Page 18 of Denim & Diamonds
“Have you spoken to him about your concerns? Shared your fears with him?”
I shook my head. “I’m not good at that. I don’t like to look weak.”
“Sharing your fears with someone isn’t being weak, February. It’s just the opposite. It’s being brave.”
***
Later that night, I snuck out my usual window, and Brock picked me up just outside the entrance to Sierra.
“Hey you.” I pulled the truck door shut.
Brock hooked his big hand around my neck and drew me to him. “Come here.”
Our lips met for the second time, and less than ten seconds later, I was ready to climb over and straddle the man.
Brock broke the kiss with a groan, tugging at the crotch of his jeans. “Jesus, woman, you turn me into a sixteen-year-old boy.”
I smiled. “I feel the same way.”
He shook his head. “You up for me to take you somewhere other than my place or the bar?”
“Sure. But I only have an hour or so. I got a roommate this afternoon. They usually don’t double up, but they’re at capacity right now, so it’ll be a few days before something opens for her and I get my privacy back.
Anyway, she’s having some blood-pressure issues, so they’re coming in to take her BP every couple of hours.
They took it right before I called you to pick me up. ”
He put the truck into drive. “I’ll take whatever time with you I can get.”
Brock linked his hand with mine and held it for the ten-minute drive. Eventually we slowed and pulled down a dirt road that ended at a big lake. The moon bathed the area in beautiful light.
“Wow,” I said. “This is amazing.”
Brock cut the engine. “This is where we used to come in high school to make out.”
“Are those your plans for this evening?”
He reached behind my seat and pulled out a duffle bag. “I wanted to show you more of Meadowbrook, but sucking your face is definitely on the agenda.”
I laughed, and Brock got out of the truck and came around to open my door.
He spread a blanket on the grass, then took out a lantern, a bottle of wine, and two glasses.
While he uncorked the merlot, I looked around and tried to stay in the moment, but I couldn’t seem to get my mind off the conversation I’d had earlier with Trinity.
I’d been preoccupied ever since my appointment. I didn’t have much time left here in Meadowbrook. Maybe my counselor was right, and I should have a conversation with Brock about how I felt about him and the things that made me nervous about pursuing a relationship after I left.
Brock passed me a glass of wine and told me some facts about the lake, but my mind was stuck elsewhere. Not surprisingly, he noticed.
“You okay?”
I forced a smile. “Sure. Why?”
He tilted his head. “I don’t know. You’re quiet…off.”
“I’m just a little tired,” I lied. “But I’m not too tired for some of what you mentioned was on the agenda for the evening.
” I crawled over to Brock and pressed my breasts against his chest before pulling his mouth down to meet mine.
The kiss was nice, really nice, even—but I quickly realized I was slipping back to my old ways, and I didn’t want to do that with Brock. So I stopped sort of abruptly.
My fingers felt my swollen lips as I spoke. “I’m sorry. I’m lying to you.”
Brock’s tone remained even. “Okay. About what?”
“About being tired. I’m not. My head is just somewhere else, and I didn’t want to talk about it so I kissed you. I have a bad habit of using sex to distract men from talking about anything real.”
Brock took my hand. “Talk to me. What’s going on, Red?”
I took a deep breath. “I got an invitation to a wedding in the mail today.”
“Okay…”
“The groom is my ex-husband.”
“Oh.” He was quiet for a moment. “Did it upset you because you’re not over him?”
“God, no. I’m definitely over Johnathan.”
Brock shrugged. “It is just him moving on then?”
I shook my head. “It’s more than that, actually. If it’s okay, I’d like to tell you about what happened.”
“Of course.”
I spent the next fifteen minutes telling Brock about my relationship with my ex—how we met in high school, how Johnathan had been the only man I’d ever been with on my wedding night, how I’d supported him financially while he went to law school.
I concluded with the happily never after of my story—my ex and my ex- best friend getting together and the wedding invitation that had arrived today.
“Believe it or not,” I said. “I’m really not upset that he’s getting married.
It will always sting that he’s with my ex-best friend, but him moving on isn’t what has me so preoccupied right now.
It’s the realization that I’ve let my marriage and other things that have happened to me control my dating life.
” I looked into Brock’s eyes. “I’m afraid to get hurt again, Brock. ”
He pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I really am. And now I might want to kick that idiot Johnathan’s ass even more than I want to kick Tobias’s.”
I smiled. “You’d crush both of them with one hand tied behind your back.”
Brock stroked my hair. “Thank you for sharing all of that with me. Just so you know, you’re not the only scared one sitting on this blanket.”
“You’re just trying to make me feel better. You’re not afraid of anything.”
“That’s what I might’ve said a few weeks ago.
But a certain fiery little redhead has me scared shitless.
” He cupped my cheeks. “I’m in deep, Red.
I have no idea how the hell it happened so fast, but it did.
And I hope you can find a way to put your fears behind you and not let them control your future.
Because I see good things coming your way—coming our way—if you’re willing to accept them. ”
Brock and I held each other for a long time after that. It was everything I needed and more. Too soon, though, I had to get going. I was so close to completing the wellness program and didn’t want to get kicked out now, so we headed back to Sierra .
Brock shut off the lights on his truck as he drove up the long driveway and parked around back, next to my ladder. Our goodnight kiss was gentle and sweet. After, he leaned his forehead to mine.
“So tell me,” he said. “Am I going to need a tux, or will a suit be okay?”
I felt my brows pull together. “A tux? For what?”
“For the wedding next month. I’ll go with you, if you want to go.”