Page 20 of Enamored with the Bluestocking (Romances of Intrigue #4)

“Why will you not step out into society?”

Sarah looked away as her mother marched into the drawing room, her arms akimbo.

“Why will you not?” Lady Harcastle demanded, though Sarah kept her gaze pulled away from her mother. “I hear that you have told the maid you will not be attending the ball this evening and that is the third one you have missed in the last few days!”

Hearing the silence waiting for her answer, Sarah lifted her shoulders and let them fall. “I do not feel particularly eager to step out into society.”

Lady Harcastle let out an exclamation. “That is your only reason?”

“It is.”

She shook her head. “Then it is nothing serious, is it?”

Sarah looked to her mother, her melancholy like a deep and constant pain which she could not escape from. “I – I cannot say much more than that, Mama.”

Lady Harcastle’s eyes sharpened. “You sit here and sulk and will not tell me why it is that you are so troubled?”

“I am not sulking, Mama,” Sarah answered, her voice a little broken as emotions sought to capture her again. “I can assure you, I am quite well. I simply am rather tired from the weeks of interactions with others and would prefer a day or two simply to rest.” She tried to smile but her mouth would not do as she asked it, instead sitting in a flat line which tried its hardest to pull downwards, given the sorrow within her heart.

“My dear.” Lady Harcastle came to sit beside Sarah, her hand reaching to take Sarah’s in her own. “You are troubled by something – or by someone – but you will not tell me what it is! I know that there has been some upset between us given your love of reading and what your father and I have forbidden, but I do hope that you have not held any such thing against us.”

“Of course I have not,” Sarah answered, recalling how she had been doing her best to not only free herself from her parents’ demands but had been bold enough to step into a bookshop on more than one occasion. That last thought, however, swept her back into the memory of being in Lord Downfield’s arms and with that came a surge of pain. It was so sharp, Sarah caught her breath and looked away, hating that tears came into her eyes as she fought hard to hide them from her mother.

“Why will you not tell me, then?” Lady Harcastle asked, her own voice a little tremulous. “I feel as though there is a great chasm between us and I cannot breach it!”

Sarah closed her eyes and, much to her relief, tears did not drip down her cheeks. “Please, Mama, believe me when I say there is nothing that I need to speak with you about, nothing that I need to share.” She offered her mother a small smile, opening her eyes though her vision was a little blurred around the edges. “I shall return to society and all will be well. I simply need a day or two to rest.” She smiled all the brighter though the pain in her heart was so great, it was almost impossible to do so for long. She dared not speak about Lord Downfield, knowing that there would follow nothing but questions and whispers of hope – neither of which Sarah could offer her mother. She could not give her answers, could not even hope that things might improve between Lord Downfield and herself for she had made a decision, had stepped back from him and now Lady Alice would be given everything she wanted.

“Please, Sarah, if there is –”

The door to the drawing room flew open and Sarah caught her breath, her eyes flaring wide as Lord Downfield, the very gentleman she had been thinking of, walked into the room, his eyes blazing with a light which Sarah had never seen in his expression before.

“Lady Harcastle, Lady Sarah, forgive the interruption but I could not stop myself and wait for the footman to bring you news of my arrival and hope of calling upon you,” he said, his voice echoing around the room. His eyes sought hers, a softness surrounding them which spoke tenderness to Sarah’s heart. “Sarah, there is much I must say to you.”

“Whatever is the matter?”

Sarah got to her feet – as did her mother – as Lord Harcastle came into the room.

“I heard a loud noise and thought there was something untoward going on, only to see now that it is only that you have a gentleman caller, Sarah.” Lord Harcastle harrumphed and then came a little further into the room. “Lord Downfield, is it not?”

“Yes, it is.” Lord Downfield inclined his head. “I am glad you have arrived, Lord Harcastle, for there is something I wish to say in your hearing, and in the hearing of your wife.” He took in a deep breath and butterflies erupted in Sarah’s stomach, seeing how he nodded to himself as though he were determined now to say whatever was in his mind. She had no thought, not even the smallest imagining of what it might be and yet her whole body was filled with both excitement and worry.

