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The others began to chat more about their feelings on alcohol or the lack thereof, and Asher once again found both his eyes and his thoughts drifting in Karlin’s direction.

He wondered what the day ahead would hold when breakfast was finished, but already he knew he was looking forward to hiking to that crummy cabin again tonight so he could let his guard down a little.

Being undercover, even using mostly his real personality, was exhausting.

And that was the only reason he was going to let himself get excited about seeing Karlin alone.

He’d been so focused on the Lord, his work, and his family for the last couple of years. It had been good for him, and he had to stay the course.

Even if everything about the beautiful researcher had a way of drawing him in.

KARLIN

Karlin stole a glance at her watch as the hour hand ticked slowly toward eight o’clock.

She’d finished her breakfast twenty minutes ago, but unfortunately she and Ned had been stuck listening to Bajwa for what felt like forever.

Ned barely said anything, either, so she had mostly been responsible for keeping up some semblance of a back and forth conversation.

Maybe Ned could be friends with Paul, who didn’t seem to be opening up very much to Axel, either.

Not that she was keeping tabs on their end of the table or anything.

She knew that the trial needed Paul for demographic reasons, but she was beginning to wonder how much useful data she’d be able to get.

Despite her asking several times for more medical history on their patients, Bajwa hadn’t told her very much about any of them, only that their doctors had signed off on their being here.

It was not how a medical trial was supposed to go, but that was Senera. Bajwa would talk her up to the guests as a colleague, but when it came down to actually doing their jobs, he had no problem treating her like a lowly intern rather than a competent scientist in her own right.

On the other hand, the last time she’d had a large amount of involvement in patient selection, one of them had ended up dead.

She glanced over at the others again, noticing that the others save Paul were all chatting happily together.

They all looked happy enough.

No, the word she was looking for was innocent.

They all looked innocent, and she was going to be giving them a psychedelic drug that had hurt people in the past and could hurt them, too.

But Axel was right. She had to hope for the best and let the rest of the trial take place. They weren’t going to let Senera hurt anyone else in the future. This was the last group of people who would face this risk.

She felt her gut twist as she considered the future that awaited her personally.

If everything went like she and Axel hoped it would, these people would move on with their lives, probably with a large financial settlement courtesy of Senera.

But what would happen to her? Where would she work?

She wasn’t concerned about getting a settlement. She would be happy just to have a medical research job that paid enough to support her and to help John.

She was going to get him that dog, and more. He had always been the one person in her life who truly loved her. She couldn’t let him down.

Not after what had almost happened to him already.

At last, she heard Bajwa clearing his throat.

“All set?” he asked, gesturing toward her and Ned’s empty dishes. Ned nodded, and to her relief, Bajwa finally got to his feet.

“All right, people!” Karlin watched as the others ceased their chatter, letting their attention fall on Bajwa. “I hope you all got a good night’s rest and a good morning meal because today’s the day we start making history. We need you at the top of your game! Over to you, Karlin.”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she got to her feet and tried to look half as excited as her boss. “The reality is maybe a little less exciting than Dr. Bajwa’s motivational speech would have you believe,” she joked. “We’re actually not going to be giving you any DX8 until tomorrow.”

Axel led the small crowd in a chorus of light-hearted boos, and suddenly Karlin’s smile felt a lot more genuine.

“But that doesn’t mean that today isn’t going to be meaningful,” she continued.

“Like we said yesterday, if we’re going to succeed at properly testing out DX8, we need to be a solid team. We need to have each others’ backs.”

She felt a fresh barb of guilt piercing her stomach. So much for having her patients’ backs as she was actively putting them in danger.

She snuck a quick glance at Axel before continuing. Their eyes met for only a moment, but somehow, he seemed to know exactly what she was feeling. He gave her the slightest hint of a nod, but it was the look in his eyes that told her he needed her to keep being brave.

She cleared her throat. “Psychedelic drugs are, in my opinion, more serious than anything else on the market or on the street. They work within the depths of the mind, where there is still so much that we don’t understand.

“For years, our team here at Senera has been not only studying DX8 in terms of chemicals and atoms, but holistically, as well. Ancient cultures from all over the world prepare and use various psychedelic plants native to their regions. We’ve learned a lot from all kinds of different shamans and other traditional healers, and one thing that has come up again and again is the importance of trust. Trust between guide and seeker, and trust between seekers themselves. ”

She paused again, allowing her words to sink in.

This time, she couldn’t force herself to meet Axel’s eyes.

Talking about seekers and shamans and ancient drug rituals had always made her feel a little foolish–she was a scientist, after all, and not exactly prone to reveling in the unquantifiable–but this was different.

Now that she knew of his Christian faith, she imagined she could actually feel his judgment radiating from across the room.

John had hated her work with psychedelics ever since he’d become a Christian, but he especially disapproved of her learning from traditional elders or attending their psychedelic ceremonies.

He hated these practices not because they were fake or silly, he said, but because they were real, and they were dangerous.

Karlin shook her head, hoping no one had noticed just how far she’d gotten lost in her own thoughts.

She wasn’t here to worry about demonic portals to the underworld, or whatever else John and Axel and maybe even Destiny thought about.

Whatever her emotions wanted her to believe, the facts told her that science was on her side, and that was that.

“Anyway,” she continued, giving a little chuckle that sounded fake even to her own ears, “Today we’re going to start off with a moderate hike, enjoy a picnic lunch, and do a basic group intake.”

Bajwa nodded, cutting in at last to take over. He looked like he was about to jump out of his shoes with excitement.

She was relieved to get out of the spotlight, and even better, Bajwa looked more than pleased with her little speech. So far, nothing he’d done or said gave her any real reason to fear that he knew what she and Axel were up to, and she was going to make sure it stayed that way.