Page 48 of Denim & Diamonds

February

I swallowed a lump in my throat while tears welled in my eyes. “Oh my God. He’s here…”

Brock looked down at his baby with awe on his face. It made my heart squeeze.

“He is. And the poor little guy looks like his old man.”

I swiped wetness from my cheeks. “What a lucky little boy. Can you hold him up a bit, or position the phone so I can get a better look at him?”

“Sure.” Brock adjusted the baby in his arms and turned the camera so I could see his sweet face. Daddy hadn’t been kidding when he said the two of them looked alike. The not-so-little boy had beautiful tan skin and green eyes. He had his dad’s thick, dark brows and straight nose, too.

“He really is your mini-me. He’s absolutely gorgeous, Brock. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” He shifted the phone back to his face, but I could still see the baby staring up at him. “I’m sorry I hadn’t called yet. It’s been a whirlwind two days, and this is the first time I’m sitting down.”

“When was he born?”

“About two hours ago. Nine pounds, eight ounces.”

“Wow. Only two hours ago? And my, that’s a big baby. Do you want me to let you go? I just wanted to see how things were going since I hadn’t heard from you.”

Brock yawned. “No. This is exactly what I needed—to hear your voice.”

“Was it a long labor?”

He nodded. “Twenty hours.”

“Is Nina okay? With her placenta previa and all?”

“She is. Tired, I’m sure. But the issue resolved itself at the very last minute.

I flew out yesterday morning, and when I got off the plane, I had a message waiting from Nina telling me her water had broken and labor had started.

They thought they were going to have to do a C-section, but when they did a sonogram, the positioning had changed. ”

“Oh, that’s great.”

He shook his head. “I understand now why women were made to give birth.”

“Oh?”

“Because men couldn’t handle that shit. Labor is damn awful.”

“Were you…in the delivery room with Nina?”

“Yeah. She did better than me.”

Was I jealous? Maybe a little. Though it was less about him being with another woman and more that he’d experienced such a monumental, beautiful thing with someone else. It made me sad that it wasn’t me who’d gone through that with him. But that was my problem, so I put on my best happy face.

“I’m so relieved everything worked out. Did you pick out a name yet?”

Brock looked down at the baby. “Patrick. After my grandfather. Nina had suggested it when we met back in Maine to talk. My first instinct was not to take a name she’d come up with.

But then I saw this little guy’s face. He looks like me, and I look exactly like my dad.

There was no way I could name him anything else. ”

“Patrick Hawkins,” I said. “I like it. And I think naming someone after a person who was important in your life is like giving them a piece of history to carry with them always. It’s definitely better than naming him October.”

Brock chuckled. “I have to admit, I thought your name was a little odd when we first met. But now, it suits you.”

“Because I’m odd?”

“No, because you’re special and should have a name that matches.”

Warmth filled my chest. I allowed myself to enjoy it for a moment before asking the next question.

“Has Nina reconsidered about the baby? I wondered if seeing him would make her want to be involved in some way. It must be easier to say you’re going to never see your child again than to actually do it. ”

Brock frowned. “Unfortunately, no. She said goodbye to him a few minutes after delivering and doesn’t want to see him again.”

“Wow. Gosh. I…I don’t know what to say.”

“She said it would be too hard if she didn’t make a clean break immediately. But she asked if I would send her a letter every year on his birthday, letting her know how he is. ”

Sadness washed over me. This beautiful baby boy isn’t going to have a mom .

Brock cleared his throat. “The nurses set me up in a little room where I can spend all day with the baby, even though I’m not a patient.

He’ll probably be here two days, so I booked a hotel down the block.

I reserved it for a week, because I don’t want to bring him on a plane until I’m more comfortable with him. ”

“Are any of your brothers there or coming down to keep you company?”

Brock shook his head. “Elvin and Trev offered, but I told them not to come. Though Elvin insisted he’ll fly down the day I’m flying back so he can take the trip with me.

I told him it wasn’t necessary, but he’s doing it anyway.

