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SADIE

Everyone gathered at the clubhouse for Skyler’s baby gender reveal. It made things easier, since the Mountain Heights guys came in to help out and stay for a bit. I think she did it here to keep them all out of her house. As close as they all are with her, it would be like having six, nosey ass brothers all going through your things and eating you out of house and home, again. Plus, she has an innocent, easily corruptible, teenage daughter living with her and Ethan now. There are things these men do and say that she shouldn’t be privy to. To ensure she wouldn’t be exposed to their debauchery. With a stocked kitchen, private bedrooms, and loose women around at their beck and call, the guys have no reason to be at Sky’s house.

Cash has already been here for a few weeks, planning the reveal party and doting on Skyler and Lilah while driving Ethan absolutely insane. It’s been hilarious to watch. The way Cash gives in to Skyler’s every little whim and craving, while giving Ethan shit for not moving faster and taking better care of their girl, has been pure comedic gold for the rest of us. Not to mention how Cash spoils Lilah, taking her to the mall and getting her anything she wants. For Ethan, I would say from the outside looking in, it’s like having a disapproving bother-in-law who is always on your case, but he can’t do shit about it because it would upset Skyler, and Ethan won’t have her stressed.

I’m almost convinced Cash is an evil genius for the shit he pulls, hiding behind the facade of an immature playboy biker. He and Hawk have that in common. I don’t know why Cash does it, but I know Hawk uses his charismatic personality to hide the pain his father put everyone through. He’s taken on the sins of his father as his own.

We have that in common.

Cash’s bullshit is also why I’m fairly certain it was Ethan who made the insistence about everything being here. He’s already had to deal with Cash showing up whenever he wants, at the house, the gym, the studio, and the clubhouse. I’m impressed Ethan was able to convince Cash to stay at the clubhouse. He knew Skyler wouldn’t approve of Cash bringing women to their house with Lilah living there. “It would send the wrong message.” So, if Cash wanted to get laid, he had to stay here with the rest of them.

Sneaky fucker.

Funny how having their own daughters changes thing. It never stopped any of the guys from doing their shit in front of us growing up. Me, Jayde, Skyler and Jinx all got an education on what it meant to ‘please a biker’ at a young age. Basically, you’re either his ol’ lady or a whore.

Pass on both accounts.

I think Ethan had a different motive for getting Cash and the others to stay here though. A selfish, but valid reason.

“Doesn’t everything look so cute? They did a great job with the decorations.” Avery’s words come out a little slurred. She leans her arm on my shoulder, and I can tell by the way she drops most of her weight on me, she’s toasted.

I take in the decorations and the gender-neutral color scheme. There are mint green, cream, and light brown balloons, with gold accents and streamers all over the clubhouse. The guys even put up a balloon archway leading out into the yard from the sliding door.

Outside, the picnic tables are covered with cream table clothes, and each one has a teddy bear and balloon bouquet as the centerpiece. In the middle of the stage, between the stripper poles is where they set up a chair sitting center stage, for Skyler to open her gifts. It’s fitting if you ask me -on a stage is where she and Ethan rekindled their love for each other. He just didn’t know it was her until later.

“Yeah. They did all right. How many of those Taming of the Shrew drinks have you had, Aves?” Judging by her flushed cheeks, slow speech, and her cheesy grin, I’d say she’s had a few.

“This is my second, third, no, second.” She tries counting on her hands, but the numbers she says and the fingers she’s showing don’t match up.

“I see. So, you’ve lost count, and you’re wasted?” I smile. It’s good to see my best friend letting her hair down and living a little. It wasn’t too long ago she was afraid to eat the wrong foods for fear of gaining weight thanks to her bitch of a grandmother putting that bullshit in her head. Eleanor West still has retribution coming her way for everything she did to this Club and to Avery personally, as soon as I can get a lock on her location.

“Maybe.” Avery smiles. “But they’re so good. You should try one. We can toast to their bay-bay, baby boy.” Her words are stretching longer and longer as she tried to think past her drunken fog.

I lift my beer to my lips and take a swig. “I’m good for now. I have to drive home later.” I move to set her down on a nearby barstool and motion for Blake. “Get her some water, would you?” He nods and pulls one from the mini fridge under the bar, twisting off the lid and handing it to Avery. She takes a drink without question.

Tension fills the room as the doors of the clubhouse open. Vincenzo Parisi and his two most trusted men are here.

