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thirty-eight

Olive

If I were Harlow, I don’t think I’d ever move from in front of this window. She and Knox have the perfect view of Lower Manhattan.

“God, I love the view from here, Lo,” I say, swirling my glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.

“Lane has a nice view, too, doesn’t he?” she asks, coming to stand beside me.

“He does. Similar to Rory and Cole’s since they’re all in SoHo.”

Lucia stands now on my other side. “I’m sure you see Lane’s quite a bit,” she smirks, and my cheeks flush.

“Often enough…”

Rory speaks from behind us as she sets a charcuterie board down on the coffee table. “Come on, we’re not here tonight to give Liv a hard time.”

“Nope,” Ella giggles. She’s already had a few glasses of wine. Well, technically, we all have at this point. “We’re here for a men-free evening, ladies!”

“What’s wrong with men?” Harlow asks as we walk over to join Rory and Ella on the sofa.

“Chicks before dicks, duh.”

“You’re literally married,” Lucia laughs. “And I’m assuming Josh has a dick.”

Ella rests her head against the back of the sofa and closes her eyes. “Joshy has a great dick. I’m obsessed with it.”

“I love Cole’s dick,” Rory sighs. “And he’s so good with it, too.”

“Rory!” Harlow loudly groans. “Stop talking about fucking my goddamn brother.”

“You already know I fuck your brother, babe.” Rory winks at Harlow, and she just sighs.

“Knox has a great dick, too,” Lo says, steering the conversation back to the apparent one we’re having about penises. “I’ve been addicted to it since we first slept together.”

I take a sip of my wine as I sink back into the sofa, not really sure if I should try to fit into this conversation. Though knowing Lane, he’d love it if I did.

“What about Matt’s dick?” Ella questions with a smirk. “You told us last year that he had a very nice one.”

Lucia sighs and throws her head back. “It is nice, but it’s not like I ever get to fucking see it anymore.”

Harlow looks at her curiously. “What does that mean?”

“He’s not been interested in sex lately, that’s all,” she shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant. “He works a lot.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Rory asks.

“Of course,” Lucia says quietly. “I love Matt, and sex isn’t everything. It’s fine.”

We’re all quiet now, and even though we’re not speaking, I can tell we’re all thinking the same thing: Lucia is definitely not okay with this, and there has to be more to the story.

But not one of us wants to prod her. She can open up when/if she ever wants to.

And when she turns to me with a devious look in her eye, I really wish now was that time.

Alas, I’m not that lucky.

“You’re being too quiet,” she smirks. “Why is that?”

“You guys already know I’m still a virgin,” I stammer. “I don’t have anything to contribute.”

She raises her eyebrow, almost knowingly. Like she knows that’s not true anymore. “Really?”

“Um…” I take a deep breath. “No…”

“What?!” Harlow shrieks.

“Did you sleep with Lane?” Ella looks positively giddy at the thought.

“No!” I practically shout. “We haven’t slept together. But we have done… other things.”

“Holy shit, Liv!” Lucia yells, seemingly past her thoughts about Matt.

“It’s nothing major,” I say quickly, trying to downplay how massive this is for me. “Just… hands for the most part.”

“But have you seen his dick?” Rory teases.

I take a large gulp of wine before squeaking, “Yes.”

“Look at our little Olive!” Ella chimes, wine sloshing out of her glass.

I look at her curiously. “We’re the same height, Ell.”

She waves her hand dismissively. “But you’re younger. Now, shush. I want to hear about Lane’s dick.”

“Does Josh know how you are, babe?” Harlow laughs. “Not sure how he’d feel with you asking about his friend’s dick.”

“Joshy’s dick is the only one that gets me going, so it’s fine. Now, about Lane…”

I can’t fight a laugh. “Lane’s is… nice.”

“Nice?” Lucia questions.

“I don’t have another point of reference,” I shrug. “But… I like it. And he certainly doesn’t mind showing it off.”

Rory barks out a laugh. “Of fucking course he doesn’t. Lane is so goddamn shameless.”

“He has absolutely no shame,” I chuckle. “It’s kinda hot, though.”

“So,” Lucia says, “you’ve seen the penis. Have you played with it?”

I choke on my wine as my cheeks flame scarlet. “Oh my God…”

“That doesn’t sound like a no to me,” Ella smiles.

“Because it’s a yes…”

“So you’ve jacked him off?” Lucia prods.

