Page 11 of Enamored with the Bluestocking (Romances of Intrigue #4)

Having already greeted the Duchess, Matthew bowed low towards her daughter. “Good evening, Lady Alice. How very pleasant to be in your company again.”

Lady Alice cast a disparaging eye over him. “It seems that we are already acquainted, Lord Downfield, though I confess that I do not remember you.”

Matthew blinked, a little stunned by the young lady’s coldness. At the same time, a hint of concern began to wrap around his heart, spreading down cold towards his fingertips. He glanced surreptitiously to his right and then to his left, a little concerned that there would be those nearby who would overhear Lady Alice as she spoke of him in such a way. “I – I am sorry to hear that,” he stammered, all the more embarrassed. “I did not think… that is, I did not know that I had not made a particular impression upon you.” Forcing a smile, he spread out his hands either side as the Duchess continued to watch the interaction with careful eyes. “Mayhap I can make up for that now?”

Lady Alice arched one eyebrow. “Mayhap, though I am not certain that you will succeed, Lord Downfield.”

“No?” The smile he had fixed to his face was all the more difficult to keep in place as the worry in his chest began to grow and spread. “I am sure that you have a good many admirers, Lady Alice, but there must be some who are deemed favorable in your eyes! Let us hope that I can be one of them.”

All that he received by way of answer was a sniff. Heat spread out across his chest and up into his neck, glancing all around him again and catching one or two of the other guests looking at him, worried now that what they had heard Lady Alice say would now spread across London society. That familiar concern, the importance of being well spoken of, of being highly regarded by everyone in the ton slammed back into his heart and Matthew took in a deep breath.

“Tell me, Lady Alice, what interests have you? Mayhap we will have a shared enjoyment and can discuss that in conversation which would, I am sure, bring us both a good deal of pleasure.”

Lady Alice looked away. “I do not think embroidery is something that a gentleman pursues, Lord Downfield.”

“No, perhaps not, but we do read,” he said, hastily. “And both of us might enjoy art or painting? I may not have the skill to paint anything particularly well but I have read about a new exhibition in France recently, showing the work of the great Antoine Watteau.”

A sharp glance towards him from Lady Alice told Matthew that he was making no progress with the lady whatsoever.

“I do not know who Watteau might be,” she informed him, firmly. “I do not think that any young lady in all of London would have such knowledge! What need is there for them to know of an artist in France?”

“He is – ” Matthew snapped his mouth closed, having been about to tell her that Antoine Watteau was no longer living but then quickly realizing that the lady would have no interest in that. “Well, reading, then? What is something that you have read recently?”

Lady Alice rolled her eyes. “Only a novel, Lord Downfield, though I am sure that you would not think highly of it.” She sounded bored, as though every word from him was nothing but dullness. Fear settled in Matthew’s heart and he continued on regardless, striving ahead as best he could.

“I myself have only just finished reading the eighteenth section of Henry Fielding’s novel.”

At this, Lady Alice’s eyebrows shot towards her hairline and she turned to look at him more fully, her eyes rounding. “You have read of Tom Jones?”

“I have.” Relief began to chase away Matthew’s fear as he smiled, seeing a new light coming into Lady Alice’s eyes. “I found it a most interesting novel, though I was astonished that there were eighteen parts to it! That was very interesting. I do not often read novels but on this occasion, I did so.”

“You must have enjoyed it, given that there were so many parts and you read it without giving up on the story as so many others have done,” Lady Alice exclaimed, her whole expression altered now. “It is meant to become very famous, I hear, though I do think that you are the only gentleman of my acquaintance who has read each part.” She tilted her head, her eyes narrowing just a fraction. “I must hope that you are telling me the truth, Lord Downfield, and not stating such a thing in the hope of pleasing me.”

“I am not, I assure you! In fact, why do you not ask me some questions about the novel and I shall answer them as best as I can. Would that please you? Would it convince you that I am just as I have said?”

“I suppose that it would,” Lady Alice answered, quickly, her arms folding over her chest. “Now, let me begin.”

*

“You appear to have done an excellent job in convincing Lady Alice that you are one of the most excellent gentlemen in all of London!”

