CHAPTER 8
HAWK
“Are you even listening to me?”
Rafe’s bemused voice drags my mind back to the present; away from memories of my last exchange with Rhiannon and the slump of her shoulders as she walked away from me. The mental image of her pissed-off expression dissipates as reality intrudes, reminding me that once again, I fucked things up royally.
Just as I turn towards Rafe, a potato chip comes flying at me, coming within centimeters of my nose before I bat it away. “What the?—”
He smirks at me. “At least something got your attention.”
I scoop up the still-intact chip and whip it back at him, adding a little spin to my throw so it successfully hits him on the forehead. “I’m paying attention,” I reply defensively.
“Really?” Rafe’s eyebrows shoot up. Leaning forward on the couch, he snags a fresh potato chip and pops it into his mouth, chewing for a second before asking, “What did I just say, then?”
“You asked if I was listening to you.” And hopefully that’s a good enough answer, because I honestly have no idea what he said prior to that. We’ve been hanging out in Rafe’s living room, watching some random documentary about a cheese rolling competition in England while idly checking our phones and in my case, thinking about Rhiannon.
Rafe pins me with a knowing gaze. “Before that. Did you hear anything I said?”
I glance at the TV to see a mud covered man holding a giant cheese wheel aloft and cheering while blood trickles down his forehead. “Fine.” Making a face at him, I admit, “I didn’t hear what you said. Was it something important?”
“It was about the job tomorrow,” he replies. “The one you claimed you’re here to help me with. In Laredo.”
Shit. That is the reason I said I was here. After backing out of the job to stay at Blade and Arrow, I called Rafe last night to tell him I was coming after all. “They have enough people working the case already,” I told him, “and not being a part of the team, I think I’m more in the way than anything.”
The first is true, at least. I’m not needed there. They’ve solved plenty of cases on their own, and it would only be vanity to think they suddenly need another person. Especially one who’s spent the better part of the last four years distancing himself from anything to do with the Army.
It’s not that I dislike the Army. Far from it. Up until those last months, when everything went bad, I loved being a soldier. I loved the camaraderie. The feeling of purpose. Knowing that what I was doing truly made a difference, and that the risks I was taking meant something.
Then I found out what had been happening to Rhiannon, and everything fell apart.
“Sorry.” Muting the TV, I turn my attention to Rafe. “I zoned out for a minute. What did you say about the trip to Laredo tomorrow?”
He stares at me, his gaze assessing. “That I think we should head out before sunup. Beat the worst of the traffic. If we’re lucky, we might find the guy on the first stop and be back home by noon.”
“Okay.” I force a smile. “Sounds good.”
Eyes narrowing, Rafe’s forehead creases before responding. After a brief pause, he says, “You don’t have to come with me, you know. If you’d rather go back to Blade and Arrow, that’s fine.”
“I don’t want to go back there.” Liar . The longer I’m away from Rhiannon, the worse I feel. “And anyway, I felt bad canceling on you after I promised to help.”
“Hawk. I don’t need your help. You know that.” Standing, he walks to the mantle and picks up a photo of our old team, one I looked at myself when I arrived. In it, Rhi has the brightest smile, and you’d never know from looking at her that she’d already been dealing with Allen’s harassment for months.
“I thought it would be nice,” Rafe continues, “to see my old friend after years of him hiding out up in Alaska. But I can do this myself. If you want to help, that’s one thing. But…”
Trailing off, he shoots me a knowing glance. “You seemed pretty determined to stay at Blade and Arrow before. Adamant, really.” Rafe’s voice changes pitch as he imitates me, “I need to stick around to make sure Rhi’s safe. Help out however I can.”
“She is safe. She’s at the ranch. You know how much security they have there.”
“Maybe so.” He sets the photo back down. “But that didn’t seem to matter two days ago. So what changed?”
I was an asshole, that’s what.
Because of my immature behavior, I hurt Rhiannon.
And I reminded myself why it was better for her if I stayed away.
