CHAPTER 13
RHIANNON
Waking up next to Hawk feels like I’m caught between reality and a dream.
As I emerge from sleep, I take my time with it, allowing myself to absorb each perfect sensation.
Hawk’s hand curving over my hip, warm and gentle, but with a hint of possession.
His chest pressed to my back, the big spoon to my small, making me feel utterly protected.
Lips brushing my hair, his breath feathering across it.
The low rumble Hawk makes as he sleeps, proving that even a snore from the right person can be sexy.
A hint of citrus and pine wafts past my nose from the soap he used in the shower last night. A shower we took together after our third round of lovemaking, which inevitably led to our fourth.
Yes, it was late—well past two AM at that point—but how could we not? Standing only feet from him, the water sluicing down his muscular chest and turning his golden skin gleaming; it was impossible not to make a move, no matter how tired I was.
In all my fantasies about Hawk, I never made it to this point. The after.
Maybe it was because I never thought we’d get here.
But here I am. Snuggled next to Hawk, memorizing every detail. Letting my eyes drift open just enough to see the morning sun filtering through the curtains before slamming them shut again. Keeping my breath slow and steady and my body perfectly still so I don’t wake him.
From the angle of the sun, I know it’s hours past when I normally get up, but I’m loath to do anything to spoil these precious moments of peace. Getting up means going back to the real world, with bombs and snipers and fears I can’t shake no matter how badly I want to.
I want this to be real. Mornings with Hawk, my body deliciously sore from more lovemaking than I’ve had in over a decade. Mornings that lead into days spent together, followed by weeks and months and even years. I want to share coffee and breakfast together, taking turns cooking, and sharing funny videos we find on YouTube, just like we used to.
I want this to be my life.
Not that my life wasn’t good before. But with Hawk back, everything is just better. Happier. More complete. The hole in my heart is finally filled.
But.
That’s where my dreams stall.
But.
But what if this is just a brief interlude, like I feared when he arrived, and he ends up leaving again?
What if I end up hurt?
What if I wake up one morning to find Hawk gone, and I realize I made a terrible mistake? That I trusted too easily? That I followed my emotions blindly, ignoring what logic was telling me?
He could leave. Though I don’t think he will, there’s a sliver of doubt worked in deep. He might not love me like he said he used to. Or worse yet, Hawk could wake up and tell me—oh, it hurts to even think about it—that last night was something we can’t repeat.
I know I need to ask. But my cowardice is rearing its ugly head again.
“I can hear you thinking.” Hawk’s voice is rough with sleep. As he kisses the top of my head, I can feel him smiling. “Hopefully good thoughts about all the things we did last night, and everything we’re going to do this morning.”
“Sort of,” I hedge. “I was thinking about how amazing last night was. And how much I like waking up next to you.”
“It sounds like there’s a but there.” He carefully turns me in his arms so I’m facing him. His hazel eyes darken to a deep evergreen as he looks at me. Tiny lines etch across his forehead and between his eyes. “Are you having regrets about last night?”
“No.” It’s quick. Emphatic. “Absolutely not. That’s not what I was thinking at all.”
“Okay…” Hawk brushes a tendril of hair behind my ear, letting his fingers trail down my neck before pulling away. “But you’re worried about something. I can tell.”
Crap. We’ve barely woken up, and I’m already ruining things. “I’m not worried,” I lie. “Everything’s fine.”
“Rhi.”
Desperate to change the topic, I ask, “Do you want coffee? I could get up to make some. And I still have some of those muffins Sarah dropped off yesterday. I could brown them with butter and slice up some fruit. Have breakfast in bed.”
“Rhiannon. I know what you’re trying to do.”
“What do you mean?” I start to push myself up, but Hawk’s hand comes to my shoulder and holds me still. “What are you doing?”
“Babe.” He wraps his arms around me and hugs me close, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. “If something’s bothering you, I want you to tell me. No matter what it is. Please.”
I hesitate as I sort through my tangled thoughts, trying to unwind them to find the best answer. If I come right out with my fears, will Hawk think I doubt him? Will he be insulted? Hurt? Will I mess up our burgeoning relationship just as it’s getting started?
Before I can answer, Hawk asks, “Are you having second thoughts about me? About dating?”
