Page 13 of Enamored with the Bluestocking (Romances of Intrigue #4)

How very curious.

“Are you ready, Downfield?”

Matthew started slightly as the gentleman to his left nudged him. “Yes, of course. Forgive me.” He quickly pulled out one of his cards and placed it down on the table.

“You have not drawn yet!” the gentleman exclaimed, as Lord Rutherford, sitting opposite, began to chuckle. “ Take a card and then discard one!”

“Of course.” Embarrassed, Matthew took a card from the top of the pile. “I shall not make the same mistake again, I am sure. Forgive me.”

Lord Rutherford grinned but Matthew scowled, a little frustrated that he had been so distracted in his thoughts so as to miss his turn at cards. The game continued and Matthew did his utmost to concentrate, telling himself that he was to do nothing other than simply play but time and again, his mind filled with thoughts of Lady Sarah, and there seemed to be nothing he could do to stop it.

Why had she left the bookshop in such haste? If it had been any earlier, he would have assumed it was because of his presence but they had spoken, he had apologized and the conversation had been going well. Then, Lady Catherine had appeared, said something which Matthew had not overheard completely and Lady Sarah’s face had drained of color. Her smile had shattered in an instant, her eyes rounding with fright and she had hurried away from him without even hesitating. When he had caught her hand and asked about the third mystery, it was not because he had any real interest in such a thing but was only eager to stay in her company for a little longer – or to know what it was that had frightened her so. Matthew had not found himself irritated but, rather, concerned.

“It is your turn again, Downfield, though you do not appear to be in the least bit interested in the game.”

“That is because I am not,” Matthew answered, drawing a card and then immediately discarding it. “But I shall play to this round’s end and then, I think, I shall take my leave.”

One of the gentlemen at the table chuckled, catching Matthew’s attention. “Might it be that you are thinking of a particular young lady? I believe that you were in deep and prolonged conversation with her of late. Society has been abuzz with the news of that!”

“Has it now?” Matthew murmured, rolling his eyes in order to express utter disinclination for all that was said of him. “Those in society should know that I am very often seen in the company of young ladies. That can be no surprise to anyone, I am sure.”

“But it is certainly significant that you have been the one to encourage her in conversation? That she is now clearly interested in your company and desires more of it? I should say that it is all very significant indeed!”

“Especially given the whispers about her.”

This remark from another gentleman entirely made Matthew frown heavily. “I do not know what whispers you speak of.”

“Oh, that she is inclined towards seeking a husband this Season!”

Matthew blinked rapidly, surprise coursing through him. “Seeking a husband?”

“Yes, did you not know? I was sure that everyone in the ton was aware of that! Though, of course, the lady might be unwilling to even consider you and then the ton would find that mirthful indeed, I am sure!”

Rather confused at this remark, Matthew shook his head. “I can assure you, I have no interest in matrimony this Season. Any conversations I have engaged in or any interest I have shown has been solely for my own purposes, I can assure you.”

“And I would concur with that,” Lord Rutherford said a little darkly, scowling as Matthew shot him a look.

“Is that so?” The gentleman who had begun the conversation tipped his head and looked long at Matthew. “And would you not say that you are in the least bit concerned as regards the lady’s considerations of you? It seems to me that you might disappoint her.”

Matthew hesitated, finding himself torn in two directions. He wanted to say that he did truly care for Lady Sarah and what she thought of him but neither did he want these gentlemen to know his true feelings for the lady, especially when he was not certain of them himself! “I think that she would have to be disappointed,” he said eventually, catching how the other gentlemen glanced at each other. “I would never think to even call upon a young lady if she were to have thoughts of courtship or the like upon her mind. I am flattered by her interest in my conversation, of course, but that is all that there is to it.” He caught the way that Lord Rutherford shook his head and had to force himself not to speak to him directly, not to express the confusion which, at present, still tied itself around his heart. Lord Rutherford might think ill of him, he knew, but it could not be helped, not at this moment. He would explain both to his friend and to Lady Sarah herself, if he had to. But for the moment, this was all he could do.

“I must say, I am surprised to hear you speak so bluntly,” the second gentleman said, as Matthew looked down at the cards in his hand, trying to focus on the game rather than on what the opinion of other gentlemen might be. “I would have thought that to have the attentions of that particular young lady might give you pause… but it seems that I am wrong!”

