Page 41 of Hexual Healing
“Magic and mayhem?”Baz supplied, and his grin was feral.
“Absolute pandemonium,” I agreed.
The house rumbled in approval so hard that several windows cracked, the butterflies formed battle formations, and that damnedable disco ball started playing “Eye of the Tiger.”
* * *
She came at sunset, because of course she did.Dragons were nothing if not dramatic.
But she didn't come alone.
Three figures emerged from the tree line, all masked and featureless, wearing the kind of black, dusty leather that said,We're mercenaries and we want you to know it.They flanked Illanya like the world's most unnecessary security detail.
“You brought backup?”I called from the porch.“That's cheating!”
“That's insurance,” Illanya replied, her voice carrying easily across the yard.“I know you, Tansy.You never fight fair.”
She wasn’t wrong.
“I don't fight at all!I just accidentally magic things into submission!”
The mercenaries spread out, forming a triangle around the property.One of them was a witch by the feel of her magic, and her triple G tatas, which breasted most boobily as she moved her arms around wildly and chanted something that made my teeth ache.
“Boundary spell,” Zelda muttered from beside me.“They're trying to contain your magic.”
“Can they do that?”
“Normally, yes.But your magic isn't exactlynormal.”
As if to prove her point, my magic reached out and touched the boundary spell.The witch's chanting turned into chicken noises.Literal chicken noises.She looked horrified but couldn't stop clucking.
“Did you just turn her into a chicken?”Zelda asked.
“Turn her into a chicken?No.Turn her language into chicken?Apparently.”
The witch tried to cast another spell, but all that came out was increasingly angry clucking.The other mercenaries looked concerned.
“Fix her!”Illanya demanded.
“I don't know how!I don't even know what I did!”
The witch stomped her foot and let out what was clearly meant to be a threatening squawk.It wasn't very effective.
That's when Gary made his move.
I'd never seen him slither that fast.He zipped across the yard, leaving a trail of silver slime that immediately started glowing.Before anyone had time to react, he'd drawn a complete circle around all three mercenaries.
“Shame spiral, bitches!”he announced.
The mercenaries tried to step out of the circle and immediately froze.Their faces ran through a series of expressions ranging from confusion to recognition, then landing on soul-crushing mortification.
“I wet the bed until I was fifteen,” one of them announced, looking horrified at his own words.
“I can’t cum unless I wear a pony tail butt plug,” another added.
The chicken-speaking witch clucked something that sounded deeply personal and embarrassing.
“Gary,” I said, “what did you do?”