“No,” I start. “It’s not that?—”
“If you are, I get it. I know I hurt you. And you have no reason to trust me. Not yet.”
“I do trust you.”
Regret tightens his features. “But not completely. You’re still scared I’ll leave, aren’t you?”
The pain in his eyes almost brings tears to mine. A lump swells in my throat. “I trust you. But I guess… I’m a little scared that you’ll change your mind.”
“About you?”
“About staying. I mean… I know you have a job that’s thousands of miles from here. I don’t expect you to just drop everything. Change your entire life for me. I can handle not seeing you all the time. But if things go back to how they used to be, with those quick texts and never visiting?—”
“Ah, Rhi.” His lips press into a frown. “I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.”
“No. Don’t apologize. We already talked about it.”
“But I need to.” Sitting up, he scoots back so he’s leaning against the padded headboard. Then he lifts me onto his lap. “I get it, Rhi. It’s my fault you’re worried. And I need to fix it.”
“You don’t. It’s okay?—”
“No. It’s not okay.” An intensity fills his gaze. “So. I want to tell you some things. I know they’re just words for now. But I’ll show you I mean them.”
A surge of confidence urges me to ask, “How?”
“I won’t go back to Alaska.” As his words sink in, he adds, “Well. I’ll go back to pack up my apartment. But that’s it. Then I’ll come back.”
Hope kindles inside me. “Back where?”
“Texas. San Antonio. Seguin. As close or as far away as you want me.”
“You would move to Texas?”
“Yes.” A beat, and then, “I fucked up, Rhi. Thought I knew what was best. Kept all my feelings to myself instead of talking them out. I wallowed in my damn guilt for years. Wasted all that time with you. And now that I have this chance… I’m not fucking it up again. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work.”
The spark of hope fans into a flame. “What would you do? Join the police, like Cole did? Or maybe join Blade and Arrow, if Cole agreed to take on another person?”
Hawk slowly shakes his head, and my heart drops again. “Not the police. And I don’t think I’d want to join B and A. Not that it isn’t great. What you guys do here is amazing. But… I think I’d want to do something outdoors. Maybe join a search and rescue team. Or be a park ranger.”
Oh.
That’s not so bad.
“There are lots of jobs like that in Texas,” I reply. “We know a guy in San Antonio who works as a game warden. Conor Paxton. I bet he’d be willing to talk to you, if you were interested.”
“That would be great.” Hawk smiles at me, and my heart lifts. “I’m not sure which jobs I’m qualified for, but I’d definitely like to pick his brain.”
Enthusiasm bubbles up, chasing away my anxiety. “There’s someone else—Dax Chambers. He’s a Texas Ranger. He might know about some opportunities that are mostly outdoors.”
“Rhi.” His gaze softens as it meets mine. “I’ll talk to anyone you think could help. I mean it, babe. I lost enough time with you. I’m not wasting any more of it.”
Oh .
My eyes burn with relieved tears.
Is it a guarantee? No. Something could still happen to ruin Hawk’s plans. In a week or a month, he could still move back to Alaska.
But is anything in life guaranteed, really?
“Would that be okay, Rhi? If I move to Texas? Get a job here? See you all the time?”
As I look at the man I’ve loved for years, I see a flicker of fear in his eyes. But this time, I can see it for what it is. Not fear of commitment or of making a change, but fear that I might reject him.
“It would be more than okay,” I say. “I would really love it if you moved here. And I’d get to see you all the time.”
“Babe.” It’s thick. Rough. “I would love that, too.”
Silence hangs between us. The words I love you keep spinning in my head.
Is it too soon? Or does the timing not matter?
Haven’t I kept enough secrets already?
“Hawk. I?—”
But, of course , my phone chooses this exact moment to ring. And the instant I recognize the signature Blade and Arrow ringtone, I know it’s not a call I can ignore.
“Crap.” I move to get off Hawk’s lap. “I have to get that. It’s someone on the team. Maybe they found out something.”
“Stay. I got it.” One arm clamps around my waist. With the other, he reaches to the nightstand and swipes my phone off it, handing it over to me. “I hope it’s good news.”
But when I see Xavier’s name displayed on the screen, my chest goes tight. What if it’s Lucy? What if she’s sick or there’s a complication? What if she’s cramping and something’s wrong with the baby?
