Page 53 of Hexual Healing
The world exploded into pure, undiluted insanity.Every piece of furniture from the house burst into action and chose violence, of course.Always violence.The disco ball—had it been following us the entire time?—started playing “Ride of the Valkyries” at volumes so loud, it almost made my ears bleed.
And the house?
The house stood up.
Not metaphorically.It literally pulled itself out of its foundation, grew legs made of compressed floorboards and righteous fury, and started stomping toward the dragons.
“Your house is mobile?”Gary shrieked.
“Apparently!”
The dragons had stopped advancing, staring at the walking house with expressions of complete bewilderment.
“What the fuck?”the lead dragon said.
“Welcome to Assjacket,” everyone said in unison.
Okay, that time was theonetime that creepy thing they did was actually perfect.
The lead dragon recovered first, shifting into his full form with a roar that would have shattered the windows of a lesser house.“Enough of this nonsense!You're coming with us, one way or another!”
“Counteroffer,” I said, my magic crackling around me like demented fireworks.“You leave, and I don't turn you into something embarrassing.”
He laughed, and breathed fire directly at me.
The house caught it.Just stepped in front of the flames and absorbed them like a particularly spicy snack.Then it burped fire right back at him, adding what looked like highlighter fluorescent pink fun foam.
The dragon's perfect scales were now bedazzled.And quite a vivid shade of neon pink.
“WHAT DID YOU DO?”
“I honestly have no idea!I'm just going with it!”
The other dragons attacked simultaneously.Fire, claws, and magic came from every direction.The townspeople scattered, but not in retreat.They spread out, using guerrilla tactics in their shifted forms.It was like a jailbreak at a zoo, with all the animals converging in one spot.
Dee Dee was a deer?
Who knew?
Randy and Martha were mid-shift.Somehow, their synchronized crossbow shooting was still weirdly effective.
I guess that restraining order was, at least temporarily, put on hold.
But we were still outmatched.One of the dragons grabbed Tom the mailman, lifting him into the air.Another had cornered a group of teenagers who'd been stupid enough to sneak over to see what all the fuss was about.
The curse chose that moment to remind me it existed, sending pain so intense, I dropped to my knees.The lead dragon saw his chance and dove for me.
Baz intercepted him.
Not as a bear.As something…else.
He was massive.Bigger than any bear should be, covered in fur that seemed to absorb light.His claws were like swords, his teeth like daggers, and his eyes burned with golden fire.When he roared, reality itself seemed to flinch.
This is Baz in Berserker mode?This is what had once hunted dragons?
The lead dragon tried to pull back, but Baz was already on him, claws finding the weak points between scales, teeth tearing at wing membranes.They rolled across the ground in a fury of violence that made everyone, shifter and dragon, stop to stare in a mix of awe and horror.
But the distraction cost us.One of the other dragons grabbed me while everyone was watching Baz fight.Claws closed around my torso, lifting me into the air.