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Chapter Twenty-One

Fenli

I couldn’t stop thinking about the wolves.

Roan was being made a wolf hunter, and I was falling apart inside over the news.

I shouldn’t have been surprised. I’d known it was coming, and yet I’d still let myself forget.

Like an idiot, I’d gone and opened up to him, in that space we shared after the bear attack.

I’d let my defenses down, and then I’d paid for it.

Not a day had gone by—then this. This honor .

This reminder that Roan and I were not alike.

He was for the clan, admired and loved. I was for the wolves.

The wolves . For the rest of the day and the one after that, my nerves chewed at me.

I didn’t want to see them killed, and Roan’s elevation in the clan brought the possibility to the forefront of my mind.

I was sharing a hut with a man who would soon be tasked with their destruction.

He’d head into the forest each day with one job to do, and I’d be meant to stay here, waiting for him to return with blood on his hands.

I couldn’t do it. I knew it in the very marrow of my bones. That could never be my life.

It was all I could think about until the clan received visitors and wolves were pushed from the forefront of my mind .

Fear . That was my initial reaction when news of the visitors landed on our doorstep the morning of their arrival.

For the better part of an hour, as I sat in the far chair and listened to Roan talk to several elders, I was nothing but cold dread.

As time moved on, however, I’d found the means to land on annoyed and angry instead.

The change was much more tolerable, and I supposed I had Roan to thank for it.

The stupid ass .

I watched him from across the long hall.

He was in a corner with Iver, and both men took turns talking, keeping their voices low.

Roan’s brows were angled over sharp, blue eyes, and his jaw was tense as he listened to the older man.

His arms were folded in front of him, showing off the muscle in his chest—not that I cared—and the sight of the two men taking everything so damn seriously made me curl my fingers into my palms. I wanted to march over there and tell them to lay off the dramatics, thank you very much, but Indi piped up and made things even worse.

“Aren’t they sweet?” she said, looking at the same two men but seeing something completely different. “Our boys.”

I rolled my eyes. Of course that would be her take on the whole thing.

“They’re insufferable,” I countered. “I can take care of myself. And you can too, for that matter.”

She waved me off in a gesture that both conveyed her annoyance at my perspective and her unwillingness to get into an argument on the matter. Then she went right back to staring back down the hall, smiling at both of them like they were pure as rain.

Our boys , as Indi had called them, hadn’t done a damn thing all day that I couldn’t have done myself. As far as I was concerned, the clan was being dumb. Honestly, I could hardly believe they were taking up such protective measures.

At that thought, my heart squeezed, and some of the dread slipped back in. They weren’t without their reasons, I reminded myself.

It was Runehall’s clan, after all.

Gods, how I hated it.

Runehall’s clan had made the move out to the hinterlands first, three seasons before Toke’s clan.

Now, having heard that we’d settled in, they’d sent two men to give their clan’s official welcome and pass along whatever messages the elders had for each other.

Elsynbr’s clan had done the same, and Rynwyn’s would be around eventually.

It was no surprise. Most of it was just for show, I was sure.

Brotherhood, strong bonds between the clans, blah, blah, blah—but there was an underlying tension this time around that the elders wanted to keep hidden away so it didn’t cause any problems.

Me.

My stomach was in knots again, and I cursed under my breath.

I should have gone back to thinking about Roan and how frustrating my day had been, forced to stick with him for the entirety of it by instruction of the elders.

We’d risen, received the news, and he’d not left me since.

He’d kept by my side when I’d headed to the shat hut and waited outside for me while I’d done my business.

We’d eaten our morning meal together, lying low while Esska fetched us all we needed and ushered us back to our hut to have our meat and bread like a couple of shut-ins.

Lunch and dinner had been the same, and we were only out slinking around now because we’d been told the visitors were going door to door in greeting and we ought to head out for a bit.

Indi and Iver had had a similar day. The clan was trying hard to keep this thing concealed and the old wounds out of sight.

“How’s your hand?”

It was hurting like hell, but I said, “Fine.”