“Then what it is?” Lady Harcastle asked, exchanging a glance with Sarah. “Is it about my daughter?”

“It is.” Lord Downfield smiled at Sarah, spreading out his hands. “I know that you are a bluestocking, Lady Sarah. I know that, Lord Harcastle, and I think it the most wonderful thing.”

Sarah’s eyes burned with tears as she clasped her hands tight together in front of her, sinking back down onto the couch behind her.

“I understand that you have been afraid that there may be those within the ton who would think poorly of your daughter but I can assure you that I do not. I think that her learning, her love of reading and her delight in furthering her knowledge is a trait which I find utterly wonderful. Indeed, I think it so remarkable, I should like to hear more of what she has learned. I would like to know what books she is reading at present, I would like to get into discussion about all such things as that. In short, Lord and Lady Harcastle, I would like to court your daughter with the expectation that engagement shall soon follow.”

It was as though the entire world froze in time for just a few moments. Sarah did not even take a breath, staring at Lord Downfield as he spoke with astonishment rattling through her. How could he ask her parents such a thing? How could he speak to her of such a desire when she had forced herself back from him? Clearly, he did not understand what it was that troubled her so, did not fully recognize all that would follow if he dared do such a thing and yet, in that, Sarah’s heart softened as Lord Downfield smiled at her.

“Well… this is most unexpected.” Lord Harcastle ran one hand over his chin, then shrugged. “I did not think – that is to say, I did not expect – that any gentleman would ever think well of such a thing. I have told Sarah repeatedly that she is not to speak of her learning, she is not to tell anyone of the books she so adores and she is certainly not to be seen in a bookshop and yet, somehow, you have discovered it?”

“I have,” Lord Downfield stated, unequivocally. “I believe that, as our connection has grown, Lady Sarah has wanted to be quite clear as to who she is so that I can understand her a little more. I have been appreciative of that also, for it would not have been good for me to seek to court a young lady who I did not really know. All that I must ask now, Lord Harcastle, is whether or not I might be able to get your permission to court Lady Sarah, knowing what it is that I seek from such a connection?”

Sarah’s heart began to beat furiously, protest on her lips. It was not that she did not want to accept such an offer, was not that she did not desire to be close with him but feared that, should she do such a thing, the consequences which would follow would be dreadful indeed.

“It would have to be with my daughter’s agreement, of course,” Lord Harcastle said, looking to Sarah for the first time. “But I have no concern in that regard and do, of course, grant you my permission.”

“Wonderful.” Lord Downfield was grinning, a light shining in his eyes but Sarah could feel nothing but fear curling in her stomach. It was as though happiness and delight was trying to break through but it could not, such was her concern.

“Please, Lord Downfield, I – ”

“Might I be permitted to spend a few minutes alone with Lady Sarah? It would only be for a few moments, of course and the door would be left wide open,” Lord Downfield smiled at Sarah and then looked to Lord Harcastle. “I can promise you that I will be entirely proper. I only wish to convey to Lady Sarah the depth of my feelings.”

Lord Harcastle’s eyebrows lifted again but, after a moment, he nodded. With a look to Lady Harcastle, both he and his wife stepped out of the room, leaving Sarah and Lord Downfield alone.

Silence reigned for a moment.

“Sarah,” Lord Downfield breathed, coming closer to her though Sarah could not bring herself even to rise, her heart clamoring within her. “I cannot spend the rest of my life without you, forced away from you by the simple demands of a lady of quality.”

She blinked in astonishment. “You know who it is who has made such demands?”

“Your fourth mystery, whether you meant it to be or not.” He tilted his head. “Lady Alice has demanded this of you? She wants me to consider her rather than you, does she not?”

With a lump in her throat, Sarah nodded, tears beginning to burn in her eyes.

“And she threatened you?”

“She told me I had to step back from you, else she would tell everyone that I was a bluestocking, would make certain that society looked down upon me.”

Lord Downfield reached out and took her hand, before coming to sit beside her, looking deeply into her eyes. “And then, instead, she threatened me?”

