CHAPTER 20
HAWK
“We couldn’t have picked a better day for this.”
Rhiannon turns away from the scenic vista in front of us, her smile brightening as she meets my gaze. Her cheeks are sun-kissed and her eyes almost perfectly match the shade of the brilliant blue sky overhead. The breeze catches the little wisps of hair that escaped from her ponytail, blowing them into a shining halo around her face.
“It’s gorgeous,” she continues. “I can see why Erik loves coming to the Adirondacks so much.” But even as she says it, her eyes are on me and not the panorama of the Great Range.
“It is,” I agree. But I’m looking at her as I say it, too.
The view from Dix Mountain is beautiful. Peaks covered in lush green meet the horizon, with a few wispy clouds breaking an expanse of rich blue. Elk Lake is nestled at the base of the mountains, its surface a mirror of the sky above.
A July hike in the Adirondacks is always a crapshoot—a thunderstorm could spring up at a moment’s notice or a rise in humidity could bring thousands of black flies swarming. But we lucked out today. The sun is shining, but with just enough cloud cover to keep things cool without ruining the visibility of the majestic views. The oppressive heat at the foot of the mountain has cooled the further up we go, and now only feet from the summit, it’s almost chilly.
Bypassing the more crowded peaks like Whiteface and Cascade, we’ve had a relatively peaceful hike up Dix, despite all the tourists flocking to upstate New York for the summer.
It’s been perfect, really. Though we could make the hike in under the suggested eight hours, we’re taking our time with it. Stopping to take photos, collecting bits of birch bark and stones that Rhi wants to use in some sort of special display back at home, and finding little hidden nooks between trees so we can make out like we’re a couple of teenagers instead of fully-grown adults in our thirties.
It’s a perfect day, really.
And I couldn’t feel luckier.
For so many years, I never thought this would happen.
Because of my own obstinance, I almost ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.
Rhiannon. My smart, brave, beautiful girlfriend.
Although, girlfriend seems too simple of a word for how I feel about her.
She’s everything .
“We’re nearly at the summit,” Rhi says, tilting her chin towards the stony path heading the rest of the way up the mountain. “Another couple of minutes and we’ll reach it.”
“You doing alright?” I know the answer before asking, but I can’t seem to stop myself. Even though it’s been nearly a month since Rhiannon’s abduction, and she swears she’s perfectly fine, there’s an overprotective, paranoid part of me that still worries.
“Hawk.” It’s gently scolding, but couched with a smile. “I’m okay. I promise.”
“Sorry,” I start. “I just?—”
“I know.” Her expression softens. “I get it. And—” She leans in to kiss my cheek. “I like that you worry.”
“Oh?”
“Yes.” She adjusts her backpack, unsuccessfully hiding a tiny wince at the movement of her still-healing fingers. They’re still in a small splint, more for protection than anything else.
“Can I help?” Instinct demands I take over and fix the straps for her, but I force myself to wait and ask instead. Rhiannon might have been agreeable to that sort of thing in the days right after she was hurt, but it didn’t take long for her to reassert her independence again.
Would I like to be the one to swoop in and fix everything? Yes.
But that’s not who Rhi is. She likes to do things for herself. And loving Rhiannon means accepting everything about her. Her independence. Her stubbornness. Her determination.
I understand, because I’m the same.
But this time, rather than insisting she’s fine, Rhi just looks at me. Then she lowers her hands from the straps and says with a smile, “Yes, please.”
As I adjust the buckles and smooth the padded fabric over her shoulders, I brush my lips across hers. “Thank you.”
Once we set back on the trail again, Rhi reaches over and threads her fingers between mine. Her eyes meet mine, filled with a hint of amusement. “I’m getting better, don’t you think?”
“Better at what?”
“At accepting help. I’ve been trying, you know.”
I smile back at her. “You have. Even though I know you’re doing it to humor me most of the time.”
She sidesteps around a cluster of jagged rock before answering, “Sometimes. But most of the time, I really do want your help.” After a thoughtful pause, she adds, “I realized after everything with Martin and the Allens that sometimes I can’t do everything on my own. And that’s okay. I don’t have to.”
“No?” As we navigate over a small boulder, I put my hand on Rhi’s back, bracing her in case she loses her balance.