Matthew chuckled, elbowing Lord Dover. “I am not certain about that but at least she is no longer disinterested and frowning! I confess that I was greatly concerned that she would continue to speak of me with disregard in front of everyone else and that the ton would hear of it!”

“Though that does not matter, I am sure,” Lord Dover answered, quickly, as they made their way through the crowd of guests. “It is only her opinion that matters, does it not? Especially if you are to seek to court her.”

“Court her?” Matthew repeated, shaking his head. “Goodness, I certainly have no intention of doing any such thing! I have no interest in the lady in that regard.”

“No?”

Matthew shook his head again. “No, of course not. You came to find me because you know how much my reputation means to me and how much of an influence Lady Alice and her mother, the Duchess, can have on society, did you not?”

Lord Dover shrugged. “Well yes, of course, but as I watched your interaction with her, as I saw the determination in your expression and your obvious delight when she began to speak with you, I presumed that there was something else – something more – on your mind. Are you telling me now that I am wrong?”

“Yes, of course I am! You are utterly mistaken!”

Lord Dover frowned. “Oh.”

“The reason I put so much effort into our conversation, into hoping that she thinks well of me is simply because I wanted to make certain that my reputation is lifted all the higher in the ton. With what happened with Lady Sarah and knowing that some would have spoken ill of me in that regard, it is very important to me to have my reputation fully restored.”

“And Lady Alice is the one who can do that.”

“Who can aid it, certainly. If she thinks well of me – if I am favoured – then I am favoured with the Duke and Duchess also. That is an excellent position to be in.”

“I see.” Lord Dover shrugged. “Well, all the same, I am glad the conversation went well. I was also glad to be able to pull you from Lady Sarah’s company, given the difficulty that you have with her at present! No doubt you were filled with relief there.”

Matthew blinked, his chest tightening. “I – I would not say – ”

“There is something strange about her, I must say,” Lord Dover continued, rubbing one hand over his chin. “I do not know what it is but given the extent of her knowledge in things such as art and literature, I do begin to wonder if she is a bluestocking.”

Frowning, Matthew cut through the space between them with his hand. “There is no need to consider any such thing. It is quite normal for every young lady to have an interest in reading and in art.”

“Ah, but this last one, the one with Antoine Watteau – and yes, Lord Rutherford told me of it in case you are wondering – seems a little odd. I did not know of such a thing and I am a gentleman who has been to France on more than one occasion! I did not even know he was an artist!”

“I did,” Matthew emphasized, “and I do not think that it means that she is a bluestocking.” He scowled as Lord Dover’s brows furrowed. “Even if she is, what should that mean to me? There is nothing about that which would cause me any concern.”

“Though if the ton discovered that you were often in company with a bluestocking, then many a thing might be said,” Lord Dover suggested, warning running through his tone. “For a lady to be a bluestocking is a shameful thing indeed for what business do ladies have in learning the same things as gentlemen? It is not as though they need to be learned in any such matters and to attempt to join in conversation and discussion with gentlemen about these things ought to be an embarrassment to any young lady who tries to do so.”

In an instant, Matthew recalled how Lady Sarah had spoken of crop rotation, a system which he would only expect gentlemen to know about, given that they were in charge of an estate and the business dealings there. Why would a young lady such as she have an interest in such a thing? Indeed, why would she even know the phrase, ‘crop rotation’?

Could she be a bluestocking? Matthew’s heart leapt up in his chest. And if she is, then I must be careful. Lord Dover’s warnings are quite right.

“Good evening, gentlemen. I do hope that I am not intruding on any serious conversation?”

Matthew lifted his gaze and looked directly at Lord Rutherford. “Good evening, Lord Rutherford.” He took in his friend’s rather serious expression, seeing no smile on his face. “Is there something the matter?”

Lord Rutherford looked directly to Lord Dover and, much to Matthew’s surprise, spoke with a great firmness. “Might you excuse us for a few moments, Lord Dover? I have something I wish to say to Lord Downfield which should not be said in company.”

Matthew glanced to Lord Dover and then looked back again to Lord Rutherford, catching both Lord Dover’s astonished expression and Lord Rutherford’s set expression. He was not certain what it was that his friend wished to say but clearly, there was something of great concern on his friend’ s mind.

