Page 38

38

PENNY

“Touch her again if you want to deal with the fallout,” Collins threatens, his tone pure venom.

I quiver back and feel my shoulders curling forward as I take in the scene. Adrenaline races through me, as I struggle to try to deescalate the testosterone showdown happening before my eyes.

Again.

It’s like I’m living some Groundhog Day alternate reality—where Collins fights men but doesn’t fight for me .

Wesley looks like he might pee his pants.

“Sir, I didn’t know she was?—”

“She’s mine,” Collins says with unwavering certainty.

He almost sounds like my boyfriend and not just my bodyguard, and that is playing tricks with my head and my heart.

Wesley turns back to look at me with horror. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were Mr. Stone’s…” His words trail off, with an unspoken expectation for me to complete the blank.

Mr. Stone’s what?

My eyebrows move inward at his sudden turn in personality.

“Okay,” I whisper.

Turning back to Collins, he looks like he might throw up on his shoes. “I have a wife and baby at home. Please don’t hurt me.”

“Then go the fuck home to them and stop prowling for young girls here.”

He’s married? Ew, gross! Then why is he here?

Wesley glances at me and quickly diverts his attention. “I’m sorry about Penny. I’m really sorry. I’ll never approach her again.”

Does Wesley think I’m Mr. Stone’s property? It feels that way in this moment, and yet knowing what Daphne slipped telling me earlier, I know that it isn’t even remotely close to being the truth.

I am Collins Stone’s nothing. At least not anything of importance.

I’m not his girlfriend.

I’m not his side chick.

I am just a girl he happens to guard without my permission.

If I didn’t love my brothers as much as I do, I would have put a stop to this a long time ago. However, I understand that they are still healing from what happened to me when Mark Tanner drugged and almost raped me. My entire family is still healing from that trauma.

And no matter how many sessions I’ve had of private and group therapy, I’m still trying to heal as well.

Without another glance, Wesley exits the dance floor, leaving me with an angry Collins. Actually, angry seems too mild to be the accurate description.

Livid?

Furious?

Murderous?

Damn. How do I keep finding myself in horrible positions yet again?

And if looks could kill…

“All the trouble of scaring off a man just so you can dance with me?” I say sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood. Clearly, he doesn’t have a joking bone in his body right now. “Was that even necessary? I mean, really, Collins. It’s not like you are”—I gesture to his immobile body—“trying to act normal.”

“I don’t dance.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“I thought you could behave and not try to sneak away from my watch.”

“We’ve been through this. I don’t need a bodyguard.”

“Clearly you do.”

“Why are you here?”

His eyes darken. “I belong here. You don’t.”

“Yuri disagrees.”

“Yuri has a kink for hurt fawns.”

I scrunch up my nose and make a face. “I’m not a hurt fawn.”

“You are as close to a female Bambi as they come, Princess.”

I’m sure I am scoffing. How can he be so annoying? “Great. Now everyone sees me as damaged goods.”

He takes a step closer.

I’m not scared, but I sure am intimidated. Why does he have this effect on me?

“There is nothing damaged about you, Penny. Except for your faulty view of safety. You aren’t safe here, and I want you to leave.”

I prop my hands on my hips. “The website states otherwise.” Well, it was rather vague and a bit cryptic.

“Let me take you home.”

I keep my stance. “No.”

“Penny…”

The man is so tightly wound up that he could make a friendly game of hopscotch turn violent, and in turn he’s making me want to hit him.

“I need this place.”

“You need to be home.”

“You don’t know what I need! You just don’t get it!”

“Explain it to me then, and maybe you’ll one day realize that we’re more alike than you think.”

“Doubtful.”

“Try.”

“I’m broken, Collins. There’s no amount of therapy that can fix the damage that was caused the day Mark drugged me. So, please, just go. Step aside and allow me to repair whatever is salvageable on my own.”

“Here, Penny? You think you will find some sort of healing here—in a kink club with a bunch of strangers?”

“At least I can test the waters and won’t have the hovering guilt of disappointing someone by not being enough. Here, I can be anyone I want to be without the fear of commitment.”

“Not here, Penny. Find somewhere else to work through these gnawing fears.”

