Page 37

CHAPTER

THIRTY-TWO

ASHER

A sher unclipped his seatbelt the second that Karlin brought the truck to a stop behind the staff cabins.

He’d felt jittery for the rest of the drive back to the retreat site, like he couldn’t sit still.

They were so close to the end now. All he had to do was get through one more DX8 session, and they’d be able to go to the authorities.

Finally, Senera Pharmaceuticals would face the consequences of their crimes.

“No vehicles,” Karlin announced triumphantly as she took her own seatbelt off and climbed out of Bajwa’s Jeep.

“We made it, but it’s probably close. You should get to your cabin.

I’m going to run over to the small lab. If we’re leaving this place tomorrow, I have a few personal items that I don’t want to leave behind. I also have to put Bajwa’s keys back.”

Asher hesitated, glancing around the quiet desert.

Even though the sun hadn’t set yet, the empty retreat site gave him the creeps.

He could hear nothing at all. Even the birds and insects seemed to be holding their breath, like they knew something had shifted.

He almost wished for those weird coyotes to howl in the distance.

He’d prefer it to the oppressive silence.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?” he asked.

Karlin nodded firmly. “It would be suspicious if we were caught hanging out together right now. I’m telling you, everyone is going to be back any minute now. Safety in numbers, right?”

Asher couldn’t find a good reason to argue.

Sure, they’d almost been caught back at Senera, but he was fairly confident that it had only been by a janitor or another employee entering Bajwa’s office at random.

No one had come after them in the parking lot, and they hadn’t seen a single vehicle behind them, either. They could check the few cameras they had at some point in the future, but he’d deal with that when–or if–the time came.

“Okay,” he agreed. “I’ll come out as soon as everyone arrives.”

He had hoped for some kind of proper goodbye, maybe even a hug, but Karlin was back in pure focus mode. With a quick nod in his direction, she locked the truck, turned on her heel, and headed toward the building that held her on-site laboratory.

He watched for a moment, making sure she’d made it safely inside the door, and then headed for his own cabin.

Now that he was truly alone, he felt even more freaked out, though he couldn’t exactly explain why.

He wasn’t really the type of guy to jump at shadows.

But there was something about the quietness of the place that–

He rounded the corner of one of the empty cabins, nearly colliding with Lily and sending his train of thought shuddering to a stop.

“Hey,” he said, letting out a puff of breath as he waited for his heart rate to slow back to normal. “You guys are back already? You scared me to death. Man, I must have slept longer than I thought. What time is it?”

Lily smiled up at him. “Oh, no, you’re right on time, hon. I ended up staying behind at the last minute. I have a pretty bad left hip, and I felt bad slowing the others down.”

Asher muttered something noncommittal, wondering why Lily was so far from her own cabin and so close to his own, and why she hadn’t announced her intentions to stay behind sooner when she knew her hip was weak. It was odd, but it was hardly odd enough to call her out on it.

The most likely explanation was that he was being a tad paranoid.

He had to keep his eyes on the ball.

“Now, I thought I’d try and get the sunset,” Lily was saying. “There’s that nice hilly spot past the dining hall. Thought I could make it up that slope, at least.”

The sun would be setting soon, and if he wasn’t so creeped out by the silence, he had to admit it would be a pretty evening to watch it.

“I’ll walk with you to the parking area,” he offered. “I want to wait for everyone else, anyway. I’m excited for tonight. Hopefully I’ll get the right dose of DX8 this time.”

This was only half a lie. He really would be getting the right dose. It just so happened to be a placebo that he had been supposed to take the first time that would cause some physical symptoms and make his acting job a whole lot easier.

And he was excited. He just happened to be excited that tonight was the final hoop to jump through before he could get Karlin away from here and help her to take Senera down once and for all.

Lily accepted his escort, and the two of them headed toward the central area of the retreat site. She was chatting happily, and he engaged in the conversation as best he could, though his thoughts were elsewhere.

