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thirty-two

Olive

I can’t remember the last time I slept as well as I did last night.

Sure, I haven’t been having nightmares anymore—for the most part—but it’s not like my rest has been, well, restful. All my anxiety and unease throughout the day would keep me from relaxing at night.

But last night, I slept beside Lane. Of course, I’ve done that numerous times now, but not with him holding me.

After he gave me an orgasm better than any I’ve been able to achieve on my own, though, we got comfortable, and he pulled me in close, wrapping his arms around me while we drifted off to sleep.

And when I wake up, his arms are still there, shrouding me in warmth and security.

I can’t help but burrow myself in deeper, reveling in the way it makes me feel. How safe it makes me feel.

A hand splays over my hip, and I realize my movements must have woken Lane up.

“Good morning, Livvy,” he rasps, voice still pure gravel from sleep.

So hot.

“Good morning, Hotshot,” I reply softly, rolling to my back so I can face him but still wrapped up in his arms.

His eyes rake over my face before he kisses me softly. “So damn beautiful, Ballerina.” His gaze catches mine, his hazel eyes so warm and inviting. “As much as I would love to stay in bed with you, we should probably get up. I need some coffee before Skip brings Sage back over.”

I look at him curiously. “Skip?”

Lane laughs gently. “You don’t know baseball at all, do you?”

“That obvious, huh?” I reply, cheeks flaming in embarrassment.

“Skip or Skipper is what you call your Field Manager. So, Rory’s dad, in my case.”

“Why Skipper?”

“Something to do with boats,” he chuckles. “I just go with it.”

He kisses me one more time before climbing out of bed and helping me up with him.

I fix the shirt he gave me to sleep in last night—he seems to have a thing about me wearing his clothes.

I did bring my own, but I don’t think there was any way he was going to let me wear anything of my own but my leggings.

I watch Lane strut out of the bedroom ahead of me, giving me a perfect view of his back, skin taut over defined muscles. I’ve never seen somebody so perfectly sculpted before. It’s enticing and, apparently, a huge turn-on.

When we get to the kitchen, I pull myself up on the counter next to Lane while he gets the coffee brewing. Once he does, he comes to stand in front of me, putting my legs on either side of his hips.

“I really like waking up with you in the morning, Ballerina.” His voice is so soft and sweet now, and my heart flutters in my chest.

“I like it, too,” I admit, turning away slightly to hide my blushing cheeks. He just tilts my head back to his and presses a gentle kiss to my lips.

“How are you feeling this morning?” he asks, a slight nervousness in his tone, which is so unlike the cocky and confident man I know.

“I’m fine,” I answer. “I slept great last night.”

Lane sighs. “I mean, how are you feeling after what we did last night?”

“Oh,” I mutter, cheeks flaming again. “I’m still fine, then.”

He places his hand on my cheek, cupping my jaw. “So you don’t feel weird? You’re not uncomfortable, and that wasn’t too much for you?”

There’s a wariness in his eyes, a worry that we took things too far. It’s so incredibly sweet how much he cares. I know he wanted what we did last night, but he still wants to make sure I don’t regret it.

I give him a quick peck. “I’m not uncomfortable, Lane. I promise. Last night was… really good.”

With my admission, a smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I had fun.”

His voice deepens, and I want to curse him for having such an effect on me. “I know you had fun, baby. I tasted how much fun you had.”

Cheeks now scarlet, I try to deflect. “We both know you had plenty of fun yourself, Hotshot. Your jeans were proof of that.”

Lane tips his head back and laughs heartily. “It’s hot when you tease me, baby. Makes me want you more.”

I eye him curiously. “Like you don’t want me enough already.”

“I can always want you more,” he says, tongue darting out and wetting his bottom lip. “I just want to make sure you’re taken care of.”

“How noble of you,” I smile.

Lane leans closer, letting his lips brush against my ear, his breath sending heat coursing through me. “Noble isn’t a word I’d use to describe myself when I’m thinking of the toys I could buy for you to use when I’m not around.”

My breath catches in my throat. This man is so brazen and doesn’t have a shameful bone in his body. “Lane!”

He chuckles when he takes in my expression. “It’s kind of fun to fluster you.”

“I’m easily flustered,” I gripe.

“It’s cute.” He presses a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Come on. Let’s have some coffee before Sage gets here.”

“Oh, Liv, you’re positively pink!” Luna shrieks as she lets me in the door while my sister laughs from the sofa.

I step through the threshold and take a seat in my favorite plush chair. “Remind me again what pink means.”

Violet looks at me with a playful grin. “Pink auras are entwined with romance and love, baby sister.”