“Nothing happened,” I lie.
One brow arches up. “Really?” Rafe runs a hand through his hair, still as short as it was when he was in the Army. “If nothing happened, then why have you been moping since you got here?”
“I haven’t been.” A hint of defiance tinges my tone. “Our old teammate was hurt. Targeted by someone who tried to kill her. Do you expect me to be happy about that?”
Just the thought of Rhiannon’s near-miss makes restless energy pulse through me, and I jump up from the couch to cross the room to the window. Staring outside, I catch a distant glimpse of the bay, the best part of Rafe’s otherwise unremarkable apartment.
“Of course not.” Rafe’s voice goes sharp. “And you shouldn’t have to ask that. I care. I told Dante I’d come help, but he said he was fine. That he had the team.” He pauses. “And you. Dante said you were there to help. That you insisted. So.” His hard features soften. “You don’t have to tell me. But if you want to talk, nothing leaves this room.”
I’m about to make up an excuse. But somehow I hear myself saying, “I screwed everything up. Again. It’s better for Rhi if I’m not there.”
“How did you screw everything up?”
Still looking out the window, I admit, “I said some things I shouldn’t have. And I hurt her. That’s the last thing Rhiannon needs right now.”
“I can’t imagine Rhi would hold a grudge. Did you talk about it after?”
“I texted her.” Before Rafe can respond, I add, “I apologized. This morning. But it’s not enough. Not when I keep doing this.”
“Saying the wrong shit?”
“No.” Guilt drapes heavy over my shoulders. “Hurting her. Letting her down.”
There’s a long silence. I turn to find Rafe staring at me, frowning. He asks, “Don’t you think we all feel guilty? For not noticing?”
Yes. I know everyone does. But with me and Rhi… “I should have realized. Done something. Not let it get to?—”
“How long are you going to keep punishing yourself, Hawk?” Rafe crosses the room, stopping only a couple of feet from me. “She didn’t want us to know. Didn’t want you to know. I wish Rhiannon had told us sooner, but she didn’t.”
“Still.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I should have noticed. And it went on for months. Fuck. Years. Rhi being harassed, touched by that fucking asshole, Allen. Keeping it quiet because she was more worried about us than herself.”
“I know.” His lips compress into an unhappy line. “But don’t take that away from her. She was trying to protect us the only way she knew how.”
My chest squeezes. “I know. But it just… I can’t help?—”
Midway through my sentence, my phone shrills from my pocket.
Just for a moment, my heart jumps.
Could it be Rhi wanting to talk?
But the instant I look at the screen, my heart drops to the floor.
Not Rhiannon. It’s Xavier.
There are plenty of reasons Xavier could be calling me, many of them innocuous. But my gut says otherwise. That feeling I get when something’s about to go sideways is right there, ringing alarm bells and shouting warnings.
Willing my finger not to shake, I tap the screen to answer. “Yes?”
“Hawk.” Xavier’s solemn tone does nothing to ease the anxiety building inside me. “I know you’re helping Rafe. But I thought you would want to know?—”
“What?” It’s sharp. Impatient. Fearful . “What happened?”
“First. She’s okay.” A pause. “Well. Mostly. But?—”
“ Mostly ?” My voice rises. “What the fuck happened? Is Rhi okay?”
“She told me not to tell you. But I thought… well. I thought you’d want to know.”
“Know what ?”
“Rhi was shot. While she was?—”
“What?” I practically shout into the phone. “She was shot? Where? How? Where is she now? Is Rhi okay? Is she home? At the hospital?”
Already I’m at the front door, searching frantically through the bowl of keys on the table beside it. It takes me three tries to locate the fob for my rental car, and I realize belatedly it’s because my hand is trembling.
“She’s at the hospital. But she’s going to be alright. The bullet just winged her arm.” Over the line, a crackle of a loudspeaker erupts with the sound of someone calling, “Code Blue. Code Blue in two-eleven.”
