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twenty-one

*NOEL*

A den was correct in saying that it’s a long drive, but it’s also fun to hang out with him like that, especially because he gives me all the power over the radio.

“Can I really play whatever I like?” I ask.

“Of course. I’d love to know what you are interested in.”

“What do you like?” I ask.

“I am a huge fan of classical music,” he admits.

“Somehow that fits.”

He smiles at my comment. “Maybe one day I will take you along to a concert and show you what I like about that type of music.”

“I’d love to!” I beam. “It’s not my type of music usually, but I still want to know.” It might sound cheesy, but I want to know what he likes, I want to understand all the little details that shape him into the person he is.

“So do I,” he says. “I want you to play whatever you like. I don’t know a thing about any other type of music other than classical music.”

“Then I got you covered!” I make sure to connect it to my phone to play all my favorite songs. I even sing along to some of them, just so happy that Aden is interested in what I like.

“You have a beautiful voice,” Aden points out.

“Now you are just being silly.” I grin. “You don’t need to compliment me. I will let you fuck me without you sweettalking me.” I pause. “Talking about without . Guess what I got?” I fumble with my phone until it opens the test results. Aden briefly glances at my phone and smiles.

“I got mine too. Just open the first drawer of my bag. It’s in there.”

“Then we can do it without a condom anytime!”

“Yes.” He smiles. “Next time I come, it will be inside you.”

I snort. “Good to know we are on the same page.”

Aden steers his car away from the highway and down a more deserted road, leading us towards the small town his family lives in. “Back to the music… Why don’t you consider working in a bar that offers karaoke or live music?”

I blink. “Would I need to be able to sing for that?”

“Not necessarily, but I guess it depends on the bar and what they expect you to do. If they want you to motivate the customers to sing along or if they want you to introduce an act, I guess it comes as an advantage if you are not a complete failure at singing.”

“I have never thought about that.” I muse. “I could talk to DeeDee.“ I stop, thinking. “Wait a moment! I could actually talk to DeeDee and ask if she can recommend a place. I’d love to work at a drag queen bar! It could be fun.”

It’s only when I say it that I realize I am actually considering changing my workplace. Yes, I do earn well right now, because I work more hours than I should, and because I work two jobs, but if my debt can truly be taken care of, I will be able to actually pick a job I like.

“Yes, exactly. And they probably pay better, and you would have the option to attend some courses like you planned to.” He pauses. “What did the lawyer say? You met yesterday, right?”

“He took a look at everything and told me to leave it to him,” I say. “He thinks I have a good chance.”

“Of course you have,” he points out. “It’s fraud. You are a victim.” He gazes at me. “You look conflicted. Does it not make you happy that you can finally get rid of this debt?”

“I am happy, but I also feel guilty,” I admit. “Does that make sense?”

“It does,” Aden says quietly. “I know the feeling.”

“It means going against my mom. But at the same time, it’s… I just want to be free, you know? I want to be free, so much!”

“Her mistakes are not your fault,” he says. “She used you and took advantage of you, and now it’s time she pays for what she did. Listen, Noel, I know it’s hard, and I know part of you might be hoping to get your mom back, but—”

“But it doesn’t work like that,” I finish.

“I know it. She has been gone for many years. In fact, I only remember a very short time when she was truly a mom. I need to let go. I also know I need to show some backbone finally. I… I might feel guilty, but I can promise you that my wish for freedom is greater than my feeling of guilt,” I admit.

“I want a new start, a new beginning, and I am ready.”

I haven’t had a mom for many years.

It’s time to face the truth and take charge of my life.

“You are much stronger than you think you are,” Aden says, much to my surprise. “The way you lived your life up to now, how you took charge of it and broke out of your toxic family. It showed a lot of strength.”

“You think so?” I let his words sink in.

No one has ever told me I am strong, not even Mateo or Ster.

Or maybe they have, and it just didn’t strike something in me.

Somehow, when Aden says it, it’s like a warm blanket that protects me.