“Shit.” I hear Blake murmur from behind the bar.

“What’s wrong? They’re just here for the gender reveal. Skyler insisted they be a part of it since Vincenzo and his men protected her and all.” I offer.

“Yeah, I get it. But, come on Sadie.” Blake sighs. “Every time Parisi comes in here, he stirs up some kind of shit and we all get to deal with the wrath of Pres until it settles back down.”

“Well, the good news is, you’re no longer a prospect, so you don’t have to deal with the worst of it.” I smile, tipping my bottle toward Trevor, the newest prospect. “He on the other hand, will. Poor guy could find himself on shitter duty for weeks if Gabe doesn’t get himself laid or something soon. He needs to let off some steam. Relax a little.”

“Maybe Pres will finally get himself a piece of that blonde he’s been into at the coffee shop.” Blake teases.

I reach over and punch him in the arm, trying not to drop Avery in the process. “Shut up, asshole.” I tip my head toward Trevor who’s glaring at Blake. “You know Linzie is his mom. He doesn’t need you stirring up any more shit between him and Gabe. She’s already pissed at him for letting Trevor prospect when she distinctly said she didn’t want him to. Besides, no one wants to picture their mom letting off steam with their friend, or in this case, President, for shit’s sake. You put that in his head and you’re liable to get the guy killed before he even has a chance to patch in.”

“Did I hear you need to let off some steam, Sapphire?” The sound of Hawk’s voice saying my childhood nickname and the not-so-subtle suggestion causes my skin to break out with goosebumps.

One night couldn’t hurt, right?

No. As good as it sounds, as much as I would love nothing more than to have one taste of the forbidden, it’ll never happen. Hawk will never see me as someone he wants to fuck.

Or keep around for more. Damn him.

Which is what makes the way my body reacts to him even more pathetic. I want nothing more than to get over this crush or whatever the hell it is I’ve had on him for so long. Nothing will ever come of it. He’s all talk. A big fucking flirt, who sees me as nothing more than a burden. One he can tease in one breath and cut down in the next.

I deserve better.

Turning to face him, I can tell he’s already had a few drinks himself. He’s not drunk, but his eyes are heavy lidded. His usual shit-eating grin is still in place, but his, mask has slipped. He’s playing his part, but he can’t hide the pain he’s trying to numb. Not from me.

Hopefully Nate’s death will help take away some of the pain he’s caused. Knowing he can’t come back and do any more damage has to be somewhat consoling, right?

I bring my beer to my lips, take a long, and shake my thoughts. While taking a long, slow pull from my beer, I settle next to Avery keeping her from toppling off the stool. I wipe the corners of my mouth with my fingers. Not that I let anything drip, but I like the way Hawk’s eyes follow the movement.

Okay, so maybe I like teasing him a little too.

“Nah. If I need to scratch an itch, I’m sure I could find someone else to take care of it for me.” I nod toward Matteo at the end of the bar getting his boss a drink. Hawk follows my line of sight, and growls. I shouldn’t poke the bear, but I can’t find it in myself to care if he gets pissed off or thinks the wrong thing about me and Matteo. I realized a while ago Matteo and my friendship irritated Hawk, and every once in a while, to spite the hypocritical bastard, I let him believe his own assumptions that we’re fucking. Until he asks me directly, I have no reason to correct him. I might not even if he did ask.

“Hmmph.” Hawk grumbles. The corners of my lips tip up at his obvious jealousy.

He deserves it after flaunting all his sexcapades in front me all these years. His most recent mistake being Candi.

He doesn’t usually make a spectacle of himself with the club girls, and I know he’s hurting because of Nate, but what he did the other night in front of me was bullshit. He wanted me to see them leaving to his room. He did it to make a point. I’m not his type. Well, fuck him.

You want to.

No. Damn it!

Hawk scrutinizes my face for a minute. Not letting on what he sees there, only grunts, “I see,” before walking away to join Gabe and the others as they greet Vincenzo. Although, seeing how stiff they all are, I’m not sure they’re welcoming him so much as waiting to find out what the hell he’s really doing here. It’s true what Blake said. Visits from Vincenzo typically end with Gabe being furious and everyone else cleaning up the aftermath. Though, things have been a little better lately with him handing over Nate as a show of good faith. The problem now, is going to be when they find out Vincenzo was the one who had Nate killed. He stole their opportunity to serve their own brand of justice for Nate’s crimes against this family.