“Wow, you’re blunt.” I force a laugh. “But… yes. Lane’s kind of been… teaching me things. I don’t know what I’m doing, so he’s helping me learn.”

“He better be taking care of you, too,” Rory says emphatically.

“Oh, he is,” I grin. “He knows how to use his hands, and it’s helped me learn what I like.”

“And what is it you like?” Harlow chimes, staring at me with rapt attention.

“His fingers,” I chuckle. “I really like his fingers. And his dirty mouth. And I apparently like being… praised.”

“Ah,” Lo smiles. “Good girl. Fucking love that.”

“Oh my God, same,” Ella adds. “I swear I turn feral when Josh says that.”

“I get that sometimes,” Rory teases, looking right at Harlow. “Mostly I get called a dirty slut, though.”

“Rory, shut the fuck up, please,” Lo groans to the hysterical laughter of her best friend.

“So you don’t want to hear that I call him Daddy?”

“Oh, fucking hell. I’m about to kick you out of here,” she replies, but she dissolves into laughter soon after.

“We’re way off topic now, ladies,” Lucia says loudly. “Let’s circle back to Liv and her experiences with Lane’s dick.”

“It’s just the one experience,” I admit. “He’s taken care of me far more than I’ve taken care of him.”

“And what have you been learning, hm?” Ella chimes.

“That I really like orgasms,” I laugh, and wow, my lips are loose when I drink, apparently. “But it’s been nice. The idea of sex used to give me anxiety, but he’s really helping me get through all the shit I’ve been through.”

All four girls look at me with mixtures of confusion and concern on their faces.

And then I remember that they don’t know my past. Ella knows about my infertility, but she doesn’t know why I’m infertile. The rest don’t know anything at all.

“I, uh…” I gulp, not sure how to proceed, before I just let out a defeated sigh. “My virginity isn’t as cut and dry as you might think…”

I felt a weight lifted off me when I told Lane. I think it’s time to open up again.

So, without hesitation, I let everything out.

I tell them about Jake and what he did to me.

I tell them how I shut myself out. I tell them about the infection he gave me that left me completely infertile.

And I tell them how I’m still picking up some of the pieces of my shattered soul, but I’m more whole right now than I’ve been since I was a teenager.

Harlow has her hands clasped over her mouth, tears pouring down her face. “Oh my God, Liv! I’m so fucking sorry that happened to you!”

I watch as the other three girls now dab their own eyes, and I realize that there is no moisture in mine. That maybe I’ve finally cried all of my tears over a man who never deserved them in the first place.

“When Lane and I met your mom,” Rory says softly, “she told us her youngest daughter did ballet, and I asked if you ever helped there. We could see the sadness in her eyes after that, so we knew something happened, but I never expected that. God, Liv.”

“Fuck that no good piece of shit,” Lucia seethes. “Where the fuck does he get off thinking he’s entitled to anything, let alone your fucking virginity?!”

“And he doesn’t even have that!” Ella asserts. “That was fucking assault, not sex.”

Harlow finishes wiping the tears from her eyes, and her features take on a much darker tone. “Where does he live? I want to know.” Her tone is venomous. It’s a bit unsettling.

“Why?” I ask warily.

“Because we ride at fucking dawn, that’s why! I’m so sick of men who think they have power over women.”

As anger and hurt radiate from the girls surrounding me, I can’t help but laugh. It starts as a slight chuckle that soon turns into full-blown belly laughter, tears pricking my eyes as I try to catch my breath.

They all look at me confused, wondering what I find so funny.

“Sorry,” I say, still fighting a fit of giggles.

“The situation isn’t funny, but I’ve never seen you all like this.

And laughing helps when I’m getting emotional.

No one outside of my family showed this much concern besides Lane.

I’m still not sure Lane won’t try to hurt him one day.

It just…” I pause to take a breath, steadying myself.

“It means so much. I haven’t let myself get close to anyone until recently, and I’m just really glad I decided to talk to Lane that day at Urban Grind.

My life has been fucking amazing lately. ”

“Oh, Liv!” Lo cries before flinging herself at me and wrapping her arms around me.

The other three soon join, and I just let myself take it in.

Since I met Lane two months ago, I’ve found some of the most genuine people. Every one of them has been nothing but kind to me, welcoming me into the group with open arms. Even the guys. I don’t know them as well, but it’s enough for me to see that they’re great people.

And I can smile at the fact that seventeen-year-old me would be awestruck to see how amazing life can be once we start to move on.