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thirty-seven

“ H ello?” I called. Galen showed up in the bathroom looking haunted… vacant eyes met my gaze and my heart sank. “What’s wrong?” I stood up in the tub and grabbed a towel to wrap around my body. He seemed far away, living out some unknown horror.

“The Elders—they made me execute a couple today. The woman was pregnant with a hybrid.” His eyes were glassy, like he’d been drinking or crying. Or both.

I stifled my gasp and asked, “Did you know them?” I stopped breathing… Melisandre .

“No,” he said sharply. “They were from another village and hiding out in Monrovia. Someone reported them when they noticed she was pregnant.”

I was flooded with simultaneous relief and horror. Meli had said that humans and human sympathizers were gathering in Monrovia, awaiting refuge—waiting for me to rescue them. I clutched my stomach like I’d been punched in the gut.

“Who would do such a thing? What’s in it for them?” I asked, hovering just out of his reach. I didn’t want to touch him. It wasn’t his fault, but he’d killed those people. I could see the blood on his hands… hear the screams.

Whose fault was it ? My heart began to race. What would I have done in that situation? I would’ve died before hurting them.

“The Elders have a new policy… if you report a human-faerie couple, you get to feed from the human before they’re executed. Plenty of incentive fo r someone desperate enough. It’s emboldened the whole village to start seeking out improper pairings.”

Improper pairings? He and I were an improper pairing, according to their archaic laws.

Galen’s breath smelled of alcohol. He was slurring. I hated when he got this drunk.

“There was nothing you could do?” I asked with a lump in my throat. I didn’t want to make him feel worse, but I needed to know that he’d at least tried to fight back.

“I didn’t know anyone was standing trial until I showed up at the meeting.

My mother has been telling me less. And the Elders haven’t forgiven me for the death of their last prisoner.

I was too outnumbered, I had to comply.” His gaze bore into me.

“And… they know I care about you. They know I’ll do anything in exchange for your safety.

We’re in this together now. Every choice I make is for us . ”

His words struck like a slap across the face, knocking me to my senses. He’d used my magic to kill them. I covered my mouth in horror. He’d murdered innocents. And I… I was tied to it. Their blood was on my hands as well. I braced myself as the truth of it pummeled me over and over.

“I need you,” was all he said as he pressed me against the wall of the bathroom and started kissing me with bruising force. His stubble scratched at me like sandpaper. My mind was still reeling. I was in no mood after what he’d just told me. I put my hands on his chest and shoved him back .

“Galen, why don’t you lie down… I’ll rub your back. You’ve had a terrible day. Let me take care of you.” I wanted to be there for him, even if I was internally imploding.

“That’s not how I need you right now.” His demeanor was demanding as he ripped my towel away and began fumbling between my legs.

I resisted, pushing him away more firmly this time. “Galen—you’re drunk. Don’t manhandle me.” I walked towards the bed to put space between us and he followed.

“I don’t mean to take out my foul mood on you. I’m just… struggling. I need you to take away my pain.” His expression was pitiful. I hung back before nodding my head. I could do this for him. I’d just compartmentalize… numb myself temporarily.

He didn’t hesitate as he arranged me against the bed, facing me away from him as he pressed the top half of my body into the mattress.

His usual tenderness was gone as he took me from behind, forcing my head back by gripping my damp curls at the base of my skull.

I’d been grabbed by my hair too many times and reacted instinctively, throwing a wave of air at him that knocked him backwards.

“Don’t pull my hair,” I yelled. “That’s what those blood-robbers did. They held me down and tried to—” I was shaking.

“Hey… it’s alright. I apologize." His tone softened as he pulled me onto the bed and into his lap. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I told you, I’m prone to…

moods. And now that you’re seeing more of me, they’re difficult to hide.

Right now, I just need an escape from who I am and what I’ve done. I can’t stand myself.”

His head hung low in defeat. I cradled his face between my hands and brought his lips to mine. He hungrily kissed me back, lifting me, until I was straddling him. He situated himself until he’d slid inside me with one long thrust. My breathing hitched as he filled me, moving my hips up and down.

I lost myself to the rhythm and before I knew it, his teeth were in my neck and he was drinking from me. The sudden rush of magic made me spasm uncontrollably, followed shortly by his release. He pulled away from me, lips red, and gave me the first smile I’d seen from him since this morning.

“You’re incredible,” he murmured.

I shook off the haze from his bite and went to clean myself off.

“Galen,” I called from the bathing room, putting a towel against my neck.

“I need contraception.” The last thing we needed was a faerie-human baby for the Elders to butcher.

The twisted thought stopped me in my tracks.

Would we ever be safe to have children? Not in this world. Not with his mother in power.

“I’ve been drinking a contraceptive tea, but I can bring some for you tomorrow as well,” he called back.

I know, but I don’t trust you , I mumbled to myself. I’d been careless. I had to start taking myself more seriously. I was giving him too much control. We went to bed in each other’s arms, but I laid awake for hours, with a mind too busy for sleep, before finally drifting off.

I was back in the drizzly forest. And I was sick of this dream—of pine trees, of being wet, of running. This time, when I saw my mother's silhouette in the distance, I didn't give chase. Instead, I walked away from her.

My chest ached to follow, but I stayed firm in my decision as I walked the path in the opposite direction. I knew this trail, had walked it every day when I'd lived in a small cabin with my parents. And if my mother wouldn't come to me, then I would go to our home and wait for her.

