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twenty-seven

T he air between us felt charged as I replied, “I-I don’t hate you.” He stared at me until I continued, “You can trust me.”

My feelings for him were… complex, but I didn’t hate him.

In fact, if anything, I saw too much of myself in him.

We were both stubborn loners, who were more sensitive than we cared to admit.

I was still angry with him, but it was becoming clear that it would be best if I stayed out of the feud between him and Galen.

Raf’s eyes darkened before he seemingly accepted my answer by backing up… and backing up, putting substantial space between us. And then he shifted.

Grey shadows exploded into a huge cloud of smoke.

I was no longer staring at a man, but an enormous black dragon.

Scales the size of my fists coated his entire body, looking more like volcanic rock than skin.

He had a long, black snout that blew steam in my direction in hot puffs.

I could feel heat pouring off him from where I stood.

Large golden-brown eyes stared down at me, eyes that I’d recognize anywhere.

Along his head were rows of spiked horns that protruded from his skull and wrapped down his back towards wings that were fanned out for my benefit—wings that were so massive, they shielded me from the sun.

As rays of light filtered through the membranous skin, I could see a rainbow of colors in them, as if he was coated in a layer of oil.

I was unabashedly goggling, but felt incapable of tearing my gaze from the most majestic creature I’d ever seen.

Curved spikes continued down his tail. They looked sharp enough to prick a finger on.

Beyond the horns, he had long, curling talons and equally fierce teeth.

A shadow wielder who was also a dragon… I swallowed hard.

I wasn’t sure if even Aku, god of shadow, ruler of hell, would be a match against this male.

I approached slowly, trying to remember that it was just Raf. I eventually got close enough to touch his nose. His scales were cool, despite the heat that radiated off him. He opened his mouth to reveal white teeth that were bigger than my head.

I backed up quickly, tripping over my feet. Before I hit the ground, he’d caught me in his Fae form. I was shaking, sweating… my heart was galloping. He was glorious. “How?” was all I could get out.

“I’m a Pooka; a mythological creature that usually takes the form of a black horse, but I have the ability to shift into whatever I want.” A wide grin spread across his face, softening his hard features. He seemed to stop breathing as he waited for my response.

“A Pooka…” My mind quickly cataloged all that I knew of the creature that had been nothing more than legend to me until now.

“A steward of the gods… Aku’s steed… known for picking up unsuspecting strangers and taking them on midnight adventures.

” I laughed. I should’ve known. “You’re magnificent, Raf. Are there others like you?”

“I’m not sure… I’ve never met another. I’ve told very few about what I am.

I don’t trust the family with this information.

Sylvia would start using me for her own benefit…

or be so threatened that she’d slit my throat in my sleep.

It’s much better for her to think of me as useless. Galen can’t know either.”

I felt a twinge of annoyance, realizing he’d just put me in the situation of having to lie to Galen. But I understood why he didn’t want them to know. I buried the feelings. “Thank you for showing me. I can’t wait to see what other forms you’ve been working on.”

He stepped back and shifted again—this time into a large black pegasus, almost identical to his pooka form, but with wings .

I let out a slow exhale… Glossy, black wings flapped up and down, creating a breeze.

My hair flew wildly around me as I studied him.

They were perfectly sculpted and covered in countless silky feathers.

“Will you take me up?” I asked, holding my breath.

He shifted back and shook his head. “Maybe someday. Not today. We’ve got work to do.” A surly expression returned to his face as he began to circle me. “I showed you mine, now it’s time for you to show me yours…” He crossed his muscular arms and gave me an insidious smile .

“I can’t,” I said defensively. “I don’t know how.”

“Don’t worry about your pneuma. Let’s work your magic. Ice and wind… the possibilities are endless.” I kept my eyes glued on him as he assessed me, like he was searching for a crack in my porcelain mask. “I wonder if the Princess can build herself an ice castle?”

“A… a castle?” I sputtered.

“It doesn’t have to be flashy… or even large. I want you to make bricks of ice and then use wind to move them into place— a test of your endurance and fine motor skills. It takes practice to be precise. Precision is important when it matters the most. Precision will save your life.”

This sounded like it was going to hurt. I’d produced ice easily enough the last month with Louis, but it had been unrefined. Broad strokes were fine for shields, for blowing hail around, but forming bricks and moving them? It would require finesse.

I was determined not to embarrass myself in front of Raf, so I took a deep breath and focused. I felt his eyes on me as I used both hands to form a cube, growing it slowly… until it was the size of a brick.

A trickle of sweat cascaded down my temple.

It took so much concentration. The easiest way to access my ice magic was to think of things that made my blood run cold: Injustices, greed, Sylvia, her council—and the way I’d been treated my whole life in Aurelius, like I was made of glass, simply because I was a woman.

I was surprised how easily I brought forth the bitter feelings—I’d felt nothing but a warm golden glow when Galen had left my bedroom this morning, but now I was furious .

“Very good, now your wind,” Raf instructed.

“I want you to alternate between the two, so that you aren’t moving too fast, so you know when you’re approaching burn out.

The signs aren’t subtle. You’ll have labored breathing…

your body temperature will begin to fluctuate.

In your case, you’ll probably begin to have chills.

Stay in control . Stop when you hit your limit.

With practice, we can build up your endurance. ”

I smiled at that, half listening as I moved my brick to the location that I’d chosen. Ice, wind… ice, wind. Back and forth I built my fortress. Brick by brick, everything else faded away.

I began to feel a sharp pang in my lungs when I was on the third tier of my structure. I ignored it. I was used to shoving down uncomfortable feelings. I had so much to prove. There was no choice other than to keep pushing. I couldn’t let myself down. I couldn’t let everyone else down.

Brick by brick.

The ice in my veins felt lethal. I wanted to be lethal…

I wouldn’t let the Elders win. They were hurting innocent people.

They wouldn’t stop until we were all dead.

After meeting Arnold and feeling his infinite rage, I knew it in my bones.

They were going to destroy everything, everyone—with their greed, their hate.

Hazy images of the father who abandoned me appeared in my head.

They were blurry… but I could still feel the desolation, the pain of losing two parents in one day.

It didn’t matter how much time had passed, how many tears had been shed.

Shards of ice remained imbedded in my soul.

I thought of my mother who should’ve been here to tell me what I was— who I was.

I was making two bricks at a time now. Salty sweat trickled down my temple and into my eyes.

I would never overcome the anger that shielded me from my grief, therefore I would never stop building this castle.

I could hear Rafael in the back of my mind, shouting at me to stop. I ignored him. He didn’t know my limits. Only I knew my limits .

On and on I went, fighting through dizziness…

then nausea. The ice crystals in my veins felt as if they were infiltrating my organs, my heart.

By the time I tried to reel back my magic, it had taken control.

My hands shook as I attempted to lower them.

Panic set in as my bones grew stiff and my skin turned blue.

I couldn’t stop the avalanche inside of me.

A helpless feeling took over as I realized that I was going to freeze to death. Raf was in front of me, shoving my arms down as he continued to yell. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but the fear in his eyes communicated enough… I'd taken it too far. And then everything faded to black.