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SADIE

I’m awakened by the gentle grumblings of Hawk’s voice from across the room. Feeling slightly disoriented, I have no idea what time it could be. The curtains have been drawn, blocking out the light from outside. I don’t remember having closed them. If not for the delightful soreness between my thighs, I might have believed it was still last night and the vivid dream was due to the drugs I had been given.

I turn over and find Hawk standing in the doorway wearing only his sweatpants, blocking whoever is on the other side’s view from the room. His voice is low, but it doesn’t hide the edge it carries. I can’t hear both sides of the conversation, but Hawk isn’t budging.

“I’m not waking her up and you’re not coming in. She’s sleeping, which I’m pretty sure she hasn’t done much of lately until some asshole drugged her. We’ll discuss whatever you need after she’s had time to rest.” Hawk’s raspy voice speaks of how tired he must be, too. His injuries, though not severe, were still enough to bruise and batter his body. He also was drugged, and I’m certain that, like me, he hasn’t been sleeping soundly for the last few weeks either.

After some more negotiating, an agreement is made to meet first thing in the morning to discuss whatever information is so important. Hawk grumbles about someone being a pushy asshole, most likely Matteo, before closing the door and turning back to face me.

Our eyes meet from across the room—his full of heat, mine with unshed tears.

Get a fucking grip, girl!

I hate that I’m such an emotional wreck around him now. I’ve never been one to show my true feelings, unless it was laughter or anger, around the club members. Especially not to him . I haven’t for a long time. It felt like showing weakness. So I hid everything beneath snarky banter.

After being away from everyone and finally hearing my best friend’s happiness as she plans her wedding and my uncle saying he trusts me, everything feels so raw . Nathaniel’s declarations of love and claiming me as his ol’ lady—both things I’ve wanted for so long and finally now have—are making things even harder for me emotionally. I feel off. Shattered and put together at the same time. Like each small shard of my heart has somehow been put back together, but the fear I have that it’s temporary threatens to break it all apart.

What if he changes his mind again?

He said he wouldn’t. I have to trust him.

But can I when there are still secrets between us?

I wasn’t lying when I said Thomas’s days are numbered. He has a debt to repay and amends to make, but the club will not be the ones to decide when he does or how. His debt is to Vincenzo—and to me . Will the club see me as a traitor once again when they realize I didn’t tell them everything I know about Vincenzo and his plans to take down the people who have hurt him and his family? Will I be judged for keeping secrets when it’s what the club has always done to keep those they love safe? Will there be a double standard for me?

Why would that change now?

Throwing my feet over the edge of the bed, I stand intending to take a shower, where I can process through everything that’s happened over the last twenty-four hours and put my emotions into perspective. Try to figure out why I let my guard down again. I know he said it was for real, but the plans for Cusenza aren’t done yet and I’m not going to take a step back because my ol’ man demands it.

I barely reach the bathroom before Hawk’s arms band around my waist from behind, pulling me close as he nuzzles into me, kissing my shoulder.

“Where do you think you’re going?” It rumbles through his chest. The warmth of his lips against my skin, a reminder of how they felt between my legs, causes them to press together. One hand finds its way to my thighs, prying them open as he chuckles against my skin. The vibration making my core clench with the memory of what this man can do to me.

My hand wraps around the back of his neck, pulling him closer, holding him to me. It’s a desperate plea, and a moment of weakness. I want him. I want this to be our normal. Us together , in this little bubble of ecstasy we’ve created.

Just a little longer. I tell myself.

“I need to shower.” My words come out on a stuttered whimper as his finger slowly circles my clit.

“Hmm. Then let’s take a shower.” Too soon, he pulls away, stalking toward the large shower and turning the water on. He reaches a hand out toward me and I take it, allowing him to pull me under the hot water with him. My emotions are once again at war with my body, but the hot water and his strong, calloused hands massaging the body wash on my skin help push away my worries for the time being.

One more. Let him take care of you one more time.

