Page 45

CHAPTER

FORTY

ASHER

L ightning split the sky, flooding the valley with light as Asher approached the cabin.

An old chair was shoved under the doorknob on the outside, which was a good sign that Lily wasn’t the one inside.

His heart soared.

Paul couldn’t have locked himself in there.

It had to be her.

He yanked the chair free, but before he could open the door, he leapt backward, narrowly avoiding a flaming piece of kindling that Karlin had just swung directly at his head.

“Yo! Cool it with the stick!” he shouted, raising his hands in surrender.

He’d been expecting a warm welcome. Maybe even a kiss.

Oh well.

He smiled as he looked her over, relieved just to know that she was safe.

She was missing her lab coat, and her outfit didn’t look very warm, but aside from that, she looked just as stunning as ever.

And, judging by the swing that had almost connected with his face, she still had some strength to spare.

“I’m so, so sorry,” Karlin stammered. “It was supposed to be a torch.”

She leaned out of the cabin, tossing the dishcloth-wrapped stick out into the rain. The flame flickered against the sand for a moment before burning out, filling the air with yet more smoke.

“I’m surprised you managed to light it with whatever terrible fire you have going in there,” Asher joked. “You can smell the smoke a mile away.”

“Ha. Whatever. You’re lucky I didn’t knock you out.”

Karlin was trying not to smile, but he could see how happy she was to see him. He wondered how long she’d been trapped in here alone, but before they caught up, he seriously needed to get dry.

“Are you going to invite me in? And maybe help me find something I can use to bandage my knee?”

She stepped back at last, allowing him to slip through the door before closing it behind them.

The fire in the woodstove was far from raging, but at least Karlin had managed to keep the smoke traveling in the generally correct direction. After the chill of the rain, the old building felt almost cozy.

They spent a few minutes rooting around the cabinets until they found a dust-covered roll of paper towel and used it to wrap Asher’s leg as well as they could.

“You scared me, Axel. I thought you were Lily,” Karlin said, collapsing onto one of the chairs. He followed suit, all thoughts of further banter forced immediately from his mind.

“Why did Lily lock you in here?”

He listened for several minutes as she recounted the events of the night, and then he took his turn doing the same. But when the moment came to tell her that Cora had mentioned some kind of ritual killing was about to take place, he hesitated.

He hated the thought of scaring her even more. She’d already been through so much stress. Then again, she deserved to know the extent of what they were dealing with.

Before he could figure out how to share the grim news, however, Karlin interrupted him. “What did Cora inject you with?”

“I have no idea. She just said it was a sedative.”

Karlin pressed a finger to her lip.

Immediately, Asher could imagine the wheels turning.

“I’m confused. You’re a small guy. It shouldn’t have been difficult for her to figure out a large enough dose to put you to sleep. The real danger should have been giving you too much and accidentally killing you. Hmm.”

Asher opened his mouth to tell her just what he thought of her calling him ‘small,’ but a second later, her eyes lit up.

“Wait. Wait. You did get the placebo dose of DX8, didn’t you?”

“Uh, no. Somehow, it was switched with the real thing. I assumed you knew, considering I was high off my butt even before Lily kidnapped you.”

Karlin’s eyes grew wide.

“I had no idea! If I hadn’t thought you were sober, I never would have gone outside with Lily in the first place and left you all alone. I just assumed you were trying to stay undercover.”

Asher shrugged. “To be fair to you, my acting is pretty great.”

He expected some kind of retort, but she hadn’t seemed to have heard him.

Instead, she was looking off into space, a smile spreading across her face. “Well, that explains why the sedative didn’t work like Cora planned. It acted as a trip killer instead.”

“You know, I did notice that I started feeling better after the–”

He didn’t even have a chance to finish his sentence. The woman was off in her own world already, smiling to herself.

“Fascinating,” Karlin was saying excitedly.

“Most of the sedative drugs we had in the lab shouldn’t have worked.

We hadn’t really tested them thoroughly, but there was a lot of data to cross-reference, and I’ve been tinkering with that for years.

Most of them have been tested against ayahuasca extensively, and the dimethyltryptamine that interacts with the 5-HT2A receptor is primary within the DX8 synthesis–”

That was it.