“What?” I cough, clearly caught off guard. “Isn’t my aura normally pink, though?”

“No,” Luna replies, her lips pressed together tightly to keep her smile contained. “For the past six years, you were red or gray, but you’ve been blue a lot lately. Pink is very new, though.”

My cheeks blush, and my sister takes notice. “Yes, that exact color, Liv! Very pink.”

“I-It doesn’t mean anything…” I stammer, convincing absolutely no one, not even myself.

Luna gives me an appreciative glance. “Auras don’t lie, Olive. You’re feeling a romantic connection with someone, and based on how bright your aura is, it’s very strong.”

Vi smirks. “My bet is that someone is Lane.”

I sink into the chair. “Yes, it’s Lane… We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

“You came here from his place,” Luna states.

“I didn’t tell you that,” I reply, surprised.

“You didn’t have to,” she shrugs. “I can sense it.”

“So, did you spend the night with him again?!” Vi asks, leaning forward, eager for more information.

I take a deep breath and steady my rapid heartbeat. “Yes. I kind of stay with him a good bit.”

“Ooh, and last night was New Year’s Eve!” my sister shrieks. “Did you have a New Year’s kiss?!”

“Why are you so concerned about my love life?” I groan.

“Because my baby sister is happy and a lot more sure of herself. Since you didn’t answer my question, I’m taking that as confirmation, so I know something is going on between you two. And as long as Lane keeps taking care of you, he has my approval.”

“Taking care of me how?!” I practically yell, my heartbeat quickening again.

Luna cocks her head to the side and speaks softly. “I think she just meant that he’s being good to you and treating you right.”

“Based on that reaction, though,” Vi smiles, grin stretching from ear to ear, “I’m going to assume there’s a whole lot more care than that.”

God, if you’re listening, please let the ground swallow me whole.

I wait a moment, but nothing happens.

Goddammit.

My hands fly up to cover my face. “I don’t know if I want to have this conversation with you, Vi. Or Lu. You’re my sister and sister-in-law.”

Violet tampers down her smile, finally reining herself in. For now. “Liv, you’ve been through a lot. I don’t need details, but I also don’t think it’s a bad thing if you’re having sex.”

“We’re not having sex,” I say quietly. “We’re not there. Well, I’m not. But that doesn’t mean nothing has happened. He, uh, taught me how to get myself off since I couldn’t. And then he ‘took care of me’ for the first time last night.”

“Oh my God!” Violet yells excitedly. “He really is a porn star!”

“Violet!” I shout. “I thought we were done with the porn star nonsense?”

“You’re done with it,” she smirks. “I’m not.”

I throw my head back and sigh.

“Lane’s aura was pink,” Luna says, preventing my sister from carrying on. “When he picked you up for your date, he was pink, too.”

“He was?” I sit up more, looking right at Luna.

“Yes,” she smiles. “He likes you, Olive. Quite a bit, it seems.”

“I know he does,” I reply, my own lips tipping up now. “I kind of freaked out after our date, and I told him everything. He’s sympathetic but not overbearing. He hasn’t let it change his opinion of me. He’s just supportive and kind of perfect.”

“Perfect is exactly what you deserve,” Luna says while my sister nods in agreement.

The years have been hard on me, but I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have such an incredible family surrounding me. Luna and Michelle included.

I’m lucky, and I hope I don’t ever take that for granted.

Based on my current attire, it’s clear it’s not just my aura that’s pink.

A baby pink leotard and pink leg warmers cover me as I bound around the studio.

I can’t remember the last time I felt this much like myself. My new facade is cracking, and the old Olive is peeking through.

But I’m so much more than just the old Olive now.

I can take on that carefree nature again, back to how I felt before I became jaded to the world, but still acknowledge that my trauma made me into who I am today.

I spent literal years feeling weak and hopeless, but now, I feel stronger than I ever have.

I know that doesn’t mean I won’t ever have bad days; I’m not completely naive. But with the help of Corinne, my family, and all my friends, I think I can manage those days more gracefully than before. I can be kind to myself without shutting myself off from everyone.

Ballet helps, too, and leaping and bounding around the studio makes me feel more alive than ever.

But I think last night with Lane is helping as well. I enjoyed what he did, and, for once, I wasn’t thinking about what I’ve been through. All I could focus on was the moment we were in and how I didn’t want it to end.

How I wanted to do more.

I need to work up to that slowly, but it’s clear that I’m getting more comfortable with the idea of sex when I’m thinking about it at all now.

And Lane Brooks is the only reason that’s on my mind.