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sixteen

*NOEL*

W e left Ster’s apartment half an hour ago to let him work on his newest painting, went to buy coffees and then to a small, empty playground. It’s an old one that’s been closed for a while because they are going to tear it down soon.

Somehow, that’s sad. It was not a pretty playground, but I have gotten used to it being here. Just another part of my life that gets turned over completely. I don’t do well when my sense of stability is shaken.

With our coffees, we sit down on two swings.

For the most part, we only make small talk, but now Aden looks at me thoughtfully.

“Tell me why you ran,” he says. “Is it because of Kayden’s call?

Because I am not talking about my family?

It’s difficult for me to open up. You must have realized during our first date. ”

“I am the same,” I say quietly. “Sorry, I snapped. That was stupid.”

“What was the trigger?” When I stay quiet, Aden lets out a frustrated sigh. “Give me something to work with, Noel. Please.”

My fear of rejection is huge, but my fear of upsetting him and fucking this up so that he walks away is worse. “I received a message from my mother a couple of days ago. I guess I haven’t been myself ever since.”

“Your mother?” Aden asks carefully.

“I have no contact with her,” I admit. “For… many reasons. One is that she has been an alcoholic and drug addict since I can remember. And she…” I sigh. “It was not easy to be her son, let’s put it like that.”

Aden reaches out his hand, his knuckles brushing over my cheek. This gesture alone sends butterflies through my stomach like I am some silly teen in love.

“I have blocked her everywhere, but every now and then she manages to reach me through a different number or… I don’t know how she does it.

Sometimes, she actively searches for me and suddenly stands in front of me.

This time, it fortunately was just a message.

But it’s always the same. The same old toxicity.

The same old reproaches and guilt-trips. ” I pause. “It always makes me spiral.”

Aden stays quiet for a moment. “You must have gone through a lot,” he mutters. “As a kid, but also now. I am sorry this happened to you, Noel.” He pauses. “And your father?”

I stay quiet, my chest clenching so painfully that it takes my breath away. “He passed away,” I finally say. “And I wish I could be sad about it, but I am not.”

Aden turns towards me as much as his swing allows him to. For a while, he is quiet, then he turns back, looking at a point in the distance.

“I don’t have a good relationship with my brothers,” he says into the silence.

His words almost make me drop my coffee.

I didn’t expect him to share anything at all.

“That’s why I don’t talk about them. Now that we are all adults, they regularly reach out to me.

I think they want to mend what’s broken, but I don’t know if I want that. ”

“How many brothers do you have?”

“Five,” he says. “I am the youngest.”

I grimace. I don’t know much about Aden, but from his online profile on the gallery’s homepage, I do know he grew up in the countryside. “I can only imagine how rough it must have been to have so many older brothers.”

“Yeah, but that was not the only issue,” he continues. “I am their half-brother. Their parents separated, and after a while, our mother began dating my dad. They absolutely hated my existence. One of them outed me as gay, too, which was awful.”

“No way,” I blurt out. “That’s the worst! Like, who the fuck outs someone? It could be so dangerous!”

“I know. I was fortunate that my parents didn’t mind.”

“Was it Kayden?” I ask. “He must have had something to do with it.”

This makes Aden look at me, clear surprise in his eyes.

“Because you…” I feel my cheeks flush. I will just sound pathetic now. “You sounded upset when you talked to him. Differently upset than… I don’t know… I don’t have a comparison. But I felt like it was personal.”

It’s silent for a while. “You are perceptive,” he says. “It wasn’t Kayden per se, but he was the one who backed up the brother who did it and mocked me for being gay… more than the others did.”

“Bitch,” I mutter.

At that, Aden chuckles.

“It’s true! He had no reason to do what he did.”

“To them, I was the fault for their parents’ splitting. You know, the affair baby, though they didn’t even know if Mom and Dad had an affair. They hadn’t, by the way. They met after my mom separated from her ex.”

“Even if,” I exclaim. “That’s no reason to bully your sibling! What the fuck! And they were older than you. At least a couple of them must have known how wrong they were.”

“When my dad died, only my oldest brother and I went to his funeral,” Aden adds. “I guess part of me was never able to forgive the others for this. Oliver was also the first to reach out to me later on. I think he is the only one I feel some attachment to, or rather, I resent him the least.”

