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Chapter Sixteen

Roan

I headed out early, making my way into the forest while it was still dark.

The sun would lighten the sky soon, but it would take longer for the light to reach here under the canopy.

I peered into the gloom for Esska, thinking that perhaps I’d left too early when she snuck up on me, jabbing my side and barking.

I swore, dropping a handful of arrows to the ground.

“You jumped a foot,” she said, laughing.

“You scared the shit out of me.”

“Just practicing my stalking through the underbrush. Look at me, a huntress already.”

I could just make out her smile in the dim.

“Let’s see how you manage a bow.”

I had taken care of acquiring the weapons last night, and it dawned on me that I’d somehow become the person arming the two most rebellious women in Toke’s clan with blades and arrows.

I lifted the bow off my back and handed it over, knowing that when all hell broke loose around my sister and my wife, I’d be right in the middle of it with them.

Esska's fingers wrapped around the wood, and I heard the laugh in her voice when she commented on how good it felt in her hands. She seemed to hum with the kind of energy that reminded me of when I’d been learning, handling the bow for the first time, following the trails, readying for a kill. I smiled, knowing what she was feeling.

And I hoped to Toke it didn’t end too badly.

She was already keenly aware of the forest around her, I knew that much. She understood its signs and had a good sense about herself inside of its borders. That was the hardest thing to teach, I thought. Her and Fenli’s treachery over the years had not been in vain.

On to the bow.

As the light of morning slowly sifted in through the leaves, we worked on stringing and unstringing, safety, form, and the most basic principles of aim.

She hurried me through none of it, but drank it all in.

She was at a disadvantage, starting so late.

If she was going to catch up and compete with the boys her age, she seemed to recognize her need for a firm foundation.

“There’s more weight on this bow than I’d like,” I told her as she readied to pull an arrow back. “You'll probably need something lighter, but I’ll find you a new—”

I stopped talking when she pulled it back easily, her hand coming to her jaw.

“Damn.”

“You’d be surprised how much muscle goes into my dye job,” she said.

I was surprised.

“Now look down your arrow, pull up slightly, and release.”

She did, letting the arrow sail through the air. It missed its target, grazing just to the left of it and low, but she was off to a beautiful start. She lowered her bow and smiled.

“Feel good?” I asked .

She nodded. “And it will feel even better when I put my iron tip right into that target’s heart.”

“Better keep practicing, then.”

She drew her next arrow.

When Esska was good and sore and her forearm was welting from an unfortunate whack of the string, we gathered our things and headed back to my hut.

It was empty, save for Goose. And that was how I knew Fenli was gone, heading into the woods, no doubt. I said as much.

“How do you know?”

“If she was only grabbing a meal or finishing her chores, she’d have brought him with her.” I sighed. “The only reason she leaves the dog in is if she doesn’t want him following her into the forest.”

My gaze moved to the table, and there was the sword I’d made her, still discarded, still refused.

The more I tried to make things right between us, the more Fenli ignored and avoided me. I hadn’t gotten a word out of her in days, and that was when I could find her. I’d hoped coming in with Ess would lighten her up this morning, but that was a lost cause now.

Feeling helpless, I considered my options: try reasoning (arguing) with her again the next time I saw her; convince Ess to start arguing with her (unlikely); abandon my responsibilities and stalk her wherever she might go; give up and let her tromp off on dangerous excursions all by herself, knowing she was bound to run into trouble sooner or later.

I hated everything on the list.

The worst part was that I knew the clan had forced her into this.

They wouldn’t support her mapping, so Fenli’s only options were to give up and give in or find her own way forward.

I couldn’t blame her. In truth, she inspired me.

But I just kept thinking that the stakes were too high.

If she didn’t have to hide what she was doing, she wouldn’t be in this situation.

There would be others who could go out with her, have her back like she had theirs, and there would be materials at her disposal, help from the clan.

Instead, she had to figure it out all on her own, putting herself into dangerous situations day after goddamn day.

“I don’t know where she’s sneaking off to,” I said, unloading bow and arrows in a heap on the table and sinking into my chair.

Ess shook her head. “You can’t keep her in the village, Roan.”

“I know, and I don’t want to. But she shouldn’t be going out alone.”

She only shrugged.

“There’s no good solution,” I finally said.

“Maybe you and I can find time to head out with her here and there. It won’t be a lot, but it will be something.”

I nodded, but I imagined Fenli would rather take her chances with a pack of wolves than head out with my sorry ass.

“Anyway.” I stood and set about hauling the bow and arrows up to my loft—not hiding them, because I hadn’t stolen them—but putting them away where they wouldn’t be seen because I hadn’t exactly gotten permission to borrow it all either.

“Anyway,” Ess echoed. She turned to go, then stopped in the doorway and looked back at me. “Jory is taking me out fishing later today. It would be fun if you came.”

“Oh.” I hesitated. “Today, huh? I don’t—I don’t know if…”

“Why don’t you hang out with him anymore?” she asked, cutting me off from my floundering. “When we were kids, you two were best friends. You, Jory, and Tovin were inseparable. Now it’s like there’s nothing there.”

I shrugged, searching for anything to say.

I didn’t know how to have this conversation.

She’d even brought up Tovin, shite . The three of us had been like a band of brothers.

Then Jory and I had woken up one day to learn that Tovin had left in the night with his brother.

Gone. No one willing to tell us why. Like the two had never been Toke’s to begin with.

“I don’t know, Ess. It just happened. Tovin left and then Baer moved me into a different hunting group. We weren’t around each other very much and—I don’t know.”

It was lame, but she nodded along. I could see she was thinking, weighing my words with something else she had spinning around in her head.

She pressed her lips together, then said, “He thinks maybe Baer told you to make some new friends.”

I blew a long breath through my lips. Damn .

“It was something like that,” I finally admitted. “Baer said it in fewer words, but that was the gist of it.”

Tovin had abandoned us, just like that; and I’d turned around and done the same thing to Jory. The shame of it burned in my chest.

“Jory doesn’t meet Baer’s standards,” she said, nodding. “If you ask me, that’s only because Baer sizes people up on the wrong set of scales.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I ended up saying, “Yeah, I guess.”

Esska shook her head, then left. I had disappointed her. Just like I had disappointed myself.