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Chapter Fifteen

Fenli

W e’ll hunt the wolves until they’re gone.

His words rang in my ears for days after he’d spoken them. He’d meant for it to be comforting; I found no comfort in words like those.

The wolves changed everything for me. Without them, I’d been adrift. There was no purpose for me in the clan. I wanted to explore and map but was forbidden from it. I was given a husband and a job, but I’d refused them both. I’d felt like an outcast in my own home; a stranger in my own bones.

But the wolves.

I cut through the lapping waves, aiming decidedly towards the bit of stony shore where I always landed.

This time, there was a purpose in every move I made. My whole body hummed with it. I could feel the rightness of it running the length of my nerves.

When I’d banked and dragged my canoe up among the boulders, I paused for a few breaths. It was reckless, doing this. Madness and treachery all wrapped up together. And at long last, I was happy. This made sense.

I made my way out to the wolves, resolve deepening the further as I sunk into the forest. The closer I got, the slower I went, cautious and attentive.

When I reached the tall cedar where I’d camped out at before, they came into view before me.

The pack was home, resting near their den, but they hadn’t seen me yet.

I stilled, patient, and let my eyes track through the trees.

There were other remnants of a village, I had realized.

Other huts, fallen and overgrown with forest. They all but disappeared into the sanctuary of trees, invisible until you saw them, and then you couldn’t believe you’d missed them.

I was surrounded by the ruins of my people, a village that used to be alive and thriving with the Caed.

Slowly, I lowered myself down so that I was sitting with my back to the tree.

This bit of movement caught the attention of the dark male, the father.

His whole body went rigid, his ears and tail alert.

The others copied him, and four wolves stared me down.

I sat still and calm, but my heart picked up its rhythm. I couldn’t help it.

Many long moments passed. They stretched on with nothing but the chatter of the ravens overhead to mark the progression of time. Then the watcher broke from his place among his family. He trotted to the same boulder as before, between his den and my post, and he trained all his focus on me.

When the pups whined inside the den, the others let their attention flicker, but the watcher was faithful to his job.

His eyes and ears never left me, and the others seemed to find some peace in the fact.

The mother slipped into the dark and the father sat, his ears rotating as he took everything in.

The omega seemed unworried, finding a patch of sunlight to lie down in and lick her paws, the uncle joining her.

When the watcher sat, I felt like I’d passed a test. He would allow me a measure of trust, and I was grateful for it. It felt like a gift.

I couldn’t say why.

They had not accepted me, and they would not; I wasn’t foolish enough to imagine they would. I did not belong in their pack. I could watch from the outskirts, but I was less a member of their family than the ravens who floated down to clean up their camp and rest among them.

I would not be one of theirs, and that was fine. Because, for the first time, I imagined that I had a purpose in my clan.

I would not be a wife or sit with the children who needed watching. I would not cook the meals or sew the garments or card the wool like any had hoped.

I would serve a different purpose.

I would alter the maps. I would hide the wolves’ island from my clan.

I would protect the wolves.

That evening, I slipped out of the hut to walk the little dirt path along the outside perimeter of the village.

It was going to be a cool night. A breeze was already blowing down from the north, and I took in a lung full. It eased some of the tension in me. My gait got a bit longer and my body began to unfurl. It took the edge off, worked out some kinks, and mostly helped to clear my mind .

When I heard the voices, I slowed. I didn’t want to be seen, but I was curious enough to want to know what had so many men gathered outside of the village center.

I continued until they came into view, a large group of hunters just down the slope.

There was a larger group in the center, huddled together, but others had broken off, forming their own smaller clusters.

I caught sight of Roan and Thaas. They both had their bows and were knocking arrows, aiming and sending them sailing to land with thuds into targets, shooting as many as they could before the dark swept in and forced them to stop.

Roan’s lips were drawn tight. He looked agitated.

When I glanced back at Thaas, I was startled to find him already looking at me. He smiled in that lazy, confident way I’d begun to associate with him—and then he winked.

I faltered. There was nothing lazy or confident about my response to that, and I turned away on an impulse, back the way I’d come.

Maybe I was being stupid. Maybe my awkwardness was running away with me again.

But I couldn’t feel comfortable in this new village, with all the hunters home and milling around—my husband first among them—and I didn’t like Thaas.

Relax , I told myself, heading back to Roan’s hut but trying to slow my pace, not be a fleeing, bumbling mess.

A mistake, because that was how he caught up to me.

“Fenli, wait,” I heard him say.

I turned to find Thaas jogging up the narrow path, surprising me for the second time in so short a span. He came to a halt in front of me, his easy grin crooked across his face, and when I took two steps back, his one closed the space I’d made. He winked again .

