Page 4

4

COLLINS

“I’m so happy you’re here, Collins,” Donna greets.

She takes my gift and sets it on a small table near the door, and then gives me a hug—a real one.

I take a polite step back after we detach, lowering my gaze toward the floor. “I’m very thankful to be asked.”

It feels good to be wanted—especially by the matriarch of the Hoffman family. She has always given me the warmest welcome. I’d be lying if I claimed not to compare her active presence in her children’s lives with what I grew up missing.

I wouldn’t call it jealousy. It’s just an observation—paired with admiration.

“I know my Graham works you to the bone. I wouldn’t be surprised if you all of a sudden quit.”

I chuckle over her coddling. She may appear sweet, but she packs a punch with her spitfire personality.

Something tells me that Penny will share that in common with her mom.

I’ve gotten good at standing back and observing. I can learn a lot about a person just by watching them—their mannerisms, reactions to adversity, and nervous tendencies. All these clues let me in on the core of a person. It’s like my brain creates a virtual catalog of the information, tucking it away for safekeeping, as a just-in-case resource.

Nic joins us in the foyer, smacking hands with me in greeting. He knows I’m here for business and as a family friend—a relationship that has evolved over the course of employment. While celebrating the birthday girl, I still plan to assess the situation and see just how much effort I’ll need to make to keep Penny content and safe.

She must be getting antsy, and her brothers just want what they think is best for her. Who could fault them for wanting to keep her safe from the cruel and mindless negativity of the world? I would be doing the same if I had any siblings—especially a baby sister.

The sound of the door opening causes us all to turn to see Graham and Angie arrive hand in hand—looking more in love than ever.

“Good to see you, Collins,” Angie says, separating from Graham to give me a hug. She pulls back from me to look with awe over my appearance. I think she likes to try to get me to smile. She probably even makes a game out of it. “Hmm, never thought I’d see the day where you would choose to wear jeans and a T-shirt. Very casual. I like it.”

Graham wraps his arms around her from behind, nuzzling the side of her neck. “You better not be flirting with my staff, sweetheart. We know that never ends well for you .” His voice trails off to the point where I can no longer hear, but Angie’s cheeks turn pink, and I glance away to avoid seeing her in her state of vulnerability.

At one time, Graham may have been serious about the accusation. However, there should be zero doubt in his mind that his wife would ever turn an eye to anyone other than him. She is so utterly in love that her entire demeanor outwardly expresses just whom she belongs to, and I can’t see that ever changing.

“Stop,” she scolds, smacking him on the arm. “Ignore him, Collins. As you know, my husband’s jealousy streak has not lessened since our nuptials. If anything, it has?—”

“Gotten more extreme,” Donna chimes in, making us all laugh. “If you all will excuse me, I need to check on a few things for the party. Make yourselves at home and relax.”

I shake hands with Graham when he detaches himself from his wife, who hits him on his side to keep him from smothering her.

“Where’s Claire?” I ask Nic directly.

“She’s upstairs helping Penny get ready. I sure wish she would just stay off her feet and quit it already with this need to do all the things. She thinks the baby is going to change her life so drastically that she is in marathon mode trying to be everything for everybody.”

I give a nod. Claire definitely is a ball full of energy. It’s hard to imagine that giving birth will cause her to calm down entirely.

“I’m doing my part,” Angie says softly. “But I can only force her to take so many breaks in the office before she starts shooting me with her daggers of sarcasm.”

Nic sighs, running his hand over the back of his neck. “I’m on the verge of hiring a nanny for her while the baby is in the womb. I’m going crazy worrying about her every second she is away from me. She’s probably upstairs doing Pilates or human pretzel twisting exercises just to prove to herself that she still can.”

“Just wait until the baby is born,” Germain says, joining us. “Your attention will be split between the baby and your wife. You’ll be too exhausted to worry.”

Nic growls at his dad. “I’m going to go nuts.”

Germain excuses himself into the kitchen and returns with four bottles of beer under his arms. I am about to decline when one is offered to me—since I never drink on the job—but Graham shoots me a look across the room to signal that I can relax my standards if I so choose.

I guess one drink will be fine. It’s a birthday party after all.

“If I need to pull out the hard stuff, I won’t object,” Germain says, patting Nic on the back. “It doesn’t feel like that long ago when your mother was pregnant with you, and I was worried sick over her drive to manage everything. Women are superheroes in my eyes. They can basically do it all, but why should they?”

