CHAPTER 19
RHIANNON
“Are you sure you’re not ready to go back?”
It’s probably the sixth time Hawk’s asked me since our walk started, each time with an assessing glance and his forehead creased with worry. Even though I’m more than capable of keeping up our sloth-like pace through the woods on the property, I think if it were up to him, he’d already have swept me into his arms and rushed me back home.
Every fifty feet or so, he tugs me to a stop under the auspices of showing me something remarkable—two squirrels competing in a frantic race around a tree, a splash of red and blue from a painted bunting flying overhead, or a cluster of black-eyed Susans with butterflies dancing above them—but I know he’s really coming up with reasons to make me take a quick break.
Not that I don’t enjoy appreciating nature, or pausing for quiet moments with him. His arm slides around my waist each time, hugging me to his side, and we inevitably end up exchanging a few kisses before moving on.
But after nearly two weeks of taking it easy, of slow walks on the treadmill and yoga sessions with Erik, I’m more than rested enough to get back to my normal activities. I’m ready to go jogging on the trails like I used to, except this time with Hawk by my side. I’m ready to pick back up with my rigorous training sessions so I’m prepared for the next job.
And I’m definitely ready to get back to my favorite activity. Making love with Hawk.
In the first few days after my abduction, I was okay with spending the day on the couch while he jumped back into his caretaker role. While I hated to admit it, I wasn’t feeling my best. My head still ached from the concussion I got from all the times Nick punched me. My leg throbbed. And my two broken fingers kept sending flares of pain up my arm every time I moved.
And in all honesty, I didn’t really want to leave my apartment just yet. Not because I was scared, but because I kept remembering the moments when I wasn’t sure if I’d see Hawk again. The times when I thought there was a real possibility that Nick would kill me before Hawk and the team came to my rescue.
So having some uninterrupted time with Hawk was pretty nice, even if I was hurting.
But it’s been two weeks now, and I’m feeling much better. All the symptoms of my concussion are gone. The bruises on my body are fading. I can walk without the injured muscle in my thigh cramping up. And while my fingers aren’t healed yet, the initial pain has subsided. The doctor even cleared me to return to most activities, with the caveat that I hold off on any high-impact workouts.
I’m taking that to mean sparring or practicing martial arts.
To Hawk, it means abstaining from sex. Which was fine a week ago, but not so much now.
Now I want to feel that connection again. I want to be with him in every way possible. I want to celebrate everything we’ve been through and the promise of a happy future together.
A future with Hawk. For years, it was something I thought would never happen. But now… it’s right there. Within reach. Everything I dreamed of at my fingertips.
A happy bubble expands in my chest, flooding me with warmth and a fizzy lightness.
I squeeze Hawk’s hand as I look up at him and reply, “I’m okay. More than, really.”
His gaze skims across my face, narrowing slightly as he inspects me. Though he doesn’t say it, I know he’s searching for any telltale sign of pain. But I’m feeling good, with only a few twinges as we walk, so I reassure him with a smile, “I promise, Hawk. If this was too much, I’d tell you.”
His eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. A disbelieving snort sneaks out. “You? Tell me if you’re in pain? That something’s too much for you?”
He has a point.
“Fine,” I concede. “But this time, I really do feel alright.”
Tugging me to a stop beside one of the wooden benches set along the trail, he turns to face me. His expression sobers as he says, “I know you think I’m being overprotective. And you’d be right. I’ll try to get better about it. But right now…”
He trails off, leaving the rest unsaid.
Right now, he’s still remembering the stretch of time when he wasn’t sure if I was alive. When he didn’t know if he’d show up at the rental house to discover he’d arrived too late.
It was close.
If things had happened even a little differently, I might not be here.
Nick could have killed me straight off in the van. He could have shot me and dumped my body in the woods instead of taking me to the rental house in New Berlin. For more time than I like to think about, I was helpless, and Nick could have done anything.
Or Fucking Asshole , as Hawk refers to him. All my teammates have their own creative nicknames for Nick Allen, none of them complimentary. The same can be said for the entire Allen family, now that it’s been proven all three played active roles in trying to kill me.
It’s still hard to wrap my head around, really. After all Colonel Allen did to me, it still wasn’t enough. He refused to accept responsibility for his actions and placed the blame on me instead.
In the days after Nick and Wendy’s arrests, we found plenty more information that pulled the story together. First, Wayne Allen’s staunch insistence that I lied about everything—the harassment, the threats, the times he touched me inappropriately—in an attempt to take him down.
Why? Because, according to Nick’s testimony, I was the one who made the advances. Upset that my superior rejected me, I lashed out by making false accusations about him.
