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ten

*NOEL*

M ateo and Ster look at me for long minutes, wordlessly just staring at me. “I know this is all kinds of weird. And I am weird, and the situation is…” I stop to think.

“Weird?” Mateo finishes.

“Well…” Ster shrugs. “I don’t think it is weird.”

“Of course you don’t!” Mateo exclaims. “This is so you. Are you aware that Aden Randall is your boss?”

“Obviously, he isn’t the typical type of boss. Plus, he is more like a mentor than anything else,” Ster says, and once more just shrugs.

“I can’t believe what happened,” I mutter, rubbing my cheeks.

My night out with Aden was nothing like I planned it to be.

I originally just wanted to get to know him, yet also be sure that he wouldn’t find me annoying and just leave me.

But reality is, I found out that he isn’t a complete and utter asshole like everyone else I usually date.

I fucked up majorly, yet it seems I somehow won him over.

And then I end the fucking night by almost crying into his chest.

Almost!

It wasn’t a full-blown meltdown. But at that moment, I just felt so insecure, so anxious, to leave and never see him again. He is so much more than I am, and he has much more to offer. I know that; I am not stupid. I just felt he would drive away and I’d never see him again.

And something about this just broke my heart a little.

Did he kiss me out of pity?

Oh fuck, I hope he didn’t just kiss me because I looked like a miserable lost pup.

“I didn’t even know you set up a date with him,” Mateo mutters.

“We just met as friends… first,” I admit. “He came to my bar.”

“You made him go to the bar you are working at?!” Mateo asks in disbelief. “Oh, how I wish you would have told us beforehand. We could have stopped you from that insanity.”

I scrunch my nose. “He wasn’t too happy either, but I think I managed to smooth it down.”

“Sounds like it,” Ster says. “If he spent hours just talking to you, it certainly sounds like he had a good time.”

“Do you like him?” Mateo asks.

“I don’t know.”

“Noel,” he says with insistence. “Do you like the guy? This is not the type of person you date without having a clear goal in mind. He is Sterling’s mentor and boss.”

I feel annoyed at his patronizing tone, but I can’t really hold it against him this time. I’d hate to sabotage Sterling’s success. “It wasn’t planned like this,” I admit. “I truly just wanted to get to know him, but somehow he…”

“Struck a chord?” Sterling asks.

“Yes.” My heart skips a beat when I recall the way Aden laughed.

He doesn’t seem to laugh or smile a lot, but when I met him yesterday, there was one moment in which he laughed brightly.

And it was so raw and real and beautiful.

It warms my chest just thinking about it, while at the same time, I feel my stomach clenching just thinking of someone else getting too close to him.

I don’t have much to offer and am incredibly difficult on top of that. I only have my looks. But the world is full of handsome men, and I am sure there are so many guys out there who would suit Aden so much better.

Yeah, fuck.

I guess I broke my own rule not to fall for a guy too fast.

“Okay,” Sterling says casually, pulling me out of my thoughts. “You like him. That’s cool.”

“You really don’t mind?” I ask him.

Ster shrugs. “Couldn’t care less. Also, I prefer him miles over any of the usual guys you hook up with.” He tosses a look at Mateo. It’s sharper than usual. “You do too, don’t you?”

“Of course,” Mateo exclaims. “He isn’t a sleazy asshole.”

I frown. “Could you not diss my dating life?”

“Sorry,” Mateo says. “Don’t worry, it's not like any of us has a great track record of successful dates. But Sterlone is right, Aden Randall looks like he is a decent guy.”

“I am pretty sure he is a decent guy,” Ster says while pouring himself more coffee. “I’ve heard some stories. Make him look good.”

His words immediately pique my interest. “What type of stories?”

Sterling looks at his cup of coffee thoughtfully before getting up.

“Sterling! You can’t ditch me now?” I exclaim.

Mateo nods. “He is right, I want to hear it too.”

Sterling ignores us. He has that look in his eyes like he is somewhere far away. “I need to paint,” he mutters.

I frown, ready to complain, but Mateo just takes my arm and squeezes it slightly. “Don’t,” he mutters. “You know how he is when he is like that.”

“But mid-conversation?” I complain.

Mateo smiles. “That’s how he is.”

I lean back with a sigh, before eyeing Mateo thoughtfully. “You are mad at me, aren’t you?”

“Not really,” Mateo says. “I do think it was a risky move, though.”

“To meet someone at a shady place or to meet Aden?”

“Both,” he says.

“Yeah, not my smartest move,” I admit. “I just… I forgot to think.”

Mateo raises his brows. “Coming from you, that means a lot. You tend to overthink.”

“Oh, come on, I am not that bad!”

“You invited the poor guy to that bar just for a test when you could have met him normally and told him you work there and why,” Mateo points out mercilessly.

“And he didn’t run,” I say quietly.

