Page 14 of Enamored with the Bluestocking (Romances of Intrigue #4)

“Do you think that he will get the answer?”

Sarah smiled. “I do not know, it depends on how much he has read of late. Though I do suspect that he might well have disregarded that, even if he had read it, given that the discovery was made by Frances herself, rather than by her husband, Thomas Knight.”

“Though I am sure that Mr. Knight himself was very pleased with his wife’s discovery and her skill!”

“Indeed.” Sarah let out a small sigh as she and Lady Caroline walked through St James’ Park. “One does wonder what it would be like to have a husband who celebrated learning and the like, who championed achievement over pushing it aside.”

Lady Catherine nudged her gently. “It may be that Lord Downfield is led to change his opinion on such things, once he is convinced that there is merit in them,” she said gently, though Sarah flushed immediately, a little embarrassed that her own thoughts had become all the more apparent. “There may be understanding there. He might find himself pleased to know that you are as learned as he!”

Sarah laughed despite her embarrassment. “I hardly think that I am as learned as he! It is foolishness to think so and I would not even imagine it, given that I have not gone to Eton. My governess was excellent, of course, but all the same – ”

“But why could it not be?” Lady Catherine asked, challenging Sarah gently. “You have loved to learn, reading all that you can and, thus far, proving to Lord Downfield that he is not as well informed as she! That can be no bad thing, surely? I do not see it as such, though he might well do!”

Sarah laughed again, her face still flushed but her spirits lifting. “I shall have to wait and see if he ever speaks of that in a positive manner,” she said, though her smile began to quickly fade away. “I confess, it has been a disappointment to my heart that my parents are so determined to quash such a thing. I thought that they might… well, I thought that it would be seen as a good thing, that it would enhance the qualities they are so eager to show to the gentlemen of London but instead, I have received entirely the opposite response.”

Lady Catherine smiled sadly and looped her arm through Sarah’s. “Mayhap whatever husband you end up finding shall be just the opposite,” she said, firmly. “I have hope for that. After all, Lord Rutherford has no concerns whatsoever about the many books I have read and the many books I hope to read! I am sure there will be other gentlemen – whether it is Lord Downfield or not – who feel the very same way.” She smiled and Sarah made to say more, only for Lady Catherine’s eyes to flare wide, her face split with a smile as she waved eagerly, bringing their walk to a stop. “Look, Lord Rutherford is present now! Can you see him? He is coming towards us now, look how happy he is to see me!” She squeezed Sarah’s arm and Sarah smiled, glad that her friend had found such happiness with Lord Rutherford. Lady Catherine had informed her only a few minutes earlier, before their conversation about Lord Downfield, that Lord Rutherford had sought to court her and that her father had consented. It seemed that all was well for Lady Catherine and Sarah was delighted for her.

“Oh, he brings Lord Downfield with him!” Lady Catherine exclaimed, as Sarah’s heart immediately leapt up in surprise. “See? He comes to join Lord Rutherford very quickly indeed!”

Sarah watched as a gentleman detached himself from a small gathered crowd and, coming to join Lord Rutherford, came directly towards them both. Her heart began to quicken, a sense of anticipation – and a little anxiety – beginning to worry her. She did not know what he would have made of the note that she had sent him and seeing him now, face to face, made her feel a little uncertain. Would he question her as to why she had asked him such a strange thing? Or would he stay silent?

From the moment that Lord Downfield came to join them, Sarah knew that he was thinking about her note. The questions in his eyes were many, his lips a little flatter than usual as if he were pressing them hard, in order not to demand answers to them. He bowed and Sarah bobbed a curtsy, making sure to greet them both.

“You will think me very rude, Lady Sarah, I am sure, but I must walk with Lady Catherine for a time.” Lord Rutherford beamed at Lady Catherine rather than looking to Sarah at all, though she smiled her consent, just as Lady Catherine dropped her hand from her arm.

“But of course, I quite understand.”

“And might I, then, be permitted to walk with you?” Lord Downfield smiled but it did not bring any sort of light to his eyes. “Even if it is only for a short while, I should be very glad to be in your company again.”

Sarah swallowed at the tightness which had immediately come into her throat. “But of course,” she said again, a little embarrassed that she had spoken the very same words to him as she had said to Lord Rutherford. “I do hope that all is well with you, Lord Downfield?” She tried to keep her voice light. “Am I to hope that you have the answer for me already?”

Lord Downfield chuckled dryly and Sarah relaxed just a little as she took his arm. “No, I have not. I should tell you, however, that I spend some of last evening doing some reading and then again this morning but, as yet, I have found nothing of note. I am sure that someone will know of it, however.”

