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seventeen

Olive

“You seem tired today, Olive.” Corinne looks at me in concern.

“I had a nightmare last night,” I say softly, bringing my legs up in front of me and wrapping my arms around them.

“Was it the usual nightmare?” she asks, jotting down some notes.

“Yes. I was reliving the moment. It felt so real.” A stray tear falls from the corner of my eye as I start to lose my composure. “It’s just like it was happening all over again.”

“When was the last time you had that nightmare?”

I wipe the back of my hand across my cheek. “Six months ago, maybe. It’s been a while.”

Corinne crosses one leg over the other and pushes her short, black hair behind her ear. “What do you think caused the nightmare last night then? Were you doing something different yesterday? Something that might make you anxious?”

“Yes,” I reply quietly. “I stayed with Lane last night.”

“And Lane is your student’s father, right? He’s the man you’ve mentioned getting close to?”

I nod. “We’ve been spending more time together. Yesterday, Sage said she wanted me to come over for a slumber party, and I didn’t want to say no to a girl that’s not even three.”

Corinne raises her eyebrow. “Is that the only reason you went?”

“No,” I sigh. “I wanted to see Lane, too. We talked for a while after Sage went to bed. He was telling me about how Sage is his only family since his parents and grandparents died. It became a very honest conversation.”

“What about that conversation made you uncomfortable then?”

“Lane saying he adores me. He likes being with me, and he can see how happy I am around him. He also mentioned wanting me… physically.”

Corinne nods in understanding. “And you think that was what caused your nightmare?”

“I do. He told me he’d never pressure me, especially once I told him about the virgin thing. But it felt gross saying that because it feels like I’m lying since it isn’t black and white.”

“We’ve talked about that, Olive.”

“I know,” I breathe, pushing my hair over my shoulder. “But what if that’s only how we feel? What if he thinks differently when he finds out?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Do you believe he’ll think differently?”

I mull it over before saying, “No, I don’t think he will.

He’s so understanding. I was screaming in my sleep last night, so Lane came in to make sure I was okay.

He let me cry into his chest as he held me.

Then he carried me to the living room and made me a cup of tea so I could calm down.

After that, he had me sleep beside him because he didn’t want to leave me alone. ”

“Lane seems like a good man,” she smiles reassuringly.

“I think he is. I think I really like him, too, and that’s kind of scary.”

“Do you think maybe it’s time you open up to him, Olive?”

I laugh lightly. “I have a feeling you’re going to tell me it is.”

Corinne smiles softly. “I’ll never tell you what to do; you know that.

But I can say that opening up to him would help relieve some of your anxiety.

It’ll get rid of the what-ifs because you’ll already know what he thinks.

If you like him as much as you think, you won’t be able to show him all of you when you’re still holding back. ”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to do that yet,” I answer honestly.

“And that’s okay. Only you get to decide when you’re ready. But think about it. Think about letting someone who isn’t a family member all the way in. I know you’re capable of doing that. Do you know why, Olive?”

I smile gently. “Because I am courageous. I am loved. I am not my trauma.”

“Let’s try a pirouette.” I take Sage’s hand in mine as she positions one foot on her knee, standing on one leg as I help her spin around. “Great job, sweet girl! You’re a ballet natural.”

“Ballwina like Owive!” she chimes, grinning from ear to ear.

“You want to be like me?”

“Yes! Ballwina!”

Somebody grab a mop because I’m officially a puddle on the floor. Sage wants to be a ballerina like me. How fucking cute is that?

I glance up to see Lane talking with my mom. She decided to watch the lesson today and has been chatting with him the entire time.

What are they talking about, though?

And why am I so curious?

Lane catches me looking and shoots me that cocky side grin, sending fire blazing all through me. Rather than shy away like I usually do, I smile at him instead, owning up to the fact that he caught me staring at him.

“Sage,” my mom says happily, “you’ve been learning quite a bit with Olive, haven’t you?” She nods enthusiastically. “Do you mind if I help a bit?” she asks, looking at me now. “I miss working with her.”

“Of course,” I reply, popping up to my feet.

My mom and I exchange places in the studio; she walks over to Sage, and I come to stand right beside Lane.

“You were staring at me, Ballerina.”

“I was,” I admit, cheeks flaming.

“Damn,” he smiles brightly, looking right at me. “That feels good.”

“You held me when I cried, Lane. The least you deserve is honesty.”

“Fine by me,” he grins. “I like to know you’re looking at me.”

“I bet you do, Hotshot.” I nudge him with my hip. “So, what were you and my mom talking about?”

Lane cocks an eyebrow. “Why do you wanna know, Liv? Worried we were talking about you?”

Yes.

“Nope, just curious, is all.”

Lane leans in closer, and I can feel his breath ghosting over the shell of my ear, giving me a very unfamiliar sensation in my lower abdomen. “Well, we were talking about you. About how amazing you are with my daughter and how much I love seeing the two of you together.”

I bite down a smile. “I love being with Sage. I’ve always adored kids.”

I choose to ignore the pang in my chest.

“Well, if my daughter is any indication, kids adore you, too, Liv.” His tongue darts out and wets his bottom lip. “Can’t say I blame them.”

“Flirt.”

“When it comes to you? Hell yes, I am. When am I going to see you again after today?”

“I know I’ll see you Saturday at the party,” I breathe, still wondering if I’ll even fit in when I’m there.

“That’s going to be fun,” he smiles. “I haven’t seen you dressed up yet. Can’t wait to see how you look.”

This man is shameless, and it just draws me in further. Our eyes meet, and I get lost in the pools of green and brown, the most beautiful shade of hazel.

“I’ll be sure to look cute then,” I tease.

Lane leans closer again, hand resting on my lower back. “Olive, wear whatever you want. You’ll still be the most beautiful woman there.”

My breath catches in my throat. “I guess we’ll have to see how true that is this weekend.”

“Can’t fucking wait.”