His opinion really matters to me. I don’t know when it started to but I know it does.

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” he says.

And that’s exactly why his opinion matters to me. He is very kind and treats me well, but he doesn’t toss around compliments. So, when he compliments me, it always means something.

Maybe I should take him at face value about his comment on my singing voice, too.

A bar with live music, huh? DeeDee surely could recommend me to someone. She always hated where I work and has constantly told me to change jobs. I stick in these jobs for the money, but now I might not need to do that anymore.

“Almost there.”

Aden successfully pulls me out of my thoughts, making my head snap up to check our surroundings. “I didn’t even realize we arrived! Felt shorter than it was.”

“I take that as a compliment,” Aden smiles. “As in, you enjoy my company.”

“I do! We should do this more often.” I scrunch my nose. “Well, not visit your hometown, but go on a trip.”

Aden looks surprised before a warm smile curls his lips. “I actually think that’s a great idea. Let’s plan something for the next holiday. What’s something you have always wanted to do?”

“Go skiing,” I tell him. “I never went skiing. Do you know how to?”

“Yes, it’s almost mandatory if you grow up in a village close to the mountains.” He chuckles. “We can certainly do that.”

“You know what else would be great?”

“Tell me.”

“Well, just the two of us in a cottage by a lake or the ocean. Nothing touristy, but a place where we could relax, just come down from the whole buzzing city, and have plenty of sex.”

Aden looks thoughtful. “You mentioned that a while ago. Actually, that sounds exactly like something I need occasionally. I have always loved the calm of the water. It inspires me.”

I don’t say anything, not sure if this is something I am allowed to comment on or not.

I know that Aden is barely drawing anymore.

I saw some of his work when I was stalking his social media accounts, right before we started dating, and I wanted to check on what I was getting into.

I don’t know much about art, but I can tell that he is very good. I wonder why he stopped.

Not saying anything at all makes me look like an asshole, so I decide to be vague but honest. “I like your art,” I say. “Granted, I only saw what’s in your gallery and what Cedric posted to your social media. I can’t tell why, but it strikes something in me.”

“What does it strike in you?” he asks.

Yeah, awesome, now that’s a question I didn’t expect at all. “Sometimes, you really come off like a math teacher, you know?”

He chuckles. “What makes you say that?”

“Because you ask questions I don’t expect.”

“Lynn keeps saying the same. She thinks my brain is wired differently.”

Just like Sterling, I think to myself.

“What you said piqued my interest,” he adds.

“I don’t know anything about art, but when I look at your drawings, it makes me feel warm and sad at the same time.

It makes me linger and look at it, over and over again, because I am scared that I might miss something.

I am not sure if I am supposed to smile or cry.

” I pause. “It’s the faces,” I add. “The expressions. You have that one drawing of a man in the sun, and everything looks warm and joyful, but his expression isn’t.

” I sigh. “Sorry, that’s all I can say. I know I suck at voicing what I feel or think. ”

Aden is silent. “Is this truly what you feel when you see my paintings?”

“Yes. And it’s not just me. Sterling is obsessed with your work. He really looks up to you. And even Mateo, who isn’t too well-versed in this area either, is drawn to it.”

“Thank you,” Aden says, much to my surprise.

His words make me blink in confusion. “What are you thanking me for?”

“I think you reminded me of something important. I will need to think about this for a while.” He takes a deep breath. “Well, we are here.”

He halts the car in front of a beautiful, three-story house, and for a while just sits in the car, staring at the house without moving an inch.

I gently touch his hand. “You know, we don’t have to do this.

We don’t have to stay. We are free to come and go as we please.

In fact, we could just turn around now and leave. ”

Aden takes my hand, placing a kiss on it.

The tension in his whole body is so visible, it breaks my heart. I wonder how he felt growing up here, and occasionally returning for his mom’s sake. “Aden, I want you to know I will have your back. And I will be on my best behavior. I know that’s not my forte, but I will try to be.”

