Page 37

37

PENNY

I’m getting pretty good at escaping my fortress undetected. I simply needed to go to the lobby to check my mail and use the main floor’s bathroom. I waited until all of the workers were busy greeting the dinner crowd and slipped out the back exit without a fuss.

And my scheduled car was already idling as planned.

It was too easy, and it’s in that ease that guilt sets in.

I know Collins has some stress in his life, but he doesn’t need to worry over me.

I’m fine.

Plus, it’s Margo who wants me to keep making personal goals and working toward them. I’m doing exactly that tonight.

And tonight will be different. I’ll be better prepared, and I’m trying to channel my inner brave girl.

I am safe. I am fierce. I am loved.

My gaze looks out the window as the building comes into view. Instantly—and despite my self-initiated pep talk—my nerves multiply and wreak havoc on my system before the car even pulls into the drop-off lane at Limit-X.

How is it possible that I’m more nervous tonight than I was my first time here? I thought knowing what to expect would have its benefits. However, it’s just adding to my apprehension.

Like a flood of emotions, all my fears come barreling through me.

What if I go inside and no one wants to hang out? It’s not like I made any real friends while I was here the last time. Nope. Instead I probably painted a self-portrait for everyone of myself titled “Freak.”

What if someone touches me and I spaz out? What if I can’t recover as quickly as I’d like?

My driver slowly pulls along the damp asphalt, his headlights casting a golden glow in the darkness of the night. The mansion is lit up only at the door and the path leading up to it. I know they want to appear nondescript, and I think they’ve mastered that objective.

“Have fun in the dungeon,” the driver jokes, making me cringe.

If he only knew how true his teasing really is. “Thank you,” I say, handing him a bunch of bills to pay for my ride.

He stares at the money. “Thanks, hun! If you need a ride back home”—he hands me a business card—“consider it done.”

“Thank you. Have a good night.”

Closing the door, I take a step back and scan over the cars. A shiver creeps up my spine.

The last time I was here, I ended the night being accosted in the parking lot. Here’s to hoping that doesn’t happen at the start of it.

Michael greets me with a big smile when he sees me trekking up the long pathway. He really does have the ideal view of the parking lot.

“What a pleasant and unexpected surprise,” he says, meeting me halfway and taking my hand in his. His dwarfs mine, making me feel petite and feminine. “I’m so glad you decided to give this place another chance.”

I can’t hide my smirk. “Hi.”

“I’m really glad, Penny.”

“You remembered my name,” I mutter, not knowing if that is a good or bad thing. Being memorable could have double meanings. Was it because I had a monumental freakout moment the last time I was here, catching Collins doing wicked acts with Daphne?

“Of course, little dove. Come,” he coaxes, as we ascend the stairway. “And at least you chose a fun night, with Testing Your Limits.”

“Yeah, about that, the website description was vague.”

Michael tilts his head back and laughs. “That’s exactly what Master Yuri was going for. He’s such a mysterious bastard.”

I bite my bottom lip and rock on my ridiculously too high glass heels. “Is it going to be as scary as it sounds?”

His eyes soften and level with mine. “No one should scare you here, and if they do, they are at fault. Unless, of course, being scared is your kink…”

“It’s definitely not.”

“Well, then…” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a white bracelet. “This should help keep you safe, but you have to not lose it this time.”

Motioning for my hand, I watch as he snaps the bracelet onto my wrist and then hits a side switch that makes the bracelet change colors. Red, green, and yellow.

“What do the colors mean?”

Michael smiles. “Each color represents a limit preference. Tonight in the upstairs rooms, there will be many scenes going on. I know you got yourself acquainted with the vibe happening up there the last time you were here.”

Air catches in my throat. “I, um…”

“I’m not here to reprimand you, little one. I am just stating the obvious.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

Michael nods but doesn’t look upset, and that is comforting to me for some unknown reason. “As you watch what unfolds, you can hit your color to represent your comfort level—or limit —for that particular type of play.”

“Okay…”

“So red is a strong no. Choosing red means you only want to watch. Green means that you would like to be invited to participate. You can end the scene at any moment, but green basically gives those around you access to openly explore more with you. And yellow is for uncertainty and means you are intrigued by what you see, but whoever is in charge of the scene should still proceed with caution. Your limit would be more of a testing the waters approach.”

