Page 39 of Hexual Healing
“I want to live,” I said.“And I want you to live.And I want that fucking curse to die screaming.”The last part wasn’t true.As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized I didn’t have a grudge against the curse itself.It hadn’t chosen its fate or its purpose.That was all on Illanya.We were just the fallout of her bad decisions and anger management issues.
Why did I have to give that guy the curse and lead her right to me?
If I’d just said no, I’d be scamming mortals out of rent money in my run-down apartment instead of being cradled in the arms of the gentlest, sexiest, sweetest bear in all the forest.
He grinned.“Now that's a plan I can get behind.”
His grin was infectious, and I smiled right back at him.Happy, warm, and content.That bitch wasn’t going to ruin this for me.
A butterfly landed on his shoulder and turned into a tiny sword before dissipating.
“Even your butterflies are getting violent,” he observed.
“Everything remotely related to me is getting violent.”
“Good.We're going to need it.”
ChapterFive
Morning came too soon, and with it, the reality that we had less than twelve hours before Illanya returned for her answer.The smart thing would have been to create a strategic defense plan.Instead, I was standing in Baz's backyard, trying to ward the perimeter while my magic had other ideas.
“Just a simple protection ward,” I muttered, tracing symbols in the air.“Nothing fancy.Nothing weird.”
The symbols immediately turned into tiny sprites that flew away giggling.
“That's…not a ward,” Baz observed from where he was sharpening what looked like very old, very dangerous claws.Not his actual claws.These were metal and fit to his hands like the world's most terrifying brass knuckles.
Baz knelt beside me, sliding what, upon closer inspection, were bone-plated gauntlets over his hands.The pieces clicked together like vertebrae, each segment perfectly articulated to match the curve and flex of his fingers.As he slid his claws through them, the armor locked into place with a soft, hungry sound.These weren’t just weapons.They were well-worn, well-used, and custom-built for maximum carnage.
I was so caught up in them that I almost missed the fact that his chest wound had completely healed.There wasn’t even so much as a hint of a scar.
“I'm aware.”I tried again, deciding not to address his magical healing abilities.This time, the ward turned into a disco ball.Because apparently, my magic thought we needed sparkly, silvery mood lighting and ’70’s dancing to win the upcoming dragon battle.
Gary slithered over, leaving a gooey, glittering snail trail behind him, “Perhaps we should try a different approach.”
“Like what?”
“Well,” he said, examining the disco ball which was now playing “Stayin' Alive” at concerning volumes, “have you considered just hexing everything and hoping for the best?”
“That's a terrible plan.”
“You’re right.All the terriblenon-planshave worked so far.Maybe we should stick with that.”
He had a point.Every successful defense I'd managed had been completely accidental.The house attacking Illanya, the rhyming hex, even the mood music at the diner, all of it had been pure bedlam that somehow worked out in the end.
“Fine,” I said, throwing my hands up.“Let's just chaos our way through this.”
“That's the spirit!”Zelda's voice came from behind us.She'd arrived with what looked like half the town, all carrying various weapons that ranged from practical to absurd.One man had a pitchfork that was on fire.Another woman carried what appeared to be an angry potted plant.
“Is that a carnivorous rose?”I asked.
“Mabel,” the woman said proudly.“She bites.”
The plant snapped at me to prove the point.
“Right.Okay.We're fighting a dragon with a biting plant and a disco ball.Cool.Cool.Cool.”
Things are definitely NOT cool.