My heart almost explodes from fear. “Is that?—”
“No,” Xavier replies, sounding more than a little stressed himself. “It’s someone else.” He stops. A murmur of voices rises and falls behind him. “I have to go, H. I just wanted you to know. In case you?—”
“I’m on my way.” It’s hard to breathe past the terror compressing my chest. “I’m coming. Right now.”
* * *
The GPS said the trip would take just over two hours, but I made it to the hospital in almost half that.
Even flying down the highway at ninety miles an hour, praying I wouldn’t get pulled over, it still felt years too long.
Xavier swore Rhi was okay. The bullet clipped her upper arm, he explained, and it bled a lot, but the doctor said she should make a full recovery. But as I made the agonizing drive from Corpus Christi to the little hospital in Seguin, I couldn’t stop my mind from traveling to more terrifying places.
Rhi in critical condition after an unnoticed blood clot. Bleeding out from a nicked artery they didn’t notice at first. Or even—and yes, I know this is insane—I imagined her struck by a poisoned bullet, her body shutting down before anyone realized.
Logic tells me she’s fine, just as Xavier says. Rhi isn’t the first of us to be shot, although I’d hoped that kind of injury was in the past. Logic reassures me that I’ll show up at the hospital to find Rhi sore, pissed off, and badgering the doctors to leave.
Still. I won’t believe she’s okay until I see her.
As I sprint into the hospital, my attention is completely fixed on reaching Rhi. I almost plow over several slow-moving visitors, darting around them and shouting quick sorries over my shoulder. One of the security guards tries to stop me, but when I whip out Rafe’s bounty hunter business card and practically snarl at him, “I’m after a fugitive. Get out of my way,” he pales and waves me through.
I know Rhi’s on the second floor, so I bypass the elevator and take the steps two at a time, my heart beating faster with every step.
Panicked questions spin through my head, bouncing madly.
What if she’s not okay?
What if Xavier tried to call me with an update and the call didn’t go through, and I’ll get to Rhi’s room to discover she’s in critical condition?
Why did I have to act like such an asshole the last time I saw her?
What if ? —
Slamming through the door to the second floor, my steps stutter as I scan the reception area, searching for Xavier and the rest of the team. Glancing down the long hallway that presumably leads to the patient rooms, I curse myself for not asking for Rhi’s room number already.
At first glance, I don’t see any familiar faces. Not Xavier, or Niall, or Dante. No Matt hunched over his laptop as he sits in the waiting area. No Erik pacing to relieve his anxiety from being at the hospital again.
Terror spears through my chest, piercing my lungs and deflating them.
Did my worst fear come true? Did something terrible—fuck, as if being shot wasn’t bad enough—happen to her while I was driving?
The fear is nearly paralyzing.
I spin in a circle, feeling more helpless than I’ve ever been.
Rhi was hurt. Shot. And I wasn’t there.
I spot a nurse walking in my direction and I make a beeline towards her. She sees my face and visibly flinches. Attempting to smooth my features into a less intimidating expression, I try to keep my voice calm as I say, “Rhiannon Harris. Is she here? What room is she in? I need to see her.”
The nurse looks up at me. Her teeth dig into her lower lip for a second before she replies, “I can’t just give out patient information like that. Are you family?”
Am I? Once, I would have considered myself close to that. But now?
It doesn’t matter. I’m not above lying if it means I can see Rhiannon. Biting back the urge to snap, I tell her, “Yes. I’m her fiancé. Hawk Jamison. Is she here?”
She stares at me. A beat later, her gaze fills with sympathy. “I just got on. Let me check, okay?”
I want to scream in frustration, but I simply nod.
Just as she’s walking away, a voice calls down the hall, “Hawk.”
Xavier.
Ignoring the fact that I’m in the hospital and running full-speed down a hallway probably isn’t the best idea, I race over to him, practically barking at my old friend as I ask, “Where’s Rhi? Is she okay? Was there a complication? Where is everyone?”