My heart rachets up to double speed as I tap the screen to answer. “Xavier? What’s wrong? Is Lucy okay?”
“She’s okay.” But from the flat tone of his voice, it doesn’t sound that way. “But—” He draws in a deep breath. “There’s a problem.”
My breath catches. “The baby?”
“No. The baby is fine.”
“Xavier. What’s wrong, then?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Hawk watching me with a worried expression.
“I was checking the mail,” Xavier replies. It sounds like he’s clenching his jaw as he speaks. “And there was a package addressed to Lucy.”
A sick feeling sweeps through me. “What kind of package?”
There’s a long pause. “One with a deactivated bomb in it. And a note.”
My heart literally stops for a second. “What?”
“I already told Dante. We’re going to have a meeting in thirty. In the conference room. Tell Hawk he can come if he wants.”
Bile burns the back of my throat. “Xav. What did the note say?”
Xavier hesitates. Then his breath gusts over the phone. “The note was for you. It said—” He pauses again. “If you keep hiding, your friends will pay the price instead.”
* * *
“I have to do something .”
My fingers drum nervously on the wooden table as I add, “This is my fault. This asshole targeted Lucy because of me. I can’t keep hiding here, just like the note said.”
Hawk’s hand covers my leg beneath the table, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Rhi, it’s not your fault,” Niall interjects. He meets my gaze from across the table. “We’ll figure this out. But it’s not your fault.”
“Niall’s right,” Dante adds. His deep voice is somber but calm. “That’s why we’re meeting. So we can address this new threat and come up with a plan.”
I can’t help glancing over at Xavier, who looks about five seconds from exploding. His jaw is clenched tight and his features are shadowed with anger. Anger flashes in his eyes. “We’d better come up with a fucking good one,” he snaps. “My wife is pregnant . And this fucker sends her a damn bomb? I want to find the asshole and kill him myself.”
The band of guilt wrapped around my chest gives another hard wrench, constricting my lungs and making it hard to breathe. The same two words are a litany in my head. My fault. My fault. My fault.
This is all my fault. Our pro bono cases on hold, innocent victims not being helped, Niall and Matt forced off their paternity leave so they can help solve this case, my friends trapped at Blade and Arrow because it’s not safe for them to leave, and now this. Sweet, sunny Lucy who’s so excited about her pregnancy, targeted. Frightened. Possibly triggered by the threat of violence after everything she went through not even a year ago.
And the baby. My future goddaughter or godson. What if the stress causes a complication?
Who else’s fault is it if not mine?
After all, it’s pretty clear I’m the one this person really wants. And if I keep hiding out at the ranch, the next time a package arrives, the bomb might be real.
The very thought of it makes bile rise in my throat. Horrible images fill my head—the ranch on fire, windows imploding, screams, babies crying…
I have to bite the inside of my cheek hard to keep from either sobbing or screaming. Maybe both.
“Rhi,” Hawk murmurs. “It’s okay.”
But how can it be?
“It’s not okay.” The words burst out of me, rough and laced with barely controlled panic. “Lucy could have… And Sarah. Isla. Jade. They’ve already been through enough. This is supposed to be a safe place for them. Now it’s not, and it’s because of me.”
Shame fills me as I meet Xavier’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Xav. I’ll do whatever I can to fix this. I’ll go meet this guy myself. Anything to stop?—”
He rears back like I struck him. “What the fuck , Rhi?”
Hawk looks at me, aghast. “Meet him yourself? What the fuck are you talking about?”
As I glance around the table, everyone is staring at me with almost identical expressions of horror. “He wants me,” I explain. “And it makes the most sense.” As I speak, my hastily-improvised plan coalesces. “If I leave B and A, we can wait for him to come after me. Set a trap. And?—”
“Absolutely not ,” Hawk growls. “No fucking way, Rhi. You’re not doing it.”
I turn to face him. “It’s not your decision, Hawk. It’s mine. And I’m not going to just sit here and wait for someone else to get hurt. I won’t.”
He winces, pain flashing in his eyes.
Crap. Now I feel even worse.
How did such a wonderful morning turn into such chaos?
“Rhiannon.” Dante’s use of my full name pulls my attention to him. “I know you’re upset. We all are. But we’re a team. And we’ll come up with a solution as one. Not send you off to deal with this asshole on your own.”