I nod as I absorb all of this new information. I’m familiar with the upstairs scene rooms. That’s where I caught Daphne and Collins doing their thing. The mere thought of them causes my temper to rise inside thinking about the two of them together. I mean, Daphne had a thing going with a bunch of other men—Michael included—so who knows if she actually likes Collins or just likes what he can give to her.

“If you need assistance at any time tonight, there’s a hidden button on the inside of the bracelet that you can push and either myself or Master Yuri will find you. Lockers are available for your personal items. Remember, no phones or recording devices—no exceptions. Open bar is available but don’t overdo it. Do you understand?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

We part ways, and I walk through the huge door. The lobby is dimly lit just as I remember from last time. I find the locker area and place my belongings inside, securing the lock into place. I make a mental reminder to myself not to forget them when the night is over.

Taking three deep breaths, I try to calm my nerves. If I just want to be an observer tonight, I need to keep my light at red. No one will bother me. I can still have a good time and not feel any pressure. If I want to push my limits, I can choose to do that at my own will—on my own time.

I got this.

What could go wrong?

Ugh, probably a ton of things I just don’t want to analyze right now. I’m here, so I might as well enjoy myself.

Despite feeling the pangs of inadequacy, I want to explore and overcome my fears. I owe it to myself to try for that personal growth. If this past year taught me anything, it’s that life is too short to wait for the perfect time.

My feet transport me to the main floor where there’s dancing, the huge bar, and people mingling in a variety of outfits. My leather shorts and fiery-red silk halter top seem conservative in comparison, but I don’t feel comfortable taking everything off to reveal the panty set underneath just yet.

My heartbeat thumps to the rhythm of the music, as I watch dancers grind and gyrate against one another. It’s a sultry wave that beckons me to ride, knowing that if I’m not careful I could drown.

I’ve always loved to dance. But do I just jump into the crowd? I missed some of the parties and clubbing adventures in my limited college days, so I don’t know what’s good etiquette or not. The last thing I want to do is feel like an intruder.

If Luke was here, he’d tell me that dancing is ninety percent confidence and ten percent skill—and just to go for it.

So I go for it.

Making my way to the center of the dance floor, I feel the touch of a hand on my elbow, causing me to turn around and look into Daphne’s eyes.

“You returned,” she says sweetly.

I shrug. “Yeah. Figured I’d try this place out again.” I play with my fingernails, worried that I’m being awkward. The last time I saw her, Daphne was getting her ass beaten by Collins. Maybe tonight I can resist rescuing anyone who doesn’t need saving.

“It’s my favorite night.” Her body seems to be humming with excitement, and her energy is helping my own.

“Oh yeah?”

“I’m all about pushing the boundaries, and this night is dedicated to just that.”

I twist my fingers together. I don’t really know what to say.

“Look,” she starts. “I didn’t know you had a thing going on with Collins.”

“A thing? No. We don’t have anything going on.” I mean, I can’t very well say that he’s my bodyguard that my two overprotective brothers hired—can I?

She looks at me with confusion. “Oh. Well, umm, you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure. You’re free to explore him or whatever it is you do here together.”

No sooner are the words falling from my lips, than I am wanting to shove them back inside. I don’t mean it. I’m just bitter with them both.

I am jealous that Daphne is living her best life doing whatever the hell she wants, and I’m jealous that Collins isn’t walking through life feeling as defeated as I am right now.

Maybe carrying my heart on my sleeve just to be plucked away and stomped on isn’t an enviable quality to have. If I can’t protect my own heart, then I can’t expect anyone else to want to.

“I was given strict instruction to stay away from Collins from Master Yuri. Our limited contract was terminated, no discussion, no questions allowed to be asked. So even if I wanted to, it’s now considered forbidden and very distasteful. I just have to accept that.”

I feel my jaw release muscle control as my mouth drops. “Contract?”

Daphne’s hands slide up to her mouth. “Oops. Forget I just said that. I think I must be confused or high or hungry… Or just plain stupid. Fuck.” She draws out the swear word and starts to walk away.

I gently grab her elbow. “Stop. Please. What contract?”

Daphne turns to look at me, and from the way her skin pales to an alabaster shade of white, I know she is regretting her slip of the tongue. But now I know there’s some sort of contract, and there’s no way to undo this tidbit of information.