Tomorrow, I’d have the stitches out, and I was nervous about it. It was one more thing unsettling me, one more thing I was dreading.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this, Fenli baby. This mess between the clans. It’s all my fault, Toke forgive me.”

“C’mon now. None of that. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

“I know, I know.” Her eyes got glassy as she stared down the hall. “Still. I just—I was so ashamed, and I wanted to do better by you. It’s why I—”

But she didn’t continue. She didn’t have to.

I knew what she meant to say. It was why she agreed to my early marriage.

The union was good for us, showing the rest of the clan that the elders fully accepted us back into the fold.

It also set me up for a good future, supposing all you were concerned with was bloodline and a family’s standing.

It was bullshit, but I found I couldn’t fault her.

After everything she’d been through, it was no wonder she’d agreed.

In her eyes, and in the eyes of most, it was more than she could have hoped to offer me.

I put a hand on her shoulder.

“I know.”

I didn’t know what else to say. Lucky for me, Roan and Iver started walking back to us and I didn’t have to say anything.

Indi pulled herself together and beamed at both of them.

She stood as Iver drew up to her, and it was like watching a fly to honey.

She was stuck to him in an instant and he was wrapping her up in his arms, the two of them kissing and cooing back and forth to each other.

I made the mistake of glancing at Roan. He stared at the lovebirds like he’d never seen such affection in all his life.

Then his eyes slid to mine uncomfortably.

The slashes across his face from our run-in with the bear were as prominent as ever.

Honestly, had he ever met Indi and Iver?

I all but glowered at him, then turned for the door. I had to leave before I lost my mind, in part because of the three of them trying to suffocate me, but also because those cuts made him look so good I wanted to scream.

“It’s been long enough,” I said as I went. I yanked the door open and headed out into the cool night air, making it only to the corner of the building before Roan caught up.

“Slow down, will you?”

I didn’t. The truth was, ever since he’d touched my hand and run his fingers through my hair in the canoe, I’d been too aware of him in every way, and it was driving me mad.

I thought of him entirely too much. If he moved or spoke or drug a hand through his hair, I was noticing it.

My eyes kept seeking him out, and my body hummed in response to every little thing he did.

I just wanted to get away.

“You’ve been trying to lose me all day,” he said, his shoulder coming side by side with mine.

“And you’ve been trying—trying to stick to me.”

“You know I have to. Baer wants—”

“Roan Faasval, ever the obedient one. Tell me, why do you try so hard to make that man happy?”

That surprised him. His gait faltered, and I used the opportunity to get back ahead, leading the way through huts to get to our own. It was overcast and raining off and on, and it brought cold air with it. I liked this weather. It fit my mood .

He didn’t hesitate long. In a moment, he was back on my heels, whispering loudly.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away again?”

I frowned. “What?”

“This is always how it is with you. You push me away. Then something happens, and we start to get along. Next thing I know, you’re closing yourself off again.”

I stopped and whirled around on him, my finger digging into his chest. Touching him for the first time. My body flared with heat, and I tried—desperate—to tamp it down.

“How dare you,” I hissed. “I am angry . And I have every reason to be. Don’t make it sound like I’m unreasonable.”

“I didn’t mean that you’re unreasonable—”

“And stop acting like a husband.”

At that, he stilled, a strange energy humming between us. There was a wild look in his eyes, and he took a step closer, showing off the height he had on me. I had to tip my chin up to hold his gaze, and my finger pressed harder into his chest.

His voice was low when he said, “If I was acting like your husband, I’d pull you into my arms and kiss you senseless right now.”

The words seemed to surprise him as much as they did me.

We stared at each other. After a few moments, I pulled my hand back to my side.

His cheeks flushed with color, and I felt a bit like he had kissed me senseless.

I let out a frustrated breath and shook my head, then turned and walked back to the hut.

“That came out wrong,” he said, following.

I didn’t want to hear it. I threw open the blue-green door and stormed in, heading straight for the kettle—until I saw the two men by the hearth and stopped dead. Roan hadn’t seen them yet. He shoved the door shut and huffed.

“Fine. Don’t listen. That’s—”