Xavier blinks at me. Then he puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “Relax. She’s fine. Just like I told you—” Pausing, he glances at his watch. “Less than an hour and a half ago. How fast did you drive?”
“Fast enough. Where is she?”
The nurse I just spoke to approaches us. “Mr. Jamison? Your fiancée is in room two-twenty-three. You can go in to see her, if you like.”
“Thank you.” Pulling from Xavier’s grasp, I take a few steps down the hallway before I’m yanked to an abrupt stop.
Xavier.
“What the fuck?” I demand.
“H. Stop.” Xavier’s eyes narrow at me. “I need to talk to you.”
“Now?”
“Yes. Now.” He cocks his head. “Rhi is okay. She’s not in any danger. Twelve stitches?—”
“Twelve?” It bursts out in an angry growl. “How the fuck did this happen? I thought she was safe at the ranch. I never would have left?—”
“But you did leave.” An older woman in a green gown moves slowly past us, and Xavier waits until she’s gone before continuing. “So you need to listen to me before you go busting in there.”
Shit. When he has that look in his eyes, I know Xav means it. And since I don’t really want to get into an actual fight with him, especially not at the hospital, I take a deep breath and say, “Fine. I’m listening.”
“I know you’re worried. But I need to say a few things first.”
My body is itching to get to Rhiannon, but I hold myself still. “Okay?”
“First. The ranch is safe. We never expected—” He frowns. “Rhi said she’d check the perimeter fences while she was on her run. They’re all equipped with cameras and sensors, so she didn’t think anything of it. But someone must have been waiting outside the property and when she came into view…”
“What?”
“They shot her with a sniper rifle,” he grits out. “Her shoelace came loose, so she stopped to fix it. Just as she was bending down, they hit her.” Anger turns his cheeks a dull red. “The fucker had to be waiting there for hours. Days, even. The chance of Rhi being right there?—”
“Fuck.” This time, it’s a low hiss. Bile rises in my throat as I realize just how close Rhiannon came to dying today. “Someone shot her with a damn sniper rifle? How could they even know she’d be there?”
“Rhi loves to run,” Xavier tells me unnecessarily. “If anyone had eyes on the property… Shit. We didn’t even fucking think about it.”
As he pauses, I can see just how upset he is. How pissed off. How worried.
And I know why. Rhi’s like a sister to him. And while I’ve been fucking around in Alaska, he’s been there for her. Like I should have been.
“Where is everyone else, then? If someone tried to shoot Rhi?”
“Dante and Niall are in her room. Matt is back at the ranch, searching the security footage. And Erik is keeping an eye on the women. In case someone comes back for another attack.”
So she’s safe, at least. Dante and Niall wouldn’t let anyone near her.
Pulling my arm free of his grip, I say, “Okay. So there’s a security hole. Got it. Can I see her now?”
Xavier shakes his head. “One more thing.”
“What?”
“Are you leaving again?”
It’s a kick to my gut.
Shit.
He has every right to ask. And to doubt me.
“No. I’m not leaving.” Holding his gaze, I tell him the unvarnished truth after years of hiding it from everyone, even attempting to keep it from myself. “I fucked up, Xav. But I can’t leave. I won’t. Even if Rhi won’t talk to me, doesn’t want me at the ranch, I’ll sleep in the woods. I’m not going anywhere until I know she’s safe.”
Unexpectedly, a lump lodges in my throat. “She may never forgive me,” I tell him quietly. “But Rhi… She’s special. I could have lost her. In the parking garage, and now… I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away. But if something happens and I’m not here… I can’t lose her, Xav. I can’t.”
Xavier stares at me, unspeaking for several long seconds. Then his face relaxes into a near-smile. “She’ll forgive you. If you’re honest with her.”
Honesty. Somehow it’s ten times more terrifying than anything else I’ve done.
But Xavier’s right. I need to do it. Put all my cards on the table and see where they fall. Pray I won’t ruin things more than I have already.
I lift my chin at Xavier. “I will.”
