Page 17 of Embrace the Darkness

Alright, I’ve had enough of him.

I pushed up from the bed with all my strength. Catching Louie off guard, I was able to buck him off enough to pull a knee forward, gaining purchase. My back slammed hard against his chest, jolting him backward. Instinctively, his arms snaked around my stomach to save himself from falling off the bed. I quickly reached above me, my eyes locking with Jamie’s as I fisted my fingers around Louie’s soft blond locks. Jamie’s attention dropped to my chest, fixated on what was undoubtedly a nip slip. I didn’t give in to embarrassment. Instead, I pulled the knucklehead behind me down by his hair. I landed back on my stomach with Louie on top of me, smothering my body into the mattress.

“Ow! Fuck, Maura!” Louie barked, pulling his arms from underneath me. His big hands locked around my wrists, holding them still, stopping me from tugging on his hair.

“You don’t like that, baby?” I teased in a sultry voice, then giggled because I couldn’t even pretend to be serious.

Louie’s hands tightened their grip, body going still. Lips pressed against my ear as warm breath tickled along my cheek, conjuring forth a full-body shiver. “I’d like it better if you were naked,” he whispered, his body going lax, molding along the curves of my backside.

This time, it was me that went still. My mind malfunctioned, focusing solely on the feel of him. His warmth, the heaviness of his muscles, his smell.Wow, does he smell good. He wore an earthy cologne that warmed in my nose.

He fidgeted, bringing my attention to the hardness currently pressed against my butt through the thick fabric of his jeans. Instead of being flattered or appalled, I got a shockwave of sickness I was well acquainted with. It wasn’t because of Louie. It just happened every time I came into contact with a certain appendage of a man. My mind automatically flashed back to that night. The feeling only lasted for a few seconds before I was able to shove it away, pulling myself back into the moment. I wouldn’t let whatthey'ddone affect me anymore. If I wanted to be turned on—not that Louie turned me on—I was going to enjoy it, embrace the sexual rush, and not let the sickness it sometimes conjured dampen the moment.

I was only unsettled for a handful of seconds before I was able to bring myself back, but it was long enough to draw attention. “Get off of her,” Jamie ordered firmly. Louie didn’t argue, rolling off as quickly as he could, falling on the bed next to me. I didn’t even realize I had released his hair. My hands were still held behind my head, opened wide, shaking.Shit.

Strong arms rolled me onto my back, and I found myself staring up at Louie. His brows were puckered, looking contrite. I didn’t like seeing him that way. His face was made to smile, and I felt bad knowing I had taken it away.

“Maura, I’m—”

“If you ever stop being yourself around me again, I’ll never forgive you.” I wasn’t going to let him feel like he'd done something wrong. I was the one who was damaged. He'd been playing around. It was my mind that had traveled into that dark place and triggered that response. “If I wanted you to stop, I would have made you stop. I know I went a little weird there for a second, but if you'd waited a moment longer you would have seen I was fine.” I tilted my head toward Jamie. He was still standing next to the bed, watching us. I gave him a pointed look, hopefully showing my words were meant for him as well.

Louie drew my attention back to him by gently brushing some of my hair away from my face. “Okay, beautiful.” His infectious smile returned, reassuring me. He ran his fingers through his hair, rubbing his scalp. “Do I have any bald spots?” he asked, tilting his head down for me to look.

I chuckled. “That’s what you get for slapping my ass.” Sitting up, I clambered out of bed. “Where are you taking me for lunch?” I asked Jamie because Louie was still occupied with massaging his scalp.

“Do you want tacos?”

Jamie knew tacos were my favorite food. Looking back and forth between him and Louie, I bit my lip to hide a knowing smile. These two clowns were trying to cheer me up. It was like the past six years apart hadn't happened. We were falling back into who we used to be to each other. Friends. A huge part of me was overjoyed while a small niggling made me feel like I didn’t deserve them. They had been the embodiment of my happiness growing up, but I hadn’t spared them a glance when I'd left home.

“Maura?” Jamie’s voice pulled me from my internal pity party. His fingers wrapped around my upper arm, eyes full of concern. I was so zoned out, I hadn’t seen him approach. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head with a smile. “I need to shower and find some clothes. Give me twenty minutes?”

He nodded. I practically skipped to my bathroom but stopped just as I reached the door. Looking over my shoulder, I asked, “We get to go alone, right? Just the three of us, no goon squad?”

Before I'd been ambushed at that party, things had been a little more relaxed. I'd been allowed to go to school and friends’ houses without constant supervision. That night had changed everything. After, I'd never been allowed to go anywhere outside the house without an escort. Life had become too suffocating here. I had become resentful… hateful… suicidal.

“It’ll just be us,” Jamie replied, taking a seat on the couch facing the TV. Just like Stefan’s study, my room was big enough to have a lounge. One side of my room was all bedroom furniture, with two dressers, two nightstands, and my huge bed between them. On the other side was my own little living room with a charcoal sectional couch facing the flat screen hanging over the fireplace, along with a coffee table and a plush, light gray armchair off to the side.

I was in and out of the shower in under ten minutes. I towel-dried my hair and used another to wrap around my body. Jamie was still sitting on the couch texting while Louie was still on my bed casually looking through my phone. He had no sense of boundaries.

“Find my naked selfies?” I teased.

Louie sighed dramatically. “No.”

I chuckled. As I made my way across the room, I caught both of them staring at me.Was I flashing them?Tucking my towel tighter around my body, I kept my eyes forward. That didn’t seem to help. I could still feel them tracking me. Heat began to creep up the back of my neck and by the time I made it inside my closet, I was a little flushed.

I’d be lying if I said they weren’t attractive, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit I’d done a little admiring. It was harmless—like appreciating art. Being in the mob gave them a dangerous appeal that made the rest of the female population drop their panties. However, both were commitment-phobes. They were thelove ‘emandleave ‘emtype of players.

It had to be loneliness getting to me. My ex had betrayed me and my self-worth had taken a nosedive. I was desperate to feel desirable. What woman wasn’t? Unfortunately, Jamie and Louie were the only men I’d come into contact with since then and that was why I was misreading them. It made sense.That has to be it. I should take a trip to a bar or club to find a rebound soon or things might get awkward.

I completely raided my closet. Everything in there belonged to eighteen-year-old me. Two things on my body had changed since then: my boobs and my ass. They were both bigger. I tried on five pairs of jeans until I finally found one that sort of fit. They were skin-tight and I was barely able to button them. All my old bras were a bignopeand my boobs were too big to go without. I’d be bouncing all over the place. There was no other option: I was stuck wearing the one I came here in.

“Hey, guys?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s up, sweet cheeks?”