“But of course,” Lord Dover murmured, frowning before he stepped away. Matthew cleared his throat, looking again to his friend and instantly, Lord Rutherford took a step closer and hissed his question in a low, dark voice.

“Whatever is it that you think you are doing?”

“Doing?” Matthew frowned. “I do not know what you mean.”

“I have only just come back from dancing with Lady Catherine and she immediately went to Lady Sarah who was, I must say, looking rather despondent. Whatever is it that you did?”

Matthew scowled darkly. “Whyever should you think that I am responsible? It could very easily be that someone else had been speaking with her or upset her in some way.”

Lord Rutherford poked one finger into Matthew’s chest, hard. “I know because I asked Lady Catherine what had happened – Lady Sarah had gone to dance with Lord Donnington – and she told me that you had simply walked away from Lady Sarah without even a word of goodbye! I do not know what it is that you thought you were doing but, given our previous conversations, I had assumed that you were not only learning from all that has gone on between Lady Sarah and yourself but that you yourself were a little taken with the lady! How could you show such inconsideration?”

“I… ” Try as he might, Matthew’s words failed him as the heavy weight of what he had done began to sink down upon him. The more he thought about what Lord Rutherford had said, the more he realized that yes, he had stepped away from Lady Sarah in a rather hasty manner – and what was worse, he had not given her a single word of farewell.

“You admit to it, then?”

“It was done without thinking,” Matthew stammered, aware that he now sounded foolish. “I did not mean to ignore the lady. We were having an excellent conversation, in fact and I – ”

“Which surely makes it all the worse!” Lord Rutherford exclaimed, throwing up his hands. “You were in the midst of a conversation with Lady Sarah, enjoying her company and thereafter, stepped away without even saying a word to her? I cannot imagine what would have possessed you to be so inconsiderate! You, who is so careful and concerned about his reputation would then go on to treat Lady Sarah as though she has no value whatsoever?”

“It was because of my reputation that I stepped away!” Matthew exclaimed, embarrassment flooding him as he saw his friend’s disbelieving expression. “Lord Dover came to inform me that Lady Alice and her mother – the Duchess of Kettering – were loudly discussing the gentlemen of London and thus, I had to step away.”

His friend closed his eyes and shook his head, before pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, Downfield, you did not.”

“Yes, I did,” Matthew stated, stoutly. “After all that has taken place with Lady Sarah, I know that my reputation has become a little tainted. I was concerned that my standing upon her foot and then railing at her would have those in London speaking ill of me and Lady Alice was, therefore, the perfect young lady to redeem me there.”

Lord Rutherford dropped his hand back to his side and then stared back at Matthew as though he could not quite believe what he was hearing. “So you used Lady Alice for your own gains?”

Matthew blinked rapidly, shock beginning to spread out across his chest. “No, I did not use her. Instead, I had conversation with the lady and we spoke at length about a good many things. It took some time for me to encourage her to speak, however, for she was a little reluctant and indeed, had even forgotten that we had already been acquainted! Once we found something to discuss, then all was quite well. I was pleased with our conversation, for though I had attempted to speak of art, she knew nothing of it but when I mentioned Henry Fielding, then everything improved in a moment!”

“And do you intend to continue this connection?”

Matthew shrugged. “Mayhap. I do not have any concern when it comes to continuing speaking with her on occasion. I am glad that she thinks well of me and that the ton will, no doubt, soon hear of it.”

“So that I understand, let me speak this clearly to you,” Lord Rutherford said, just as Matthew finished speaking, his eyebrows falling low over his eyes and sending shadows there. “You heard of Lady Alice and her mother discussing the gentlemen of London and their merits and, without thought nor consideration for Lady Sarah, the lady whose company you had been enjoying, you hurried away. Thereafter, you used the knowledge that you have gained solely through your conversation with Lady Sarah to then improve yourself upon Lady Alice and, no doubt, not mentioning her once at all but instead making it appear as though everything that you said came from your own knowledge and interests. You have no interest in the lady herself, have no intention of pursuing a further connection with Lady Alice but were only using the conversation with her – and her interest in you – so that both she and her mother will speak well of you and talk to their friends and acquaintances about you. Your status and standing in society will be lifted and restored, just as you please, and this, to your mind, means that all is well.”