“I’m furious,” Xavier says, “but shit, Rhi. Do you really think I blame you? This isn’t your fault. Not even a little.”
“He’s right,” Erik adds. “I think I can speak for everyone on the team when I say no one blames you. How could we?”
Matt lifts his chin. “Exactly. That would be like saying Isla was at fault when she was targeted. Or Lucy. Or Sarah or Jade.”
“It’s not the same,” I start.
“It is,” Dante insists. “When I was in the accident with Sarah, do you think I blamed her for getting hurt?”
“Of course not. But she was a client. It was different.”
“What about when Lucy and I were taken by that psycho?” Xavier asks. “Was that her fault?”
“No.” My voice dips. “But I’m… I’m supposed to be protecting people. Not the one in need of protection. And if I can’t even keep my best friends—my family —safe, what good am I?”
“Rhi.” Hawk grasps my jittering fingers and holds them still. “I know you’re feeling bad. But I don’t want to hear you say that. Ever.”
“But I’ve just been hiding here,” I protest. “What have I actually done to help? Look through some videos? That’s not enough. And now this asshole is escalating. I have to do something to stop him. And you know if I put myself out as bait, it’s the best option.”
“What if the positions were reversed?” Matt asks, his gaze lifting from the screen of his laptop. “Would you tell me to use myself as bait? Or Niall? Erik? Xavier? Dante?”
Crap. He has a point. “No. But you and Niall have babies. Xavier’s going to be a dad soon. Dante has Sarah?—”
“What about me?” Erik regards me with a raised brow. “I don’t have a partner. So why not me, if it’s okay for you?”
“Because you’re going to find someone,” I shoot back. “Someone amazing.”
In a quiet tone, Hawk asks, “Don’t you think I want you safe?”
Tears sting my eyes. “I know you do. But… I just… I can’t be responsible for one of you guys getting hurt. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.”
“We won’t.” Dante glances around the table, his gaze lingering on each of us. “We’ll work up a plan. A more aggressive one. Pull in everyone we know. The Sleepy Hollow team is already on it.”
“And I left a message for Beth,” Matt adds. Beth is one of our San Antonio friends and a veritable genius at finding information online. “With me, Leo, and Beth investigating, it’s only a matter of time until we find something.”
“What about that fucker?” Hawk asks. “Allen. Is there anything on him? Any activity?”
Matt scowls. “Nothing so far. But I’m watching him.”
“I think it’s time to do more than watch from afar.” Erik leans forward and rests his arms on the table. “We need to be sure. Which is why I think I should go to Kentucky to keep an eye on him.”
Dante lifts his chin, his forehead creasing as he thinks. After a brief pause, he nods. “I think that’s a good idea. Just to make sure there’s not something we’re missing.”
“And I’ll keep up the investigation,” Matt continues. He turns to me. “We’ll find something, Rhi. I promise.”
I want to believe him. I want to believe that everything will be okay.
But then I keep imagining all the terrible things that could happen.
“What about the ranch?” Without realizing, I find myself edging closer to Hawk. “How can we make sure it’s one-hundred percent safe?”
It’s clear Dante’s already given it some thought. “We’ll scan all the mail with a bomb detector, of course. The fence is done, so we won’t have to worry about anyone taking a shot through it. And nothing short of a tank could get through the interior fence.”
Though he says it as reassurance, a shiver runs through me. After a car bomb, a sniper, and now this latest threat, I’m not banking on anything being out of the question.
“Just give it a little more time,” Hawk says quietly. He laces his fingers between mine, enveloping my hand in warmth. “Everyone is fine. Safe. We don’t need to rush into anything extreme. Okay?”
I can hear the worry in his voice. The barely disguised fear.
What if the positions were reversed, like Matt asked? How would I feel if one of my teammates wanted to put themselves in danger? What if it was Hawk?
No. I couldn’t take it.
It was horrible enough back when we served together. But if Hawk just left to face an unknown enemy on his own… It’s not that I don’t think he’s capable of defending himself. But there are some things no human can defend from.
“Okay,” I reply softly. “I’ll wait. Give it some more time.”
But if this isn’t solved soon, I might change my mind.
Because as much as I love Hawk, I love my team, too. And I would do anything to protect them.
Even if it means putting my own life at risk.