He considered tomorrow’s possibilities, turning the options around over and over in his mind, never quite managing to settle on anything. He was pretty sure about how the investigation related stuff would go. That was routine enough, especially once he dragged the rest of FBS into action.

But Karlin was still a mystery.

He knew she had feelings for him, and he was well beyond denying that he had hopelessly fallen for her. But he also knew she was scared, stubborn, and independent to a fault.

Would she want to stay close to him? Or was she just going to push him away the second that they were no longer forced into close proximity?

“No time for a sunset, apparently,” Lily said with a sigh, pointing toward the access road that led into the retreat site. “Looks like everyone’s back.”

Asher saw two headlights traveling toward them.

Either Senera security was after them after all, or Bajwa and the rest of the trial participants had indeed returned.

He pushed his worries about Karlin aside, steeling himself for whatever came next.

Just one more night. All he had to do was get through one more night.

KARLIN

Karlin glanced over her shoulder as she stood at her desk, gathering up a few of her most well-used notebooks and stuffing them into a tote bag she’d left hanging on the door handle.

She usually loved the silence of the lab, especially the small one here at the retreat site, where Bajwa almost never ventured. It was her sanctuary.

But today, the air in the place felt different. She didn’t feel at peace. Instead, a steady sense of anxiety seemed to grip her.

She looked around the space again, trying to think of anything else that she felt she absolutely had to take with her.

Up on the wall above her desk was a large collection of carefully curated art, motivational quotes, and clippings from research articles she’d participated in.

She saw a few things she wouldn’t have minded pulling down and shoving in her bag, but she didn’t reach up to grab them.

The wall represented years of memories, and despite the terrible things she’d been part of, she couldn’t deny that the majority of those memories were still good ones.

She still didn’t know exactly how she felt about the moral implications of psychedelic drugs, but the very thought of her research area now made her feel off-balance.

Would tomorrow bring an entirely new life? Would she realize that she had spent so many years on something that was not only corrupted, but dangerous to its core?

She didn’t know if she could bear it. And worse, she didn’t know if Axel could bear it either.

Could God?

Axel would say He could. He’d say she’d be forgiven, no matter what she’d done, but it was hard for her to believe it now as she stood looking at the dozens of academic papers, a record of the lives her work had influenced.

She was no Marie Curie–the world would never know her name–but she knew that didn’t really matter. In her own way, she’d been a big part of the psychedelic revolution in mental health research, and years from now, her name was still going to come up on a PubMed search.

The thought didn’t make her proud. More than anything, she felt ashamed.

She turned away from the desk, giving the rest of the room a final once-over.

She knew she was probably leaving evidence behind tying her personally to some of Senera’s more mundane unethical activities, but what did it matter at this point?

All she really cared about now was taking care of John, and making things right. For Amira, for Destiny, and for everyone else that DX8 had hurt.

She could only pray that the authorities would be able to investigate the lab before Bajwa or anyone else started destroying evidence. Like the majority of Senera’s main compound outside of immediately accessible public areas, this building had no cameras.

She felt a shiver running along her back as she grabbed the labelled DX8 doses they would use tonight. She couldn’t seem to shake the creepy feeling that somehow, somewhere, she was being observed.

She was relieved when she stepped out of the building and locked the door behind her.

It was already getting dark, but the fresh air and open space felt positively inviting. She was sure everyone had to have returned by now, and soon, it would be time for the patients to take DX8. And those doses would be their last.

Whatever was going to come tomorrow, she had no choice but to face it.

Lord, please protect my patients for one more night. Please protect Axel. Please, just keep us safe until we can bring an end to this madness. Amen.

The prayer seemed to rise within her naturally, like talking to God was something she’d been doing all her life. But there was still one request she was too afraid to ask for, even in the silence of her heart.

She desperately wanted Axel to be a part of her life when this was over. She wanted him to kiss her every night, to hold her in his arms, and to be there to tell her that everything was going to be okay.

She was so tired of carrying her burdens alone.