Page 15 of Enamored with the Bluestocking (Romances of Intrigue #4)
Matthew strode into the ballroom, his heart filled with an expectation that he could not remove. It threaded through his veins, sending an anticipation and an excitement there and Matthew could not help but smile. It was not in greeting to those he passed, it was not in happy expectation of the dancing that might follow. No, all of his thoughts and the only reason for his happiness lay in Lady Sarah’s presence. Very soon, he would see her again, very soon he would be in her company and that was all that Matthew could think about. Mayhap she would dance with him, mayhap she would accept his desire to have her in his arms – and if she did, then Matthew’s delight would be never ending. The answer to her mysteries seemed no longer of any importance, the frustration he had once felt gone completely. His only desire was to be near to her, to talk with her, to laugh with her, to enjoy her company, to let his eyes fill with her beauty.
And this evening, Matthew intended to tell her.
“Good evening, Downfield!”
Matthew’s smile dropped. “Lord Stephenson, good evening. How are you?”
“Very well.” He looked around the room. “There is certainly something of a crush here this evening, is there not?”
“There is, though that is not a bad thing. I usually find myself quite delighted to be in the company of so many fine young ladies, though I am sure that there are some that you are more eagerly looking forward to seeing than others!”
At this, Matthew shot him a sharp look, his brows furrowing. He waited for a moment to see if Lord Stephenson would explain but his friend did not. Instead, he offered Matthew a knowing smile, as though he was somehow meant to know what was meant.
Matthew cleared his throat. “You are to have your night filled with dances, I am sure.”
“Of course I shall!” Lord Stephenson chuckled, only for Lord Dover to come to join them. “You know very well that I have a great many acquaintances and there are so many that I now wish to dance with, I do not know who to choose!” He pushed one hand over his hair, though the smile on his face went against the heavy sigh he let out. “And there shall be so many vying for my attention, I will find myself pulled in all directions.”
“Indeed,” Lord Dover said, a little dryly. “Now, let us consider your situation, Lord Downfield. I have heard so many things recently, I find myself a little irritated!”
Matthew frowned. “I beg your pardon? Whatever can you mean?”
His friends both looked at each other and laughed. “Come now, you cannot think that the ton has not noticed the lady’s interest in you – her prolonged interest! I heard you spoke of it at a gentleman’s card game but that you denied any real interest in the lady herself. But it seems that she has continued on in her desire to further her acquaintance with you and, given her standing, one must wonder whether or not you will permit yourself to pursue her.”
“Pursue her?” Matthew’s head began to buzz with both confusion and a whirlwind of thoughts. He did not know what his friends were speaking about, thinking for a moment that it was to do with Lady Sarah, only for the remark about her high standing to confuse him. She was the daughter of an Earl, yes, but given that he was a Marquess, could it be that his friends thought her of a higher standing than him? Or was it his behavior which made them consider such a thing?
Lord Stephenson nudged Matthew. “There she is. I have been here this evening an hour already and I have heard many a whisper that you are the only gentleman she wishes to speak to this evening.”
All the more confused, Matthew’s gaze fell upon Lady Alice who was, once again, standing with her mother. As he looked to her, the young lady turned her head and caught his eye, only for her face to color and her eyes to dart away.
Matthew’s stomach dropped. “You cannot think, gentlemen, that my attention is drawn to Lady Alice, surely?”
“Why would it not be?” Lord Dover asked, as Lord Stephenson nodded fervently. “I understand that when I first came to speak to you about her, you were less than pleased at the notion of showing a genuine interest but think about what you could gain from a connection with the daughter of a Duke! It would give you all that you ever desired!”
A sudden tug of longing seared Matthew’s heart and he swallowed tightly, shaking his head as he battled the old familiar urge to push himself forward, to make himself as great – if not greater – than any other gentleman in London in terms of his standing. “I cannot court the lady. I cannot think of matrimony at this present moment. I – I would lose so much.”
“What would you lose?” Lord Stephenson challenged, as Matthew began to scowl. “You have no interest in matrimony, I can understand, but there is still ground to be gained from a connection to the lady. And what is matrimony, anyway? It does not mean that you would have to do anything more than you do at present – talk with acquaintances, enjoy society – but you would simply have a young lady on your arm instead!”