“Many people know of it,” Lord Rutherford said, turning his head back to speak directly to Lord Downfield, his grin already bright. “It is just that you have not read of it and therefore, you are entirely unaware of whom this lady speaks! I, on the other hand, am well aware of the discovery and think it a very excellent thing. I should like to learn more about it, I think.”

Sarah smiled back at him and when she looked to Lord Downfield, found herself relieved that he was grinning back at Lord Rutherford rather than being at all irritated that his friend knew of this when he did not.

“You have given me a clue, at least, for it is surprising to hear that a woman made this discovery,” Lord Downfield continued, making Sarah’s smile slip a little. “Though mayhap I should not judge that. After all, though it is unusual, it should not be ignored, should it? I have heard that there has even been a woman giving lectures of late, though that is not something that I have had any interest in attending… not because it was a woman, you understand, but simply because the topic did not interest me.”

A little delighted to hear this, Sarah’s smile returned quickly. “I think you mean Charlotte Murchinson? She has been giving lectures in the King’s College, on geology I believe.” Seeing his eyebrows lift, Sarah’s smile grew all the more. “Though even if you were interested in attending, you would not have been permitted to do so as it has only been to other ladies that she has been permitted to speak.”

“Ah.” Lord Downfield did not make any remark in that regard, did not say as to whether he considered that a right practice. Instead, he frowned and Sarah found herself smiling, glad that he was not rejecting the idea at least. Perhaps what Lady Catherine had said in giving her hope about Lord Downfield was correct.

“You champion the ladies who make great strides in certain fields, do you not?” Lord Downfield asked, turning his head to look at her. “I do think that a good thing, Lady Sarah.

“Do you?” Sarah asked, a little surprised. “I would have thought the opposite.”

“Would you?” Lord Downfield smiled a little lightly, his lips twisting. “Well, I can understand that, I suppose. A gentleman such as I, who has done nothing but speak of myself, who has pushed myself to the fore, who has done nothing but think only of my own standing in society… yes, I can quite understand why you would think so.”

“I did not mean any insult,” Sarah said hastily, only for Lord Downfield to smile and quickly shake his head.

“Do not think that I mean to upset you in any way,” he answered, as she gazed back into his eyes, the worry she had felt beginning to pull away from her now. “You have made me reflect upon myself a great deal. That very first mystery you gave me, the very first trial I was offered as regarded Tom Jones brought me anger, frustration and upset… and then I realised just how foolish and selfish I had become. I was angry at being forced to do so – though of course, I see now that I was not forced at all, not by your hand – and thereafter, irritated that I would have to waste time reading a nonsensical book! I felt myself shamed when I realised that I did not know something which you already did and that brought me to a prolonged period of reflection. For all of it, Lady Sarah, I confess that I am glad though I certainly have not always been so!”

“No, indeed you have not been!” Sarah exclaimed, only to blush furiously as Lord Downfield shot her a quick look. She squeezed her eyes closed but after a moment, a bark of laughter from Lord Downfield shattered her embarrassment and, opening her eyes, she saw him grinning at her. The light in his eyes, the joy in his expression and the warm, broad smile made her feel as though she was truly accepted, truly known – and that nothing she had said or might say would ever be taken badly. How different he was to the gentleman she had known him to be! How strange that he would be so altered now! Though, Sarah considered, as she too let herself laugh, how much she appreciated that change.

“I do appreciate your honesty, Lady Sarah, more than you might know,” Lord Downfield said, with a chuckle. “You are also very forgiving, given my past mistakes and ill treatment of you.” His smile softened and the look in his eyes became almost tender. “I do not think that I know any young lady who would have shown such grace. You are quite marvelous, I think.”

Sarah did not know what to say to this,. She turned her gaze away from him, the heat back in her face though this time, it came from a sense of delight rather than from any sort of embarrassment. Warmth curled in her stomach and her lips curved upwards as she darted another glance towards him, seeing that same softness about his eyes.

Whatever was happening to her? What was happening between them? She could not quite understand it and yet, found herself desiring even more of whatever this could be.

“You have also been very understanding, Lord Downfield,” she said, choosing now to bring up the note she had written to him simply so that it would not be sitting on the edge of her thoughts. “When I wrote to you with that very strange request, your response could not have come more quickly and it did bring me a great deal of relief.”

“But of course.” Lord Downfield leaned a little closer to her, her hand still on his arm. “Though,” he continued, his voice dropping low, “if there is something that you are having difficulty with, I would be glad to aid you where I can.”

She looked back at him, a little surprised. “Truly?”

He nodded, his expression now one of concern as his eyes searched her face. “I believe that you are afraid of something, Lady Sarah, are you not? I do not know what it is nor do I understand why you had to rush away from the bookshop with such haste but I confess that I do not much like seeing you so. It worries me that there is such a fear in your heart. I do not want to pry either, however, but if there is anything that I might do in order to relieve your fears in some way, then I would be glad to do it.”