“The membership contract.”

“Bullshit,” I hiss. “Stop lying to me. I can tell all over your face that you are hiding the truth.”

“Just ask Collins. You obviously know each other. But please don’t mention me. He’ll be furious that I told you. It’s nothing special between us. I don’t even know if he remembers my name. And if word got out what I just revealed, I may get kicked out of here for breaching the confidentiality agreement. But that’s what I do; I get my mouth into trouble. Ask Master Michael, and he will verify that the only time it shuts up is when I’m swallowing a cock.”

I try to mentally sieve through all of Daphne’s monologue words. “Okay, fine, I won’t mention you. I would never intentionally get you in trouble.”

“Thanks, Penny.”

Daphne spots Michael and makes her way toward him, as I scope out the overall vibe of the club and reacquaint myself with the layout. Despite being here once before, the theme for the night is giving this place a dangerous, electric feel.

Members are dancing closer. The music is darker, more suggestive. Even the bar’s decor is more gothic and symbolic of a dungeon.

The downside of having my hair secured up high on top of my head in a curly blonde waterfall is that I cannot use it as a shield to hide behind. I have a wide lens on my surroundings, and knowing that I don’t have anyone to use as a social crutch is a bit terrifying to me now that Daphne is occupied.

I mean, I can’t be the only one who decided to come alone. Yet, everyone seems to know one another. Making my way to the bar, I decide to splurge and get a drink. Maybe it will calm my nerves wreaking havoc in my stomach.

It didn’t exactly help last time I was here. But lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place—right? Surely tonight will go smoother.

“What’ll it be, miss?” the bartender asks, eyeing me up. He seems more than just a bartender, and I assume he partakes in a scene while off duty. There’s an aura about him that I can’t put my finger on, yet the darkness of his eyes alludes to having a dominant side.

Or I could be completely wrong.

That’s the thing about this time around… Everyone I look at, I silently wonder what kink they are hiding. I also wonder if I’m the most vanilla person here.

Vanilla is the number one ice cream flavor for a reason. It’s delicious.

“Miss?”

“Oh, sorry. Um, I think I want…” My eyes scan the bottles of alcohol.

“Want me to surprise you?”

I look at him with hesitation. “How will you know if I’ll like it?”

The corners of his lips move up into a big smile. “Trust me.”

“Okay…”

He studies me for a moment and then pivots to start pulling down bottles of liquor from the various shelves. He adds several into the mixing container and shakes. Then he pours the contents into a clean glass over ice.

“Try this.”

With hesitation, I take a small sip and feel my lips pucker in the best kind of way from the sweet and sour mixture. “Wow, this is really good. What’s it called?”

“Burst of Sunshine.”

I smile and take a few more drinks. “Thank you. I hope you can replicate it when I want another one.”

His smile is genuine. “Just know your limits and adhere to them.” He tips his head forward. “The pleasure was mine.”

I feel a presence at my side. Turning, I look into the grayish-blue eyes of a walking sex god. He is dressed in just a pair of black jeans, although his chest and arms are covered in an abundance of tattoos. From the way he carries himself to the confidence he has in his knowing grin, the man oozes sexual energy. I feel it radiating off him in copious amounts.

He looks like the kind of trouble that most women would lose their clothes for…

“What’s your name, little one?”

Oh great, he sees me as prey.

“Penny.”

He reaches out a hand, and without thinking, I join his with mine. I watch in awe as he kisses the tops of my fingers, one by one—never removing his eyes from mine.

Dayyyyum. Maybe being prey has its sexual perks.

“My name is Wesley. What brings you here tonight?”

I take a sip of my cocktail, feeling the buzz starting to form in my head and in my limbs. Or perhaps that is just attraction. “I came tonight to step out of my comfort zone. I was here once before and didn’t accomplish what I set out to do.”

Wesley orders a drink from the bartender as he thinks about my answer. “What are you looking to accomplish tonight in terms of limits?”

I shrug, while playing with the cocktail napkin collecting the moisture under my glass. “I’m actually not sure. I know there are scenes in the upstairs rooms, but my feet are too scared to venture up there without some liquid courage.”