“Didn’t you mention your friend, Lynn, dating one of your brothers?”

“She dated Oliver,” he explains. “That’s how she and I became friends. She saw firsthand how fucked up our family was. I think a lot changed while she was dating Oliver. She must have said something to him, but I don’t know for sure.”

“And then?”

“I inherited quite some money from my dad. Once I was eighteen, I moved out to study, and now I am trying not to look back.”

“But they don’t let you,” I conclude.

“Yes, and it’s difficult to make the break, because there is still Mom. She is the only real family I have left, and I really love her.”

I stand up, walking over to Aden, and wrap my arms around him. “Fuck them! When I see them, I will kick their asses,” I say with emphasis because I suck at comforting someone, and this is the only thing that comes to mind, now.

Aden snorts. “I might take you up on your offer.” He tugs at my sweater. “Just to clarify something: You are wearing my clothes, aren’t you?”

I feel my cheeks heat up again, but my stubbornness outweighs my embarrassment, easily. “Yes, and I will never return them, just so you know!”

Aden looks at me thoughtfully. “The sweater is nothing special.”

“It smells like you,” I say.

An amused smile curls Aden’s lips. He reaches out his hand, tugging at my sweater until I bend down. His hand clasps the nape of my neck, while he pulls me down into a kiss. The position should be uncomfortable, but all I feel is a flock of butterflies chasing through my stomach.

“Are you taking me home with you tonight?” I ask against his lips, my nerves almost painfully strained thanks to my anxiety.

Aden moves back a little, eyeing me again. “Are you going to run from me again?”

I shake my head.

“Then, yes, I will take you home with me.” He pauses. “But you are aware that we promised Sterling we would meet him for dinner?”

I groan. “Oh shit, I almost forgot.”

Aden smiles. “I am looking forward to meeting your friends properly. Besides,”—a smirk curls his lips—“we have plenty of time afterwards.”

My heart stutters at the way he looks at me. The smile he just showed me is so beautiful. It’s the first time he’s looked at me like that. It feels like, little by little, he has come closer and let me in. But Ster is right, I am asking more from him than I am giving.

“Aden?”

“Hm?”

“I… I want to tell you more about me, but I am scared,” I admit.

“You have told me plenty,” he says.

“But you have said more.”

At that Aden, just chuckles. “Noel, it’s not a competition. I shared it willingly with you. And once you are ready, you will do the same.”

“There are things I did in the past that I am not proud of,” I say.

Aden tilts his head, his signature thoughtful look in his eyes. “I figured,” he says, “when you mentioned your parents. It’s okay, Noel. As long as you try to communicate with me, we should be fine.”

“The same goes to you,” I retort. Like, I am the only one who has communication issues.

Aden looks amused. “Yes, the same goes for me.” He stands up too now, reaching out his hand to touch my hair. “But seriously, there are things I can’t tell you yet, either. Let’s do it at our pace.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in. “Okay, we did it. Crisis averted.”

“Noel…“ Aden takes my hand, wrapping his fingers around it gently. “There is something I have wanted to ask you ever since our first meeting.”

“And what’s that?”

“Won’t you tell me where we met before? I know we did. You said so yourself, and I know your face from somewhere. To be honest, I feel bad not knowing it. It seems to be important to you.”

Fuck, he looked through me. I thought I could play it cool and pretend like it was just a fleeting moment.

Well, time to put that new communication rule to the test. “I… It is important,” I admit.

“I am scared that if I tell you, I will need to tell you a lot more about myself, and I don’t know if I am ready for that.

But you helped me out once, years ago, when I was about seventeen.

You were just a stranger, but you helped me. It made an impression on me.”

I hold my breath, scared it won’t be enough for him, but Aden just takes my face between his hands, planting a soft kiss against my lips. “Thank you for giving me a little piece of information.”

“Is it really enough?”

“We can revisit it another day,” he says. “Come.” Aden puts his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s meet your friends before we find ourselves in a new crisis.”

*ADEN*

“Damn it!” Mateo blurts out. He had gone to stand up, but hit his head against the lamp. “Why do they hang them so low?”

