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“That’s why we’re not lighting a fire. There would be smoke from the chimney.”

“So? Karlin, it’s past midnight! Everyone is asleep or almost asleep,” he said, trying to decide if it was amusement or frustration he was trying to keep out of his voice.

“You need to accept that we are going to need to take some small risks if we’re going to pull this off.

Not communicating during this investigation is not an option. ”

He had kept his tone light, but to his horror, she looked like she might actually burst into tears. When she finally spoke, her voice shook.

“Today was scary for me, okay?” she said meekly. “My stomach still feels like it’s in knots, I’m beyond exhausted, and now I don’t think I’m going to get any sleep, so I’m gonna be a wreck tomorrow, too. So yeah, I need to relax, but it’s not that easy.”

Asher felt guilt twisting in his gut.

“Hey, hey,” he said softly, shaking his head. He leaned forward slightly in his chair and rested a hand on her shoulder. “You’re right. I’m sorry for goofing around so much. I do stuff like this all the time. It’s easy to forget that this is new for you.”

Though Karlin hadn’t moved to shake off his hand, he could feel her bristling a little beneath his touch, and further pity shot through him. This woman clearly struggled with trust, and he had no doubt she had her reasons. He pulled away and leaned back in his chair.

“It’s not even just that,” Karlin said. “I mean, it is nerve-wracking having an undercover private security operative walking around. But it’s more than that. I feel so guilty.”

“Why? It’s a necessary omission of the truth in order to get the job done.”

“Not because of that. I’m worried for my patients. I know that the risks of taking DX8 are greater than Bajwa and I are letting on, especially in patients with comorbidities.”

“Which I’m guessing your patients have?”

Karlin nodded. “This is the first Phase II trial, which permits us to actually use the drug to treat mental health orders like we would be doing once it’s on the market.

But DX8 isn’t ready. I’m so worried for my patients.

They’re my responsibility, and here I am, letting this retreat continue. I just feel so slimy.”

Okay, now that made a lot more sense.

Karlin knew things that her patients didn’t. Would they have agreed to this trial if they knew the real risks they were taking?

“I understand why you feel that way,” Asher said, choosing his words carefully.

“But I never want to hear you call yourself ‘slimy’ again. You want to take care of these patients, and that makes it clear you have a good heart. For the record, that was obvious to me from the beginning. Your courage is why I took the case.”

Karlin’s face went bright red, and for a moment, he thought she was going to interrupt him and argue with his compliments.

“This is about more than Paul, Lily, Cora, and Destiny, though,” he continued. “I need to get the evidence against Senera so that you can protect people for years to come.”

“I know. But I wish there were another way.”

“Me, too. Believe me, I’ve laid awake quite a few nights, contemplating how to handle this case without crossing any moral boundaries.”

Asher paused, turning over his thoughts in his mind.

She wasn’t going to agree with what he said next, but he figured he owed it to her to be honest. “You should know that I have serious concerns about the ethics of taking psychedelics at all, let alone actively giving them to vulnerable patients. As a Christian, I don’t think that’s something I could participate in directly, so it’s fortunate I’m here as a fake patient rather than as a fake researcher. ”

Karlin’s expression was stoic. “I can understand that. I’ve dedicated years of my career to this area of medicine, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s perfect. And this whole situation has really brought the ethical concerns into focus.”

“I’m here because I know that you’ve run many successful trials in the past where no obvious patient harm has been observed,” Asher said carefully.

“And while I may have remaining theological, moral, and ethical concerns about the so-called ‘safe’ use of psychedelics, what Senera is doing is clearly much worse. And if one more trial is what it takes to stop them, I’ve decided that I can accept that.

I truly do not see another way. If we tried to go after Senera now, based on what we already have, we’d lose, and they’d continue hurting people. It’s as simple as that.”

“So, basically, I just need to suck it up?” Karlin asked, her voice sounding small. She shivered a little, pulling her arms around herself as she sank deeper into her chair.

“Basically,” Asher said, giving her a quick smile. “Like I said, chances are good that nothing will go wrong. Do the best job that you possibly can to keep everyone safe. I’m going to handle the rest. I promise you that, Karlin. I can do this. Everything is going to be okay.”

Asher felt his heart twisting in his chest as soon as the words escaped him. He had made the same promises to protect the people he cared about before, and he’d utterly failed to keep them.

He offered a silent prayer, begging God to help him keep his promise to Karlin.

He would not fail again. Not this time.