Page 36 of Hexual Healing

“Easier said than done.Plus, you’re still shirtless.Which is distracting, and definitely not boring.”

His music shifted to something smugly satisfied.The butterflies (had they followed us here?) formed suggestive shapes again.

“Oh, for the love of…” Zelda stood up and clapped her hands once.

The music cut off instantly.

Everyone in the diner stood frozen for a moment, processing what had just happened.Then, as one, they all turned to stare at me.

“That,” said Dee Dee slowly, and I braced myself for a scathing rebuke, “was the most honest this town’s been in a century.”

Martha, the waitress, was still staring at Randy.“Twenty years?”

“Twenty-three, actually,” he said sheepishly.

Her husband, the cook, poked his head out from the kitchen.His expression was resigned.“I know, honey.In my mind, your theme song has been 'Torn Between Two Lovers' since our wedding day.”

“You knew?”

“Everyone knew.”

“Then why?”

“Because you chose me, and I love you anyway.Even if you love him too.I know you’d never cheat on me.I trust you completely.”

The diner went dead silent.

Then someone started a slow clap.Then another person joined in, and another.Soon, the entire diner was applauding the cook's emotional maturity.

“This town is so weird,” I muttered.

“This town is perfect,” Zelda corrected.

She turned to address the room.“As you've probably figured out, this is Tansy.She's the one causing all the magical disruptions.”

“And the gravy flood?”

“And the singing flowers?”

“And my truck growing feelings?”

“All me,” I admitted.“Sorry?”

“Don't apologize!”An older man stood up.“My truck and I have never been closer.We had a real heart-to-heart this morning.”

“Your truck talks?”Baz asked.

“More like communicated through honks and engine revs.Very emotional.We’re exploring alternate conflict resolution.Mostly with jumper cables.”I must have looked at him funny, because he got awfully defensive, “Don't judge our love!”

Zelda turned back to me, grinning.“See?You're not a disaster.You're a catalyst.This town needed shaking up, and you're doing it perfectly.”

“There's a dragon coming to kill everyone tonight.”

“We know,” Dee Dee said.“Zelda sent out the magical emergency alert.We're all preparing.”

“You're all insane.”

“Welcome to Assjacket,” everyone said in unison, which was creepy as hell.