Page 41 of Embrace the Darkness

CHAPTER 18

I went to Jamie’s room instead of mine. Stefan would undoubtedly come looking for me later and the last thing I wanted to do was make things easy for him. Jamie’s room was in the west wing, the opposite side of the house from mine, on the second floor. I walked in without knocking. I had a feeling he wasn’t there and the silence confirmed I was right. Right away, I was greeted with his masculine scent that was addictively fresh and woodsy. His furniture was set up with his bed up against one wall and with a dresser and large flat screen TV mounted on the opposite wall. The door leading into his private bathroom was in the far left corner and the door leading to his walk-in closet was on the far right. There were two cushioned window seats under large transom windows that overlooked the pool and property. His bedding was darkblue with white cloud-looking pillows. The room didn’t have many personal items out in view except for two framed pictures on one of his nightstands.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, I looked over both pictures. One was of Jamie, Louie, and me at their high school graduation. The three of us were standing next to each other with me in the middle and them flanking me in their caps and gowns. We looked happy with genuine smiles adorning our faces.

The other picture was of his parents holding him as a baby. His father had been killed when Jamie had been a toddler. I didn’t know what gang or crime family had been responsible. It didn’t feel right to ask, but I did know it had been during a turf war. Right before Jamie had turned twelve, his mother had been diagnosed with cancer and Stefan had moved them both in with us. He'd gotten her the best medical care money could buy until she'd passed away, just after Jamie had turned thirteen. She had been a very kind woman and Jamie had been the center of her world.

I scooted toward the center of the bed. Lying flat on my back, I stared at the spots of sunlight shining on the ceiling. My vision drifted into a glossy daydream while my mind raked over the last six years. I tried to remember anyone who had stood out or seemed weird, but nothing came to mind. I thought back to the time Tom and I’d had sex in his car, then the time Tina and I had gotten drunk and she'd bet I wouldn’t run down the hall of our coed dorm naked. Quite a few people had seen my naked ass that night. Both of those embarrassing moments were only a few that came to mind that werepublic. I was sure there were more. Had my every move or experience been spied on, written down in a report, and shared with Stefan?

What was the point of leaving at all?

To heal.

If I hadn’t left, I would’ve killed myself. It was the sad truth.

There’s zero room for weakness in this family. Having that ingrained in my brain had made me blame Stefan for the pain I couldn’t make go away and it was what had laid the foundation for the past six years of my life.

Was my father really the crafty and insightful bastard he claimed to be? Had he really known I couldn’t trust him, and thus formed a plan to give me an escape to have the freedom to accept what had happened, to feel it without fear of repercussions? Had I known I hadn't really been out, I wondered if I would have been as broken as the day I'd left. I probably wouldn’t have been so determined not to come back, thinking a normal life was whatI'd wanted or needed. Or maybe living a normal life was what I'd needed to show me this was where I truly belonged. Had that been part of Stefan’s grand plan as well?

I didn’t know how long I lay there as I watched the light from the sun move across the ceiling. It wasn’t until I felt the bed dip and a feather-like touch across my cheek that I realized I’d fallen asleep. Opening my eyes, I found Jamie lying next to me with his head propped up on his hand.

“I’m mad at Stefan,” I said, rolling on my side to face him.

He brushed a stray hair away from my face.

“Did you know?” I asked, already knowing the answer. There was no way he hadn't known Stefan had hired a private security team to watch me.

“I hired them.”

Of course he did.I let out a frustrated sigh. “Do they still work for us?”

“Their contract ended when you came home.”

“Can we get them back? If Stefan is going to insist I have a ball and chain, I’d prefer it wasn’t someone already part of his goon squad. I want someone outside the family.”

“Why?” he asked.

“They’ve already seen me at my worst, and they have zero to gain by using my vulnerabilities against me.”

He frowned. “We train our men to be discreet and if anyone tried to hurt you—”

“I’m a woman.” I gave him a tight smile. “Ninety percent of the men in this family see me as a bed warmer.” Jamie opened his mouth to argue, but I continued on. “Yes, I’m the Banphrionsa and yet that title means shit if another leader—a male leader of this family—gives an order to contradict mine. I don’t want someone whose loyalties will be torn. I’m not saying Stefan would order his men to hurt me, even though it was his goons who helped himeducateme growing up, but I trust Samuel as far as I can throw him. If I want to survive in this family, I have to stay one step ahead of everyone else, imagine multiple outcomes. Did Stefan not drill that into you growing up or was that just me?”

“From the sound of it, not to the same extent,” he muttered.

I wasn’t going to explain the differences of being a female versus a male to him. Stefan had understood the hardships I’d face.Fucking hell…I was starting to understand why my father had been a complete and utter dick growing up. “Can you do this for me?”

“I’ll need to talk to Stefan.”

“He’ll agree to it.” I’d hire them myself if he didn’t. Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea.

“Okay,” he said, sighing.

Wanting to ease the tension around his eyes, I brushed my fingers along the side of his face. His hand caught mine, holding it against his warm cheek as his eyes held mine. The intensity of his stare was becoming too much. It made me feel too much. It stirred feelings inside me that weren’t reciprocated, which in turn added fuel to my anger. I didn’t want to be angry at Jamie. Nor did I want to take my frustrations out on him.

To seek comfort, I scooted myself closer, burrowing my head under his chin. He let go of my hand to coil his arm around my back. The feel of his warmth and the strength beneath the hard planes of his body made my heart gallop. Memories from this morning flooded my mind, his fingers trailing over my skin, the way they'd worked me into a frenzy until I'd shattered.

I knew I was in trouble when the line between rational thought and the ache tingling within me blurred. Up this close, he was intoxicating. As if my body had a mind of its own, I arched, pressing more of myself against him. My nose rubbed along his neck and my hands fisted the front of his shirt, afraid he’d pull away.