He couldn’t wait any more.

He was going to kiss that gorgeous, infuriating dork and make sure she knew without a doubt how he felt about her.

This wasn’t the right time, but fireworks and flowers were in short supply right now.

Asher leaned toward Karlin and cradled her jaw gently.

Before she had a chance to argue–or finish talking about whatever incomprehensible science stuff was currently rattling around in her brain–he pressed his lips to hers.

Kissing her felt like he was high on DX8 all over again, but it was so, so much better.

His heart was thumping as her soft lips touched his, and when she reached up to stroke the back of his neck, he thought he was going to pass out right there.

The moment ended way too fast for his liking.

He sank back down into his own chair, grinning stupidly. Karlin was already narrowing her eyes at him, her cheeks going red.

“What was that? Seriously, you need to warn me before you–do that,” she stammered.

“You interrupted me first.”

She considered this for less than a second.

“Fine. I guess. But not with–not with that .”

He formed his fingers into two circles and held them over his eyes as if they were glasses. “No, you went with telling me all about the blah, blah, blah, 123BXY Periodic Table.”

For a second she looked so annoyed that he thought she might actually slap him, which of course only made him smile even more.

Goodness, she was pretty.

Even when–especially when–he got a glimpse of how brilliant and passionate she was.

Just as he was considering silencing her fury with another amazing kiss, a fresh bolt of lightning struck somewhere outside the cabin.

This one was close.

He could smell it.

There was no time to breathe deeply, or to touch the floor of the cabin, or even to pray.

The thunder boomed ferociously, rattling the old windows in their frames and making the light of the candle in the middle of the table flicker.

He gripped the edge of the chair until his knuckles were white, trying to ignore the fear that was currently trying to steal away his happiness at finally getting to kiss the girl of his dreams.

“Hey, are you okay?” Karlin asked, reaching over to rest a hand gently on his shoulder. “You’re shaking.”

He tried to shake his head no, but unfortunately, the rest of his body decided to shake at the same time.

“Here, have some water,” she said, reaching over and grabbing a plastic bottle sitting nearby. He took several long swallows, all the while listening for the inevitable sound of the next lightning strike. This time, he wasn’t going to be surprised.

By the time it came a minute or two later, he was breathing calmly and the shaking had passed.

“Sorry about that,” he muttered, looking down at the table.

She reached over and pressed a fingertip against his chin until he looked up into her concerned blue eyes. “I’m pretty well acquainted with PTSD and other traumas,” she said. “You have nothing to hide from me. I promise.”

He wanted to tell her he didn’t have either, but of course, that would have been a lie, and he chose instead to keep his mouth shut as she continued.

“I used to have a lot of panic attacks,” she said softly, glancing toward the window as another nearby jolt of lightning shot through the sky. “They used to be really bad. Sometimes they’d happen at work, and I’d lock myself in the supply closet.”

“That’s awful, Karlin,” he said, glad that the conversation was shifting away from his own problems. He hated the idea of her seeing him as weak, even if it was true. “I’m so sorry. Do you…want to talk about what caused them?”

He cringed at the way the sentence came out.

He wanted to be supportive, but apparently, the whole sharing-your-feelings thing was harder than he thought. He was used to leaping into action. Having to simply sit still and listen was a very different beast.

She offered him a weak smile. “Private security operative, Oscar-worthy actor, professional class clown, and a therapist too? Be still my heart.”

For a brief moment, he considered silencing her with another kiss, but before he could, she continued, clearly trying to change the subject.

“Anyway, it’s going to be dawn soon, I think,” she said. “We need to get out of here. We need to get help. I hate the idea that Paul could be out in this storm somewhere.”

She looked troubled, and he could see that the rims of her eyes had gone red. Clearly, her teasing words hid something deeper. He just hoped he could get her to share what it was.

He nodded. “We will, but let’s just get warm for a little while longer.”

The thunder was still coming every few minutes, and though it would be dangerous to go out in it again, especially when it was still dark, that wasn’t his main reason for wanting to wait.

He didn’t trust himself not to have another panic attack.

And if he lost control again out there at the wrong time, he could put both himself and Karlin in danger.

She didn’t argue.