Sarah’s throat closed up as tears burned behind her eyes. She was not upset over his words but rather so touched by his consideration and kindness that she did not know what to say.

“I hope I have not upset you!” Lord Downfield exclaimed, only for Sarah to laugh and shake her head, reaching across so she might pat his hand with hers.

“No, indeed you have not, I assure you. It is only that I have never had anyone speak so kindly to me, aside from Lady Catherine. She is the only one who knows of my present struggles and I very much appreciate her consideration, as I do yours. Though, at the present moment, there is not much I wish to tell you, simply because to explain it would take a prolonged length of time – and a discussion thereafter, mayhap, and I do not think that either of us have the time for such a thing!”

“I think you are mistaken there, Lady Sarah. I should be very glad to listen to you for however long it should take. Believe me, there is nothing I should like better.”

Sarah’s heart swelled all the more and for a moment, she swayed in her decision to remain silent and keep her explanation to herself. She wanted to tell him all, to explain to him why she had rushed from the bookshop, why her mother and father had prevented her from keeping even a single book in the house.

But then the thought of telling him and what that might mean for their connection flew over her and inwardly, a twist of fear caught her heart and she shook her head. “I am quite sure it is not an explanation I need to give you at present but I am truly grateful to you for your consideration and for your concern.”

Lord Downfield’s face fell and he let out a heavy breath, as if a little disappointed by her decision not to speak. “Very well. But you must promise me that, should you ever find yourself in need of a confidante, of someone willing and eager to listen and to help you in whatever way you need, you will come to me.” He stopped and turned to face her, her hand slipping from his arm for a moment. “Please, Lady Sarah. Do come to me should you require anything. I should like to be a support to you in whatever way I can.”

Sarah looked back at him and felt her heart squeeze with a painful awareness of just how much she wanted to lean forward and rest in his arms. She wanted to feel his arms around her waist, wanted to breathe him in as she closed her eyes and rested her face on his shoulder.

Whatever was wrong with her? One did not think such things about a gentleman! And yet, as Sarah watched him, her heart’s yearning grew all the more rather than fading. She could not find what to say, did not know what it was she ought to respond to but instead, simply put one hand to her heart and then closed her eyes for just a moment.

“You can trust me, Sarah.”

Opening her eyes, she gazed back at him. “Yes, Lord Downfield, I believe that I can,” she said, softly. “I promise you that, should I require your aid in any way, I shall tell you at once.”

“Good.”

“I suppose that we should return now, Sarah.”

Sarah turned her head to see Lady Catherine and Lord Rutherford coming to join them., though there was a knowing smile on Lady Catherine’s face. Blushing, Sarah pulled her hand from Lord Downfield’s arm again, where she had only just placed it. “Yes, I suppose that we should. It will soon be time for us to prepare for this evening.” She turned and dropped into a quick curtsy, suddenly eager to escape from him simply so that she might not lose her composure completely in front of him. It was clear that Lady Catherine was aware of what Sarah herself was feeling given the smile on her face, and Sarah did not want to permit her friend time to make any sort of comment about it, not while they were in company. “Good afternoon, Lord Downfield. Thank you for our walk. I enjoyed our conversation.”

Much to her astonishment, Lord Downfield reached out, caught her hand and after a moment, bent over it. His lips whispered across the back of her hand, though he did not kiss it, but the heat of his breath was enough to make her tremble.

“I enjoyed every moment,” he told her, quietly enough for Lady Catherine and Lord Rutherford not to hear him. “Please, remember what I said.”

She nodded. “I shall.”

The gentlemen both stepped away and quickly, Lady Catherine caught Sarah’s arm and pulled close to Sarah. “So what was said between the two of you? When Lord Rutherford turned to return me to you, we both noticed how intensely he was speaking to you. I do hope all has gone well?”

Sarah nodded. “It has.”

“And does he know the answer to your third mystery?”

With a laugh, Sarah shook her head. “Indeed not, though he is not as against that question as I thought! I feared that he might dislike hearing that there was a lady involved in such a thing, but he has not made any remark in that regard.”

“Eager for your company also, yes?”

Sarah laughed and shook her head. “I do not think so but he is certainly improved, that is something I am quite certain about.”

“Indeed, even Lord Rutherford has noticed it, though he seemed a little irritated about something – I am not sure as to what for he did not speak of it entirely. But that does not matter, I am sure, so long as you are contented!”

Sarah considered this and then found herself smiling, her heart lifting with a sense of happiness which she had never before felt. “I am happy,” she said, softly. “Very happy indeed.”