Page 42 of Hexual Healing
“Weaponized their deepest embarrassments,” he said proudly.“They can't leave the circle until they've confessed everything they're ashamed of.”
“That's pure evil.”
“That's pure genius,” Baz corrected.
The mercenaries were now in full confession mode.Stories about failed relationships, embarrassing medical conditions, and one particularly detailed account of a man's secret collection of exotic pocket pussies spilled out.
Illanya looked furious.“This is ridiculous!You can't fight me with embarrassment and poultry sounds!”
“Watch me!”I shouted back, though I had no idea what I was going to do.
That's when the townspeople made their move.
They came from everywhere—behind trees, inside bushes, one guy, or should I say fox, since he’d shifted, literally rose up from what I'm pretty sure was a hole he'd dug in the ground all of twenty minutes ago.They were armed tooth and claw.Those who hadn’t shifted carried weapons ranging from flaming pitchforks to Mrs.Henderson's dino-chickens, which were now the size of actual T.rexes.Well, small T.rexes.They were insanely cute with their tiny little arms.
“Hi, Illanya,” Dee Dee said pleasantly, wielding what looked like a commercial restaurant spatula that had been sharpened to a worrying degree.“You're not welcome here.”
“This doesn't concern you,” Illanya snarled.
“It concerns one of ours, so it concerns all of us,” Randy said, his arm around Martha.They were both carrying matching crossbows, which was either romantic or terrifying.
Illanya laughed, but it sounded forced.“You think your little town can stand against a dragon and three world-class magic users who owe me a blood debt?”
“No,” Zelda said, stepping forward.Her magic flared and suddenly looked hella ominous.“But we think we can make it inconvenient enough that you'll leave.”
“Inconvenient?”
That's when my magic turned the party up to eleven.
Every weapon the townspeople carried suddenly transformed.But not into something less dangerous.Into something worse.
The pitchfork became a pitchfork that shot fire AND played banjo music.The spatula grew to the size of a battle axe but dripped scalding hot honey.And the butterflies?
The butterflies shrank themselves down and became flying knives made of crystallized rage and poor judgment that aimed straight for Illanya’s beautiful green-gold eyes.“What the hell?”she said as she took a step back.
“I don't know!”I admitted.
The chicken-witch tried to cast something, but all that came out was what sounded like the poultry version of profanity.Her face was red with rage.
“Enough!”Illanya's form rippled, scales spreading across her skin.“I'll burn you all!”
“Try it,” Baz said quietly.Something in his voice made everyone freeze.
He stepped forward with his claw weapons gleaming in the dying light.But it wasn't the weapons that were scary.It was him.The way he moved.The way his eyes had gone completely gold.The way the air around him seemed to bend and curve.
“You want her?”he asked, his voice dropping into something that wasn't quite human.“You'll have to go through me.”
“And me,” Zelda added.
“And me,” said Dee Dee.
“And me,” the crowd said in unison.
But this time, it wasn't creepy.It was powerful.
Illanya looked around at the shitstorm she’d most recently found herself in.At her mercenaries trapped in Gary's shame spiral, still confessing embarrassing secrets.How did they have so many?At the chicken-witch, who was now literally laying eggs out of frustration.At the army of townspeople either shifted into their animal form or wielding transformed weapons that defied all logic.
And at me, standing there with butterflies made of knives and a disco ball that had started playing “We Are the Champions” for some reason.