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forty-six

Olive

The past few weeks have been dragging. I’ve been spending as much time with Sage as I can, and we still have our weekly lesson as we prepare for the spring recital, but Spring Training is only half over. We’ve still got a few weeks before Lane, Lucia, and the guys come back home.

Those of us still in New York have taken to congregating together most days, helping pass the time while we miss our partners and friends.

Right now, we’re all at Rory’s, enjoying ourselves in the kitchen while Sage plays with her toys and watches Bluey in the living room.

“I hate that we still have a few weeks until they come home,” Harlow sighs, tipping back her glass of wine. “I’m going crazy without Knox.”

“You’re going crazy without his dick,” Rory chuckles.

Harlow groans. “I know. Damn him for having such a good dick.”

Ella has a look of concentration on her face. “Why do we always end up talking about dicks when we’re together?”

“I guess we just know what we like,” I shrug. The girls gape at me in shock. “What?” I say dismissively. “I’ve been learning what I like.”

“Have you slept with Lane yet?” Lo asks curiously.

“No,” I breathe. “I think we’ve done everything that isn’t sex, though. I just… I need to build up slowly, you know?”

“Of course,” Ella says. “You’ve been through far more than most people, Liv.”

“Everything has moved one step at a time. But I think we’re getting closer.” My voice is lower now. “I finally let him see me naked before he left for Florida.”

“That’s incredible,” Rory smiles. “I imagine it took a lot for you to be comfortable with that.”

“It did,” I admit. “But I’m so comfortable with Lane. I’ve never met a man as understanding as he is.”

“Lane’s great,” Harlow grins. “We all knew it would take a special woman before he would finally indulge in something for himself again.”

“And then he met you,” Ella adds sweetly. “You’re exactly what Lane has needed.”

“Sage, too,” Rory states. “That girl is absolutely obsessed with you, Liv.”

“The feeling is mutual,” I chuckle. “God, I love that sweet girl.”

“Aww,” Lo coos. “You love her?!”

“Of course I do. How could anyone not love her?”

“It’s impossible.” Ella drapes her arm around my shoulder. “But I don’t think Sage is the only one you love.”

“I’ve never been in love,” I whisper quietly. “I really like Lane, but I don’t know if I love him. We haven’t been together very long anyway.”

“You haven’t officially been together long,” Rory reassures. “But you two have practically been together since you met.”

I sigh. “Is it weird that the idea of being in love kind of scares me?”

“That’s normal.” Harlow’s smile is sweet and gentle, calming my nerves. “Jumping into the unknown is terrifying, but girl, if you jump, Lane will be there to catch you.”

I can’t help but smile. I know they’re right, and only time will tell me how I really feel.

“Ann Wory!” Sage shouts. “Can I have strawberries?”

“Sure, Lovebug.”

Rory grabs the container of strawberries she cut up a little bit ago from the fridge and pours some into a bowl for Sage. Ella grabs the container and puts it away while Rory walks the bowl in her hand to the living room.

“Thank you,” Sage says sweetly.

“Of course,” Rory smiles, running her fingers through Sage’s hair. “What are you watching out here?”

Sage gives her a disbelieving look. “It Bwuey. You know Bwuey.”

Rory throws her head back and laughs. “Your Daddy is going to have a fun time when you get older, Miss Sassypants.”

“And Mommy.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Rory says gently, resting her hand on Sage’s arm. “You just have Daddy right now.”

“No,” Sage shakes her head. “I have a mommy.”

“I’m just your nanny, Sagie.”

“No, you not my mommy. Owive my mommy.”

All of the oxygen is sucked from the room as my heart falls out of my chest.

I couldn’t have heard her correctly.

There’s no way.

“Did she just…” Harlow sputters.

“Uh huh,” Ella nods, jaw dropped.

My heart is beating rapidly as it sinks in: Sage just called me her mom.

“Sage,” I stammer. “Your dad and I are just friends.”

We haven’t told her we’re dating, and I’m certainly not going to tell her that now, especially without Lane’s okay.

Sage emphatically shakes her head and says, “No.”

“Lovebug, why do you think Olive is your mom?” Rory asks her softly.

“She teach me ballet,” Sage shrugs as if that answers everything.

“That’s because I’m your teacher, sweet girl.” My voice cracks with emotion.

“Your mommy teach you ballet. My mommy teach me ballet.”

“Oh. I don’t have to be your mom just because I teach you ballet.”

“And you take me to tea parties! And pway with me! And dance with me! And read me stories!”

“All of your aunts do that, Sagie.” My voice is hardly audible anymore.

“And you come see my daddy,” Sage says. “And Daddy happy.”

Sage turns back to her toys now as Rory comes back to the kitchen.

I clasp my hands over my mouth as I sink back against the island, feeling the cold marble through the thin fabric of my T-shirt. Tears start welling up in my eyes, and the girls take notice.

“Liv, are you okay?” Harlow asks, placing her palm on my arm to comfort me.

“I just… I’ve spent the past five years thinking I’d never get to be a mom. But Sage…” I close my eyes, and the tears start falling. I take deep breaths to calm myself, but my emotions are all over the place right now.

“But Sage adores you,” Ella smiles. “Rory, Harlow, Lucia, and me? We’re her aunts, but you are her mom. She’s not once called any of us that.”

“Never?” I whisper.

“Not even me,” Rory says. “And I spend a lot of time with her because I’m her nanny.”

I wipe my hand under my eyes to collect the tears that haven’t fallen. “She doesn’t even know Lane and I are dating.”

“Kids are smart,” Harlow states. “I’m sure she can tell the relationship you have with Lane isn’t the same one the rest of us have with him.”

I throw my head back and sigh. “I don’t even know what to think right now.”

“You’re overthinking.” Ella places her hands on my shoulders and has me look at her.

“Don’t overthink this. Liv, you never thought you’d get this chance.

But that girl out there, the girl that hasn’t known a mother since she was born, found her mom the day you started teaching her ballet.

This is an incredible thing. Enjoy the moment. ”

I take deep, steadying breaths as I absorb everything.

Sage has decided I’m her mother.

The thought is scary since Lane and I are in a brand new relationship… but my heart swells at the same time.

I didn’t think I’d ever get to have kids, but now the best one I know is basically considering herself my daughter.

I allow myself to think of what that would look like.

Lane, Sage, and me. The three of us as a happy family.

When the thought brings me nothing but comfort, I’m struck with the realization that girls may have been right earlier.

I’ve never been in love… but I think I might be in love with Lane Brooks.