I stood at the edge of the forest, staring at my childhood home.

Smoke billowed from the chimney perched on the thatched roof.

Someone was inside. My stomach fluttered uneasily.

The impulsive part of me wanted to sprint forward, fling open the door, and shout for my mother.

But my feet stayed glued in place, because…

what if instead of my mother, I was greeted by my father? I wasn't sure I wanted to face him.

Hesitating, I studied my surroundings. My heart galloped when I took in the small barn and paddock at the far side of the property, tucked behind an apple orchard and my mother's magnificent gardens.

I'd spent so much of my youth in that barn with my first horse, Skye.

I hadn't thought about her for years and I didn't know how I'd let myself forget her.

She'd been my best friend and my protector when…

when my mother and father would fight. Sometimes I'd sleep in a pile of hay beside her instead of my bed.

Hazy memories flashed in my mind as I made my way to the barn: the smell of oats and molasses, the tickle of alfalfa dust in my nose, the sharp tang of leather and sweat from the tack room, soft huffs from Skye as I brushed her coat.

Skye. She was grazing in the paddock, flicking her tail back and forth as raindrops rolled off her shaggy Palomino coat.

Her ears twitched in my direction and then her eyes locked with mine.

I jogged forward excitedly, before slamming into an invisible barrier.

The force of it sent me tumbling backwards. It was a barrier of… wind.

Confused, I slowly turned around, then staggered back. My mother stood before me with a sad smile on her face. "I'm sorry, Goldie. But there's no time. You need to follow me. And we need to hurry."

I glared at her, angry beyond reason. "Why? Why do you keep telling me to run? Why are you haunting me?”

"Because he's chasing us. And he won't ever stop. Not until we’re dead."

I nearly crumbled to the ground. Tears filled my eyes as I said through gritted teeth, "You're already dead. And I'm sick of running. I'm tired."

"Just a little longer, my love. Just a little longer. Quickly." She held out her hand and I took it, letting her lead me back into the forest.

I found myself more eager than ever for my session with Rafael.

Last night, something had changed in me.

I was angry. I was formidable. And I was ready to stop being a victim; a victim of my mother’s death, my father’s abandonment, of my circumstances.

I was more than a misfit navigating a new world, trying to keep up with the rules.

I wanted to change the rules. I wanted to fight.

I wanted to destroy the systems that prospered by oppression.

Sensing my mood, Raf had us begin with combat.

My shields were coming effortlessly these days, making it easier to use both hands for offense.

He decided to put his shadows away today and let me fight his earth magic—still a fierce opponent.

The earth quaked under my feet as he shot vines at my wrists, but today I was faster.

I hovered above the ground and dodged his vines, throwing ice daggers one after another.

They were nearly invisible as they soared through the air, aided by a cold gust of wind.

In a series of blurry movements, he blocked them, but the blizzard that followed obscured his senses, giving me enough time to turn his hands into two blocks of ice. He grinned, unable to counter attack.

For a brief moment, I’d won. Then he turned into shadow, breaking from the ice. He popped up behind me to whisper, “Good job,” making me jump. “Maybe we should practice our dance. You seem pretty competent in your magic these days.”

I gave a half-smile back, stepping away from him. “Sounds like the Prince of Shadows is scared of my ice daggers.”

His gaze darkened as he prowled closer. “You know perfectly well that I love your ice daggers.” The way he said it made my stomach dip. “And I hate to break it to you, but you’re not that scary.”

I scoffed at him, while my pulse hammered. He was leaning over me now—so close that I had to tilt my head back to look up at him.

“There's also the fact that you’re the one who can’t seem to control your heart rate when we’re together,” he said, staring at my lips .

I felt uncomfortably hot under his heavy-lidded gaze. “Fine. Let’s dance,” I snapped, lacing my fingers with his—not giving myself time to second guess my decision. He placed his other hand on my hip. I was hyper-aware of my heart slamming against my chest.

Pull yourself together, Marigold.

“What’s next?” I asked as his breath tickled my forehead.

“Next, you just let go and let me take the lead.” He swung me around, marched me backwards, hooked my leg around him with a firm grip, then dipped me back. A laugh bubbled from me as I let him take control.

Magic was simmering beneath my skin, whistling like a tea kettle as it begged for release. This time instead of balking, I was able to let go. Pent up energy erupted from me, mingling with his, in an explosion of golden sparks. I became light-headed as the feeling overwhelmed my senses.

Raf jumped out of the way right in time. Magic took over and transformed me into something other . It hadn’t hurt. It hadn’t felt like much at all, but the sensation of a new body was bewildering.

Rafael’s mouth was hanging open in awe, but he recovered quickly. “Come with me.” I staggered after him, learning how to pick up my new feet. White legs and golden hooves.

He kept a hand on my neck as he led me to the pond, while I adjusted to my new senses.

My ears pricked as they took in more noise than I could process; the crunch of our feet in the grass, Raf’s breathing, small creatures burrowing underground, buzzing insects near and far.

Layers upon layers of sound. And my vision had been altered too.

The trees surrounding the grove were razor sharp, but color had been desaturated, like I was in a dream within a dream.

We stopped at the water’s edge and Raf gave me a wide grin, pointing to my reflection. “Take a look, Goldie. You’re unbelievable.”