He angles his head down the hall. “Good luck.” As I move past him, he calls after me, “And Hawk. I know it’s scary. Opening up. Talking about feelings and shit. But that’s something I learned from Lucy. It’s scary, but it’s worth it.”
His advice keeps repeating in my head as I hurry towards Rhiannon’s room.
It’s scary. But it’s worth it.
After years of facing some of the most terrifying situations, ones that were more likely to end in death than not, none of them touched this.
Losing Rhi is unthinkable.
Nearing room two-twenty-three, I hear the rise and fall of recognizable voices. Dante’s low rumble is followed by Rhiannon insisting, “I’m fine , guys. There’s no reason for me to be here.”
Rhi .
Alive. Talking. Sounding pissed off, just as I thought she’d be.
Well. When I wasn’t creating nightmare scenarios in my head, that is.
Speeding up, I burst into the room. Three heads turn towards me, two unsurprised, the third startled. Rhiannon looks at Niall and snaps, “I told you not to call him.”
Ouch.
“He didn’t call me,” I interrupt. “Xavier did. And why shouldn’t he? Am I not allowed to know if you’re hurt?”
“You left,” she retorts. “And last I knew, you were helping Rafe. In Laredo. So what good would calling you do?”
“I would have—” But I stop, my words drying up as I take in Rhiannon’s appearance.
An icy hand reaches into my chest and squeezes.
Fuck.
Despite her fierce expression, Rhi looks anything but strong right now.
She’s pale. A scrape mars her chin and her lower lip is swollen. Her hair is in tangles, and even from the doorway, I can see little bits of grass caught in it.
In the bed, she appears so much smaller than usual. Almost tiny. Vulnerable.
And her arm.
Now she has a bandage wrapped around her biceps, glaring white against the tan of her skin. A bandage covering where someone shot her. Could have killed her, if not for the luck of a loose shoelace at just the right time.
The reality slams into me with the force of a tank. Rhiannon could have died.
I wasn’t here to protect her, like I should have been.
“What were you thinking, running outside like that?” The words fly from my mouth, unfiltered and strained with residual fear. “It’s not safe. What’s wrong with the damn treadmill? Or resting, like you should have been?”
Dante coughs loudly. “Niall. I’m going to get some coffee. Want to join me?”
Niall shoots me a warning look. He doesn’t have to say anything. I know what his expression is saying.
Calm down.
Rhiannon’s not the one you’re mad at.
Rhi waits until the two of them are gone—leaving with promises to bring her coffee and a muffin and to persuade the attending doctor into releasing her from the hospital—before she addresses me again.
I walk towards her as she asks, “Why are you here? I thought you had a job. With Rafe.” Her fingers clutch at the thin blanket covering her legs. Deep blue eyes meet mine, filled with an unreadable expression. “Why?—”
“You could have died .” Shit. That’s not what I meant to say.
She grimaces. “I’m fine.”
“Stop saying you’re fine.” Now only feet from the bed, I can see the bluish smudges under her eyes, and I can’t help wondering if she slept as terribly last night as me. “You’re not fine.”
“I… I am fine.” Shockingly, Rhiannon’s voice wobbles.
Wobbles .
Even when she was telling us about that piece of shit Allen, her voice was eerily calm.
But now…
At the side of her bed, I have to shove my hands in my pockets to keep from pulling Rhi into my arms. Hugging her and swearing I’ll never leave, unless she tells me to.
“How do you think I felt?” I ask with a bite in my tone. “Xavier called and said you were shot. I thought—” My voice catches. “Shit. I thought?—”
“Hawk.” Her chin juts out, quivering. “I’m sorry…”
Ah, fuck.
Are those tears in her eyes?
Tears?
Put there by me?
Fuck.
My heart crumples. My chest is raw and aching.
I have to tell her the truth.
I’ll always regret it if I don’t.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. My voice is thick with emotion. I take her hand, wrapping her slender fingers inside mine. “I’m so sorry, Rhi. For everything.”