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Chapter Fourteen

Roan

D uring mid-day meal, I went to the hut to talk with Fenli. More than anything, I wanted to make things right between us. I hoped that with a little understanding and a lot of humility, I could point us in that direction. Start us on the path to reconciliation.

But she wasn’t at home.

Strange, because I was sure she always brought her food back to the hut. There were dishes left out, but they were from days past.

Deciding she must be finishing up with the birds, I swung out to the barns.

Nothing. It was then that the search started to feel all-too familiar.

I had a feeling where this may lead, but I went through the actions, regardless.

I checked the kitchens, my family’s hut in case she was there with Ess, out to the coast, and finally through the streets, my head swiveling this way and that.

I found Goose, but it was like she’d disappeared.

Into the woods, I imagined.

Eventually, I went back to the hut, Goose trotting behind me and slipping in the door when I opened it.

It was still empty, save for her messes everywhere, no space untouched by her chaos.

The fire was dead in the hearth, and I stood there in the doorway, shoving my hands into my pockets and watching while the dog climbed on Fenli’s bedroll and made himself comfortable.

He looked at me with high brows, his chin on his paws.

“Which way do you think she went?”

His ears perked, but he gave no response otherwise.

I sighed and looked around the room. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but something stood out all the same: her leather pack was gone.

It usually sat on the floor leaning up against the back of the chair she claimed each night, but it was missing now.

She was definitely in the forest, then. But it was fine. She’d gone with Esska. They’d partnered up, and they’d take care of each other.

“Hey,” said a voice behind me. “Have you seen Fenli?”

I swung around to find Ess coming up the path. She’d braided her blond hair into two long plaits that trailed down her shoulders, and her blue eyes were sharp as she drew up in front of me.

“Shit. I thought she’d have taken you.” I ran my hand over my face. “She’s gone again, and her bag is gone, too. She’s out there in the woods. Why wouldn’t she ask one of us to go with her?”

Ess frowned and folded her arms across her chest.

“She hasn’t been acting herself lately,” she said. “At first I thought it was just the move and, well—” she gestured at all of me, “but now I’m not so sure.”

“Hell if I know,” I said on a sigh. “I try not to be an ass, but it’s done nothing to improve her opinion of me.”

Ess didn’t respond. Her gaze caught on something beside me, and she seemed to forget we were having a conversation. I turned to see what had her attention so rapt… and my stomach dropped.

“Is that—?” She stepped under the eave and grabbed hold of the door.

Dropping to her knees, she came face to face with what I’d been able to see right away.

There—etched into the blue-green paint I’d covered the wood with months before—was a single flame the size of a hand.

Its tip licked upward, an unmistakable image with an unmistakable meaning attached.

Esska swore.

“Who would do this?” I said, my voice betraying my anger.

Ess only shook her head, rising to her feet and staring at the mark.

She swore again. Snapping out of her haze, she wheeled around.

“Did she see it?”

“I don’t know.”

Each time Ess swore, the words grew more colorful and more offensive.

This was not the kid sister I’d left behind on the shore those ten years ago, not even close.

I could see it in the way she held herself, the way she interacted with the world around her.

And I could sure as hell hear it in the way she spoke.

“These woods are more dangerous than what you two were used to. I told her that, but she doesn’t listen to me.”

That earned me a scowl. “We know they’re more dangerous, and your wife is not stupid.” She turned her back to me and started to pace the room. “She’s cocky, though, and rebellious.”

Damn, she was mad at me. I supposed I deserved it. I was trying not to be an ass, but it seemed I’d been one anyway. Maybe there was more of Baer in me than I cared to admit.

She gestured back to the door. “At least one person is harassing her. It could be more. Maybe she’s seen this, maybe she hasn’t.

But this might not be the first incident either.

She’s been distant lately. I’ve barely been getting a few words out of her each time I see her, and that’s when I can find her.

At the Wool Moon celebrations, she was,” she hesitated, shaking her head, “she was somewhere else.”

Esska’s face showed her worry, lines etched in between her brows, shifting over the room, never staying in one place for long. After a sharp sigh, she said the words I could tell she hadn’t wanted to utter.

“Maybe there’s been more. Maybe she’s been putting up with this shit alone for longer than we’ve realized.

If Fenli is getting abuse from the clan, it could—it could cause her to be more reckless.

She already struggles to feel like she belongs here.

If she’s being harassed on top of that? She might take risks she wouldn’t have otherwise. ”

I nodded, grim. “I’m going to find out who it is, and then I’m going to kill them.”

“ We’re going to kill them,” she added. “You got any paint for that?” I looked back at the door and nodded. “Good, cover it up, and then let’s go find her.”

We shirked our responsibilities for the entire rest of the day and still did not find Fenli.

I worried she was dead, pulled apart by wolves somewhere, but Esska only grew angrier, worried she was going to kill her herself when we found her.

She swore up and down that Fenli would be fine; she wouldn’t get lost, would stay safe, would keep her blood inside of her body.

But I knew what could happen out in those woods.