“Don’t,” he says with a smile. “Don’t be on your best behavior. Be like you always are.”

“Is that really okay?”

“I want you to be yourself,” he says, finally opening the car door. “Fuck my brothers!”

“That’s the right sentiment,” I exclaim. “I am ready.”

“Then let’s go.”

Either his mom or one of his brothers must have seen us arrive, because we don’t need to knock at the door as it is ripped open. “Aden!” A woman in her sixties opens the door, immediately wrapping her arms around Aden. “You really came!”

“Of course I did, Mom. I promised you after all.” He clears his throat before gesturing towards me. “Mom, meet—”

“Ah, you must be Noel!” she proclaims, before he can finish his sentence, and comes closer to hug me. “I am so happy to meet you. It’s the first time Aden has brought someone home! I can barely believe it.”

She ushers us inside, her face full of joy. I am starting to understand why Aden feels so torn. It must constantly weigh on his conscience not to visit his mom more often, but at the same time, dread coming home and being reminded of his toxic household.

Aden and I take off our shoes and put our jackets into the wardrobe before following his mom into the living room.

There they are, his six brothers. I only recognize Oliver, and Kayden from the picture Aden showed me.

Two of the brothers have dates with them, or at least that’s what I think the women next to them are, and one brother is wearing a wedding ring.

I let my eyes wander around. So, which one is the douchebag who outed him?

Who’s the fucker? Why did Aden refuse to tell me the names, and what exactly they did?

I only know Oliver is the oldest, and apparently, the least douchey one of them.

Kayden wasn’t the one who outed him, but he must have been a major asshole, judging by the emotional way Aden reacted during their phone call.

Lynn mentioned Martin and believes he might be the culprit. So, who is the spineless douchebag named Martin?

Well, it doesn’t matter who it was outed him; they were all terrible to him!

The moment the guys spot us, they are on their feet immediately, hurrying to greet us. They all introduce themselves to me, which means I finally know who Martin is.

“Aden, I can’t believe it!” one of them calls out. “Oliver said you would be coming.”

“It’s close to a miracle,” another one grins.

Yeah, shove your miracle somewhere else. How tone-deaf can someone be?

Oliver himself is holding back with his comments, just greeting Aden warmly. I guess he actually is the most aware of them all.

Funnily, they are all very friendly, also to me, I have to give them that, but I can feel Aden closing up next to me.

It’s like his whole stance changes, his expression turns stoic, the look in his eyes distances.

It makes me realize that a lot of my anxiety about him not opening up towards me was in my own head.

Seeing him now is proof of it. He is so different with me.

“I didn’t know Aden would bring a friend,” Kayden says.

“I remember you, Noel,” Oliver says. “You were with his friends when I stumbled over Aden in the bar.” He pauses. “We are very happy to have you.”

“I am Noel,” I say.

“Aden’s friend?” Martin pushes.

“More like his incredibly hot boyfriend,” I tell him before I can stop myself.

From the corner of my eye, I see how Aden’s lips twitch. Okay, good decision to hit them with the truth immediately.

Oliver looks at us, stunned. “Wait… you are dating?”

“Yes,” I say.

As if to underline my words, Aden puts his hand on the small of my back. “Obviously, we are,” Aden adds, before turning towards me. “Come, I will show you around, Noel.”

I can almost feel the eyes of his family on my back when Aden leads me away. “We are staying in the guestroom, right?” I ask.

“Yes.” He leads me to the second floor and then to the end of the corridor, to the room prepared for us, where we leave our bags.

“It’s only the two of us staying, and Oliver.

The others live close by. All but Francis and his wife, but they are going to stay with an old school friend,” he explains. “I am sorry for all the tension.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” I reassure him. “Actually, I am starting to think I will have fun messing with them.”

Aden pulls me into his arms, burying his face in my hair. He doesn’t say anything, just keeps holding me. I return the gesture, wrapping my arms tightly around him.