Page 54 of Denim & Diamonds

Brock

I shut off my drill and turned to Trevor. “I don’t know if this was a good idea.”

We’d just gotten to the cabin ahead of our other brothers to get started on today’s work.

“You fucked up the wood?”

Putting the tool down, I sighed. “I’m not talking about that. I’m referring to Patrick staying with the sitter today. He was pretty fussy this morning. It seemed like he was trying to get me to stay.”

Trevor rolled his eyes. “He’ll be fine.”

For the first time, I’d left Patrick with a sitter other than Linda.

Elvin’s wife had to take care of their sick son, so she was out of commission until further notice.

Elvin had also caught something and didn’t want me to catch it and give it to the baby.

Patrick had yet to get sick, and I wanted to keep it that way.

So I was all for them keeping their distance.

Linda had suggested I try a local single mom whose kids were in school during the day. The woman was probably more experienced than I was, but I still felt guilty for not being there while we worked on the cabin.

I shook my head. “It’s too soon. He just got used to Linda watching him. Now he’s with someone totally unfamiliar. What if he thinks I’m trying to pawn him off on people?”

“I don’t think Patrick is getting all analytical about it like you think he is.” My brother stopped sanding the wall for a moment. “Look, the sooner he gets used to other people watching him, the better off you’ll both be. It’s good for your mental health, too.”

The thing was, I liked taking care of him myself and felt like I was missing out anytime we were apart.

If I could’ve been home all the time with him, that would’ve been fine by me, so long as I got a couple of quick sanity breaks here and there.

But the damn cabin needed to be built. We were outgrowing my apartment fast. And I couldn’t just let my businesses crumble.

So I supposed my brother was right. I had to get used to giving up some control with Patrick, if I didn’t want all of the other parts of my life to go to shit.

“I’ve seen that Tori before,” Trevor said, referring to the babysitter. “She’s pretty cute. I should ask her if she cooks Mexican.” He winked.

“Oh yeah? You ready to be a father to her kids, too?”

“Not quite.” He chuckled.

“Then don’t waste her time.”

“Yeah, that’s probably wise.” He reached for more sandpaper. “So how did you leave things with February?”

My stomach was in knots just thinking about it. February had been constantly on my mind, but this was the first time I’d be forced to talk about what had happened when she left last weekend .

I swallowed. “You mean after I told her I loved her, and she didn’t return it?”

His eyes widened. “Whoa…say what?”

“It was a split-second decision and so fucking stupid. I blurted it out just as we were leaving each other at the airport. She didn’t say it back. It was the pause heard around the world. She told me to ‘take care of myself’.”

“Ouch.” He cringed. “That’s the equivalent of telling someone to go jerk off. What does ‘take care of yourself’ even mean?”

“It doesn’t mean I love you. She didn’t know what to say. I caught her off guard.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I realize that wasn’t the most opportune time, but…”

Trevor finished my sentence. “ But you meant it. And you’ve always been someone who follows your heart. So you did what felt right at the time. Don’t blame yourself for being true to your feelings. If you hadn’t said it, you might’ve regretted it. Now you know the outcome.”

“I guess,” I muttered. “But a lot of good that did me.”

His brow furrowed. “You don’t think she feels the same?”

“The answer seems pretty clear to me. Wouldn’t she have said it back if she did?”

“Fair question, but there are other reasons she might’ve not said it at that moment.”

“Like what?” I reached for the power drill but stopped short of turning it on.

He shrugged. “She was leaving town. Maybe she didn’t feel like the time was right…because everything wa s rushed.”

“That’s a bit of a stretch, don’t you think? What better opportunity to return the sentiment than when someone says it to you? She didn’t reciprocate because she doesn’t feel the same.” I sighed. “I think she cares about me, but I’m not sure if love is what she feels.”

“Okay, well, if she doesn’t return your feelings, it’s a good thing you’re finding this out now. Right? Look at it that way.”

“Nice try attempting to put a positive spin on my humiliation. But only time is gonna heal this.”

Trevor walked over to find his coffee. “Maybe she’s doing you a favor, allowing you the freedom you need to find a good woman locally who wants to be a mother to Patrick.”

That was laughable. “Oh yeah, as if the perfect person for me just happens to be here in Meadowbrook out of everywhere in the world? Said woman’s been here all this time, waiting in the wings?