“Don’t you realize that the darkness whispers to me no matter what light the day brings? It finds me. No matter where I am. No matter what I’m doing. It finds me! I can’t look at a man without thinking—if just for a second—how he can hurt me. And you know what the sick thing is? I actually want that pain. At least with the pain, I can feel fucking alive and not this numb, hollowed-out shell. So I keep finding myself here or in other compromising places, hoping to welcome that exhilaration and not hide from it.”

“Getting together with random men who can actually hurt you—physically or mentally—and playing chicken with your memories to see if you have flashbacks is not how you should be spending your evenings, Penny. You are playing a game with psychological flooding, and it’s a game you’ll continue to lose.”

How does he know I was doing that? How does this man seem to keep figuring me out before I can even articulate what I’m doing in the first place?

But that’s what I’m doing…

I’m playing chicken.

I’m testing myself to see if I can be with a man and it not trigger me into an out-of-control spiral.

“I’m lonely.” My words come out as a whimper. And when the man who I once found comforting offers nothing back to me, I start moving toward the bar.

Collins is hot on my tail. “What are you doing?”

“I need a drink.”

“Penny, you shouldn’t drink at a place like this.”

“What?” I point to the bartender. “Why is there a huge bar then?”

“Decoration. It adds to the ambiance.”

“That’s silly. Pretty sure I see a ton of people drinking. And I know for a fact I consumed some prior to hitting the dance floor.”

I mean, I probably shouldn’t drink, considering I once got drunk on champagne vinaigrette that I used on a salad. But I’m too committed in proving my point to admit he is right.

“Drinking on limits night is asking for trouble. You shouldn’t be here.”

Ignoring him, I confidently round my shoulders as I eye up the bartender that served me just minutes ago. “Can you please make me one of the sunshine drinks again?”

His eyes move to Collins who is hovering behind me like Eeyore.

“Sorry,” he says with a frown. “I’m not able to do that.”

“What?” I ask stupidly, and then whip around to glare at the man who probably put a stop to the flow of fun. “Really? You are really doing this? The sober mountain is the one you are going to die on right now?”

“You shouldn’t be here. Let me take you home.”

I dig my heels into the floor, shaking my head. “No. I’m staying—if just out of principle and spite.”

I walk toward the restrooms, knowing Collins is right behind me. We enter into the hallway, away from the crowd of people.

“I’m sorry you are upset with me.”

I look into his eyes, willing myself not to get lost in them. “Let me get this straight. You don’t dance. You don’t drink. Well, not often at least.”

“That’s correct.”

“Are you a Mormon?”

“No, Princess.”

My eye twitches at his usage of my apparent nickname. The way the tone of his voice massages every syllable of the name causes my equilibrium to falter. He’s the only one I’ve been allowing to call me that, and right now I want to revoke his special privilege.

That’s what this man does to me. He shakes me and makes me question if I’m woman enough for him—even in my depraved fantasies. He causes me to wonder how things could be if he wasn’t the hired henchman of my two older brothers.

Would we ever stand a chance together?

Because the only way to fix this frustration between us is to fuck it out of one another.

“Are you sure? I mean, that would explain your dedication to rules and how you”—I bite my bottom lip and sway to the thumping sound of the bass—“can resist sexual temptation. Or maybe I’m just not sexy enough. Is that it?” I play with the hem of my halter top, lifting the fabric to reveal my navel. I feel the buzz from my previous drink running through my veins, giving me the courage to attempt to be flirty—although I’m not sure it’s even working.

Collins is too disciplined to be seduced, or maybe he just lacks the sex drive to cave to temptation.

"You are, without an ounce of doubt, the biggest mistake I’m ever going to make.”

“ Mistake ,” I repeat. “Well, you haven’t made it yet.”

“But I will.”

I sigh. “You act like it’s inevitable.”

“I’m starting to think it is. That no matter how much I resist, I will forever be drawn back to you. You are like a rubber band. The harder I pull away, the more forceful the attraction toward you is.”

“Now that sounds like fun.” I click my tongue, trying to lighten the mood.

“It won’t be fun if your brothers ever find out the”—his hands move to the back of his neck—“carnal thoughts running through my head of you.”

“Quit treating me like a stain on your perfect record. And for heaven’s sake, please stop thinking about my brothers. This is my life to live and not their life to control.”

His eyes smolder, hooding over as he takes them on a lazy stroll down my body. “I would ruin you.”

“Wouldn’t that be best done by you and not someone else who wouldn’t necessarily have my best interests in mind?”

“It’s not that simple, Pen.”