He laughs lightly. “There’s nothing to be afraid of here. This place should be a safe haven for anyone who wants to have their fantasies played out.” His hand touches the back of my chair, while his thumb grazes against the exposed section of my shoulder blades. “Your bracelet allows you to control the flow. If you want to watch only, that is your choice. If you want to experiment, then that is fine too.”

“It sounds simple enough in theory,” I say with a laugh, trying to keep the mood light. If I get too much inside my head, I’ll just make a beeline for the exit and then regret what could have been.

Wesley studies me for a moment, his hand rubbing along the side of his cheek. I wonder if he’s going to fill the pause in our conversation with small talk, when he clears his throat and lifts his chin in confidence. “Would you like to dance?”

I look out at the area where bodies are mingling. I was out on the dance floor already tonight, but I never actually did any dancing before running into Daphne.

“I, um…”

Before I can change my mind, I find my head nodding. My hand joins Wesley’s offered one, allowing him to pull me off the stool and guide me to the center of the room. Facing each other, we sway to the upbeat music.

I missed the stage of my life—often experienced during college—where clubbing is the norm. I’m out of practice and not even sure I’m doing it right. Would I even know if I was?

I always feel weird, no matter how many times Luke has assured me that dancing is awkward for everyone.

So I just go through the motions and try not to overthink everything.

Wesley’s fingertips play with the hem of my halter top, tickling the skin underneath the fabric, as he draws me closer. I wish I felt more for him than he seems to for me, because he is nice and attentive. Yet, there isn’t anything sparking between us.

Sure, he’s attractive. But I need more than that.

I need comfort.

I need safety.

And I need someone who makes my toes curl just from the thought of him touching me.

And unfortunately, that isn’t Wesley.

He leans in closer to me, his mouth taking the lead. His lips part, and I can smell the alcohol on his breath, he is that close. My spine stiffens, and I tilt my head to the side to feign oblivion.

But then I feel it. His fingertips, pulling my chin up. And?—

Oh shit.

His lips. They are on me.

I struggle and hear him moan. It is a deep, guttural sound. My mouth stays rigid, and my heart feels like it will beat right out of my chest as I panic.

Thoughts of Mark Tanner touching me flitter through my system.

His sinister smile is so vivid. The way his voice turns evil is so clear.

It’s those talons of memory that stalk my hope for happiness and claw at my inability to fully move on. I’m trapped in a maze of mirrors, unable to get out unscathed, as haunting images race through my brain like a nightmare on loop.

My mind shutters as hands roam over me.

It’s as if I’m witnessing a scene play out where I’m the main star, and yet I’m simply a bystander.

Was that all I ever was to Mark Tanner—collateral damage? I was just a naive girl who fell for the guy who promised to make her modeling dreams come true.

Shoving my fragmented memories into the shadowy vault in my brain, I squeeze my eyes tightly shut for a few seconds and think of a way out of this unwanted petting session. Placing my hands on Wesley’s chest, I try to push him away, but he takes it as playful reluctance and just teases my waist with his fingertips. Moaning.

Why is he enjoying this so much?

I push— hard —and do not stop the pressure until I am released. Out of breath, I pant, flopping forward a bit and placing my hands on my knees. “I…am…not interested…” My words come out raspy.

He grabs my arm, yanking me to him. “It’s not nice to tease.”

Using the techniques taught to me, I get my arm free. Righting myself, I glare at the menacing eyes of Wesley. How did he just flip the switch like that? Jerk. “I…”

Then I feel a looming force behind us before actually finding proof of his existence, as his aura fills the room like a protective fog.

Collins.

My eyes scan the crowd, ignoring Mr. Handsy, and search for the one man who seems to have a choke hold on my lungs—and my heart.

Then I find him standing with venom in his eyes directed right at the man who stole more than just a kiss. He stole another opportunity for me to be near a man and it not end in re-traumatization.

Last visit, Neil triggered me. On the street outside of Ground Floor, it was the guy from the speed dating.

When will this stop?

When will I be able to be with someone and it not be a horror scene inside my head?

And then I remember how the man who is here to rescue me made me feel.

Collins is safety.

Collins is comfort.

Collins has my toes curling as I predict his next move.

It takes him three long steps to close the distance between us to be face-to-face in front of Wesley, who basically looks like he’s seen a ghost.