“Exactly,” Nic says, clinking bottles with his dad.

At the sound of footsteps on the stairs, we all look over, expecting to see Penny. Instead, Claire is walking down. Even though she’s not even at the halfway mark, I can see the hint of a bump growing round on her petite frame.

I suck in a breath and brace myself for the middle Hoffman’s wrath. I can almost predict his exact words before they are spoken.

“Hold on to the damn rail, woman,” Nic scoffs, joining her mid-descent to assist with a hand. “They aren’t there for decoration.”

“I’m pregnant, Nic, not some invalid.”

“You’ve been getting dizzy and?—”

“I’m sure you’ll be assigning some watchdogs to me. Or better yet, a water person. You know, someone who follows me around with one of those liter bottles with the huge straw.”

Claire’s eyes glance to me, making me take in another deep breath. Angie and Claire are best friends. However, they have very different personalities. Where Angie is subtle, Claire leaves nothing up to the imagination in what she is thinking.

And I know she’s a bit salty over me being assigned to her prior to my vacation time off.

“Be careful what you suggest,” Nic says smoothly, but it is obvious by his tone that he is on edge. “You are only supplying me more ideas.”

“And they better be bitches and not your intrusive militia man squad who hover more than bees on flowers.”

Claire’s finger points at me, and I instinctively hold my own hands up in defense. “I was on leave.” And I was. It’s a legit defense. But yeah, I heard all the drama that happened—and am apparently still reliving it.

With Nic as the focus for her rant, she continues, “I’ve never been more embarrassed than when trying to go to the obstetrician’s the last time.”

Sighing, he squeezes his eyes shut, as if to fight the effects of a migraine. “I have it handled. Just don’t blame Collins. He needed a vacation.”

Angie makes her way over to her best friend, pulling her into a hug when she gets off the last step. She has a way of defusing a situation. I’m thankful, because these women can gang up and combine forces. And now with Penny back in the area, I can only imagine what dynamic the three of them together will be.

“If my son messes this up,” Donna states from across the room, “do not hold grudges against me, Claire. I’ve told both boys multiple times not to jack up the best thing that’s happened to them.”

We all laugh. Donna is not one to mince words either—which actually comes across as endearing. You know she likes you when her filter seems a bit broken.

I relax into my stance and take a long sip of my beer. I glance at the label—seeing that it is local—and savor the bitter flavor.

It’s almost impossible not to think about love when you are around the Hoffman brothers and their women. It’s also the perfect reminder that I’m a loner. In a way, I always have been.

From an early age, I’ve been conditioned through a series of bad events to trust my instincts—not people.

Men like me don’t settle. We just survive.

And with that closed-off attitude comes a lot of no-strings arrangements. I can’t call them relationships, because that would be an insult to the ones I am witnessing right here in my presence now. Plus, I’m not consistent enough with my needs to label it any other way.

Seeing movement out of the corner of my eye, I turn toward it to find Penny waiting at the top step, looking down at the crowd gathered below. We are here to celebrate her and yet her eyes tell me she is uncertain if she even wants to come down.

The darker hair she used to have is a thing of the past, being replaced by a honey-blonde shade that surprisingly suits her perfectly. Half is pulled back in what I assume to be a clip. Feathery strands highlight the roundness of her cheeks, which are painted with the palest pink shade. Her smile is sweet, causing her to look even more…

Innocent.

No, that’s not the right word. Because if she was in fact innocent, then my mind would be able to separate right from wrong—unlike what is happening now.

Maybe “untouchable” is a better word.

Off-limits.

This is my first time seeing Penny since she has been discharged, and her brothers are right in the physical transformation she has done with herself.

Her delicate hand reaches for the rail, as she takes the first step down. Dressed in a pale pink dress made entirely of lace, she looks stunningly feminine—elegant but still casual.

If she looks this stunning in clothes, I have zero doubt that she’d be a vision out of them.

Every exposed inch of skin is the color of fresh cream. The harsh sun hasn’t damaged her or caused her to be flawed in any noticeable way. Every freckle seems to be perfectly placed, as if they each belong in the exact location in which they reside.

She is a masterpiece.

My eyes focus on Penny’s bare feet, with nails painted the shade of bubblegum. Each step she descends causes her ankle bracelet made of linked hearts to shift. Her fingers play with the hem of her dress, curling and uncurling around the delicate fabric. Her hand moves up to fix a piece of hair behind her ear, drawing attention to her exquisite neck and jawline.