Matthew flung out his hands, a fire beginning to build in his stomach. “Enough of this! I want to hear no more. I am not in the least bit interested in the idea, nor in whatever connection it might bring me. Do not speak to me of her again.”
The two gentlemen glanced at each other, leaving Matthew feeling a little hot and irritated though he chose to say nothing more.
“I think you are a little foolish not to consider the lady,” Lord Dover said, eventually. “You will have to go and speak with her and probably dance with her at least once. Otherwise society will certainly think less of you and I know you do not want that.”
Matthew gritted his teeth but remained silent, his jaw set tight.
“It cannot be because of that bluestocking of yours,” Lord Dover continued, his eyes narrowing as he searched Matthew’s face. “That one that you have been spending so much time with? The one playing a foolish game with you – a game which you now appear to be enjoying?”
“I am not enjoying it,” Matthew snapped back, his anger curling around him all the more tightly. “Do not speak nonsense, Lord Dover.”
“Ah, but you are enjoying her company, are you not?” Lord Stephenson asked, his own eyes a little wide as he now turned his attention to Matthew again. “That is what this is about! You do not want to give Lady Alice any attention because you are much too caught up with Lady Sarah.”
“A bluestocking. Can you imagine it?”
Seeing the almost disgusted look on Lord Dover’s face as he spoke made Matthew’s anger turn to a fury which practically enveloped him. He pressed his teeth hard together in order to force himself not to speak, certain that is face was going quite red. How dare they speak of Lady Sarah in such a way?
“I know that you would never attach yourself to a bluestocking,” Lord Stephenson said, as Lord Dover shuddered in the most obvious manner. “Can you imagine that? Given all that you have been working on, all that you have been attempting to do in improving your reputation and standing at the very top of society, to then attach yourself to a bluestocking?” He laughed and Matthew curled his hands so tight, his fingernails cut into the soft skin in his palms. “That would be dreadful, would it not? You would be made a mockery of! You would be teased mercilessly for deciding to attach yourself to a bluestocking!”
“I am sure that Downfield is well aware of the consequences of doing so,” Lord Dover said, a little dryly. “You mayhap should consider speaking a little less to her, Downfield. The ton will soon whisper about it and – ”
“You do not know that she is a bluestocking,” Matthew interrupted, his tone rather fierce though he ignored how surprise etched itself into each of his friend’s expressions. “Hear me now, we will not engage ourselves in gossip over this young lady. I will not have it.”
The silence which followed this grew so great that it took all of Matthew’s strength not to continue speaking, not to demand to know whether they understood him. He looked from Lord Dover to Lord Stephenson and then back again, only for Lord Dover to chuckle, making Matthew blink in surprise.
“Ah, I understand you! You are concerned that she will demand more from you, is that not so? She will add further tasks to her little game and you will be quite stuck!” He tapped one side of his nose and then winked. “I understand. I shall not say a word, I assure you.”
Lord Stephenson nodded. “Nor will I,” he agreed, as Matthew began to stammer, trying to find the words to explain that this was not his main concern but that he simply did not want anything to be whispered about Lady Sarah. “Oh, but look! Lady Alice approaches.”
The words died on Matthew’s lips as the lady and her mother came purposefully to join the three of them, with the Duchess ignoring those who attempted to speak with her as she passed. The desire in Matthew’s heart to go and spend time with Lady Sarah, to ask her to dance and to converse for as long as he could with her was set to one side as the familiar urgency to do all that he could to make certain of his fine standing in society began to move to the front of his mind.
“Good evening, Lady Alice, Your Grace.” He bowed, fighting inwardly against something that had been a part of him for so long. “How very good to see you this evening.” Lifting his chin, he tried to smile but the frown on his face would not remove itself. “I do hope you are enjoying it?”
I will not linger. I will not do all I can to have Lady Alice think well of me, nor have the Duchess think highly of me either. I will excuse myself as soon as is polite and go in search of Lady Sarah instead.
And yet somehow, despite his best attempts, Matthew found himself not only signing Lady Alice’s dance card but also offering to take her for a turn around the ballroom, losing his inner battle. Lady Sarah remained at the front of his mind, lingered also in his heart but the old desires, everything that he had fought for so long, finally won out.
Matthew hated himself for it.