Page 44

CHAPTER

THIRTY-NINE

ASHER

A sher pushed his body up against a nearby rock and rested there, defeated.

He had managed to land directly on a patch of gravelly dirt, which had torn through his jeans and, apparently, the skin covering his knee cap.

Awesome.

It was bloody, but at least it didn’t hurt. Much.

He could hear the ATV roaring somewhere in the distance. Even if he’d had full daylight and knew exactly where she was headed, there was no way he’d be able to catch up with her on foot.

He glanced around the clearing, once again trying and failing to get his bearings.

The rain was still falling steadily, and now that he’d stopped moving, he was getting cold fast.

How was he going to find Karlin?

He supposed he could try and find his way back to the main retreat site and call for help, but he might end up even more lost, and in any case, it was possible that Paul had made it there by now, anyway.

Not that that meant help was on its way.

There was a solid chance that the buildings would be locked, seeing as no one was supposed to be spending the night there.

On the other hand, there was the maintenance truck, assuming Paul could find it.

In any case, Asher hoped the older man hadn’t dared to try and make it all the way to the Senera offices in this weather, and especially not before sunrise.

He pulled his arms against himself as tightly as he could, a long shiver wracking his body. All he wanted in the world was to hold Karlin in his arms.

Okay, that and a roaring bonfire, a thermos full of coffee, and his favorite totally dorky fleece Christmas pajamas. But still.

Less than twelve hours ago, he’d been certain that he and Karlin were almost out of this mess, and then everything had completely and utterly fallen apart.

“God, I don’t know what your plan is, but this part of it?

This sucks. I’m rating it at a zero out of ten, in fact.

Karlin is probably in terrible danger right now, and there’s nothing I can do, and I seriously need you to make the path clear to me, because I’m lost. Please.

I just need you to cut me a break,” he said.

Once upon a time, his mother would have scolded him for ‘murmuring against the Lord as the Israelites did.’

She was right, but he wasn’t sure he had the ability to care at the moment.

And then, as if on cue, a giant bolt of lightning struck the ground, impossibly close.

Asher yelped and shoved his body closer to the rock, nearly falling a second time before steadying himself. The smell of ozone clung to the insides of his nostrils.

“Well played,” he muttered in the general direction of the heavens. “A little dramatic, but totally well deserve–”

Before he could finish his sentence, thunder tore through the sky.

Asher’s heart began to thump faster.

No.

He seriously could not have this happen.

Not now.

It was just noise. Nothing else. It couldn’t hurt him.

Sure, that lightning bolt? That could have barbecued him instantly. But the thunder was just a sound. Nothing to be afraid of.

There was another lightning strike, and this time, the thunder followed almost immediately after it. The rain was coming down in freezing sheets now as the storm rested directly on top of where he now sat, helpless, clutching at the rock.

His head was swimming so much that it was all he could do to keep himself upright. His heart was pounding at a rapid clip, which didn’t help with the sudden rush of dizziness.

He shouldn’t be having a panic attack. He didn’t want to have a panic attack.

He knew that thunder couldn’t hurt him.

The problem was that his body didn’t know that.

His body remembered that loud sounds meant terror, pain, and death.

His body remembered Afghanistan, no matter how hard he tried to forget.

KARLIN

The ancient futon was even more uncomfortable than it looked at first glance.

After spending ten minutes struggling to open it up flat, Karlin had given up and lay down anyway, her arm hopelessly squashed no matter what position she tried. Already, her spider paranoia was enough to have her scratching at her neck every thirty seconds.

She shivered and stared up at the ceiling.

Even with the help of the fire she’d made–admittedly, it probably wasn’t a very good one–it was still extremely chilly. Worse, the fabric of the futon felt almost damp.

How long had she been here?

She kicked herself for forgetting her smartwatch on its charger that morning. It was impossible to trust her perception of the passing time.

Outside, thunder and lightning had joined the deluge of rain. If dawn was close, she had no way to tell. The windows revealed only blackness, lit by an occasional burst of blinding white.

She flinched with every strike, awaiting the enormous clash of noise that always followed. Once more, she longed for Axel’s presence, even if she had no doubt he’d tease her about her fears. She’d happily accept a little ribbing if it meant she’d get to rest in his arms until the storm passed.

But Axel might not be coming. Help, in general, might not be coming. At least not for a while.

She scratched at an invisible spider on her neck again.

She couldn’t just stay here and wait around for someone to save her. She had water and some hopefully edible food, but the firewood would last maybe one more night, if that, and then she’d be in an even worse position than she was now.

When morning came, she needed to get out of this cabin.

She twisted on the futon, freeing one arm and pinning the other beneath her body.

Even the little rest she’d had was enough to light a renewed fire within her, but she’d force herself to lay down a little longer.