His hands caress my skin, from my shoulders to the tops of my thighs and back, paying special attention to my breasts along the way. His lips find my neck, his teeth scraping lightly along the skin there, a little pain that he caresses away with his tongue.

“You’re thinking too hard, baby. Relax,” he murmurs. “Lean back.” The command in his voice brings a sudden change to the air around us, sending shivers up my spine. I lean back, pushing my body firmly against his, unable to resist rubbing his hard cock with my ass, earning me a sharp slap to the top of my thigh.

“Behave. I’ll take care of you in due time. Put your arms around my neck.”

I obey, slowly hooking my arms around his neck. My torso arching a little against his chest. “Good girl. Keep them there.”

Those words from his mouth do funny things to my insides. It’s not the same way I feel when Matteo says it. From Hawk, they carry more weight, more meaning. I want to be his good girl.

Hawk’s breath is hot on my nape while one hand traverses my body until it rests just below my breast. The other continues its descent down my belly, seductively inching closer to the place I need him most. My clit is swollen, throbbing between my legs. I want to cry, to beg him to touch me, to fuck me, anything to take away the ache building inside me.

Hawk chuckles from behind me. “Patience, baby. I want to enjoy every inch of this beautiful body.” He kisses his way from my nape to my ear. “You’re mine now, Sapphire. Whatever crazy thoughts you’re fighting about this being temporary—that you’ll walk away when we leave this penthouse—that I’ll change my mind. All those thoughts are bullshit, and you need to shut them down. Because you’re not going anywhere, and neither am I.” He bites down on the flesh where my neck meets my shoulder hard. The pain adding to the pleasure is a strange combination I’m quickly becoming addicted to.

He thumbs my nipple, giving it a sharp pinch and a tug. I jerk at the sensation, my moan echoing off the walls of the shower. Hawk hums his approval. His other hand lays still, a hair's breath away from my clit, unmoving.

“Are you just going to talk or do you plan on making me come sometime soon? Because if you’re not up for the task, I can do it myself,” I tease, tired of the games and needing a release. I unhook my hands, sliding my right hand down my abdomen, gripping his wrist and forcing his hand down further. Using his finger, I circle my clit, pressing into the swollen flesh with just the right amount of pressure. Just as I’m about to go over the edge, Hawk pulls his hand away, roughly gripping mine and placing it back behind his neck.

“Naughty, naughty, Sapphire. You’re not in charge, baby.” He bites my shoulder, and I yelp at the sting. I’m about to tell him to fuck off when his fingers dip down and brush over my clit, halting my protest, distracting me. I arch against his hand, but the smug bastard doesn’t move, only chuckles against my ear.

“Need something, baby?” His hand slides down my inner thigh, and I open myself to him. His other hand finds its way back to my breast, squeezing and kneading it, hard, punishingly so. He cups my pussy possessively. “This is mine, now. I’ll give and take as I please, and you’ll enjoy every second, if you’d just let go and trust me to take care of you.”

Easier said than done.

I hate that I still have doubts, but history has proven in my life, good things don’t last.

Hawk’s fingers skim through my wet folds. He groans. “So fucking wet. You need me, don’t you, baby? This sweet little cunt wants me to fill it, mark it … eat it .” He spins us abruptly, pushing my back against the tile wall as he falls to his knees before me. His mouth kisses a trail up my inner thigh as he drapes it over his shoulder, opening me up further. His finger harshly plunges inside me, swirling once, twice, three times. My hips instinctively shifting with each move. Heat rushes through my body. The hot wetness dripping down my thighs I know isn’t from the shower. Hawk’s other arm comes up, pinning my hips against the wall, stilling my movements, as he slows the pace of his fingers.

“Ugh.” My hands slap against the hard tile, and I groan, glaring at the bastard who’s smiling wickedly at me from his place on the ground. I want to scream at him. Beg him to make me come, but Hawk’s on a mission to prove he owns me, and my pleas won’t sway him.