From there, the blame for everything else landed squarely at my feet. Colonel Allen’s forced retirement with a dishonorable discharge, and the subsequent loss of the lavish house he could no longer afford. The new car Nick was promised when he graduated from high school disappeared. The standard of living to which Wendy had become accustomed to wasn’t possible anymore.
And the biggest reason why Nick hates me—he lost out on his chance to enlist in the Army.
That’s something Matt only discovered after Nick’s arrest. There was no evidence in any military records, but once Matt did some more poking around, he found an Army recruiter who remembered Nick Allen trying to enlist. Nick was rejected on the grounds of mental instability, but Colonel Allen covered it up. The plan had been to get Nick into the Army using his father’s connections, but then my accusations came to light, and everything fell apart.
So it’s not a surprise that Nick and Wendy hate me. In their minds, I’m the one who ruined everything.
Does that mean they should have tried to kill me? Obviously not. But if nothing else, it at least makes sense.
But Colonel Allen knows the truth. So his motivation stems from nothing but a rabid need for revenge.
Reluctant to do anything that could dirty his hands, as Nick said, Wayne Allen waited for years to exact his vengeance—first through Martin, then his own wife and son. At first, we couldn’t find the connection to Martin, but once he was alert enough to speak with the police, it all came together in a terrible and unexpected way.
Martin came into contact with Colonel Allen on an anonymous message board about six months ago, not long after Martin’s wife left him. Depressed and struggling with untreated bipolar disorder, it didn’t take much for the extremists on the message board to convince him that the death of his son was the fault of the Army.
In an unfortunate coincidence, Wayne Allen happened to be on that message board as well, and once he realized who Martin was, he saw an opportunity. Allen fed Martin information—anonymously, of course—while encouraging him to get revenge against the person who was really at fault.
Me. Or at least, that’s what Allen led Martin to believe.
Because Allen might be a fucking asshole, as Hawk puts it, but he’s also a master manipulator. And it didn’t take more than a few months to convince Martin that the only way to avenge Thunder’s death was by doling out the same fate to the person who caused it.
To Colonel Allen, it seemed the perfect solution. Until Martin failed several times, and then Allen decided to shift tactics and use his son and wife as his weapons instead.
But thankfully, with the testimony from Martin, evidence found on Allen’s computer, and testimony from Nick and Wendy, my long-time adversary is finally going to prison. He won’t be free to harass another woman, at least not for a few more decades. And he won’t be a threat to me or my friends any longer.
Closure.
Now I can work on closing the door on that part of my life and moving on.
“Babe?” Hawk touches my face, letting his fingers trail lightly over the still fading bruise on my cheekbone. “Are you okay?” His brow creases and his mouth pulls into a frown. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. We’re having a nice walk, and I?—”
“You didn’t.” Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him hard. “You didn’t say anything wrong. My thoughts just wandered for a second is all.”
“Are you sure?” His eyes darken to a deep evergreen, the afternoon sun catching bits of gold and amber within them. “Is there something I can do to help?”
For a few seconds, I just look at him, memorizing everything. The strong line of his jaw, brushed with a few-days old stubble. The deep golden tint of his skin, tanned after spending the last few days wandering around the Blade and Arrow property with me. His tattooed arms stretching the fabric of his T-shirt, showing off his very admirable muscles.
And the look in his eyes.
There’s so much love in them.
My heart squeezes.
As they have more frequently over the last couple of months, tears threaten.
Not sad ones, though. They’re tears of relief and gratitude and joy. Tears that come from the exquisite knowledge that I finally have the only man I’ve ever loved.
But even as I will back the tears—if I cry in front of Hawk, he’ll think I’m in pain and insist on going home—something else in me stirs, as well.
Desire.
An emptiness only Hawk can fill.
And a soul-deep need to be with him. To show my love in a way that transcends words.
“Well,” I start, my voice going low and throaty. “I do have one idea.”
“Okay?” His brows rise in question. “Do you want me to carry you back to the ranch? I can put you down before anyone else sees. Or we can head to the dock for a quick rest. Or the gazebo. Do you want to take the canoe out on the pond? You wouldn’t be able to help row, not with your broken fingers, but I can do it.”
Oh.
He’s just so sweet .
Not that someone who didn’t know him would think so. In appearance and demeanor, Hawk comes across as intimidating—tall and bulky with muscle and his arms covered with tattoos. His gaze can be hard and intense, and when he talks, his voice demands attention.
But I know the truth. He’s all heart.
“Actually,” I reply, “the pond sounds good.” Twining my fingers between his, I lead him down the path that heads north to the pond.
“Do you want to just sit on the dock? Or take out the canoe?” Hawk smirks at me. “And don’t think you’re going to convince me into letting you row. Even if you give me puppy-dog eyes, like Rambo.”