“No.” Once she gets past the boulder, she turns and offers her uninjured hand to me, helping me the rest of the way up. “I thought I needed to prove myself. To my parents. To all the men who didn’t think I could hack it in the Army. And even to my teammates at B and A. But then you told me something that really made me think. Do you remember what it was?”
I hop off the boulder and retake my position beside Rhiannon. “I think so.”
“You said that you wanted to help. That everyone did. Because they cared about me.”
“They do. I do.”
And it couldn’t be more true, even if Rhi didn’t allow herself to see it. Everyone on our GB team, the guys at B and A, all the women, and even her parents. They all care about Rhi so much, they’d do pretty much anything for her.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t think people cared,” she says. “But after you said that, I thought about how I felt when any of my friends were struggling. How much I wanted to help them. How much I wanted to make things better. And it hit me. By refusing to ever admit I needed help, I wasn’t being fair to the people who cared about me.”
My chest squeezes. “We all care about you so much, Rhi.”
“I know.” She casts an affectionate smile in my direction. “Just like I know how badly you wanted to do everything for me when I was hurt. Not because you didn’t think I was capable of it, but because you cared.”
“It’s more than that, you know.” Taking her hand again, I walk next to Rhi as we close the short distance to the peak. “I love you. With all my heart.”
“Hawk.” Emotion darkens her gaze. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you say that. And I love you, too.”
Glancing up ahead, I spot the large rock face at the summit, quiet and empty of any other hikers. Rhiannon follows my gaze, beaming as she says, “Oh, this is perfect. There’s no one else up here. So we might have a few minutes all to ourselves.”
“Looks like it,” I agree. As we travel the last fifteen feet or so, my heart makes a drunken somersault before leaping into my throat.
Once we finally get to the top, Rhiannon leans over and peers at the ground. After a few seconds, she announces, “I found it. The pin.” Pulling her phone from her front backpack pocket, she snaps a few pictures of it. “I’m glad this one is still here. I read online that some of the pins from the High Peaks were stolen. Isn’t that terrible?”
Moving so I’m alongside her, I loop my arm around her waist and hug her to my side. “Yeah. But this peak is supposed to be one of the harder ones, at least according to Finn. So there aren’t nearly as many people who come up here.”
Rhiannon glances out at the mountains before turning back to me. “It was really nice getting to see everyone, wasn’t it?”
“It was.” I kiss the top of her head. “I’m really glad we did this.”
Since I’m starting my job with the park police next month, Rhi and I decided this was a good time to take a trip together. With the encouragement of her team—more like insistence, really—we’re taking two weeks to travel around the country visiting friends and family.
First we headed to L.A. to spend a few days with Rhi’s parents, then flew east to New York to spend some time with the Sleepy Hollow team. From there, we rented a car and went to visit Knox, his fiancée, Lark, and the rest of his teammates at Green Mountain Guardians, a security company based in northern Vermont.
After that, we came to the Adirondack Mountains to spend a week at a cabin on Blue Mountain Lake, just the two of us. It’s been fantastic—waking up to watch the sun rise over the lake, canoeing after breakfast, taking side trips to Lake Placid and Saranac Lake, and in the evenings, we build a fire and sit out under the stars before heading inside to make love.
But today, we decided to do something a little more ambitious.
Is it relaxing or romantic? Not really.
But it means something.
Hiking with Rhi was always something I thought about in after terms. After the Green Berets. After I worked up the courage to tell her how I felt.
And then later, the after turned to never. At least, that’s what I thought.
Even six months ago, I never thought this would be possible.
Six months ago, I was still in Alaska, convinced that a future with Rhiannon was an impossibility.
Six months ago, I was so certain of my guilt.
Six months ago, I never dreamed I could be this happy.
Sometimes I still get angry with myself for fucking up so badly. There are days when the guilt still tries to sneak in.
When that happens, I remind myself of something Rhiannon said to me. How if we want to have a future together, we need to move on from the past.
Not everything from the past, of course. Not all the wonderful things. Not the years we spent together as best friends.
And definitely not when I fell hopelessly in love with her.
“Hawk? Are you feeling okay?” Rhi touches my arm. “You just got really quiet.”