In this moment, it’s like meeting Penny for the first time.

The swell of her breasts rises and falls as I watch her breathing increase—probably from a bit of nerves or excitement. I am completely entranced by the way her toes bend and flex as she makes her way downstairs. It’s like the world has stopped spinning on its axis, and the only thing that matters in this fragment of time is Penny.

Penny .

She’s the girl I’m supposed to guard and protect. She’s the baby sister of the two men I can never repay for the life they have given me.

Yet, here I stand, just a few yards away from the girl, and I can’t seem to stop wondering—what if?

What if we met under different circumstances? What if I never decided to start working for Graham Hoffman? What if we weren’t on two vastly different playing fields and at two vastly different times in our lives?

Her eyes catch mine, and a rush of guilt coats my insides as I feel like I have violated part of an unwritten code that I live by—with my wayward gaze alone. I plaster on my professional filter and offer up a half smile, careful not to give away any of my thoughts or allow any more blood to rush to my freaking cock.

Well, damn.

I am rarely caught off guard, and in just the moment of seeing Penny, it feels like everything I thought I knew is now a jumbled-up mess. Perhaps it’s the higher alcohol percentage from the beer or the fact that I haven’t eaten dinner yet. Regardless, I need to keep my head on straight and remember my role in this family.

And my role is definitely not one of betrayal.

Penny’s attention is on me, and it feels like I’m back in the danger zone. The longer I look, the higher the risk of getting swept up in a sea I have no business wading in. But, no matter how hard I try, I cannot look away.

She captivates me, and yet, causes such unrest within my soul.

This girl may have changed appearances, but something inside me has changed as well.

Penny’s hands twist together in front of her, as if she’s trying to decide what to do with them. Her enchanting blue eyes hold so much mystery and emotion. She’s the type of girl that men would move mountains for—she is that sweet.

She fixes a stray piece of hair behind her ear, revealing a pair of heart earrings that are similar in style to her anklet, and most likely a product of Jealousy—her oldest brother’s jewelry company. She bites her bottom lip, and then?—

Fuck.

Her tongue sweeps across her lip, licking the sheer pink gloss. It’s the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m going to go to hell for enjoying it so much.

If I make it out of this assignment without landing in a body bag with Graham and Nic fighting to zip it up first, then I’ll consider myself the victor. Perhaps even a saint.

Oh fuck, she’s moving closer.

Taking one bare foot in front of the other, Penny closes the distance between us. My heart catches, causing me to feel a bit lightheaded.

What is happening to me?

I’ve been around Penny for over a year, and I never thought of her as anything other than the baby sister of my bosses. But now as she meanders toward me—looking like a delicious strawberry cupcake—there is nothing sweet about my thoughts.

Dammit.

I can actually feel my cock stir with the influx of blood rushing to the damn thing. So much for priding myself on discipline when it comes to the opposite sex. Right now, the only thing I have is a semi hard-on that needs to simmer the fuck down.

“Happy birthday, Penny.” My words come out gruff. Did I just hit puberty?

“Thanks, Collins.”

I want to say more. I always want to say more—yet never do. So instead, I make it awkward by defaulting to silence.

“Glad you could come. I, umm”—she rocks on her feet while glancing around the room—“don’t know many people other than family.”

“You’ll make friends. It just takes time.” It’s a stupid thing to say—something I don’t even have experience to justify saying. I just hate seeing her disappointed.

Penny gives me a nod and then moves to give her brothers each a hug in greeting. The whiff of strawberries and cream permeates my senses, coating me with the sweet smell that radiates off her. The fragrance is delicious, like the freshest berry patch. She is a freaking treat now for my eyes and my nose.

“Well, everyone,” Donna says, signaling for us to turn our attention to her. “I have a barbecue buffet set up outside around the pool. Feel free to help yourself to the food and bar. The pool is the perfect temperature, so get in at your leisure. Let’s just enjoy everyone’s company and wish Penny a happy birthday.”

“Happy birthday, Penny,” we all say, making our way outside.

The attention makes her shy, but I can tell by the smile plastered to her face that she is excited to be putting some of her past trauma hopefully behind her.

The pool is curved in shape and is surrounded by lounge chairs and tables. Donna is a designer, with an eye for pretty things. She can really make even the most ordinary things sparkle.

