Page 57

thirty-four

I ’d been dying to talk to Rafael alone—to finally discuss all that had transpired on the mountain.

The day after returning to the castle, we finally got the chance.

We rode out to the grove, staying silent along the way, while my magic itched for release.

Small talk didn’t interest either of us, not when there was so much to discuss.

Nervous energy coursed through me as we dismounted and faced each other.

“Where shall we begin?” Raf’s arms were crossed as he stared at the ground. He couldn’t have looked less interested in this conversation.

“Louis,” I said solemnly. He’d left this morning with a small group of men. I assumed he’d gotten the information he needed and was on a mission to find the missing humans and healers.

Raf nodded curtly. “When you left the caves, Louis asked the Oracle where the Elders are hiding humans. It was a bold choice of words… since we don’t have hard evidence linking them to the kidnappings—only what our sources have reported.

It could lead to a dead end… but if it doesn't, we’ll have an exact location.

” He met my gaze with a distant glare. “He’s on the way to the location as we speak.

She gave him coordinates to a place where the Elders are housing humans.

We’ll find out soon whether the missing people are amongst them. ”

“Does he need our help?” I asked. This was it. We were so close to finding them, to going home. I just needed to find my form and live to tell the tale.

“It would be too risky to bring you, but I’m leaving after our lesson. I’ll fly back and forth and deliver news to you as I can. We’ll need your eyes and ears here. Are you on board to participate in treasonous activity, keeping all information from your boyfriend ?”

His attitude was starting to piss me off. It was obvious he had a problem with Galen and I being together. I wanted him to get it over with and say it to my face .

I narrowed my eyes. “You should know by now that I’m trustworthy. What was the cost of the question? Is Louis alright?”

“It’s his story to tell, but he did the right thing. I think he knows that, deep down.”

He wasn’t going to tell me? My mind had been going wild, thinking of the possibilities.

“Fine,” I said, crossing my arms. “And what was your interpretation of the prophecy?”

“Does it matter? It seems clear enough that you and Galen have already decided what it means. Is a congratulations in order? Have you set a wedding date?”

A coward’s answer . “Why don’t you just come out and say it,” I fumed. “You’re disappointed in me—because I’m with Galen.” Tears sprang to my eyes. I hadn’t expected to confront him, but it had just… come out.

His face flashed with surprise, then softened. “I’m not disappointed in you… I just think you’re better than Galen.” His throat bobbed. “You’re better than all of us. I hate to see you with someone like him.”

I paused, taking in his carefully vague words.

Then I pushed. “What makes me better than him? What makes him so terrible, besides what he’s been forced to do?

Tell me if it’s so bad— make me understand.

You’re the one who attacked him, who pretends to be my friend and then ignores me—the one who barges into my room when he feels like it, then disappears when things get hard.

So tell me, Rafael, what makes him the bad guy? ”

He’d completely shut me out since we’d seen the Oracle. He’d hurt my feelings too many times and I didn’t deserve it . I wanted to slap him—hiss, bite, snarl— anything to get a rise out of him. I was sick of this wall between us.

He pursed his lips as he stared past me, finally saying, “You are… good . In every sense of the word. You treat everyone with respect, while my brother… he has two sides to him. I’ve seen how he lashes out—how he manipulates.

He’ll do whatever it takes to keep his power, whoever he has to hurt.

You know the role the Elders have him play.

He could choose to fight back. Louis and I have never killed for them.

Say what you want about me, but I would never work for those purist pieces of shit. ”

His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. He was an impenetrable stone wall. Why was this conversation so hard for him? I still didn’t understand. Make me understand, Rafael.

“Do you think he’s not worthy of love, because of what he’s done?

We all have our demons. He’s in a difficult situation, as heir to the throne.

He has different pressures than you and Louis.

Perhaps a healer is exactly what a person like Galen needs—someone who cares, someone who can keep him from becoming one of them.

You heard the prophecy, my heart is my strength.

And maybe I don't even have a say in any of this.

Maybe I'm just a doll for the gods to manipulate as they see fit. Or maybe none of this even matters…”

My cheeks flushed at the rush of emotion, at my outburst. But Raf wasn't riled.

He continued to study me with an almost pained expression as he said, “You have a say.

Fuck the gods. Fuck the prophecy, if that's how its made you feel.” His shadows broke free and began to waft around us; the misty black smoke licked at my skin.

“It's not that simple—I can't abandon my duty. I won't abandon those who are depending on me. It's just… I’m not sure I’m ready to promise Galen forever. Please, I need your advice… your honesty.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, kicked a rock and sent it sailing, then gave a long sigh.

He sounded nearly resigned when he said, “I think you should trust your gut. Maybe the prophecy isn’t meant to be fulfilled for another five-hundred years.

You have that long—you shouldn't rush such a big decision.” He paused, letting out a shaky breath, then pinned me with his eyes.

“I hope you don’t rush that decision. I haven’t had nearly enough time…

to convince you that you chose the wrong Prince. ”

I stopped breathing. My heart sputtered to a halt. I tried to suck in air, but my throat was so tight that instead, I wheezed in short, frantic gulps. I forgot how to blink as I peered at my hands, checking to see if I’d turned myself into an ice statue. No… I was just frozen with shock.

