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sixteen

Lane

A virgin.

Olive is a virgin.

That doesn’t bother me in the least, but it does make me wonder if she could ever see herself with a man that used to struggle to keep his dick in his fucking pants.

I mean, I have a goddamn child while she hasn’t even had sex.

All these thoughts have my mind racing, and I haven’t been able to fall asleep. I came to bed three hours ago after I set Olive up in the guest bedroom next door to mine, but it’s now two in the morning, and I’m still wide awake.

Tomorrow is going to be fucking rough.

I press the heels of my palms over my eyes, willing myself to get some damn sleep, but I stop abruptly when I hear a voice.

“No, don’t…”

Is Olive awake?

“No, please!”

That’s definitely Olive.

Now, I’m panicking. Did someone break in? Is someone in her room right now? Is my daughter okay?

I’m out of bed in a flash, thankful I’m still in a pair of sweats. I stand outside her door, listening to see if I can hear anything more.

“Please don’t do this…” she cries, followed by whimpering.

I decide at that moment that I’m not knocking; I’m just going in.

The room is dark, except for the light from the nightlight in the hallway. I squint as I peer inside until I can make out the shape of her on the bed.

She’s alone.

But she’s still clearly upset, unable to stay still.

Is she dreaming?

“No!” she screams.

That’s when I realize this is a nightmare.

“Olive…” I say softly, hoping that will be enough to rouse her. It isn’t. “Olive…” I say more loudly, crossing the room until I’m right beside her. She isn’t hearing me at all, so I place one hand on her arm and gently shake her. “Olive.”

Her eyes shoot open, and she scrambles away from me in fear. “No! Please just leave me alone!”

“Olive,” I say softly. “It’s me. It’s Lane. You’re okay. Everything is okay.”

As soon as the words sink in and she takes in her surroundings, she breaks down in tears, sobbing uncontrollably.

I quickly move beside her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and pulling her in close. She’s stiff at first, so I loosen my hold to not make her uncomfortable. That’s the last thing she needs right now.

After a few moments, she eases into me, bringing her face into my chest, and I rest my chin on her head as I rub my hand over her back.

“Everything is okay, Olive. I’m right here with you. You’re safe.”

“I’m… sorry…” she chokes, chest heaving.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby.”

“I haven’t had a nightmare in so long…”

“It’s okay,” I assure her. “You don’t need to worry or feel bad about that.”

“I could’ve woken up Sage,” Olive whimpers.

“So?” I ask honestly. “If you did, I would have just cuddled her back to sleep. But she’s still sleeping soundly.” I pull her in tighter, hoping to bring her some comfort. “Let’s go to the living room. I’ll get you some tea, and you can take a breath. Okay?”

She nods. “Okay…”

Rather than helping her stand from the bed, I scoop her up in my arms, carry her to the sofa, and sit her down before wrapping her up in a blanket.

I keep an eye on her while I’m in the kitchen, letting the electric kettle heat up some water while I grab a packet of green tea.

Once that’s ready, I join her in the living room, setting the mug down on the coffee table and taking a seat right next to Olive on the sofa.

She immediately rests her head back on my chest.

“Are you okay, Olive?”

“No…” she says softly, shaking her head. “I’m fucked up, Lane. You don’t know nearly everything about me, about what I’ve been through. I’m a mess.”

“It’s okay to not always be put together. You’re not a mess; you’re human . And that’s okay.”

“I’m a broken human,” she mutters, and I cup her jaw and tilt her face up toward mine.

“You are not broken, Olive. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but you survived it. It didn’t break you because you’re still here . I know that won’t lessen the pain, but I hope you realize how strong you are.”

She looks at me warily. “Do you honestly think that?”

“Yes. You have to be strong to fight your way out of the darkness.”

She sniffles as I wipe some stray tears from her cheek. “Thank you, Lane.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m here for you, okay?”

“Okay.”

I softly kiss the top of her head. “Drink your tea, Ballerina, so I can take you to bed. You’re sleeping beside me tonight; I’m not leaving you alone.”

The only response I receive is a soft smile before Olive nuzzles into my chest again.

I’m taking that as acceptance.

We didn’t fall asleep until after three, but the sleep we did get was restful. Sage woke up just after seven—she slept in today—so I’m sure I’ll need a nap later, but that’s okay. Olive was comfortable the rest of the night, and that was my only concern.

She didn’t open up to me about what the nightmare was about, only that it was related to what she’s been through.

The way she was screaming last night tells me that whatever it was was extremely traumatic.

She hasn’t acknowledged it this morning. She’s preoccupying herself by playing with my daughter, and if that helps her feel better, I’m all for it.

She can open up to me about all of it if and when she’s ready.

While those two are busy in the living room, I decide to make breakfast. I figure I can treat Olive after such a rough night.

Lucky for her, chocolate chip pancakes are my specialty.

I sip my mug of black coffee while the griddle heats up, and I watch my daughter and my friend together.

Sage is curled up on Olive’s lap, huddled up under a blanket, while Olive reads Sage one of her favorite storybooks.

She’s animated with it. She’s acting out the different voices, and my daughter’s giggles echo off the walls.

Seeing the two of them together like this makes my heart swell. I feel as though I’m watching an actual mother and daughter spending time together, and instead of a pang of sadness over wondering when I’ll find that for Sage, all I feel wash over me is contentment.

My girl adores the woman whose lap she’s perched on, and the happiness radiating from Olive tells me that she’s enjoying the moment just as much.

I was only being cocky when I told Ari I found Sage’s new mom. The more I know Olive, though, the more truth I start to feel in those words.

My want from her isn’t just physical. I actually really fucking like her.

I know I need to take things slow, but I have to show her that here is right where she belongs.

With us.