“But it is.” Tilting my chin up, I whisper, “If you want me, come and get me. Unless, of course, it goes against the rules.”

His eyes twitch and before I can take my next breath, his lips are on mine.

We’ve kissed before in the alleyway, but this time is different. It’s like he is sucking the oxygen out of my lungs and making it hard to breathe.

He is my life source, and I want to drown in that gray area between right and wrong.

Because the only thing I know for certain is that I want Collins Stone—and I want him now.

Collins’s hands entwine into my hair, as he presses my back up against a wall. I gasp for air and get a reprieve only because his attention gets shifted to my neck. I moan and grind into him, wanting to get as close as I can without completely suffocating myself from the pressure of my face in his hair.I inhale his clean, masculine scent, breathing him in, wanting to commit every detail to memory.

This man commands my body to be his puppet, and I’m too weak and impassioned to give a damn.

I want him, and I finally believe him when he claims he wants me too.

“Are you still doubting my feelings toward you?” he asks, breathlessly.

My hand moves up to my lips, feeling their newfound plumpness. “Hmm, no. I think you made yourself clear,” I say with a hum. “It just took you an eternity to get here.”

“You’re a light in this dungeon of darkness. You shouldn’t be here.” His finger toys with a strand of my hair. “This club isn’t for girls like you.”

“Then turn me into the girl that would belong at an establishment like this. I have needs that I need to fulfill or I’ll implode. What better place to try some things out than here, where activities are monitored and fantasies can be explored?”

His eyes darken to nearly black. “You aren’t trying out anything with anyone,” he growls.

“Then you better be the hero of this story and intervene on my sexual desire’s behalf.”

He shakes his head. “How can I be the hero when I’ve been given the hand of the villain?”

“Quit trying to complicate everything. You either want me or you don’t.” I thought we already established this…

“I want you,” he says without hesitation.

“Then start taking care of my needs before I start seeking out other takers. And trust me, Collins, I have wasted enough of my time working through my problems in the therapy facility to squander any more time trying to get the attention of someone that is emotionally incapable of giving me what my body desires.”

“Penny…”

I look around the room as couples gather at the bar. A group watches a scene playing out in one corner. People dance on the wooden platformed floor, enjoying the thump thump of the bass, while the elevated cages are full with patrons engaging in group activities.

Something tells me I won’t have a problem finding a for-now taker. However, I came here tonight to continue to break down the barriers keeping me from fully embracing the idea of being with a man.

When I turn to look into Collins’s eyes, he awakens something deep inside me.

“You are the sister of my bosses,” he reminds me—as if I could forget. Graham and Nic would probably slice him up into pieces if he were to hurt me.

But what if I want to be hurt by him? What if I want the risk of getting my heart smashed—or my ass? It isn’t like I’m making this decision lightly. I’ve given it a lot of thought.

An agonizing amount of thought…

But Collins is my safety net, and the best person to guide me into the darkness of my mind to explore my most vivid fantasies.

I trust him to see to my best interests.

I trust him to take care of my needs.

I want to feel the burn from Collins digging his fingers into my flesh.

I want to feel the sting of him playfully smacking my ass…and maybe a bit not-so-playfully.

“And you are my bodyguard,” I say, almost absentmindedly. “We would both be crossing the arbitrary boundary that only one of us is willing to cross.”

The hand against the wall works its way into my hair, pulling my head closer to him. His other hand caresses my lower back, eliciting a moan from deep in my throat.

“Everything about this is wrong.”

“Too bad my body doesn’t care.”

His thumb moves to my lips, pulling the bottom one down. He rubs his pad against the sensitive skin, lazily trailing it along. “But I care about you, Penny. I don’t want to be the reason for any more tension in your life.”

I take a step closer, and his body turns tense against mine, not because he doesn’t want me. No. Every firm inch of him pressing against my core lets me in on his little secret. Collins most definitely has a thing for his bosses’ little sister. And the thrill of knowing how much I affect him is giving me a newfound pleasure from blurring the line that we both know we shouldn’t cross. We are pulled together by an invisible string—neither of us strong enough to resist its force.

“You make me want to be a bad girl.”

Taking my hands, Collins secures them above my head. His eyes are dark with hesitation, yet his free hand roaming my body is full of promise and certainty.

He wants me. I just hope it’s as much as I want him.

I stand on my tippy toes to try to get to his lips.