The wrong Prince. The words ricocheted against my bones. How could he say such a thing? I loved Galen . Raf… he was my friend , sometimes, depending on his mercurial moods .

I couldn’t deny that he had a sultry kind of charm, a witty intelligence that drove me nuts—or that he was so beautiful, it physically hurt to look at him… But no. No . I was with Galen— fated to be with Galen .

A heavy silence hung between us, while he stood perfectly still with an unreadable expression. “Raf, I-I don't—” I floundered like a fish until he appeared before me, placing two fingers over my mouth, effectively silencing me.

“Are you ready for your flying lesson?” he asked smoothly. It was a peace offering—a chance to divert from what he’d just revealed. I eagerly took it, giving him a shaky smile in answer. It was clear who the real coward was.

Suddenly he was too close, brushing his fingers through my hair.

His gaze darkened as a warm palm lingered on my cheek.

And then his woodsy scent was everywhere.

It was enough to disorient me. I hugged myself, trying to stop the shivers that were threatening to undo me—afraid of what my hands might do if I had to breathe him in for another moment.

Just in time, he severed our connection, striding backwards as he said, “Don’t fall off.” His mouth curved into a smirk. “And don’t forget to grip me with those lovely thighs.” I shot him a withering glare and he shrugged. “I’m serious. I don’t want to drop you. I’ve never taken anyone up before.”

He transformed into a black pegasus before I got the chance to hit him. I could almost see my reflection in his sleek coat, while his feathered wings stretched wide. They flapped a few times before folding in, and then he was bowing before me, inviting me to climb aboard.

I scrambled on, resting a hand on his withers, while the other reached towards a wing. The nerves I felt were rivaled by my child-like excitement as I lightly trailed a finger along a single feather.

Raf went still, huffing out a breath as I studied his wings. He stamped a foot when I made the mistake of touching him again. Stop playing around, I assumed he was saying.

I swallowed hard, wrapping his mane around my fingers.

He took off quickly, cantering into a gallop, before snapping out his wings and letting the wind pick us up.

We sailed over the pond, almost skimming the water with our feet.

Slowly gaining altitude, he flapped hard, creating mighty gusts, as he flew us towards the mountains.

We soared higher and higher until the air became frosty, making my magic sing .

Everything looked small and insignificant from up here.

As I peered down at the giant, white castle below, I wondered if any of the guards were trying to identify the impossibly large bird in the sky.

I laughed with reckless joy as the wind whipped my hair across my cheeks. I never wanted to get down.

I hugged Rafael around his neck for support as he began to turn back towards the grove.

We were above the base of the mountains already.

I looked down towards the rough trails that had humbled us over the past week.

He was a male of much patience, walking a horse up a mountain when he could’ve been flying.

Such a wondrous secret he kept. I felt grateful he’d shared it with me.

This was my new favorite form of escape; none of our problems could follow us here, as we reached new heights.

We were back on the ground too quickly. His chest was heaving as he slowed down to a trot, eventually coming to a silent stop. I sat paralyzed, not ready to say goodbye to the magic of the moment—or the easy intimacy we shared whenever he was in his animal form.

He stamped his foot. The ride was over .

I slid off him reluctantly, running my hands along his neck until I was at the side of his face, staring at long, dark lashes and gold-flecked eyes.

I scratched the space between his brows—Najma’s favorite place to be rubbed.

He leaned into it, butting me playfully before I leaned my forehead against his.

“Thank you, Raf,” I whispered. He nodded, shifting back, and then we buried the tension, channeling it into training.

“You forgot to use your shields last week, which was my fault as much as yours. We’ve been focusing too much on offense. From now on, you’ll display a shield at all times, anytime we spar.”

He shot a tendril of shadow at my wind shield, while I tried to aim a hailstorm at him.

He was quick and unpredictable, making it difficult for me to track his movements.

Shadow wielders had another huge advantage over the rest of us.

They had the ability to transport themselves from one point to another, even inside the shield of an opponent, making it nearly impossible to win against him.

I was just glad he was on my side, even if he loved to torture me. He wrapped a vine around my ankle, pulling me to the ground. I noted his grin of satisfaction as the smoke around me cleared.

“Can you see through your shadows?” I asked as I sat on the ground, catching my breath .

“No, but I don’t need to. My other senses are strong enough to track an opponent.” I caught a gleam in his eye as he purred, “Perhaps I should blindfold you… so you can learn to hone your senses.” The grove turned into an inky night in seconds and my pulse began to trip over itself.

And then he was gone. His voice bounced and echoed across the field, making it difficult to know where he was as he said, “I can hear your fast little heartbeat. Your shallow breathing. The shuffle of your feet. And then of course… there’s your fucking scent.”

He said it so rudely. “What’s wrong with the way I smell?” I scoffed.

“Nothing,” he muttered.

My patience was fraying. “I don’t like the dark… Come on. This isn’t funny—” I gasped as he grabbed me from behind, holding a hand to my throat. I hadn’t heard a single footstep. Ice coated my fingertips as I felt his breath tickle my cheek.

“I could’ve killed you ten times by now, Princess,” he whispered. “I think I’ve found my new favorite way to torture you. We’ll practice in the dark from now on.” His laugh skittered down my spine as the world began to reappear.

And then I elbowed him in the stomach.