Matthew swallowed hard, hearing everything that Lord Rutherford had said and sensing with it, a slow burning guilt beginning to wash over him. “Yes, that is just as it is,” he said, firmly, refusing to let the guilt wash over him. “I do not see why – ”

“The truth is, you do see why there is difficulty there,” Lord Rutherford interjected, throwing up his hands. “You can see it, you can feel it and yet your sense of pride and your determination to elevate yourself covers over it all.”

“That is a trifle unfair,” Matthew complained, as his friend shook his head. “I – I do not have more pride than any other gentleman.”

“That is nonsense. You are the most prideful, arrogant gentleman that I know and I say this without any malice or unkindness meant.” Lord Rutherford spoke quietly still but his words were like hammer blows, hitting hard against Matthew’s heart. “This is why I did not aid you when it came to Lady Sarah’s little mysteries, for I could see the benefit of what she was forcing upon you and, for a time, I thought that there was a great effect coming over you. Now, however, I see that there is nothing that can take you away from yourself, from your own desires and considerations.” He took another step closer, his eyes blazing. “Did you even think for a moment of what Lady Sarah would feel when you stepped away from her like that? Did that ever come into your thoughts or did you not even think of her for a single moment?”

Matthew closed his eyes, refusing to say a single word to his friend for fear that, if he did so, the guilt which pressed down heavily upon him would break apart and envelop him entirely. No, he realized, he had not thought for a second what his actions would do to Lady Sarah. He had not given her a moment, had been so eager to step away and speak to Lady Alice that he had forgotten about her in a moment.

“Ask yourself this, my friend,” Lord Rutherford finished, putting one hand on Matthew’s shoulder as though to soften the harshness of his words. “In which lady’s company would you prefer to linger?” When Matthew looked at him, Lord Rutherford dropped his hand and shrugged. “Would you prefer to be in Lady Alice’s company, knowing that everything you do and say is being judged and fearing that if you do not engage her in conversation, if you do not please her, then she might speak ill of you? Or would you prefer to speak with Lady Sarah, knowing that you enjoy her conversation, that you are treated with kindness and consideration, despite all that you have done?”

He did not give Matthew a chance to answer but stepped away, leaving a weight settling over Matthew’s heart which he could not dislodge. He tried to tell himself that all was well, that he had done nothing wrong but the words that his friend had spoken to him and the guilt which now encased him would not permit him to do so.

I did not think of her for even a moment, he realized, rubbing one hand over his eyes for a moment. All I thought of was myself.

The truth was, in the scenario that Lord Rutherford had set out, Matthew knew in an instant which lady he would prefer to be seen with, which he would prefer to spend time with. It was not even a thought to him, for Lady Sarah’s company was far more preferable than that of Lady Alice’s! He had only gone to speak with the latter because of what she might be able to do for his standing but had found the conversation a little flat and lackluster… whereas with Lady Sarah, he enjoyed every moment of her company.

So why, then, did I treat her with such inconsideration?

The truth of it rang so furiously around him that Matthew could not breathe for a moment. He had never once wanted to admit that he was prideful, had never once believed that he had any more arrogance than any other fellow but now, as he considered all that had taken place, he realized the truth.

He was nothing more than a gentleman filled with thoughts about his own self; pride wrapped around him like a coat – a coat that he wore willingly and decorated in bright colors. He loved the feeling of being known, the sensation of being noticed and, that selfishness had now gone on to injure Lady Sarah most severely.

Matthew swallowed tightly, his jaw fixing hard. He ought to go at once and beg for her to forgive him, to apologise for what he had done, but the thought of doing so was not a pleasant one. Instead, with his head dropped low, Matthew made his way to the card room rather than linger in the ballroom, finding his spirits sinking all the heavier with every step he took. He had ruined Lady Sarah’s evening, no doubt, had made their own connection a little strained and had come to recognize just how much of a fool he was.

There was very little left for him here.