“Tsk, tsk,” he teases. “One thing you’ll learn is that I thrive on being in control. I call the shots—not you, Princess.”

Swooping down, Collins captures my lips, biting and sucking the air out of my lungs.

It is intense.

It is forbidden.

My body molds itself to his touch, silently praying that he doesn’t stop like he has in the past.

I pull against his restraints, trying to tug my hands free so I can touch him. Collins’s mouth moves to my neck as he gnaws on my sensitive flesh at the base of it.

With each passing second, he’s exploring me and helping me to discover my own body’s favorite spots.

“Fuck,” I hiss, feeling my bones melt into a gelatin.

Whatever he’s doing to me, I like it.

“You can’t keep putting temptation in front of me and then expect me not to sample a taste. I’ve wanted to show your body from the moment you walked into this place just who owns it.”

“Ahhh…you followed me?” I gasp.

“You knew I would. No matter where I am, I keep tabs on you. I’m obsessed with your safety, Princess.”

Princess.

Coming from anyone else’s mouth, I would cringe. But Collins makes me feel special—adored—with that simple two-syllable word.

“I thought you were taking a personal day.”

Collins smiles against my cheek. “Seems like I’m utilizing my personal day in the best way possible.”

“Good.”

“But you aren’t safe here, no matter what the website or club description says.”

“Well, then aren’t you glad you made your grand arrival…”

Collins’s eyes level with mine, searching for what, I’m not sure. “You aren’t safe with me either, Penny. I’m?—”

“Dangerous,” I finish, interrupting his bullshit speech.

“I am though. And I’d be very irresponsible to not?—”

“Warn me.”

His hand goes to my chin, giving it a possessive squeeze. “Yes, dammit. As much as I’m a giver”—his thumb finds my bottom lip and pulls it down—“I’m also a taker. And the last thing I need is to take something that doesn’t belong to me.”

“Maybe the danger helps me to feel alive.”

Releasing my wrists, he grabs my ass, lifting me up and pressing me harder against the flat surface of the wall. His eyes keep searching mine for any reservation.

“There’s nothing more that I want right now than to dirty you up.”

My ankles dig into his lower back. “No one’s stopping you.”

And just like that, the glimmer of hope is shadowed by the doubt. Releasing me, Collins runs his hands through his hair. “Fuck. You can’t keep making me lose control like this. This is wrong, Penny.”

Trying to find steadiness on the ground, I growl in frustration. “We want each other, Collins. That much is obvious.”

“But we can’t act on that want, Pen. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“Then why not let me into one of the contracts like you have with some of the women here. What is it, a sex contract?”

His eyes turn livid as his jaw tics. “You want to be my whore? Is that what you’re saying? You are considering going against your brothers to enter into a forbidden contract with me? You don’t comprehend what you’re asking of me.”

“If it means eliminating this feeling of whiplash every time we start to get close, then sign me up, please. Because I’m about to get the equivalent of a man getting blue balls.”

“Fuck, Penny, you have to have more self-esteem than this.”

“Every time you reject me, I lose more than I gain. I’m not sure how much of this I can take.”

“How the hell did you find out about the contracts?”

I shrug, fixing my shirt. “I have my ways. Why not have that type of arrangement with me? I mean, at one point, we were meeting in the Japanese Gardens to discuss something similar.”

“This is a completely different proposition.”

“Yeah, it is. And it’s one I think I’ll actually approve of.”

He runs both hands down the back of his neck. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Just listen. I will behave and be your loyal damsel in distress who needs your bodyguard protection. I’ll follow the rules and let you boss me around. And in return, you service me.”

“Service you?”

“You know,” I say with a nod of my chin. “Sex.” I lean in closer, trying my best not to cause myself to fall. “Like really good sex. I want you to teach me what I should have learned by now. I want to do that with you and not someone else.”

“Damn.”

“We both want each other. This would be temporary. We would agree on the terms of the contract, and I promise that I will submit to whatever you want in regard to guarding me. I won’t run away. I will let you do your thing without any more fuss. Hell, you can even put a leash on me and an ankle tracker—whatever helps you sleep at night. I may draw the line though if you want me to sleep in a cage under your bed. Hmmm…if it wasn’t for the fear of not being able to roll over, I might actually be on board even with that. Anyway, we can work out the kinks later. Ha! I meant to say details .”

“Fuck, Penny.”

“Oh, I sure as hell want fucking to be at the top of the to-do list.”