Was there something wrong with his eye? A chronic twitch I should be made aware of before I unjustly wrote him off as the most ego-ridden dirt-bag to walk through Rynwin’s green earth?

Relax , I told myself again. You’re probably wrong.

We were on the backside of a smaller hut and to my left was the fence that kept in the sheep at night. It was just the two of us, and I wondered if he could see how uncomfortable it was making me. He showed no discomfort himself and leaned in when he said, “I’ve been trying to catch you alone.”

Not words I’d ever wanted to hear.

“Why?” The question slipped out before I’d thought better of it.

He turned to glance over his shoulder, then took another step toward me, closing the already too-small space between us. I didn’t move—couldn’t—and my heart picked up in my chest.

“I wanted to let you know I see you. I know about how you ran away, and how Roan hauled you out here, and I know you don’t want to be married to him.”

When his hand rose to my arm, fingers dragging lines up and down my sleeve, my insides clenched, every part of me drawing in, wanting to shrink away.

“I just think maybe there could be another way. Your marriage hasn’t been sealed—in the natural sense—” he clarified, “and Roan isn’t the only one who could help you out of your mess.”

Your mess.

Those were the words that jolted the sense back into me. I jerked away from his touch.

He laughed. “Sweetie, you have options. I’m on track to become a wolf hunter and an elder, same as Roan. I could give you the security you need in this clan. I could give you everything.”

“Leave me alone,” I whispered, taking a step back.

“You can’t possibly want to stay married to the clod you’re stuck with. Let me help you.” He took another step closer and lifted his hand to my cheek, holding the side of my face. “You’re beautiful, you know that? I’d make you a true member of this clan in no time.”

I slapped him across the cheek.

“ What the hell— ” he said, but I turned and fled, not waiting to find out what his next words would be.

With my palm stinging and my legs shaking, I rushed down the fence line, between buildings, and to the front stoop of the hut with the blue-green door. Once inside, I bolted the lock. Alone, I couldn’t help the tears that cut paths down my cheeks.

“Shit,” I whispered. “ Shit .”

I pulled a chair out from the table and sat, trying to slow my breath, wondering where I’d gone wrong, if I’d done something—anything—to make Thaas think I’d say yes. He was a fool, I decided. It was the only explanation.

So why did I feel guilty?

There was a knock at the door, and I flinched, my fingers wrapping around the seat of my chair. I didn’t dare say a word. I waited, breathless.

When Rahv’s voice came from the other side, I exhaled.

“Fenli, it’s me. I saw you come in. I want to ask you something.”

Standing, I wiped the tears from my cheeks, blinking hard.

“Jus—just a moment. ”

I shook out my hands, cleared my throat, and tried to pull myself together. After a few breaths, I drug the bolt back. The sky at dusk would help to hide my recent cry, I hoped. I opened the door.

“Been a while since I’ve seen you,” she said, “now that you’ve no need to make stops by my hut.” Her face was tight, and she looked over my shoulder at the space behind me.

Had she seen the hut before this, I wondered? I didn’t think she had. She wasn’t like Indi.

Something about her voice set me on edge. I wrapped my fingers tightly around the knob, debating whether I should say something back.

“Would you… like to come in?”

She looked away quickly.

“No. No, not so much as all that. I just wanted to talk to you.” She cast a glance at me, then let out a sharp sigh. “Do you know Runa?”

The question was so strange, my brows furrowed on impulse. Rahv took that to mean no, though she was wrong. Of course I knew Runa. Everyone did.

“She’s about your age,” she went on, “and her mother is a good friend of mine. Roan grew up with her, before he left. I thought they’d get married one day. We all did.”

My stomach started to roll, and I wasn’t sure why.

“I think she still pines for him, poor thing. And then there’s you. Stuck in a marriage you never wanted.”

She fumbled with her next lines, opening and closing her mouth several times, which only brought me more unease. This was not the mother-in-law I was used to. Rahv did not temper her words around me .

“Fenli, I’m just going to say it.” She took a deep breath. “I think it would be best for everyone if you left the clan. You could have your freedom then. And so could my son.”

My heart was pounding in my chest. It was all too much. I was still reeling from Thaas, and now this. Not a moment to get my thoughts untangled. I wished she’d stop talking, but she wasn’t finished with me yet.

“You don’t want to be here with us. You never have. There’s a settlement nearby of Caeds who have left their clans and banded together. They’re called the Godless, and I think you could be happy with them.”

I shook my head, trying to understand.

“The elders won’t null the marriage. I’ve already tried. This is the only way. The Godless would take you in. I know they would. You’d be happier away from us, and they’re good people. Caeds, just no longer with their clans.”

“The Godless?” I whispered.

She nodded.

“Will you consider it?”

I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of my answer, so I turned away and closed the door.

But the answer was yes.