I grip his hair tightly in my hand, his eyes close, and I try to push his head toward my pussy. The asshat doesn’t budge. I pull harder and he growls his approval.

Guess he likes a little pain with his pleasure, too. Interesting.

He grips my hand, placing my finger on my clit and demands, “Circle it, Sadie. Don’t stop until I tell you. If you stop, I’ll stop, and then I’ll get myself off, mark your ass with my cum, and leave you hanging. You got me?”

Oh, the bastard.

I’m too wound up to argue but make a mental note to get even.

I do as he says, and he rewards me with his tongue, fucking me into oblivion. My climax hits and my hips thrust forward, his arm bands around my thigh holding me in place. He slows his tongue but doesn’t stop. When I start to pull my hand away, he stops me. “Not done yet. I didn’t say stop.”

“I can’t, Nathaniel,” I plead.

“You can and will. Trust me, baby.” Our eyes connect and there’s something in his I can’t quite decipher, but I nod, giving in to his commands.

He stands, my leg draped over his forearm, my finger still slowly circling my clit. His lips crash onto mine in a brutal kiss and his cock enters me in one swift motion. I gasp, and he deepens the kiss, growling as he speeds up his pace. I grip his neck, needing something to keep me upright as he continues to pound into me, drawing another orgasm out of me. He swallows my scream, but he isn’t finished.

Lifting both my legs and wrapping them around his waist, Hawk changes the angle, bottoming out. The new angle is stretching me, but the slight burn is worth the pleasure. My climax begins to build again, my core tingling, my stomach quivering. Hawk ramps up his pace, slamming inside me harder with each thrust. His arm holding me behind my shoulders now, his hand gripping my neck, keeping me from getting hurt from bouncing against the wall.

“One more, baby. I need you to come one more time.” He grunts. “You’re squeezing me so fucking tight. So hot and wet, and mine. ” Hawk grips my shoulders, slamming into me, groaning as my muscles tighten around him. “Fuck yes! Say it, Sadie. Tell me you’re mine.”

“I-I-I’m yours, Nathaniel. I’ve always been yours.” A tear escapes my eye as the truth barrels out of me and Nathaniel lets go, spraying rope after rope of hot, sticky release inside me. We stay here, a hot, panting mess. The water is now cold and all but forgotten.

Nathaniel puts me on my feet, steadying me with his hand on my waist as he shuts off the water. He gathers two towels from the wall beside the shower door, wrapping one around his waist. He grips my hand, pulling me out of the shower, and gently begins drying my body with the towel. It’s such a strange feeling, being cared for like I’m precious. It’s something I’ve never really had before.

Don’t get me wrong. Lisa and Mack did the best they could, but I never felt like I was their child. I can’t explain why, but I always knew I was different. The daughter of a traitor and a psychopath . The stigma carried into my school years. Kids teased me. Teachers pitied me. So, I learned to shut my emotions down and put up walls around my heart with everyone—except him .

I thought I had finally managed to put those walls up, to push Hawk out after witnessing him with Candi and various other women over the last year or so. I finally locked my heart away after he went on a drunken bender and slept with Candi the night Nate came back to the clubhouse. I never expected the sneaky bastard to find a way around it until he showed up at my house that night and we made love.

I didn’t want to love him. I didn’t want to believe his declarations. I didn’t want to leave him either. But now, standing here watching him gently towel off my body after ravishing me so thoroughly, I know this is inevitable.

“I love you,” I blurt out, spilling my thoughts out into the air. My heart sputters when his hands stop moving and his eyes lock on mine. His hand comes up to cup my cheek, his forehead pressed to mine.

“I love you too, Sapphire. I think I always have. Just didn’t think I was worthy of someone like you. But now that I know you feel the same way, you need to understand something. I’m keeping you.” His lips meet mine, and this time he takes his time, tasting, teasing, loving me, and for the first time in my life, I believe him .