But in the long run, Vincenzo saved Hawk the pain and torment of killing his own father.

Hawk may not see it that way, but I agreed with Vincenzo on this. Hawk may hate his father, and rightly so, but having to face his mother every day with the blood of his father on his hands would be too much to bear. She never wanted Nate to die. In fact, she pleaded with Gabe and the club not to kill him if they found him, but to let him serve out his sentence in jail. Hawk believes she still loves her husband even after all he did to them. I’m certain it was more about the love she has for her son and the guilt she knew he already bore.

Hawk has always carried the guilt of a ten-year-old boy who couldn’t save his mother from his father’s hand or his infidelities. He wanted nothing more than to be his mother’s hero, but what can a young boy do to a grown man strung out on drugs and alcohol? The one time he tried to fight back, Hawk ended up with a broken arm and a bruised face. That was the last time any of us saw Nate. His mother wasn’t going to allow her son to take responsibility for his father’s wrongdoings or harbor any more shame on his behalf.

It’s one of the reasons I love his mother. She’s a fierce protector. Its a quality I admire.

Matteo hands Vincenzo his drink, then heads straight for me. I watch, smirking as Hawk’s glare follows Matteo to me.

When he reaches me, Matteo leans down and kisses my forehead in greeting. “Dolcezza.” I smile. I know he says it to all the girls. It the equivalent of the brothers calling all women ‘babe’, but it still makes me feel special when Matteo says it to me. We’ve become good friends over the last few months, working on the business and other things. He understands me and doesn’t try to change me or make me feel like I’m less than because I’m not a brother or a soldier . He respects me and the work I do.

“I see you’ve started early this afternoon.” He points to my beer, but we both know that’s not what he’s talking about. Matteo thinks this thing between me and Hawk, this battle of wills is nothing more than foreplay.

I can only wish.

No. No more wishing. No more pining. When he finds out what I’ve done, he’ll never want to see me again anyway.

Tonight is meant to be a celebration for Skyler and Ethan, their new beginning and a second chance. This baby boy will never replace the one they lost, but it will help heal a hole in their hearts.

There’s nothing that can heal the whole in mine.

“Avery!” Jake shouts across the room with Blake standing beside him pointing at Avery. Snitch .

I almost forgot she was standing here, and now I know why. She’s half-asleep leaning against the bar beside me. Matteo grips her elbow, startling her awake. Jake storms over, grabs her half empty water bottle form her hand and sets it on the bar, giving Matteo a shitty look. He’s such a prick. He knows Matteo would never poach his fiancé, but the guys are still not sure if they can trust Parisi or his men. Given all the shit they’ve been through in the last year, I can’t blame them. But they don’t know the truth behind it all like I do, and I don’t know if they’ll care when they do.

Jake takes a minute to assess Avery. She smiles, her eyes dropping.

“Fuck. Prospect!” He shouts at Trevor who rushes over. “I need coffee, and a sandwich for her, now.”

“On it, Jake.” Trevor disappears into the kitchen.

Jake lifts Avery into his arms and walks her over to the couch where he sits with her seated firmly on his lap, whispering in her ear. Knowing him, he’s threatening to spank her ass for getting drunk. It’s not a good deterrent if he is. When Gabe approaches them, Jake looks up, shaking his head at whatever Gabe has said.

Vincenzo stalks to me with Santiago close at his side and sits on the newly vacated stool beside me. I hold back my laughter and how strange it is to see the suit wearing Italian Boss sitting on a bar stool in a biker clubhouse.

“Miss Jenkins. How are you this evening?” He swirls his whiskey before taking a sip, his ever-watchful eyes glaring at me over the rim of the glass.

“I’m as good as can be expected I suppose.”

“Not one for baby showers?” He asks, smiling. “Do you not want children Miss Jenkins?”

“It’s a gender reveal, not a baby shower. Which means they’ll have another expensive party similar to this one in a few weeks to spoil Skyler one more time with everything she could possibly want or need before the baby is born.” I reply. “The gifts today are just a teaser. Trust me. The kid will want for nothing if this club has anything to say about it.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” I feel his eyes studying me as I look around the room at all the faces of the people I call family.

“I-I don’t think kids are in the plan for my life. I wouldn’t know how to be a mother. Mine wasn’t much of an example. And if we consider the gene-pool I came from, I’m not so sure I want to pass that along to a kid.” I clear my throat, fighting against the tightness I feel due to the lump that’s forming there.