His wife, Linda, also has a menu of meals she’s food prepping for the week I return, and she’s going to stop by twice a day to check in on us. ”

“Sounds like you have everything covered.” Without me .

We talked for a little while until a nurse came into Brock’s room. “Hi, Mr. Hawkins. We should probably do a diaper check. Would you like some help?”

“Uh… I should try to do it on my own. But if you don’t mind sticking around, that would be great. It’ll be the first time I’ve ever changed a diaper.”

“Sure. No problem.”

Brock’s attention shifted to me. “Do you want me to call you back?”

I smiled. “And miss the debacle of your first diaper change? Not a chance. Set the camera up so I can watch.”

He smiled and shook his head, but set the camera up a few feet from the portable plastic bassinet so I could see the full room .

Before he started, he stretched his neck left then right and took a deep breath. The nurse stayed in the background, looking over his shoulder. After a few minutes of fiddling around, Brock turned to her. “How’d I do?”

“I’d never know it was your first time.”

He wiped his forehead. “The sweat wasn’t a dead giveaway?”

She smiled warmly. “You’re doing great, Dad.”

“Thanks, even if you’re lying.” Brock ran his hand along the baby’s legs. “He’s really warm. Should I leave the blanket off for a bit?”

“They like to be wrapped tight, but the heat in this little room is pretty suffocating. Maybe leave it off for a few minutes before putting it back on, and I’ll call building maintenance to see if we can get the temperature lowered.”

“Alright, thank you.”

The nurse left, and Brock took the baby back into his arms before picking up the phone.

“Oooh,” I said. “Now that he’s not swaddled, can I have a tour?”

Brock’s brows pinched. “A tour?”

“Yeah, I love baby fingers and toes. I want to see them.”

He zoomed in to show me little Patrick’s hands and feet. For a nine-and-a-half-pound baby, he didn’t look very chubby. His arms and legs were long and lanky. I suspected he was going to be a big boy, like his daddy. “He’s perfect, Brock. Absolutely beautiful.”

“He is, isn’t he?” Brock looked down at the baby and rubbed his cheek tenderly. The baby seemed to smile up at him, though I wasn’t sure that was possible yet. “Did you just see that?” he asked .

Considering my ovaries were currently exploding, I certainly had. “He loves his daddy already.”

Brock sighed. “ Daddy . That’s going to take some getting used to.”

We talked for a few more minutes, but I didn’t want to monopolize the important bonding time between father and son. “Go enjoy your time with Patrick. Give me a call when you can.”

“Alright.”

“Congratulations again. You’re going to be a great dad.”

***

The following day, melancholy set in. I was sad that Brock had this new chapter of his life starting that I wasn’t part of.

Yet I was also terrified of becoming part of it.

I wasn’t ready to be a mom, wasn’t sure I ever would.

And it wasn’t fair to be in their lives unless I was in it for the long haul.

This morning was my meeting with Giovanni, which was a welcome distraction.

Unlike my initial meetings with the venture capitalists, our talk today wasn’t all about numbers.

Giovanni had real vision, and we spoke about long-term goals, rather than focusing on ROI.

And as we wrapped things up, Giovanni told me he would invest. I was convinced he would be a much better business partner, yet I hadn’t received a formal decline on my loan application with the bank yet, and ultimately, my first choice would still be to take full ownership back myself.

“Is it alright if I take a week or so to think about things? I have a lot going on right now. ”

“Of course. I wouldn’t want a partner who didn’t think things through thoroughly.

” Giovanni stood and smiled. “Do you need to rush back to the States, or can I interest you in seeing some of the sites of beautiful Milan? My wife would love to take you to her favorite shops where the goods are all handmade. And I would be happy to give you a tour of our leather-manufacturing facility. Perhaps we can end the day with a wine tasting at our favorite grower?”

My gut reaction was to decline. I needed to get back home. Brock just had a baby, after all. But then it hit me that I wouldn’t be going to see Brock. At least not until I felt certain I could commit to them. So instead, I forced a smile. “Sure, why not?”