Page 26

CHAPTER

TWENTY-THREE

ASHER

A sher got to his feet and pulled Karlin up after him, gesturing in the direction of the Jeep.

Karlin followed mutely, gripping the phone with white knuckles as her brother talked.

As they settled back into the warmth of the vehicle, Karlin finally spoke, her voice more angry than Asher had ever heard it.

“An overdose, John? Really?” she spat. “How can we be doing this all over again?”

He tried to catch her eye.

She ignored him, but he could see the tears gathering on her cheeks. He hated seeing her cry, and it had been happening way too often.

“I know,” she said after a pause. “But I’m still going to come. I want to make sure you’re–”

Karlin’s fingers tightened more firmly around her iPhone. “Fine. I know I have a lot going on here, too, but as soon as I deal with all of it, I’m heading to Lubbock, and that’s final. Okay. I love you, too. I’ll call again soon.”

She hung up the phone, a fresh volley of tears falling from her eyes as she curled up against the window of the passenger seat.

He let her get herself together for a moment, not wanting to make things worse, but finally, the longing to try and comfort her became too strong to resist.

“What happened?” Asher asked, taking her hand within his own.

She allowed this much, but he didn’t think it would be wise to try and get any closer, despite the moment they’d just shared.

Trying to get Karlin to open up to him was like sneaking up on a doe.

One too-quick movement, and she’d bolt for the hills.

“John had the brilliant idea to go to a party,” she said, chuckling without a hint of humor. “But not just any party, of course. A party filled with drugs and alcohol, thanks to some alleged war friends that I’ve never heard of. He said that no one else gets him like other vets do.”

Asher said nothing, though he could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t buy her brother’s excuse any more than he did.

“I wanted to tell him it was total crap,” she continued, “and that other veterans who do drugs aren’t helping him.

But he knows that. Of course he knows that!

It’s the addiction talking, not reason. And it’s just–it’s maddening.

It feels like all of this time sober was pointless in the end.

And it’s not the first time he’s fallen off.

It’s just so unbelievably frustrating. I believe his pain is real.

I wouldn’t be in this field if I didn’t. But I just…”

Karlin trailed off, putting her face in her hands and letting out a long groan.

“Pain can be an explanation, but it can’t be an excuse,” Asher said. “It’s okay for you to be angry. He’s put you through a lot.”

“He’s been through so much worse,” Karlin said. Her voice was softer now, like all of the anger had been ripped clean out of it, leaving only a husk of sadness behind. “But yeah. His pain has hurt me, too. I’m not invincible. I’ve–I’ve had to learn that lesson, and it was a painful one.”

Her eyes landed on his for a few seconds longer than necessary.

Somewhere within their depths, he could sense words she was leaving unsaid, but he wouldn’t press her.

He knew she'd unburden herself from her darkness only when she was ready, and nothing he said would make that happen a moment sooner. If anything, he’d only succeed in making her more afraid to be vulnerable with him.

“I hope you know that, whatever it’s worth, I think you’re an amazing little sister,” he said, squeezing her hand. “He is so blessed to have you. He knows that, I think.”

She offered him a weak smile. “I don’t know about amazing.

But I’m trying. If nothing else, I do think he knows I’ll always be there.

We all need someone to love us unconditionally.

Our parents didn’t, so that means it’s my job to be that for my brother.

I just wish his addictions didn’t rob him of his ability to really do the same for me. ”

The passion in her words stirred Asher’s heart, but they also made him a little bit sad. How could someone so brilliant be so blind?

“Karlin, even if you had no one at all, not one single person, you wouldn’t be alone,” he said quickly, hoping desperately that the words would come out right. “I know He might be hard to see or hear sometimes, but God is always there. God loves you unconditionally.”

She was quiet for a long moment, watching the sunrise through the window as it continued to light up the canyon in pinks and purples of a thousand hues.

“The funny thing is, I think John really does believe what you believe. Even though he keeps messing up, he has this faith that God is going to bring him through his pain in the end. Even if he has to say sorry five hundred times, he never stops trusting that forgiveness is possible. I’m actually jealous of him. How messed up is that?”

Several questions floated through Asher’s mind, but he didn’t say anything.

Instead, he offered a silent prayer to God to bring Karlin closer to Him. It was beyond clear that this beautiful, brilliant woman needed her Father as deeply as any struggling soul he had ever met.

“It’s crazy to be jealous of him,” she said, breaking the silence.

“He really went through hell. He watched as his teammate was killed in front of him. Actually, it was worse than watching it. He got blood on his clothes. He got blood on his face. I just...I don’t think we can imagine what it’s like to go through something like that and find the will to move past it, let alone believe in this good God who loves us. ”

Asher tightened his jaw.

He had just been handed an opportunity to share his own story.

It was the perfect timing. She made it clear by the empathy she had for her brother that she would at least try to understand.

But he couldn’t do it.

She wasn’t the only one who was good at running away.

“You’re right,” he said at last. “I’ve never experienced anything quite like that. Despite his flaws, John’s faith is inspiring. I’ll pray for him.”

He looked out the window, not wanting to look at Karlin, even as he continued to cling to her hand like a lifeline.

He didn’t lie. He had never experienced exactly what John had experienced.

But he did know what it was like to have a teammate of his own die.

And worse?

He hadn’t been a witness.

He’d been the cause.