With a tight chest, Sarah nodded. “It seems as though she is determined enough that, should she not be given what she wants, she will then go ahead and injure you also. It is as though society must look down upon you so that she will, in some dark way, feel triumphant.”

His hand squeezed hers. “And so, because you were so determined to protect me, you said that you would do such a thing? Even though you did not want to?”

“Even though I did not want to. It caused me immense pain to do as was demanded, I can assure you,” Sarah managed to choke out, her tears now falling to her cheeks. “My dear Downfield, to hear you say such things to my parents caused me both great joy and great fear! What will become of you should you do this?”

Lord Downfield shrugged his shoulders. “I care not.”

“But… ” She gazed back at him, trying to understand. “But you have always cared about reputation. I have seen it since the moment we first met, since we began our acquaintance. You have pulled away from it, yes, but – ”

“And now I pull away from it entirely,” he interrupted, speaking so gently that Sarah’s heart squeezed with a surge of love for the gentleman before her. “You are worth more than a thousand members of the ton, all giving me their opinions. I have realised once and for all how foolish I was to ever turn away from you, to look instead to the views of society and to seek out their consideration rather than yours.”

Sarah swallowed hard, her breathing growing quicker as she looked back into his eyes, seeing that he meant every word.

“I have treated you abysmally,” he finished, shaking his head and looking away, regret written into every part of his expression. “When I kissed you in the bookshop, I should have told you of my feelings then and there, I should have begged for you to consider me, to consider what might be a happy and contented future between us. Instead, I retreated, I hid and I found myself utterly lost in my own confusion. How grateful I am for Lord Rutherford for pulling me from it! He showed me what I already knew, what I had held deep within my heart… and that is, that I have fallen in love with you and that, Sarah, that is all that matters.”

Sarah closed her eyes and smiled, though tears began to rain down on her cheeks. Lord Downfield made a noise of concern in his throat but Sarah opened her eyes, reached out her hands and cupped his face, feeling a gentle roughness at her fingertips. “It tore me apart to break apart from you,” she whispered, hoarsely. “I love you in return. I did not want to be separated from you but I was too afraid, afraid of all that could be brought against you if I did not do what she said.”

“And I was afraid that I would lose you,” he said, fervently. “Can you truly be willing enough to give me your heart, when I have let you down so many times?”

She nodded, laughing softly as his eyes flared in obvious relief and joy. “My dear Downfield, I have seen you change, I have seen how altered you have become. Not only that, you have proven yourself to me by stepping into this room and declaring to my parents that you know not only that I am a bluestocking but that you are thrilled by that! To know that you support my endeavors, that you will not insist on pushing that away from me has made my heart so glad.”

“I love you for who you are,” he promised, softly. “So, when it comes to this, will you court me, Sarah?” He paused, then tilted his head just a little. “More than that, I think. Will you marry me?”

Sarah’s heart burst with happiness. “I cannot refuse you, Downfield.”

His eyes lit up. “Then you will?”

“I will.”

He leaned closer to her then, his lips finding hers and, in that sweet and gentle kiss, Sarah felt all of the pain within her healing, the wounds from Lady Alice no longer troubling her. She knew for certain that, no matter what Lady Alice threatened, there would be nothing now to prevent their happiness. She sighed happily as the kiss came to an end, her forehead resting against his for just a moment.

“I think I have solved all of your mysteries now, have I not?”

She laughed then, her hands going to the back of his neck, her fingers brushing through his hair. “I believe that you have. There can be nothing between us now.”

“Indeed,” he grinned, pulling back just a little so he could look into her eyes. “I think that we need not concern ourselves one iota over what Lady Alice might say. We shall announce our engagement and, if she chooses to do as she has threatened, then I believe that the ton will not believe her words. But even if they do, that will not be a consideration on my mind. All I will be thinking of will be our marriage, our future happiness and our life together.”

Sarah smiled gently, tears of joy in her eyes as her heart finally settled, wrapped now in the love offered from Lord Downfield. “As shall I,” she said, as he began to lean towards her again. “I love you, Downfield.”

His lips brushed hers. “Just as I love you.”

THE END