Instead, she inched her chair closer to his, leaned onto his shoulder, and started to cry.

KARLIN

Great. Just great.

Karlin pressed her face into Axel’s shoulder, preferring another snot situation to having to look him in the eyes right now.

“Shh, sweetheart,” he was saying softly. “Just cry. Just let it out. You’ll feel better.”

“I’m so sorry,” she choked out after several long seconds, struggling to get the sobs under control. At the moment, she would have strongly preferred the solitude of the Senera main lab’s supply closet.

“How many times have I cried in front of you? Or in your arms? It’s getting ridiculous at this point.”

“Five,” he said without missing a beat. “But I’m not counting.”

That got her attention.

She pulled back a little and looked up at him. “You literally are counting, though. You gave me a number.”

He didn’t argue.

Instead, he leaned down and kissed her, slow and gentle.

Even after getting drugged twice, traipsing through the desert for hours, and getting soaked in the rain, he still smelled way too good.

She didn’t want the kiss to end.

Everything about it–everything about him–was pure comfort, security, and another word that she was scared to name, even to herself.

She’d never met anyone like him before, that much she could say with certainty.

When he was close, she felt like she could actually breathe, like the heaviness of her past suddenly didn’t seem so unbearable. It felt like a miracle.

So why was she still so scared to tell him everything?

Why did she hold back, when her heart was begging her to open up?

He pulled away at last, giving a contented sigh as he pulled his arms more tightly around her. Even though his clothes were wet, he still felt warm.

“You know, you are the most argumentative woman I have ever met in my entire life,” he announced. “And I work with some serious contenders. Our head of security, Dolly? Yeah, she used to scare me, but she’s a pussycat compared to you.”

She might have tried to give him a playful smack, but he had her gripped too tightly against his chest. “Whatever. To be fair, you were counting my tears. I’m sorry that I’m such a mess.”

He chuckled. “The Bible talks about that, actually.”

“What?”

“There’s a verse about God counting our tears. I think it’s in the Psalms somewhere.”

“Well, in that case, I guess I can’t be too upset with you for counting mine. I mean…thank you. I appreciate that you care. Even if I’m a mess.”

Axel cleared his throat, saying nothing for a long moment.

She snuggled in more closely, trying to warm up. The woodstove could probably use another couple of logs, but she wasn’t going to let him get up right now. His body heat would have to suffice for the two of them.

“God is always listening, Karlin,” he said gently.

“I know. I’m starting to see that. Even if I still have doubts.”

He nodded. “I’m glad, but that’s not all I wanted to say.”

She said nothing.

For once, she didn’t want to interrupt, to argue, or even to tease him.

After everything they’d been through together, she was questioning her lack of faith more than ever.

She was far from having it all figured out, but maybe John was right about a whole lot more than she’d ever given him credit for.

“We can always talk to God, but the Bible also tells us to confess our sins to one another. I think that also applies to other burdens we carry. I think part of the reason that you struggle with faith isn’t that you can’t believe in a God who loves you, but that you don’t want to be part of His people.

You don’t want to rely on the church. You want to do everything on your own, because if you let people care about you, you also risk letting them let you down or leave you. ”

Karlin stiffened.

That was a gut punch.

But she wasn’t sure she could actually deny anything he’d said.

Axel let go of her, pulling back a little and fiddling with the candle in the middle of the table. As much as she loved his touch, she was thankful for a moment to breathe.

“God promises to never leave us or forsake us,” Axel continued. “And part of trusting in that promise is trusting Him to work in the lives of those around us, to bring everything together for our good. Even when people are weak. Even when people fail. Even when people make mistakes that hurt us.”

Karlin swallowed hard, remembering.

Her parents had let her down. As much as she wanted to pretend she had moved on, the feeling of abandonment and rejection always stung.

But if she was being honest, John had let her down worse than they ever had.

His mistakes hurt more because she expected more from him. He was her big brother. He was a Christian. He loved her.

And still, he had failed, and his failure had left her with deep scars that she wasn’t sure would ever go away.

She had to tell Axel the full story of what had happened. If she didn’t tell somebody the truth about that day, she was going to go insane.

But before she could say anything, he held up the photo of John that she’d left on the table earlier.

His face was white, and his hands were trembling.