” I rolled my eyes. “Just because something is convenient doesn’t make it right.

I won’t ever settle, Trevor. No matter how badly Patrick needs a mom.

A woman his father doesn’t love is never gonna be the right choice, no matter how good she might be to him.

Love is one thing you don’t compromise on, you know? ”

Trevor nodded. “I guess you’d still be with Nina if you were open to compromise, huh?” He set his mug on the ground. “Speaking of which, do you think Nina would’ve changed her mind about raising Patrick if you had proposed to her back when she was giving you that ultimatum?”

“I have no idea. But in any case, things are the way they’re meant to be. Nina wasn’t the one—even before she gave up her son. And especially now, knowing what she did? Definitely wasn’t the one. That only solidified what I already knew.”

“I’d say you dodged a bullet, but you did knock her up.”

“And I have no regrets about my son, thank you very much.”

“Nor do I about my handsome nephew.” He grinned. “Anyway, the perfect women for us are out there somewhere. We just need to be patient.”

I’d thought February was the perfect one for me.

But wouldn’t the perfect person love me back?

Her reaction—or lack thereof—showed that I’d been seeing everything through rose-colored glasses, expecting more from this situation and continuing to hang on to false hope for far too long.

Maybe this was the wake-up call I needed.

Trevor resumed sanding the wall. “Well, if it doesn’t work out between you and February, I’m truly sorry. It’s not easy finding that kind of spark.” He laughed. “Lord knows, I haven’t been able to find it here in Meadowbrook.”

“It ain’t from lack of trying, Trev. That’s for damn sure. Pretty certain you’ve dated three-quarters of the town.”

“I’ve had some damn good meals along the way, too.” He winked. “Just not head over heels for anyone.”

“I’m better off alone if I’m not absolutely crazy about someone. My son will grow up watching me. I want to teach him to always reach for the stars. Never settle.”

“It’s too bad February has that job…because you’re definitely crazy about her. ”

“See, I don’t feel that way about her career,” I explained.

“One of the things I love about her is her drive. Her career is part of who she is. I just wish there were a way for me to fit into the equation.” I looked away.

“But maybe what we had wasn’t meant to last forever.

As humans, we’re trained to think that in order for someone to matter in your life, you have to marry them or die next to them.

But maybe sometimes people just come into your life and change you for the better.

Then they move on and spread their magic to someone else. ”

“You’re getting introspective in your old age, brother.” He chuckled and whacked me on the arm. “But are you really believing your bullshit right now? It’s okay for this situation not to have a bright side. It can just be shitty with no solution.”

“Well, that it is. But I gotta find a way to pick myself up. And if that means lying a little, so be it. My son needs the best version of me. I can’t give that to him if I’m walking around every day with a damn broken heart, pining over a woman I can never have.”

I finally turned on my drill, vowing to get to work and try to stop thinking about her.

***

When I got back to the house that afternoon, the moment the babysitter placed Patrick in my arms, all was right in the world again.

“I missed you so much, little buddy.” I kissed his forehead.

He cooed. I told myself he was telling me he’d missed me, too.

“How was he?” I asked her.

“Really fussy after you left this morning, but it got better as the day progressed. He ate great, but he’s due for another bottle soon.”

“I never imagined how difficult being away from him would be. Every time I’ve left him has been tough, and so far it hasn’t gotten any easier.”

She smiled. “Trust me, it will. The best part of my day is dropping my kids off at school, heading home to make a fresh pot of coffee, kicking my feet up, and giving myself a half hour before I have to start the day. You’ll come to relish that time apart one day.

But when they’re tiny like this, it’s hard. I know.”

Tori looked to be about my age. She was a friend of Linda’s, and my sister-in-law had mentioned that Tori was divorced. That’s really all I knew about her.

“How old are your kids now?” I asked.

“Five and three. A boy and a girl, in that order.”

“Nice.” I smiled.

“Their father and I split when I was pregnant with my youngest.”

“That must’ve been tough.” I rocked Patrick. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out with your husband.”

“ Ex. And don’t be. He cheated, and I’m better off without him.”

“Ah.” I nodded. “Then I would agree, yes. You’re better off without him, though I’m sure it’s not easy on the kids.”

“We make it work.”