“I see.” Vincenzo looks from me to Matteo, but Matteo’s eyes are studying me. The watchful bastard is too astute. He sees my pain but thankfully doesn’t comment. “Are we all set?” Vincenzo asks.

Matteo looks to me. I nod. I’m not sure I can speak right now. Realizing how much they all love Skyler and how supportive everyone is of her, sends a sharp pain through my chest. I want that so much. The loving husband. The family. The love.

They’ll never see you as worthy of their love. They won’t understand.

Skyler kept club secrets. Hell, she was a club secret. So was Avery. I’ve kept club secrets too, but they’ll never see me the same as those two.

I’m a liability. Hawk’s words echo through my mind. He was still pissed about me helping Avery escape her grandmother’s estate, even though it was the right decision, and everyone was happy to have her back among family. It was reckless and could’ve hurt the club.

I’ve tried for years to prove my value to this club. To give them a reason to trust me, to see me as more than my father’s daughter. Gabe’s niece. An obligation. But they don’t see it. They don’t see me. And now that shit is about to hit the fan again, I’m making sacrifices to help them. To save the only family I’ve ever had and never felt like I truly belonged to. If I don’t do it, they could all die. The Devils will see to it.

Suck it up! This was your choice.

“I have what’s needed. I’ll leave tomorrow night.” I tell them.

“I’ll send Santiago to…”

“No.” I stop Vincenzo before he finishes his thought. “I want to do this alone. I don’t need a babysitter or an escort. I want one more night in my own home, alone, before I move forward. I have shit I need to do to make sure nothing damning is left behind. I’ll leave after everything is sorted. You have my word.”

“I’m not sending a babysitter, Miss Jenkins. But I would feel better if you weren’t left unguarded. I can’t guarantee your protection otherwise. If you recall, I have an agreement with your father to keep you safe.” His voice is low as he speaks. The mention of Thomas will have every man in this room losing their shit. They haven’t seen or heard from him since his escape, and after tonight they’re for sure going to be on the hunt.

“Well, if you recall our agreement, I do things on my terms. In my time. I don’t need him. He left years ago and as far as I’m concerned has done nothing but fuck up my life with all his brilliant plans and ideas thus far.” I snap. “Thanks to him, I’m about to lose everyone I love in order to clean up his fucking mess. Both of them can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned.”

“Dolcezza.” Matteo warns. I flick my eyes to his. His lifted brow and tone of voice convey the warning. I’m being disrespectful to Vincenzo and disrespect is never tolerated.

Shut up, Sadie.

“Hey, Vincenzo. Matteo. Santiago.” Violet sidles up saying each name slow and unsure. “I didn’t realize you were coming today. Just you three? Or did you bring anyone else?” She cranes her neck looking around the room.

Vincenzo chuckles. “Is that your not-so-subtle way of asking if Emelia is here? The answer is no. She wasn’t up for company.”

Violet crosses her arms over her chest. “You mean you aren’t ready for her to be out in public.”

“Excuse me.” I push through them, avoiding what I’m sure is going to be another argument about her best friend and how Vincenzo is keeping her hidden away. I keep my head down and head straight for the bathrooms. Once inside, I lean my hands on the counter, fighting to keep my emotions at bay.

“Just get it done and get gone, Sadie.” I tell myself. Pulling the cloned phone from my pocket, I type in Hawk’s password and the secondary pin code and reset all cameras and alarms. Then I quickly shoot off a text to Tate from my own cell phone.

Me: You’re up. Don’t fuck this up.

Tate: Have some faith in us, Sugar. It’ll look like a natural accident. We won’t hurt your family on purpose.

Me: If you do, I’ll find you.

I shut my phone off, put the clone back in my pocket and walk out of the bathroom, heading straight to Skyler to give her a hug.

“You’re leaving?” She asks.

“Yeah. I have a migraine I can’t seem to kick. The music and noise are too much for me right now. I’m sorry.” I lie.

Skyler gives me one more hug and sends me on my way. I don’t bother saying goodbye to anyone else for fear I’ll break down and lose my nerve. Leaving them is hard enough but knowing what they’ll all think of me when the truth comes out, is tearing me apart inside. I’m about to become the person to them they all feared I would become.

A traitor like my father.