Sometimes, the forest came for a person, and no amount of skill or care could keep you from it .

Esska knew it, even though she wasn’t saying it.

I watched her as we went, staying a few paces behind, and it was as clear as a cloudless sky.

She had a way about her as she moved through the forest. She was not brutish, blundering through, just as she was not meek or mild.

She moved with purpose and understanding.

I could see she was no stranger to wild places, and it struck me that she shouldn’t be.

“Tomorrow morning,” I said. We’d turned back for home, and I could tell she was worrying about Fenli.

“Huh?”

“Early. Just before sunup. Meet me in the bit of woods behind my hut, and we’ll start training.”

“Training to hunt?”

I nodded. Then I stumbled as she crashed into my side, wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing me tight.

“You’re the best brother. You won’t regret it. I’ll make you proud, I promise.”

“We’re both going to regret it when Baer finds out,” I said, but I smiled. “And I’m already proud of you.”

We got back to the village as the sun was losing to the dark and headed to my hut, hoping we’d find Fenli there, but Ess never made it.

Rahv found us as we passed the meeting house and gave Ess a tongue lashing for skipping out on her afternoon job and evening chores.

Ess whispered for me to let her know the moment Fenli showed up, and I gave her a single nod. Then I continued alone.

When I reached the hut, it was still empty. I let Goose out to pee and headed back to start a fire, thinking of all the different ways Fenli could have been killed, when she appeared in the doorway .

We both stared at each other for many moments, like we were surprised to be eye to eye once more. Then she shook it off and continued in, closing the door behind her.

I nearly started in on her. All my fear and worry and frustration threatened to spill over and bury her, but I refrained, if only just. Instead, I said, “Where have you been?” as innocently as possible.

She shrugged and tossed her bag on the table. She hung her jacket on the back of a chair and kicked off both boots before she realized I was still waiting for more.

“Lake Haus,” she said. “Just exploring a little.”

Liar , I thought, and while I meant to keep it as that, just a silent thought in my mind, my anger wouldn’t oblige.

“Liar,” I said aloud. She lifted her head and met my eyes. “You’re such a liar.”

Her face hardened, and even though I knew I was messing up, was going about this the wrong way, I couldn’t seem to help myself.

“You could have been killed . There are a thousand ways to die out there, and any one of them could have had you.”

She didn’t respond, just glared at me, so I kept on.

“Ess and I went looking for you. We were out for half the day. Lake Haus? Nice try, we were there. And we were every damn place around there, so don’t try to deny it. Do you ever tell me the truth?”

“No.”

She wasted no time answering that one.

I nodded, believing her.

“Have you ever met a wolf, Fenli?” Her tough composure faltered. “How about a bear? You could have been attacked. You could be at the bottom of a cavern, and no one would know which one because you didn’t take a partner with you.”

“And what do you care?”

“I care.”

“Why?”

“Because—because I’m responsible for you.”

Wrong thing to say. Stupid, stupid thing to say.

Gods, why did I keep doing that? I was only making the divide between us wider, but my fear was on my back, pushing me blindly forward.

I turned away from her and tried to get myself under control.

I was being an ass. I knew it, and I had to stop.

I should have been asking her if she was okay, if she was taking hate from others in the clan.

I should have been making sure she knew without a doubt that I was on her side, that I would bring down hell on anyone who was giving her grief.

“The hell you’re responsible for me,” she growled, and she scooped up her boots.

“Fenli, wait,” I said when she moved for the door. She stopped with her hand on the knob. “I’m sorry. It’s just—you scared me.”

She didn’t move a muscle, and I searched for what to say next.

“Look, it won’t always be like this. The bear will move on eventually and we’ll hunt the wolves until they’re gone.

When this area is better settled, it will be more like the southern village.

Until then, well, you just can’t go out by yourself.

It’s not safe. I was worried. It’s why I acted like an ass, and I’m sorry. ”

I thought maybe she’d take her hand off the knob, come in and start in on her evening routine.

She made to leave instead .

“I made you a battle sword,” I blurted. She stalled so I went on, heading to my pack in the corner to pull it out.

“I didn’t know how to give it to you. I was waiting until—I don’t know.

Anyway, it’s yours.” I pulled it from its sheath and held it out to her.

It was a traditional battle sword, short and designed for close contact fighting.

They were part ceremonial, part useful—given to young men to celebrate their strength and provide protection in the forest. Making one for Fenli had been a mad endeavor, but after hearing yet another story of how she’d bucked Baer’s authority, I’d had the idea and hadn’t been able to shake it.

I’d started on it last year, with the help of the blacksmith, and I’d dreamed of the moment I would give it to her every day since then.

This was not how I had imagined it.

For just a second, her gaze skipped over, peering at the blade I held between us.

Then she looked up at me. Her eyes were everything, all at once.

It was like she was feeling a million different things, and I could see them all, right there in her face.

Surprise, worry, hatred, longing, hope. But most of all, fear .

Without another word, she pushed her way out the door.

I turned and set the sword on the table.