“It’s not too low,” Sterling says in his usual calm manner. “You are just very tall.”

“So, it’s my fault now?” Mateo exclaims.

“I never said that,” Sterling says. “They just design this stuff for the average person.”

Mateo lets his head drop down onto the table. “Am I not average?” he asks, sounding miserable.

Noel furrows his brows. It’s the look he has when he is about to show his claws. Somehow, it’s a bigger turn-on for me than it should be. “Are you stupid? Why do you want to be average?! Obviously, you are great the way you are!”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Mateo mutters. “Not all of us are a beauty out of a painting.”

“Fuck,” Noel groans. “Ster, don’t let him have another drink!”

“I am not drunk,” Mateo mutters.

“That makes it even worse!”

“I can draw you too, Mateo,” Sterling offers.

Mateo’s head snaps up. “Who wants a pity painting?!”

Sterling’s face carries an expression of confusion. “Why not?”

Mateo stares at him before exchanging a look with Noel. “He has a point, Ster,” Noel says. “Who the fuck wants a pity-anything?”

“Yeah, you tell him, Noel!”

Sterling looks completely unfazed by his two friends’ complaints and just shrugs.

When I agreed to join Noel and his friends for dinner, this was certainly not what I expected.

Granted, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but it still comes as a surprise to see the three of them this relaxed around each other.

I can’t remember the last time I was in a get-together where the whole atmosphere was so light.

Suddenly, I can’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of this whole conversation.

Mateo looks at me as if he just realizes I am here, a look of horror on his face, while the tips of Noel’s ears turn red. Only Sterling looks completely unfazed. “You must think we are so silly!” Mateo says.

“I kind of do,” I say. “But in an endearing way.”

Noel scoots closer to me, a frown on his face. “How can someone be silly and endearing at the same time?”

Instead of an answer, I put an arm around his shoulder and tug him closer. His eyes snap up at me in surprise. Good to know it is possible to catch him off guard, sometimes. “Some people can pull it off,” I say.

Noel furrows his brows. “Sometimes I don’t know if the things you say are meant as a compliment or not.”

“It’s like with Sterlone,” Mateo says. “At times, I think I should actually be insulted.”

“Must be the artistic gene,” Noel says. “This reminds me—” His head snaps towards me. “You are an artist too.”

“This would explain the whole, semi-insulting, without being insulting, attitude,” Mateo adds.

I am not sure if I make sense of what he says, yet I kind of understand the sentiment behind his words. “I don’t draw for exhibitions or patrons anymore,” I explain. “Just in private.”

“Why did you stop?” Sterling asks, his voice surprisingly serious while he looks at me thoughtfully.

Of course, he caught it.

“We’re out of food and drinks,” Mateo mutters. “I will order something for us.” He gets up to walk towards the counter.

Noel jumps up to follow him. “Wait, I want to decide on my own food. You don’t really have the hang of ordering for others.”

Mateo argues something back, but I can’t hear what he says.

“So, why?” Sterling asks.

I gaze at the whisky in my hand. “I lost my muse,” I finally say. “Something in me just died that day. I don’t want to say that I lost my spark, but it just wasn’t the same anymore. My style and the whole atmosphere in my drawings changed.”

“But is that bad?”

“Is it?” I toss the question back at him before turning my full attention to Sterling. “It shows a side of me now that I don’t want others to see. It’s too private.”

Sterling remains quiet before he nods. “I understand.”

We don’t say any more, just sit in silence. Eventually, my phone vibrates. I am almost scared it might be Kayden again, or Oliver, but to my surprise, it’s Lynn.

“Work?” Noel asks.

I look up, only noticing now that he and Mateo have returned. “Yes and no.” I pull him to my side again. “It’s Lynn. She just left work.”

“Tell her to join us,” Noel offers. “I’d love to get to know her better, too.”

“Your friend?” Mateo asks.

“My co-CEO and best friend,” I explain.

“We’d love to have her here,” Sterling says.

“Well, if you truly don’t mind.” I swiftly send a message to Lynn, inviting her over. Deep down inside, she is a party gal, so I am not surprised when her answer comes soon, agreeing to join us and saying she will bring Cedric along.