“No, I’m fine. Just… thinking.”
She wiggles out of her backpack and sets it on the ground. “All good things, I hope.” Her gaze searches my face. Then she gives me a skeptical look. “You don’t look fine. Do you need something to eat? An energy bar? A sandwich?”
Grasping my hand, Rhi tugs on my arm. “Sit. We can rest for a while before we head back down.”
“I’m okay,” I assure her. “Really.” With a smirk, I add, “I think I can handle a little hike.”
“It’s not little. And anyway, you’re practically forty. That’s?—”
“I’m thirty-eight. Not over the hill quite yet.” Sliding my backpack off, I set it beside hers.
A teasing smile curves her lips. “I guess you’re not in cane territory yet.” She peers at my hair. “Although. Is that a silver hair in there?”
I make a mock-offended face at her. “I do not have silver hair. You must be seeing things.”
Rhiannon runs her fingers through my hair. The teasing smile shifts to something more serious. “I wouldn’t care if you had all silver hair. First, I think you would look sexy no matter what color your hair is. And when you do get all gray and wrinkled, you’ll still be the most handsome man in the world to me.”
An image comes to mind of both in our seventies, sitting out under the stars, our hands intertwined, our love still solid and faithful after decades together.
That’s what I want.
Decades together. A lifetime.
As I look into Rhi’s eyes, so earnest and loving, I know I can’t wait another second.
I’ve been debating for weeks, ever since we decided on this trip. Wondering when would be the perfect time.
A fear of rejection cautioned me to wait.
Logic told me there wasn’t any rush. That I should let Rhi come to terms with everything that happened to her. That moving in together was enough of a big life decision for now.
But my heart urges me to follow it.
Not to waste any more time with Rhiannon when we’ve already lost so much.
“Should I not have said that?” Rhiannon asks, interpreting my silence for something other than what it means. Concern tightens her features. “I didn’t mean… I know we just moved in together. Maybe?—”
Shit.
I haven’t even started, and already I’m screwing this up.
“No, babe.” Catching her hands in mine, I meet her worried gaze. “What you said was perfect.”
“Okay…”
“It just made me think. You and me in our seventies. Me all wrinkled and gray, you all sexy and silver-haired, still kicking ass.”
Some of the worry fades away. A smile teases her lips. “Sexy? When I’m seventy?”
“Absolutely.” I kiss her again, this time lingering for longer. Taking it deeper. Showing my desire for her without saying it. “You’ll always be sexy, Rhi. No matter how old you are.”
“Hawk.”
“I mean it. And thinking about us together when we’re old… I like it. A lot.”
She softens. “I like it too.”
“That’s why—” My heart jumps. Stumbles. Skips. My chest goes tight. “It’s why?—”
Why am I scared when this feels like the rightest thing in the world?
“Hawk?”
But I know. Because it’s the most important question I’ll ever ask.
Releasing Rhiannon’s hands, I bend down to reach into the little zippered pocket on the outside of my backpack. My hands go damp and tingly. My lungs don’t want to work.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Rhi asks. “You’re kind of freaking me out?—”
But she stops as I rise onto one knee.
Nestled in my outstretched hand is a small velvet box.
Her mouth drops. “Hawk?”
With shaking fingers, I flip open the box. Inside, a sapphire sparkles as it catches the light of the sun. “I know it’s not a traditional ring,” I start. “But when I went to the store, it just… the color made me think of your eyes. And it just seemed more… special. Different in the best way. Like you.”
She covers her mouth with her hand. “Is this…”
“It’s an engagement ring,” I explain, suddenly second guessing my decision. Maybe I should have just gotten a diamond, like everyone else does. “If you would rather have a diamond, I can bring this back. Buy you whatever you want.”
Like a kick to the chest, another thought hits me. “Or… shit. You might not want it at all. Maybe it’s too soon. I thought about waiting. But I’ve been wanting to ask you, and with the hike, and being up here, and it’s so beautiful, and it’s just us…”
Trailing off, I feel my cheeks heating. “Shit. Sorry. I’m not making sense. I knew I’d be bad at this.” I start to stand up. “Maybe this?—”
“No.”
