Page 17 of Hexual Healing
Baz used our argument as a distraction, moving with that eerily silent grace big men shouldn't possess.But Illanya wasn't stupid.She spun at the last second, catching his throat with one hand, her fingernails shifted to shiny, obsidian claws.
“You think you can protect her?”She squeezed, and I watched Baz's face start to turn red.“You think your little mate mark means anything?I CURSED her.She's mine until the day she dies.”
That's when my magic decided to help.
I sayhelpin the loosest possible sense of the word, because what Imeantto do was hex Illanya.Whatactuallyhappened was I hexed the whole damned house.
The entire cabin groaned, shuddered, and then came alive with the kind of vindictive fury usually reserved for acrimonious divorce proceedings.The floorboards buckled under Illanya's feet, trying to swallow her whole.Cabinet doors swung open with force, then slammed closed, repeatedly.The ceiling fan spun fast enough to achieve liftoff, and every piece of furniture in the room appeared to be in rabid agreement that Illanya was the enemy.
A coffee table went for her knees.The couch tried to consume her.Even the innocent-looking lamp shade launched itself at her head and descended like an angry hat with delusions of grandeur and a penchant for violence.
“What the…?”She released Baz to fight off an aggressive ottoman.“What the hell kind of hex is this?”
“The kind where I have no idea what I'm doing!”I shouted, ducking as a picture frame sailed past my head to join the assault.
Baz stumbled back, rubbing his throat, but I caught him grinning.“You hexed my house to attack her?”
“I was aiming for her!The house just…took friendly fire!”
Gary's voice rang out from somewhere near the ceiling.“Even the foundation has opinions!Who knew?”
Illanya roared.The deep, rumbling sound was so intense, it made my bones ache.Her form rippled and shifted as her scales spread across her skin like wildfire.Then her fingers lengthened into proper claws, and wings started to sprout from her back.But the house wasn't havinganyof it.The doorframe grabbed her by the wings and pulled, the walls pressed in, and the floor absolutely refused to let her achieve full dragon form.
“Stop it!”she screamed, fighting off a particularly vindictive bookshelf.“This isn't how magic works!”
“Tell that tomymagic!”I yelled back, trying desperately to control something, anything.But the house had taken my hex and run with it like a dog with its favorite stick.
The kitchen decided to join in on the party.Pots and pans came clanging out like a demented percussion section.Wooden spoons formed a tiny army.The pepper shaker upended itself in Illanya's direction, which seemed somehow particularly personal given her dragon sensibilities and pepper allergy.
“ENOUGH!”Illanya's eyes flared with inner fire, and she did a combination sneeze-exhale, shooting a blast of flames that should have incinerated everything.
Should have.
Instead, the house ate it.Just…sucked in the fire like a sponge absorbing water.The walls glowed briefly, the airflow became something akin to a wind tunnel, and then the house burped.
A little puff of smoke emerged from the chimney with what I swear was a satisfied sound.
Illanya stood frozen, staring at the ceiling in complete bewilderment.“Did your house just…digest my dragon fire?”
“I think it liked it,” Baz said, steadying himself against the wall.His chest was bleeding more profusely from her earlier attack, but he looked more proud and amazed than hurt.“Tansy, what did you do?”
“I have absolutely no idea,” I admitted in an incredulous whisper scream.A throw pillow sailed past, attempting one last attack on Illanya's dignity by bopping her in the back of the head.Not surprisingly, it didn’t faze her in the least.“But I think the house is on our side?”
The floor beneath Illanya suddenly became a travelator, dragging her directly to the destroyed front door.She tried to dig her claws in, but in the end, the wood won that battle as well.It rapidly picked up speed like a jet on the runway, and, with a very undignified squawk, my extremely pissed dragon ex-girlfriend was unceremoniously ejected from the cabin like a bowling ball spat out by a ball return.
The doorframe tried to reform itself, managed about half a door, then gave up with what sounded like a wooden sigh.
We all stood there in the sudden silence, staring at the half-hearted door and the dragon-shaped hole, complete with dragon, in the front yard where Illanya had landed… Hard.
“Your house,” Gary said slowly, “just yeeted a dragon.”
“Yeeted?”Baz raised an eyebrow.
“It's what the kids say,” Gary sniffed.“I'm hip.I'm current.I know the lingo.”
Illanya roared furiously as she pulled herself out of the crater.Her perfect hair was now decorated with bits of grass and dirt.Her designer clothes were torn to shreds and smoking.Honestly, she would have been hot if I’d been in a better mood, and not on the receiving end of her ire, but right now, she looked less like a dangerous mythical creature and more like someone who'd lost a fight with a blender.
I started laughing so hard, I doubled over.Baz, Gary, and the house soon followed.