Another lightning strike lit up the windows.

For less than a second, she could see the familiar clearing and the rocky hills that surrounded it, which were now slick with mud. Even if she somehow managed to break out of the cabin itself, getting out of the valley might prove even more difficult.

But she had to try.

“There’s always a solution. You just have to find it,” she said aloud.

One of her favorite professors from grad school always used to say that. He’d even added it to his email signature.

At first, she’d found the message to be corny, but over time, she’d learned to appreciate it. For the rest of her time at school, and afterwards at Senera, it had gotten her through many seemingly impossible projects. This one was no different.

She was smart. She could rely on herself, just as she always had.

She closed her eyes as another crash of thunder shook the cabin.

It was the biggest one yet, loud enough to leave a ringing in her ears. She curled her arms around her sides, trying and failing to ignore the pervasive chill that had taken hold of her bones.

She wanted to believe there was always a way forward, but in truth, she had never felt so helpless.

Maybe she couldn’t always rely on herself.

Maybe that had always been a lie.

Before Axel came along, her world had been painfully, desperately lonely.

John needed her, but he wasn’t capable of giving her the support she needed in return. Her parents were off in Florida, enjoying their retirement without a care in the world. Her childhood friends in Michigan had probably all forgotten she existed by now.

And whenever a colleague or anyone else had made even the slightest attempt at trying to get close to her, she’d always kept them at arm’s length.

Because at least when she was alone, the only person who could fail her was herself.

ASHER

Asher pressed his hand to the rock behind him, forcing himself to notice the little details.

It was cold against his palm. Most of the surface was smooth, but near his pinky, he could feel a bit of grittiness that tugged at his skin despite the damp.

He was able to take a deep breath, and then another.

Okay, what else?

He closed his eyes as another flash of lightning lit the sky. He had to ignore the thunder. He had to focus on the rock.

He moved his hand up higher, noticing the way the formation grew steeper as it reached upward. It was huge, taller than him. It was solid and unyielding. When the thunder struck, it didn’t shake.

He was okay.

He breathed again.

He could feel his heart slowing down as the panic attack abated.

He’d always thought the whole thing with touching the ground or feeling your abdomen expand in and out was dump therapy talk, but maybe the Veteran’s Freedom Society had a point on this one.

Maybe.

Not that it was enough to do anything but push the pain aside temporarily.

No amount of grounding exercises or deep breathing or talking it out would bring Nico Delgado back.

He was dead in the ground, bombed to pieces at twenty years old, and it was all Asher’s fault.

Lightning crashed again.

He couldn’t afford to get lost in the shadows of his past.

For now, coping and suppressing would have to be enough.

He kept breathing, even as his body tensed in anticipation.

The thunder came a few seconds later, but he barely noticed it.

There was something else that cut through his terror.

He smelled smoke.

He looked around in the darkness. His night vision was even worse now thanks to the lightning, and it unsettled him, further destroying any remaining sense of direction he had.

He blinked quickly, trying to get rid of the starbursts behind his eyes, but he had no idea where the smoke was coming from.

There were few trees here, but there was plenty of brush and shrubbery. Even in the rain, he knew that those could still burn if they got hot enough.

And lightning would certainly do the trick.

He pulled himself to his feet, ignoring the lingering sting of his torn knee. With a final touch of the rock, he set his jaw and started to walk forward. He was glad for the chance to focus on an enemy he could quantify instead of the demons in his head.

He had to find shelter. Thunder wasn’t going to hurt him, but a brush fire certainly could, especially if the rain decided to let up.

With the next strike of lightning, he pressed his eyes shut hard, shielding them with his arm. After the thunder came, he opened them again.

He could see a little better, but not enough.

The smell of smoke caught on a gust of wind, filling his nostrils. Despite the danger, he found the smell oddly comforting.

The next time lightning hit, he was ready.

He kept his eyes wide open, using the half-second of light to survey the scene.

And to his amazement, he could see the top of the old cabin that Karlin had showed him up ahead.

There was no brush fire.

Thick, black smoke was pouring out of the chimney.

It was all he could do not to run toward it.

Instead, he walked slowly, not wanting to risk another fall. He knew there were several steep drops of rock ahead, and he’d have to navigate them using only the sporadic bursts of lightning to see.

He didn’t know who was in the cabin.

It could be Paul, but it could also be Lily.

Still, it was his best shot. He desperately needed to warm up, and hopefully find something to wrap his wound with before it got infected.

As he began his descent down the slippery rocks into the little valley below, his heart began racing fast again.

This time, it wasn't his fear.

It was hope.

Karlin probably wasn’t inside, but she could be. It could be her sitting there, warm and beautiful in the firelight.

And the very possibility was enough to drive him the rest of the way, even as the thunder hammered all around him.