Matthew did not understand what they spoke of, a little confused as to why they would speak so highly of Lady Sarah who, as far he was aware, was indistinct within the ton . With a shrug, he played the next card and the game continued. Choosing to remain silent, Matthew battled his thoughts inwardly, fighting to keep control over his tongue so that he said not even the smallest thing about either Lady Sarah or his own connection to her. All the same, he was sure he felt Lord Rutherford’s eyes on him, like sharp daggers poking into his skin and, at the same time, felt the scrutiny of the other gentlemen also. When the game ended, Matthew rose to his feet and excused himself, nodding to Lord Rutherford who, after a moment, nodded in return.

“I think it is time for me to return home,” Matthew said, suddenly desperate for his own company. “You will have to excuse me, gentlemen. I am sorry, but it is a late hour and I am much too weary to stay a minute longer. Do excuse me!” With that, he turned on his heel and stepped out, relieved to be out of the game and away from other company.

**

It was not until Matthew arrived home that he felt a little more at ease. Sitting back in his chair in front of a small fire that burned in the grate, he closed his eyes and let out a long breath, a glass of brandy in his hand. His whole body softened, his eyes closing as finally, all thoughts of Lady Sarah, all confusing and conflicting emotions began to leave him.

A scratch at the door interrupted him and with a groan, Matthew called for his servant to enter.

“My lord, forgive the late interruption but there is a note here for you and it is urgent.”

Matthew frowned and quickly sat up straight, reaching for the note. “Urgent, you say? Who brought it?”

“A ragamuffin child, my lord. He told me that he had already been paid and would be paid more once the answer was given to him.”

“Answer?” Confused, Matthew broke open the seal and unfolded the short note. Reading the words quickly, the heaviness of his frown grew and he shook his head, his jaw tightening. Looking up at the butler, he waved one hand. “Go to the child and tell him that the answer is that yes, I shall do as is asked. That is all that is required.”

The butler nodded and quit the room at once, leaving Matthew to look at the note alone. He settled back in his chair again, aware of the worry which was beginning to pour into his heart. This note from Lady Sarah was interesting, certainly, though it still brought both concern and confusion to his mind.

‘ Lord Downfield, I write to you with the third mystery, as I said I would do,’ the note began. ‘ I must ask you, do you know what great Roman discovery was made of late? And by a woman no less! I do hope that this will not be too great a mystery and indeed, mayhap you have already read of this? Lastly, and this is not at all related to all that I have said before, I must beg of you not to tell a soul that you spoke with me in the bookshop. That must sound very strange and while it is, I cannot give you any further explanation than that. I do hope that you will consent to this, despite your lack of understanding? It would bring me a great deal of relief. I will wait in the hope of your quick reply. Yours, etc.’

“Why would she not wish for anyone to know that she was in the bookshop?” Matthew murmured aloud, frowning as he looked again at the note. It was a very strange request indeed and though Matthew was more than contented to do as she asked, he wanted to know the reason behind her asking such a thing. Was she afraid? That had certainly been the expression on her face when she had rushed from the bookshop that day – and if she was fearful, then Matthew wanted very much to assist her.

I have behaved abominably with her in the past, he reminded himself, screwing up his face at the recollection, and treated her with a great lack of consideration. And yet now, I want to prove myself to her, to prove that I am willing to do – and to be – all that she desires in this. Somehow or other, I will do it. He thumped one fist on top of the arm of the chair, the other hand still holding the note. For her, I think I might just do anything.

A great overwhelming sense of relief washed over him, as though he was finally admitting to himself all that he felt for the lady. It was more than just being in her company, more than just being in conversation with her now and again. There was a true desire within him, a hope that he might find himself often with her, enjoying all that she had to say and delighting in the smiles she offered him. She made him want to improve himself, and his past shames now made him all the more determined to become all the better a gentleman. How quickly he had turned away from her before! How foolish he had been to think that Lady Alice offered him more!

Matthew passed one hand over his eyes, grimacing. Those truths settled in his heart but, all the same, the worry about the ton and all that they thought of him still lingered there. He had not removed it from himself, not yet at least, and that concerned him a great deal.

“But I will fight it,” he said to himself, aloud. “I will fight hard and fight for as long as I must endure until I conquer it.” His hand thumped the arm of the chair for the second time, a fresh determination flooding his very soul. “And I will do so for her.”