I stand back on the sidelines and just take in the scene, not feeling any big drive to put myself in the middle of conversations. Aside from the few social events connected to Graham and Angie’s wedding, I haven’t really attended too many nonwork-related parties—especially ones that are this personal. So, I’m not even sure if I should insert myself and try to look less stiff or hang back like I am.

Nic makes Claire a plate of food she initially scoffs at, but then gobbles up every morsel with minor coaxing. Angie relaxes on Graham’s lap, while he feeds her grapes. Donna buzzes about, straightening anything that appears to be crooked or out of place, all while Germain hugs Penny to his side.

From the little bits of information I gathered from working with Graham, Germain took it extremely hard when Penny was victimized. He must be ecstatic that she is on the mend—albeit a bit nervous that it will be short-lived.

No one wants to see Penny fail and go back to Seattle.

Growing up with my grandparents raising me, I never had the luxury of an intact family unit. I was the only child. When my grandparents passed away when I was still very young, I had no one to take up that role.

So I entered into the broken foster care system.

And that is where I really grew up—and fast.

I got really used to temporary.

In a way, I’m very much a recluse to this day. However, it is moments like these, where I am surrounded by the outpouring of love, that I wonder what life would have been like if I had the comforts of a forever family.

After years of speech, I’ve managed to outgrow my stuttering problem that shadowed me throughout grade school. Kids can be cruel, but I learned early on that no one bullies the kid in class that can beat the shit out of everyone else. I was smart, methodical. I knew how to defend myself without getting caught or in trouble. Plus, no one would have suspected the quiet kid to pommel anyone. It just took sticking up for myself physically one time in the cafeteria before word got out that no one should mess with me.

After that day, no one did. I carried that reputation until the day I graduated from high school. And even decades later, I still think about those fuckers who did me wrong. They were the driving force pushing me into service for this country. It was my attention to detail and my quick thinking skills that moved me up in rank.

I don’t have a temper by any means. I pride myself on being disciplined enough to know when to strike versus when to keep my cool. Not every battle needs to be fought with force, and none need to involve any type of emotions.

Emotions can get you killed.

I scan the patio area and make my way over to the serving table. Everything looks amazing, and the smell of real food makes my mouth water. I grab a plate and scoop out some pulled pork from the tray, dressing it with a sweet and spicy barbecue sauce. Grilled pineapple on skewers catch my attention, and I add one to my plate.

“Come join us, Collins,” Angie says, motioning for me to come over to the furniture area.

“You too, Penny,” Claire calls over.

I find a free spot on a two-seat couch, making sure there is ample room for Penny, as she takes her place beside me.

My legs alone make her look even more petite—delicate. She is a graceful butterfly who just needs her wings to heal.

“How does it feel to be another year older?” Graham asks his sister.

“It makes me a bit anxious, actually.” She fixes a piece of hair behind her ear, and I realize it is her tell. Anytime she is stressed, she curls her toes or touches her hair. “I feel like I lost an entire year of my life, so this next one has to count.”

Graham gives Penny a look of concern. “That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.”

She shrugs. “I made a list of a bunch of things I want to accomplish.”

This catches my attention.

“Oh yeah?” Angie asks. “That sounds fun.”

“What are some of your goals?” Graham asks, attempting to sound casual, but I know he is simply asking to seek out information and save himself a step of asking me to retrieve all of it for him.

I’m thankful he asked. This list definitely has me curious and a bit impatient. Her answers will help me to understand the scope of my duties, because right now, I’m not sure just how much my services are really needed.

Penny shifts in her seat. “Well, for starters, I want to learn how to drive.”

“Now that seems fun!” Angie says with a giggle. I think she hears her husband growl beside her—or maybe I’m just imagining his reaction because it mirrors my own.

“Maybe I can sign Claire up with you for classes?” Nic volunteers softly.

“Hey!” She smacks him on the arm, almost making his beer spill. “I may only have a half working brain right now, but my ears aren’t affected. Plus, I have my license, you loon.”

“A refresher course would never hurt,” he counters.

Angie can’t contain her laughter, earning a glare from her best friend. I’ve witnessed Claire’s driving, and it is scary. I don’t blame Nic in the slightest for outlawing her from going behind the wheel—especially now that she is carrying their child.

Nic sighs. “Then settle for a self-driving car.”

Claire shakes her head. “No. We’ve had this discussion already. It would just stifle my creativity.”

“That’s the point, Claire.” He lets out a harsh laugh. “Driving isn’t meant to be wild and carefree.”