“He didn't run,” Mateo agrees. “Are you in contact with him?”

“Yes.” I smile like a fucking idiot. “I promised I would write him whenever I come home from work so that he knows that I am safe. Oh, and he is on a business trip but keeps sending me messages.” I grin. “He is the no-emoji type of guy, though.”

Mateo laughs. “If that’s his only fault, you are a lucky guy.”

“He doesn’t talk a lot about his private life, but neither do I,” I admit. “Do you think that’s a problem?”

“Why would it be? It’s not like you are lying to each other. You are not obliged to share every single part of your life and problems with a guy you just started dating, and vice versa. Just promise you will try to open up to him, at least gradually.”

It feels like a cold hand is being wrapped around my heart. “What if he doesn’t accept me and what I did in the past?”

“Noel—"

“Please take my fear seriously,” I beg.

“I do,” he says. “But I don’t think you need to be scared of his reaction.

I bet he already knows things are off in your life.

You did talk about the bar after all, he saw it, you even gave him an explanation and told him there is more to it.

And he accepted it. He isn’t an idiot, Noel.

This guy has a way of seeing things,” he pauses, “of just looking behind the facade.”

I snort humorlessly. “So poetic.”

“But it’s true. It’s why he is so good at what he does, and why he is so popular.”

“He doesn’t think he has a special gift,” I tell him.

“Yeah, typical for people who are gifted,” Mateo says. “Look at Sterling.”

I turn around, my gaze wandering towards the small adjacent atelier where Sterling is currently drawing. He is so fucking talented yet acts as if all he does is just move paint across a canvas. “You have a point. But there is still no guarantee he will accept everything about me.”

“There is always a risk,” Mateo says quietly. “But it’s worth taking. And if he is an asshole about it, tell us.”

“How would that be helpful to Ster’s job?” I ask.

“Sterlone can handle himself.”

“Oh, he suddenly can?” I chuckle. “Didn’t you just say that me dating Aden could ruin everything?”

“I didn’t say it’d ruin everything, just make things more complicated,” Mateo says. “Besides, you are more important than anything else. Sterling would move the world for you. So, don’t worry. He knows how to handle himself. My initial comment was stupid.”

“Nah, I get it,” I mutter. “Besides, I think Aden would be professional enough to keep supporting Ster when he dumps me.”

“Why do you sound so sure that he’ll dump you?” Mateo shakes his head. “Just five minutes ago, you were still raving about this guy and how he handled your date. Have a little faith.”

“It’s difficult to have faith,” I admit.

Mateo is silent, then he sighs. “I know,” he says quietly.

His phone rings just at that moment, disrupting our talk. “Sorry,” Mateo says. “I need to take this one. It’s Sterling’s accountant.”

“Don’t worry,” I reassure him.

Mateo steps out on the tiny balcony of Ster’s apartment, closing the door behind him. Ster’s apartment is ridiculous but fits him. It’s all open space, minus said tiny balcony.

While Mateo is on the phone, I let his words sink in. Maybe he is right. Aden saw the sleazy bar and how the patrons hit on me and on him, yet he accepted that I worked there. He also accepted that I work in a nightclub. If it were a dealbreaker for him, he would have already run.

My own phone startles me by vibrating. Without thinking twice, I take it, opening my messages just to see…

My phone drops onto the table. “No way!” I exclaim. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

In one moment, all my rational thoughts have left me, everything except my heart beating so fast I am scared it will jump out of my chest. I try to pick up my phone again, my hands shaking so much, it takes a while for me to succeed.

Why did you block me?! Is this a way to treat your own mother, after I gave birth to you, you ungrateful little brat?

Another message.

Where is my money? How am I supposed to live?

And another one.

Come back, Noel, I promise I will be better. Please help me.

And:

You are reading my messages. Answer! I should have never had you, you —

A hand moves over the screen, covering it. I startle, as if I had been caught in a nightmare. When I look up, it’s Sterling standing next to me. “Ster?”

He looks at me through those deep, thoughtful eyes of his. “Don’t allow yourself to go there, Noel. Anywhere else but that mental space.”

Mateo returns from the small balcony, putting his phone in his pocket. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

Sterling just shakes his head.

I swallow thickly. “I thought you were drawing.”

“I am drawing, but I am not that much out of the world that I wouldn’t notice this type of emergency. Come, give me your phone, Noel.”

I swallow thickly. “It’s…” Tears fill my eyes. “Fuck! I had her blocked everywhere, but she always finds a way.”

I hand Sterling my phone while he looks at me thoughtfully. “Say the word. I would never do it without your okay.”

“Block her, please.”

I always let Mateo or Sterling do it. It makes it so much easier for me, and keeps the distance I need to maintain. When Sterling hands me back my phone, the messages are gone. Just my rapid heartbeat remains.

Sterling pats my head gently. “You are strong. Fuck anyone who says something else.”