Page 4 of Deep Blue Lies

THREE

I have a few drinks with my housemates that evening.

They tell me how much they’ll miss me, that we’ll keep in touch, but I know we won’t.

I’m not the first to drop out of medical school.

There’s so much work, and everyone’s under so much pressure.

There’s just no time to remember the people that fall by the wayside. People like me.

The next day, I watch the side of the road slide by, the garbage, the weeds. I wonder what I’m going to do next.

But already I sort of know .

The Megabus drops me in London Victoria, and it costs me twice as much for the last leg down to Guildford.

I walk the final mile, from the train station to the house where I grew up.

We live on a new-build estate, with views of the sports field from my old secondary school.

I could actually see my house from my old biology classroom.

I used to sit in there and think about one day being a doctor.

In the perfect future I imagined would just happen, all on its own. I guess I was wrong about that.

Our house is bigger than we need for just the two of us.

Mum’s done well for herself, and she’s always on about how I need to do the same, which isn’t going to make this moment any less awkward.

But as I get to the gate there’s something else.

Mum’s car is on the driveway, her white Audi SUV, but there’s another car here too, a black Tesla that I don’t recognise.

I stop and think about turning around, but where else am I gonna go?

This is my home. At least, it sort of is.

Damn. I open the gate.

At the door I think about ringing the bell, but I still have my key, so I slide it in before I can change my mind. I turn it, and push open the door.

There’s a man’s voice. I hear him a fraction of a second before I see him.

“I’m just taking out the recycling…” He’s tall, a receding hairline shaved into a buzz cut that doesn’t look too bad for a guy his age. He’s carrying the plastic tub we use for plastics. He stops, freezing as he sees me. But he recovers first.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” I say.

“I was just…you must be…”

“Yeah. I’m Ava.” This is already going badly, but I step inside all the same. “Karen’s daughter.”

“Of course. She’s…” He smiles like he was about to say she’s talked a lot about me, but maybe she hasn’t? “I was just…” He holds up t he recycling bucket as if this explains his presence in my house. Just popped over to help with the housework.

“Sure.”

I struggle out of the straps of my backpack. I might not have much in this world, but I’ve still carried it a mile from the station. Now the man holds out his hand.

“Matthew.” He tries to smile, a cool smile. “Call me Matt. I’m a…friend of your mother.” He doesn’t get the chance to say anything more, because then Mum sticks her head around the door.

“Ava?”

“Hi, Mum.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Her voice is cold. I hear the anger already.

I glance again at the man – Matt. Why does she have to have some guy here? That only makes this a thousand times worse. But also, why on earth didn’t I tell her I was coming? Obviously I should have done that. I can be such an idiot. I take a deep breath, try to look her in the eye.

“I’m really sorry Mum. I got kicked out.”