I resist reacting as I see Nic’s face turn visibly stressed. He sure has his work cut out for him as he navigates this new territory of keeping his pregnant fiancée happy while also keeping her safe.

Maybe watching Penny won’t be bad at all. I very well could have dodged a bullet—shaped like Claire Nettles.

I’ve been broken in and initiated by watching the Hoffman men’s women in the past.

Can Penny really be worse?

Nah.

“What else do you have as a goal?” Graham asks his sister, keeping us on topic.

She finishes chewing and then crosses her feet at her ankles. “Moving out, getting a job, making a friend, and learning to shoot a g?—”

“No,” Nic says flatly.

Claire pats his arm, in the place she once smacked him. “Baby, you can’t keep your sister in a box forever.”

“I can try.” His words come out as a growl. He is on edge. I wish there was a way to defuse the situation and help him relax.

“You know you can’t control the women in your life,” Angie interjects.

“Yeah, you basically have the authority of a crossing guard,” Claire teases her man, earning her a hard look, which translates as playful rather than angry.

“Why do you want to shoot a gun, Penny?” Graham asks.

I’d like to know as well. And I’ll find out. I always find out. And if it has anything to do with the fucker who violated her, I will handle the situation myself before she ever confronts him again. The last thing this family needs is to be hiring a fancy lawyer to get Penny released of charges when she tries to show up at a prison with a gun.

Penny looks thoughtfully at the ripples in the pool from the gentle breeze blowing through. “I just want to learn a skill. Do something invigorating. Partake in something I wouldn’t otherwise want.”

Graham and Nic both glance at me. I know what they are thinking. If they want me to be discreet, then they have to allow Penny to have some sort of freedom. I don’t like the idea of her shooting any kind of weapon. However, I understand her desire. She wants to feel in control again. Who could blame her?

I store all of this information inside my head. I might need to keep tabs on her credit card spending and make sure she doesn’t step near a shooting range without my knowledge or try to purchase a gun on her own.

I’m also hoping that I can convince her somehow to reconsider. Maybe if I offer to teach her some self-defense moves, it will keep her content.

“I think your goals sound wonderful,” Angie says, reaching over to pat her on her hand. “As for the job, I’ll be in contact with you. Maybe you can come by Plus None.”

“I’m not sure…”

“Don’t eliminate us as a possibility,” Claire chimes in. “We would be honored for you to join our team.”

Penny bites her bottom lip, and my eyes are instantly drawn to the simple act. “Fair enough.”

Germain whistles from across the pool, causing us all to look at him and Donna, as they make their way toward us. Lit candles flicker in the sunshine as Donna carries a three-tiered, strawberry-topped frosted cake. It is big enough to feed an army.

We all sing happy birthday.

“Make a wish,” Donna urges, setting the beautiful cake down onto the coffee table in front of her.

I turn to look at the blushing girl beside me, who no longer represents the fragile person I would see at the psychiatric facility. No, this girl is strong. Resilient. Empowered. She just doesn’t realize how much she has overcome.

Discreetly, I snap a picture of Penny with my cell and then tuck it back into the pocket of my jeans.

Penny’s eyes move about the space, locking with each individual present, until she circles back to her cake.

Twenty-two candles.

Twenty-two years she has been alive, and almost half my age of thirty-eight. It’s hard for me to remember what I was like when I was twenty-two years old. I’m not even sure much has changed in me on an intrinsic level. I have the same mindset as I did over a decade ago. It’s just that now I have the resources to fulfill any plans I have for the future.

But what are my plans? Do I even have a vision?

I never really cared before now. I have been too content working for Graham Hoffman to care about much else at this stage of my life. I do my job, I go home, and I wash-and-repeat.

Sure, I work out and partake in some sexually freeing fun. But other than that, I don’t have much of an identity.

I definitely don’t have a legacy built on a family name like the Hoffmans do.

So why have I been satisfied up until now when I see how intently Penny is staring at her lit candles? She is preparing her wish, and I’m not even sure what I would wish for if I was given the chance to make one.

Penny blows out her candles, and secretly I hope that whatever she wished for comes true. A girl like her deserves what her heart desires.

I lose track of the scene around me, and it isn’t until Donna passes me a slice with a strawberry on top that I realize the cake has been cut and served.

I eat in silence, having a hard time swallowing each bite, as I think about my own life.

What am I striving to be?

What goals do I have?

Closing my eyes, I make a wish of my own…

And it’s to take more risks.