off the bench.

For fuck’s sake. My hand shoots out on impulse. Stops just short of grabbing her leg to still her. It’s enough to halt her anyway, at least momentarily.

“I want you to leave this well enough alone,” I growl. “Don’t go meddling in the sisters’ affairs.”

“Elodie—”

“What did I say before about arguing my boundaries?” Hearing myself, I make an effort to lower my voice: “You are not to ask about the Screamer again. Or discuss her or Kerrigan with anyone else—and I’ll go ahead and assume you already told Cordelia and Sadrie.”

Lips pinched together, Tiss doesn’t contradict me.

“You are not to interfere with things that concern Deirdre or the sisters,” I finish. “Do I make myself clear?”

“But you can’t just—”

“As your instructor and superior, I’m not making a request , Itissa. This isn’t up for debate. Do. You. Understand?”

A soft scoff falls out of her. “Sure. I’ll pretend I don’t see anything. Don’t hear anything. Don’t have a single precious thought in my head. No problem.”

“Perfect.”

Now if only I could fucking believe her.