I’m not sure I’ve ever given puppy-dog eyes to anyone else in my life, but I’ve discovered they can be infinitely useful when it comes to convincing Hawk to agree with me.
But with a laugh, I ask, “Are you comparing me to Rambo?”
“No. Not like that. Of course, I wouldn’t compare you to a dog. It’s just that sometimes you give me those big eyes and you know I can’t say no when you do that.”
“I know.” I nudge him with my elbow. “But don’t worry, I’m not going to ask to row the canoe. Not this time, at least.”
The pond comes into view ahead of us, emerging from the trees as a sparkling pool of brilliant blue. The sun casts ripples of diamonds across it, and as we watch, a bird swoops down to dip his beak into the water before lifting off again.
“You just want to sit for a little?” Hawk asks. “I could run back to the apartment and make some sandwiches. We could have a picnic out here, if you want.”
“Maybe later.” I pull him towards the dock, only slowing once we’re both standing near the end of it. “Now… I have a different idea.”
“Like what?”
Glancing around, I spot the folded blanket I snuck out to leave here earlier, which Hawk was still working out at the B and A gym. I release his hand and head over to it, unfolding the thick fabric and spreading it across the smooth wooden planks.
As Hawk watches me with a puzzled expression, I take off my shirt and set it to the side of the blanket. Then I peel off my shorts and add them to the pile, leaving me in only a pair of sheer panties and a matching bra. The fabric is plain white, but so transparent my nipples can be seen clearly through it, and the trimmed curls at the apex of my thighs are visible.
Hawk’s eyes practically pop out of his head. “ Rhiannon . What are you doing?” His head swivels from side to side as he scans our surroundings. “Anyone could come out here.”
“They won’t,” I reply confidently.
“Babe.” He closes the distance between us and pulls me against him, engulfing me in his embrace. “You know I think you’re gorgeous. But that doesn’t mean I want everyone else seeing you. Not like this.”
“They won’t,” I repeat. Pausing, I nuzzle his neck, feathering kisses across his skin. “I asked everyone to stay out of the woods for a couple of hours. So no one will see.”
Hawk leans back just enough to meet my gaze. “You planned this?”
“Sort of. It wasn’t exactly a plan. More like… a hopeful idea.”
The corner of Hawk’s mouth quirks. “A hopeful idea?”
“Yes.” I run my fingers along the hem of his shirt, dipping beneath to trace the lines of his abs. “Hopeful because I know you’re going to say it’s too soon. That I’m still healing.”
“You are. Your fingers, and the bruises, and the concussion?—”
“The bruises are almost gone. My head feels fine. And my fingers… I don’t need both hands to bring you pleasure. I can come up with other creative options instead.”
Interest lights his eyes. “Hmm. I do like the sound of that.” A beat, then, “But. If I hurt you?—”
“You won’t.” Stretching up on my tiptoes, I cover his mouth with mine. My fingers move downwards, between the mesh fabric of his shorts and his skin. “I’m fine. But we can be careful if it makes you feel better.”
As my hand explores further, I stroke his growing arousal, feeling his velvety skin go hot and slick beneath my fingers.
“Babe,” he says on an exhale.
“Hawk. I promise. I’m okay.” I kiss him again, teasing his lips open and dipping inside. His hands move to my ass, pulling me against him. “I’ve missed being with you. Making love to you. Maybe last week, I wasn’t ready. But I am now.”
Indecision wars with desire in his eyes. While I wait for an answer, a flash of insecurity hits me.
Maybe he really doesn’t want to. Maybe he’s been putting me off, not because of my injuries, but because he’s changed his mind about me.
My stomach twists into a knot. I start to remove my hand from Hawk’s pants. “If you want to, that’s okay. If you’re not?—”
“Fuck,” he grits out. Heat suffuses his gaze. “Of course I want to, Rhi. You have no idea how much.” Framing my face with his hands, his mouth descends on mine, taking it in a passionate kiss. When we finally break apart, twin spots of red are high on his cheeks. “Never, ever think I don’t want you, babe. I want you more than my next breath.”
“Okay.” My heart lifts again. “So… here? On the dock?” I gesture at the blanket beside us. “I thought… it would be romantic? Making love by the water. And—” I stop. Take a deep breath. Then I bare the rest of myself to him, leaving no secret unsaid.
“I hate it,” I admit, “but I’ve been anxious going into the woods. Even though I know it’s safe. And I always loved coming here before. So I was thinking… maybe with you, I could take it back again.”
Hawk stares at me for a moment, his expression softening. “Oh, Rhi.” This time when he kisses me, it’s slow. Tender. “I would be honored to.”