My heart plummets, along with my hopes. “Oh. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t?—”
Rhiannon grabs my hand and yanks me back to one knee. Then she kneels in front of me. “Not no to that. I meant no to returning the ring. And no, it’s not too soon. I do want it.”
“You do?”
“Yes.” Her slender fingers stroke my cheek. “I think the ring is beautiful. And you’re not bad at proposing at all.”
As some of my fear eases, I let out a quick snort. “I’d say I am. I haven’t even asked you yet. I just shoved the ring in your face and started apologizing.”
“Well.” Rhiannon glances at the ring. Then she smiles, and everything inside me settles. “You got one part right. Maybe you could try the other part again?”
“Yes. That’s a good idea.” I take the ring out from the box and hold it out to her. Then I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Rhiannon Harris. You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met. And I’ve loved you pretty much since the first time we met. I know I’m not good at romantic gestures. And I don’t always say the right thing.”
“Hawk. You do.”
“I don’t. But by some miracle, you love me anyway. Even when I do stupid things. Even when I fuck up. You love me despite my flaws.”
“I love all of you,” she replies. Tears shine in her eyes. “And don’t call yourself flawed. You’re perfect as you are.”
Emotion thickens my throat as I continue, “I don’t know what I did to get this lucky. Not just to find you once, but for you to give me another chance. I swear to you, Rhi, I’ll spend my life proving it was worth it. That you didn’t make a mistake.”
“Oh, Hawk.” Her lips press to mine, tasting slightly of salt. “I know I didn’t make a mistake. It’s always been you. And… I’m not perfect. I’m too stubborn. Too independent. Too?—”
“You’re perfect,” I insist. “I love you. I’ll spend my life protecting you, even though I know you can protect yourself. I’ll spend my life doing my best to make you happy. And I swear, Rhi. I will never, ever leave you again.”
Two tears trail down her cheeks. She sniffs. “I know you won’t, Hawk.”
“Does that mean you say yes?”
A little giggle bursts out. “Say yes to what? You still haven’t asked.”
Shit.
“Sorry.” I give her a sheepish grin. “I told you I’m bad at this. But.” Cupping her cheek, I meet her gaze. “Will you marry me, Rhi? Give me a chance to be a good husband to you? I promise I’ll do my best. And I will give you all my love. Every day.”
“Hawk.” Her eyes turn a deep, liquid blue. “Of course I will. I would love to marry you.”
Oh.
OH.
All at once, it’s like fireworks. Bright. Dazzling. Joyous.
As I slide the ring onto Rhiannon’s finger, she says, “I’ll do the same. I’ll always have your six. Always remind you how amazing you are. And I’ll try to be the best wife, even if I might mess up sometimes.”
“You won’t,” I reply, my eyes glued to the ring. A symbol of the lifelong connection we’re agreeing to.
“I might. And you might, too. But it’s okay.” She kisses me again. “We love each other. That’s the most important thing.”
As I look back up at her, my breath catches.
All her love is right there, on display. In her eyes. In her smile. In the way she looks at me like I’m the most important person in the world.
“Rhi. I love you. And I can’t wait to be married to you. It’s all I want. A lifetime with you by my side.”
Rhiannon glances at the ring sparkling on her finger. Then she looks back at me. “I can’t wait to become your wife.” Her smile brightens. “Mrs. Jamison. I like the sound of it.”
Joy bursts in my chest. “You would want to take my name? You don’t have to. I mean, I’d love it if you did. But I just want you to be happy. So whatever you want is fine with me.”
She nods. “I want to be joined with you in every way possible. So, yes. I want to take your name. If you’re okay with it.”
“Of course. Of course I am.” I pull Rhi into my arms, hugging her to my chest. My lips press to her hair. And as I take a deep breath, I memorize every detail of this moment.
How she feels in my embrace.
The scent of her hair.
Her smile.
Her eyes.
And how incredibly happy I feel. How lucky. How thankful.
Standing, Iift Rhiannon up with me. Her legs wrap around my waist. “I love you,” I murmur. “Always. To infinity. I’ll always be yours.”
Her lips graze my cheek. “You’ve always had me. And you always will.”
My heart.
My Rhi.
I’m never letting her go again.