“Everything about your proposition is going to solidify my villain status.”

“Not if I sign the dotted line willingly. I will consent to it all. Isn’t that what you’ve wanted all along—to protect me from whatever imaginary evil you think there is?”

“Penny…”

“You win, Collins. And I know how much you love to win. Listen, I’m simply asking for a sexual relationship in return. No feelings. Just sex. Straight up, fuck me in my vagina sex.”

“I’d be fucking you a lot more places,” he bites out.

“Okay, that too. We can put it in the contract.”

“There is no contract, Penny!” he snaps.

“But there can be.”

I can tell he is mulling the idea around in his head. In a way, I’m relieved he hasn’t completely shot down my idea. Plus, this is one of my better ones. “I’m at the point where if I don’t satisfy my urges, I’ll end up with some jerk again who doesn’t know my belly button from my clit and will need some lengthy road map drawn to locate it. I don’t need some egomaniac to jackhammer my pussy with his fingers thinking he’s king of the harem.”

Collins shakes his head at me, but I can’t tell if he is frustrated or amused. “You have no clue my sexual preferences.”

“Enlighten me.”

“I can be demanding…”

“So?”

“I like it rough.”

“How do you know I don’t?”

“And I like being in control.”

“I can handle it.”

“Can you?” Collins challenges.

I pivot and start to walk away. “You’ll see.”

“Where are you going?”

“Upstairs to test my limits.”

Collins catches up with me. “Fucking hell, Penny. What has gotten into you tonight?”

“Not sure, but I can say with one hundred percent certainty that it isn’t a dick.”

“Seriously. You are scaring me.”

“I’m deprived, Collins!” My hands fly out in exasperation. “I’ve spent the better half of a year trying to dig myself out of an emotional abyss, just to finally think I was connecting with someone who worked there, and then to have my brothers—it had to be them—scare him off.”

“He was an asshole.”

I glare at him. “So you scared him off.”

“He wasn’t good enough for you.”

I let out an exaggerated exhale. “Then I went to a speed dating event and no one chose me. No one. You know how humiliating that is? Then, I went from that hellish revelation, just to go outside and make out with you and then have you reject me. And I know you want me. I can feel it”—I motion with my hand back and forth between us—“so denying it no longer works. So either do something about it or watch me walk right upstairs and see if anyone has the balls enough to play with me. Because I came to play . I’m done treating life like a spectator sport. And I most certainly don’t need your permission—or anyone else’s for that matter. If you don’t like it, call for backup. You and whoever his name is can watch me live my best life. Just save me some popcorn. I’m a slut for popcorn.”

When Collins says nothing, I keep walking. I move through the crowd, past the bartender who will no longer serve me, and sidestep Daphne who appears to have her mouth stuffed with some guy’s cock.

Yeah, I’m still a little bit bitter she and Collins had a thing. It might have only been a contractual thing, but it was definitely still more commitment than I ever got from him.

When I get to the stairs, I propel myself up them, despite feeling my feet hurting from all of the walking.

Why did I choose these heels? They hurt so badly.

I feel Collins’s presence behind me, without even having to look. Everywhere I go, he isn’t but a few steps away. Yet, there’s a distance between us that I doubt will ever lessen.

Push and pull. That’s what we do.

“She told you, didn’t she?” he asks.

When I get to the last step, I turn and glare. “Who?”

He motions to Daphne down below. “She told you about the contracts?”

I look away, not wanting to get Daphne in trouble. She was convinced if Collins were to find out that she would get kicked out of Limit-X. “I found out on my own, and I’m curious how many women you have arrangements with while here, since you claim not to use your Sky View apartment as a fuckpad. Or was that all just one big, orchestrated lie? And I know people will lie for you. You probably scare the shit out of them.”

“I never lied to you, Penny.”

“Withholding the truth is basically the same thing!” I snap. “All you men are the same.”

“Quit deflecting.”

“I would have found out on my own. I’m not some stupid, young girl. Eventually I would have been brought out of the dark, so don’t start thinking about retaliating against the person who just sped up the process.”

“This place isn’t for you, Penny.”

Defiantly, I tilt up my chin, as he takes a step closer. “Then who is it for, Collins?”

“People who have a thirst for the dark.”

“And how do you know what I crave when I don’t even know my own limits?”

“Go home, Miss Hoffman.”

“Go to hell, Mr. Stone.”