Holding his gaze, I give him a teasing smile. “Then what are you waiting for?”
“Babe.” It’s rough. Hungry.
In one fluid move, he lifts me into his arms. His lips lock with mine.
My legs go around his waist, my arms around his neck.
He juts hard into my belly, his arousal hard and insistent.
Dampness soaks the fabric between my legs, my body already readying myself for him.
My womb clenches.
My nipples go hard, every brush against his chest sending sizzles of electricity through me.
After a minute or an hour of making love with our mouths, Hawk lays me down on the blanket and stands above me. His gaze drags up and down my body, appreciation and hunger darkening his eyes. “Fuck, Rhi. You’re so damn gorgeous.”
I watch with interest as he strips out of his clothes. “So are you.”
“Yeah?” His arousal seems to grow impossibly thicker. Longer. A drop of excitement glistens at the tip.
Then he lowers himself over me, using one hand to hold himself up as the other cups my breast. His thumb flicks and rubs my sensitized nipple, lighting my skin aflame. “Yes,” I gasp, arching against him. “You’re perfect, Hawk. I love everything about you.”
“Rhi.” Emotion thickens his voice. “You’re the one who’s perfect. I’m just lucky you forgive my flaws.”
“Not flaws.” Palming his ass, I pull his hips to mine. His velvety heat nudges at my center and another rush of heat surges. “And I’m not perfect either. But with you, I feel like it’s okay not to be perfect. Not to always be strong.”
His eyes turn nearly black, devouring me. “You’re the strongest and most incredible person I’ve ever met. And I love you more than I ever thought possible. But I will always, always be here to hold you up when you need it.”
Oh.
There go those stupid tears, trying to escape again.
“Same,” I whisper. “I will always have your six.”
We could take our time with this—no one will dare come into the woods for at least a couple more hours—but I can’t wait. I need to feel Hawk inside me, filling not just my body but my heart and soul, as well.
So I reach between us and guide him to me, my breath catching as I feel him start to slip inside.
“I need you,” I tell him huskily. “It’s been too long already.”
Hawk doesn’t hesitate, and in one smooth thrust, he plunges deep inside me, joining us completely. His voice turns to a low rasp. “Anything you want, Rhi. Just tell me, and I’ll give it to you.”
I clench my inner walls, feeling him throb inside me. “I just want you.”
He pulls out and slides home again, sinking even deeper this time. “You have me, babe. For as long as you’re willing.”
Always.
That’s what my heart says.
I don’t want just weeks or months or even years with him. I want a lifetime.
I want to spend the rest of my days with my best friend. My lover. The man who’s held my heart since the day we met.
And as we come together, our passion spiraling closer to that pinnacle of completion, that one word keeps repeating in my head.
Always.
I want to be with him always.
This perfect man who fits me like no one else could.
This man who’s strong and stubborn, just like me. But he has a depth to him few other people see. They don’t see how gentle he is, making sure to hold my injured hand carefully so it doesn’t bang into the dock. They don’t hear the sweet words he whispers as we make love, telling me how beautiful and special I am.
And as we both launch into space in a collision of sparks and light, he meets my gaze and says roughly, “I love you, Rhi. I always have. And I always will.”
Oh.
My Hawk.
As he rolls us over so I’m draped across his body, I tuck my head under his chin and kiss his neck. “I love you. Always and for infinity.”
His arms come around me. His lips press to my hair. “Rhi.”
“Hawk.” I slide my uninjured hand between us and rest it above his speeding heart. “You make me happier than I’ve ever been.”
A long breath escapes. His arms tighten around me. I can sense a question coming. Something important.
“Rhi,” he starts. “I’ve been wanting to ask you something. But it hasn’t seemed the right time.”
My heart does an uneven flutter. “What is it?”
“I won’t be upset if you say no. If you’re not ready. I’ll find an apartment as far or as close as you want me. Assuming everything works out with the park police job, I’ll be based out of San Antonio, so I could move anywhere in the area, really. Seguin. One of the other suburbs. Or…”
“Or?”
One hand comes to my nape, stroking through my hair. “Or I could move here. With you.” He takes a quick breath before continuing, “I love being with you. And I’ve never been happier. I know it’s soon, we haven’t been dating that long, but?—”
“Yes.” Happiness blooms inside me. “Yes. I would really love it if you moved in with me.”
“You would?” Hawk rolls over so we’re on our sides, facing each other. “You’re really okay with me moving in?”
I hold his gaze, showing him the truth in my eyes as I say, “I’m more than okay with it, Hawk. You’re my favorite person in the world. And I would absolutely love to live with you.”
He stares at me; a rare moment of vulnerability moving across his expression. Then a relieved smile curves his lips. “I would love that, too.”